A secret that could ruin my life

[Sari]

Somebody knows a secret about me, something that is now in the past and i want to forget and move on from. But i'm so scared it will come out in the near future or distant future and ruin my life, effectively leaving me to worry all my life.

I have prayed to Allah to forgive me and protect the secret for me and hide it from the world. But i don't know if i am okay to do that.. The person has agreed to keep it secret for me, but how much can i trust one person, especially as people change through life.

[glo]

Would it be best if you brought this secret out into the open yourself?
Even if you have asked Allah for forgiveness, is there another person who you may have to ask forgiveness of?

Some things we cannot truly leave behind until we have brought them out in the open and dealt with them.
Otherwise you may spend your whole life with your fear and guilt haunting you ...

Just my personal thoughts.
I wish you well. :)

[aadil77]

If you've kept other peoples secrets secret, then Allah will keeps yours secret, so don't worry if you've sincerely repented then those things will be of the past InshAllah

[Sampharo]

There will be a level of faith that you may achieve one day where such a secret will be nothing to you. A person is judged by what they aspire for, not the mistakes they have done, and if it reduces some superficial people's opinions of you, then so be it. I always say "what people think of me is none of my business."

You already got that person's commitment to keep the secret. So you just keep the secret yourself, and live based on that you did what you should and could, so let what may be happen, rest is in God's hands. For your psychological sanity find comfort in the worst possible scenario and then the whole issue will not affect you, and let it slide out of your attention.

There are no secrets from Allah, so he already knows, and there is nobody else that truly matters.

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[crayon]

My dear, what is done is done. This person knows whatever it is, and has promised to keep your secret. There is nothing more you can do. Worrying about it and being anxious will get you no where, all it will do will make you feel horrible.

Rely on Allah and have tawwakul, there is nothing else you can do. Hope for the best, and have husn al dhann in the person, that they will not betray your confidence.

[Sari]

I know it's usually best to bring things out in the open so you can truly move on, but i really can't bring this out in the open, it will definitely without a doubt ruin my life forever. Absolutely no doubt about that, i'm not being over dramatic, in fact i try not to think about how bad it would really be as i can't deal with the thought.

That's the thing that worries me, carrying a secret for life will haunt me, how will i cope with that. Time will help, but time will also change the person that is promising to keep my secret. What if the person holds less value of our friendship and promise later in life, what if the person changes in their values/morals/thoughts, what if seeing me, or not seeing me for a long time and drifting apart makes the person not care or get angry or feel something enough to want to tell people.

Is there anything i can pray/do to help in this situation, apart from making dua ofcourse. And any advice on the dua itself, is what i have asked for, to hide it from the world okay? I did read recently somewhere that Allah wants you to hide your sins/mistakes from the world, so i thought it would actually be good to ask Allah to hide from the world, rather than bad which is what i would've have thought before.

[ghengis]

lol

i lied once and i was scared the person would find out....

well it has to be some sin.... there is only one thing u can do.

good deeds. to make up for it.

personally i dont think secrets exist these days. most peoples religion is pretty lame.
REPENT for your mistake,.. and that means repenting for trusting someone u obviously dont trust with a secret... lol
...we are weak as humans... we need people. we get lonely. we divulge info on occasion cos we think it will bring people closer to us...

i think you secret is out.

and if its a big secret, people may know... but they may never tell you. so strive towards allah in all of the ways you know how....

pray to allah... remember... evil touches man not from allah but from the bad deeds their own hands have sent forth......

pray. repent. be grateful. think about death. read quran.

i know its not an optimistic reply.... but i was in a scared situation once too. beware who u trust completely, especially with personal matters. .... dont make mistakes of the tongue. or of social behaviour.....

[Ali_008]

:sl:

If that secret is so hideous then it means that you must have done something which you shouldn't have been doing and so the best that can be done is to repent with all sincerity. Inshallah, your repentance will be accepted and that secret will be guarded by Allah for your good and even if at some point in your life if it gets disclosed Allah won't let the consequences be too hard for you. All of us fail at times and the only way to right that wrong is turn towards the Most Gracious, Ar-Rahman and seek his protection.

May Allah guard your secret and forgive all of us.

[Zahida]

:sl: I agree with all of the above posts. If you sincerely repent and ask Allah for His forgiveness and make dua for Allah to guide you......... InshaAllah all will be well.................at the moment your own insecurities are making you feel this way...................... First forgive yourself, by not repeating what it is you have as a secret and gaining confidence that you have learnt from it and asked Allah for His forgiveness.................

I would not trust anybody though you are right people do change and your friend may change also all you can do is deal with the situation as it arises................ Good luck.:w::bump1:

[Snowflake]

That's the thing that worries me, carrying a secret for life will haunt me, how will i cope with that.

