i dont feel welcome at the mosque :(

[ghengis]

salaam,

hey, i am a revert...of 6 yrs. i dont really like people too much though.
i have started going to jum'ah for the last 4-5 weeks. but i feel kinda like awkward.

can someone please reinforce my reasons why i need to integrate into a community??

please.

just load up the advice on me.... dont ask too many questions about why i feel this way or what has made me this way or what why who.......

just load up the advice.... positive reinforcement of why i have to get in with a community.

jzkhair.

[S_87]

:sl:

are there any masjid halaqahs that maybe you could join and get to know the people besides from just at salah times?

[Yanal]

:salamext:
I am sorry that you feel detached from the mosque. But may I ask if you are a male or female ? Maybe you could make a friend after the Friday prayer and start talking in a group. InshAllah this might help.

[ghengis]

i'm a bloke.

c'mon people!!! positive reinforcement!!!!

i need it.

shaitan attacks the lone sheep......... thats a good enough reason to go to the mosque.

but i need more....

70 * more prayer blessings too....

but i am really not wanting to integrate, i dont want to get to know these people. i may be muslim just like them but i feel worlds apart...

just give me reasons to go. i dont care about socializing.

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[جوري]

i'm a bloke.

c'mon people!!! positive reinforcement!!!!

i need it.

shaitan attacks the lone sheep......... thats a good enough reason to go to the mosque.

but i need more....

70 * more prayer blessings too....

but i am really not wanting to integrate, i dont want to get to know these people. i may be muslim just like them but i feel worlds apart...

just give me reasons to go. i dont care about socializing.

:sl: wr wb

akhi, you can integrate with your bro and srs right here on the forum.. there is nothing etched in stone that mandates that you must love and integrate with people from your mosque, people are people regardless of their religion.. perhaps you are in an area that is none too friendly, or they don't take kindly to reverts or shy or prefer to keep to themselves etc..

the possibilities are endless indeed.. Islam and religiosity is a pact a covenant between you and Allah swt not you and the community..
if you can't change the way these folks view you (and you are not asked to) then change the way you react to their negativity, surely even if they don't appreciate you, then your good intentions will matter to your creator...

God knows the only Muslim kin I have an can relate to are on this forum, over here I find brothers and sisters so warm and agreeable from all countries and all walks of life, here we have Somalians, and Malaysians, Syrians and Egyptians converts and everything far and in between, we all love one another in Allah swt.. and we don't always get along it is human and natural.. I got to tell you I joined a forum of my mother country last night and I can't wait to get my request answered and get out of there, I don't like the members, their thought processes or their topics..

they seem shallow, self-absorbed and superficial.. I am sure, I have a premature first impression, but I am definitely more comfortable here than there, so why should I force myself to be amidst people that I have positively nothing in common with simply because there is one small factoid that makes me one of them?

You are the company you keep, so keep yourself with the best company.. You have a whole umma of 1.8 billion, surely the members of one mosque aren't all there is..

we're your family for now, and insha'Allah in due time you'll find folks who accept you and whom you share some sort of a niche, just don't push for something that isn't there...

no Shaitan is going to get you, so long as you hold on to the unbreakable chain (chapter 2 Quran) Allah swt is the best of friends, and the best to delegate your woes to at all times.. and we on this forum are here for you.. so

:welcome: aboard, you should try being on this forum during Ramadan as well, I think you'll love it insha'Allah

:w:

[ghengis]

gossamer skye.

i love u. u have made my day. u have spoke words of truth.

i just wanna go to the mosque look these people in the eye and tell em i love them... they dont even give salaams to people they dont know these days....

dont u ever question.. what happened??? i am a revert. and islam is not supposed to be like i see it outside... wat went wrong???

it hurts. :(

[aadil77]

gossamer skye.

i love u. u have made my day. u have spoke words of truth.

i just wanna go to the mosque look these people in the eye and tell em i love them... they dont even give salaams to people they dont know these days....

dont u ever question.. what happened??? i am a revert. and islam is not supposed to be like i see it outside... wat went wrong???

it hurts. :(

bro you're from leicester right?

[ghengis]

how do u know dude??? u with mi5??? secret service??

[ghengis]

i love u too adill..

but no. i am embarassed by my statements on this forum so i cant let u introduce me to your friends and make life easy for me.


i'll make dua for you bro....

[aadil77]

how do u know dude??? u with mi5??? secret service??

nah I remember you mentionin it some time ago :D, but anyway if you want you can link up with me or some other brothers from this forum who live here in leicester, I've got exams so I might me a while but If you 're cool with it I can pm some other leicester brothers if u want to meet em

peace

[aadil77]

i love u too adill..

but no. i am embarassed by my statements on this forum so i cant let u introduce me to your friends and make life easy for me.


i'll make dua for you bro....

bro thats fine if you don't want to, I know what you mean :thumbs_up

but everyones says stupid things at first as well, so no one is going to judge you

its your choice but if you ever want to later just pm me

[Salahudeen]

I'd love to meet you and go masjid with you I'm in a similar position lol unfortunately I live in Birmingham :(

[aadil77]

I'd love to meet you and go masjid with you I'm in a similar position lol unfortunately I live in Birmingham :(

Bro I'm willing meet any brother from this forum, its just I need to pass my driving test durin summer then I'll be sorted to go wherever, lol you can probably tell how old I am from that

[Salahudeen]

lol I need to pass my test too in the summer!! I'm so crap at reverse parking and reverse round the bend though :(

we'll have to link up sometime though defo if you pass before august I know a wicked 2 day conference that's going to be taking place. We could go to it, people like sheikh salem al amry, asim al hakeem, dr bilal phillips, and yahya ibrahim gonna be there if your interested let me know.

You could come 2 ghengis :)

[ghengis]

whatever happened to the ummah... i never thought islamic people would allow stragglers on the edge of society to exist....

what happened to welcome... we are one ummah... we feel pain when you get hurt... yeah right....

i am grateful for all the comments and invitations... but i cant believe people like me exist....

isolated ones... i bet there are actually loads of us...... this is not good. its a social ill.
isolation is a western disease.
that it seems islam has caught..... maybe cos we are living in this west... who knows.

lonely fragmented individuals that have no home. i think i am a refugee.

yeah. thats it. i'm a refugee.

[جوري]

say this is very nice of bro Aadil-- Genghis you might really want to take him up on his offer?-- say during Ramadan if you are not quite ready yet? what better time to reconnect with your umma, than on the most holiest of months? It will give time for you to get past your sensitivities and work through some of these emotions and start afresh insha'Allah.. I can't foresee this as a bad thing at all...


you wore your heart on your sleeve and that isn't something to be ashamed of, it is human..

:w:

[ghengis]

...whoops.... u guys replied before i did... so my reply seems outa place...


oh well!

...:)

[جوري]

whatever happened to the ummah... i never thought islamic people would allow stragglers on the edge of society to exist....

what happened to welcome... we are one ummah... we feel pain when you get hurt... yeah right....

i am grateful for all the comments and invitations... but i cant believe people like me exist....

isolated ones... i bet there are actually loads of us...... this is not good. its a social ill.
isolation is a western disease.
that it seems islam has caught..... maybe cos we are living in this west... who knows.

lonely fragmented individuals that have no home. i think i am a refugee.

yeah. thats it. i'm a refugee.

:sl:

you don't think we all feel like lonely refugees at times? you don't think that even the Prophet PBUH also felt this way?

Media Tags are no longer supported

Surah 93: Ad-Duha st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) }

The Message of the Quran

Muhammad Asad

AD-DUHA (THE BRIGHT MORNING HOURS)

THE NINETY-THIRD SURAH
Total Verses: 11
MECCA PERIOD

Introduction

IT IS SAID that after surah 89 (Al-Fajr) was revealed, some time elapsed during which the Prophet did not receive any revelation, and that his opponents in Mecca taunted him on this score, saying, "Thy God has forsaken and scorned thee!" - whereupon the present surah was revealed. Whether or not we accept this somewhat doubtful story, there is every reason to assume that the surah as such, although in the first instance addressed to the Prophet, has a far wider purport: it concerns - and is meant to console - every faithful man and woman suffering from the sorrows and bitter hardships which so often afflict the good and the innocent, and which sometimes cause even the righteous to question God's transcendental justice.