I think every human being is carrying that burden for life with one secret or another. But after sincerely repenting and asking Allah's forgiveness we must place our trust in Him to not let us be dishonoured in the dunya and here-after. If there is lack of trust, there will be increase in fear of that secret being disclosed. Allah says to His servants, that He is as his servant thinks Him to be. Believe without a shred of doubt, in fact believe nothing but that by Allah's Mercy, that person will never disclose your secret to anyone else. And inshaAllah they never will. This will, inshaAllah, ease your burden.

[Sari]

Thankyou for everyone's replies, i have been following your advice, really repenting and asking for forgiveness and trying to do good deeds. I have been feeling better, but i still get pangs of fear, and today i feel more fearfull again.

I am hoping the passing of time will also help..

I did a keep a secret for a friend all my life, it is still secret for her because i kept it, even though that person turned out to be no true friend of mine and is not a friend to me anymore.

I am wondering if there are any duas i can read to help in my situation?

[- IqRa -]

Just talk to Allah like you are talking to your friend, and tell Him everything that is on your mind and the weight that is on your heart. It will feel considerably lighter, after that. InshaAllah.

[Sari]

I have been doing this, and thanks to Allah i have been feeling better and lighter afterwards, but i just don't know if it's enough..

I have been asking Allah to stop the person from ever telling my secret and to keep him good natured and for him to never want to tell anyone, but can i even ask Allah to control someone else's will and thoughts like that?

[- IqRa -]

If you listen to Allah, Allah will listen to you, no?

[Sari]

Yes ofcourse, but that doesn't answer my question. Are you allowed to ask Allah to almost control someone the way you want?

[Ali_008]

Its better if you pray to Allah to guard your secret, rest assured it'll never get disclosed, Inshallah

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum
Sari, remember to only fear Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Trust that Allah subhana wa ta'ala will look after this being hidden, or that if it does get revealed he protects your life from being ruined by this.

Would it be best if you brought this secret out into the open yourself?
Even if you have asked Allah for forgiveness, is there another person who you may have to ask forgiveness of?

Some things we cannot truly leave behind until we have brought them out in the open and dealt with them.
Otherwise you may spend your whole life with your fear and guilt haunting you ...

Just my personal thoughts.
I wish you well. :)

Hi Glo,
I can see where you're coming from, but it wouldn't be good to reveal ourselves what Allah subhana wa ta'ala keeps hidden for us.

[glo]

I can see where you're coming from, but it wouldn't be good to reveal ourselves what Allah subhana wa ta'ala keeps hidden for us.

But how do we know that Allah keeps it hidden for us?

If I had murdered somebody and had repented my crime before God, would it not still be right (and indeed part of my repentance process) to hand myself over to the police and confess my crime before my fellow human beings?

If I didn't hand myself over and I never got caught, could I live my life carefree, simply thinking 'if I didn't get caught, it must mean Allah hid my crime for me'?
Would that mean that 'getting away with a sin (one we have repented before God)' is equivalent to Allah having forgiven us? :?

[Sari]

Selam aleykum
Sari, remember to only fear Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Trust that Allah subhana wa ta'ala will look after this being hidden, or that if it does get revealed he protects your life from being ruined by this.


Hi Glo,
I can see where you're coming from, but it wouldn't be good to reveal ourselves what Allah subhana wa ta'ala keeps hidden for us.

I am putting all my trust in Allah, truly repenting with all my heart everyday and have been asking for my secret to be guarded. And it has been a revelation for me, i had lost my way quite abit and now i feel like i am re-discovering my faith properly and it feels really strong. My praying has increased by a mile and i feel content in Islam, and living my life properly by it.

Please, please, if anyone can spare some of their time, please make dua for me. I will be so gratefull. I have felt my breathing become really shallow at times because of all this fear, and i am worried for my health.

I agree with Glo, I have read many times that Allah says to hide your sins from the world. Ofcourse with something as serious as murder, i don't think this applies and you should give yourself up. My secret is something which was not a crime.

[glo]

I agree with Glo, I have read many times that Allah says to hide your sins from the world. Of course with something as serious as murder, i don't think this applies and you should give yourself up. My secret is something which was not a crime.

My example is extreme, I admit.
The point I am trying to make is that sometimes admitting a mistake/sin/error to the person/people we have wronged is part of our repentance, and may indeed be necessary to enable all involved (the sinner and the ones sinned against) to move on, free ourselves from the past and heal our hurts ...

I guess you are the one who knows the severity of your mistake, and whether you need to confess to people as well as to God.
May God guide you and protect you through this situation. :)

[Sari]

(i meant to write i dis-agree with Glo in my last post, but i'm sure you figured that out)

I understand exactly what you're saying, but like you say you have to evaluate each different situation. I know this is better off not being disclosed, it will only bring hurt and ruin and no greater good. And i feel pretty sure that Allah would not want me or require me to reveal this secret, and would want me to hide it.

[glo]

I understand exactly what you're saying, but like you say you have to evaluate each different situation. I know this is better off not being disclosed, it will only bring hurt and ruin and no greater good. And i feel pretty sure that Allah would not want me or require me to reveal this secret, and would want me to hide it.

I hope all goes well for you, Sari. :)
May God remove your burden of guilt and fear.

[AlbanianMuslim]

Sister you cannot worry about this anymore than you already have.
Whats done is done, that person knows, they know they have the power to tell the secret and they may or may not tell it.

You have zero control over this.
What you do have control over is continuing to pray and to believe that Allah(swt) will protect you.
There is this short verse you can say that helps to protect you from the harm of others, its in a booklet i carry with me but i do not have it right now, i will post it for you within the next day or two when i have some time.

Unless you do or have done something wrong to this person or something to upset them, they probably wont tell your secret.
I know plenty of horrible things about many people who are no longer friends of mine for various reasons. I have not told a single one of them, for 3 reasons

1. I believe that if you cause trouble for someone, trouble will come right back to you whether that person deserved it or not.

2. It will make ME look bad. Do you think well of people who tell another persons secret???

3. Only Allah(swt) can judge a person and punish them. You may know some horrible secret about someone, that someone may do something terrible to you and hurt you, and you STILL SHOULD NOT tell the secret you know. Leave it to God to punish wrong doers.



May God give you peace sister, stop worrying, you cannot control what others say or do, you can only control yourself.

[brotherubaid]

I am putting all my trust in Allah, truly repenting with all my heart everyday and have been asking for my secret to be guarded. And it has been a revelation for me, i had lost my way quite abit and now i feel like i am re-discovering my faith properly and it feels really strong. My praying has increased by a mile and i feel content in Islam, and living my life properly by it.

Please, please, if anyone can spare some of their time, please make dua for me. I will be so gratefull. I have felt my breathing become really shallow at times because of all this fear, and i am worried for my health.

I agree with Glo, I have read many times that Allah says to hide your sins from the world. Ofcourse with something as serious as murder, i don't think this applies and you should give yourself up. My secret is something which was not a crime.

Yep , For a sin to be forgiven one of the condition is that it is kept secret.

Narrated Abu Huraira: I heard Allah's Apostle saying. "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knowing about his sin) and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself." (Book #73, Hadith #95)

Ibn al-Qayyim - rahimahullâh - said:
One of the Salaf (Pious Predecessors) said: “Indeed a servant commits a sin by which he enters Paradise; and another does a good deed by which he enters the Fire.” It was asked: How is that? So he replied: “The one who committed the sin, constantly thinks about it; which causes him to fear it, regret it, weep over it and feel ashamed in front of his Lord the Most High - due to it. He stands before Allâh, broken-hearted and with his head lowered in humility. So this sin is more beneficial to him than doing many acts of obedience, since it caused him to have humility and humbleness - which leads to the servant’s happiness and success - to the extent that this sin becomes the cause for him entering Paradise. As for the doer of good, then he does not consider this good a favour from his Lord upon him. Rather, he becomes arrogant and amazed with himself, saying: I have achieved such and such, and such and such. So this further increases him in self-adulation, pride and arrogance - such that this becomes the cause for his destruction.”


May Allah guard your secret and may Allah guide the one keeping ur secret as well so he will fear Allah and keep ur secret seeking Allah's reward.

[Sari]

Albanian Muslim - thankyou, i would like to see the dua that you have. I cannot help the worry, i have good days, maybe 2/3 good days, 1 good day or just half a good day and i think i've forgotten it and i'm over it, and then it all comes back. Even today i've woken up in fear because i had a dream about it and now today i can't relax, even though i had a care-free weekend.

I am still going crazy over worry, and i know only prayer and time will help on this..but then i get worried that maybe time won't help, what if time makes it worse..

[Sari]

Today i can't stop crying, but i know that crying alone is of no use if it's not towards Allah and asking him for help, so as soon as i felt it coming on i made wudhu, prayed namaaz and made dua while crying. I don't know if i feel better yet, but just getting the tears out were good as i had felt it building up inside me since yesterday evening.

Albanian Muslim - i forgot to say that that is exactly how i lead my life. Even if someone does something really terrible to me, all i do is try to reason with them, i don't take revenge or do anything to them or try to fight with them. People don't understand it and try to offer to do something about it for me but i beg them not to as it will not lead to any good.

[Sari]

I don't know if i can still the trust the person keeping the secret anymore, they feel i have wronged them but i truly haven't. I am just trying to do the right thing, morally and Islamically, but they are so caught up in their own needs that they have lost their wise and good thinking that they had before. The person has become unsteady in their character, changing from soft to angry alot. They were completely understanding and good about it all before.

Now i am just praying to Allah to help this person's character and thoughts and make them think clearly before doing something irrational. And i am also praying that if they do try to do something then to stop them by whatever means is best. I am praying though there is no need for that and that they will sort out their thoughts and anger and return to being understanding and then carry on with their own life in a good way.

This is why unfortunately i have had to search for duas to help against an enemy, but this person is actually my friend and through confusion and anger keeps making themselves the enemy. I have faith in this person though and i am praying they will come out of this bad place and return to being a good person.