IN THE NAME OF GOD, THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE DISPENSER OF GRACE:

1) CONSIDER the bright morning hours,

(2) and the night when it grows still and dark.*

* The expression "bright morning hours" apparently symbolizes the few and widely-spaced periods of happiness in human life, as contrasted with the much greater length of "the night when it grows still and dark", i.e., the extended periods of sorrow or suffering that, as a rule, overshadow man's existence in this world (cf. 90 : 4). The further implication is that, as sure as morning follows night, God's mercy is bound to lighten every suffering, either in this world or in the life to come - for God has "willed upon Himself the law of grace and mercy" (6:12 and 54).

(3) Thy Sustainer has not forsaken thee, nor does He scorn thee:*

*Sc., ''as the thoughtless might conclude in view of the suffering that He has willed thee to bear".

(4) for, indeed, the life to come will be better for thee than this earlier part [of thy life]!

(5) And, indeed, in time will thy Sustainer grant thee [what thy heart desires], and thou shalt be well-pleased.

(6) Has He not found thee an orphan, and given thee shelter?*

*Possibly an allusion to the fact that Muhammad was born a few months after his father's death, and that his mother died when he was only six years old. Apart from this, however, every human being is an "orphan" in one sense or another, inasmuch as everyone is "created in a lonely state" (cf. 6:94), and "will appear before Him on Resurrection Day in a lonely state" (19:95).

(7) And found thee lost on thy way, and guided thee?

(8) And found thee in want, and given thee sufficiency?

(9) Therefore, the orphan shalt thou never wrong,

(10) and him that seeks [thy] help shalt thou never chide,*

*The term sa'il denotes" literally, "one who asks", which signifies not only a "beggar" but anyone who asks for help in a difficult situation, whether physical or moral, or even for enlightenment.

(11) and of thy Sustainer's blessings shalt thou [ever] speak.*

*Sc., "rather than of thy suffering".

Back to Index

[egyptballer]

:sl:
It is good you are asking for advice and this alone can help you integrate with community.If you need help the community can help you and vice versa.

SOURCE:http://www.ezsoftech.com/stories/mis45.asp#teamwork

Maybe this story will help:


A Lion who held all the beasts of the surrounding in subjection, and was always in the habit of making raids upon them to snap and kill any of them as he required for his daily food. It lasted very long until the beasts took counsel together and all agreed to deliver him one of their company each day. They thought that it would satisfy the Lion's hunger, and as a result, he would cease to harm them by his continual attacks.

The Lion was at first unwilling to trust them and seemed not to believe such words-thus he went on by remarking that he would prefer to rely on his effort. But, by being serious on their decision, the beasts succeeded in persuading Lion that he would do well to trust them and accept the free offerings.

Having carried the suggestion, the beasts continued for sometime to perform their engagement sending each day a certain friend of theirs to the Lion to devour.

Once it happened to be the turn of a Hare to be delivered up as a victim to the Lion; but before long he requested the others to let him practice device. The friends mocked him, asking how such a silly beast as he could pretend to outwit the Lion. The Hare assured them that the wisdom only belonged to Allah (SWT), and that was He who might choose weak things to confound the strong. In the end they consented to let him try his luck.

The Hare took slowly his way to the Lion, and found him roaring in anger. In excuse for his being late Hare invented that he along with another Hare had set out together to appear before the Lion, but a strange strong Lion had seized the next Hare and carried him off into his resting place in a ditch. On hearing the pitiful remarks of the Hare the Lion was exceeding wroth, and commanded the Hare to show him the foe who had trespassed on his area. Pretending to be afraid of the second Lion, the Hare got on the present Lion to ride to the destiny upon his back, and directed him to a well. On looking down the well, the Lion saw in the water the reflection of himself and of the Hare on his back. Quite in rage, he thought that it was the strong enemy of his with the stolen Hare; he plunged down into the well to attack him.

From that moment, not only the Hare, but all his beast-friends were released by their wise consolation - which is based on Surah Shura, of the Noble Qur'an: "And those who respond to their Lord and keep up prayer, and their rule is to take counsel among themselves, and who spend out of what We have given them." Noble Qur'an (42:38)

Since the principle of mutual consultation ("Shura") is mandatory, it is a Muslim's fundamental right, as well as responsibility, to participate in as many aspects of the community's life as possible.

[UmmSqueakster]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I spent many years moping that people at the masjid were excluding me, especially during Ramadan. At iftars, people tended to bunch off based on language group and would chat away in arabic or urdu, leaving me sitting quietly by myself.

However, one day I decided to stop moping and feeling sorry for myself and just start being friendly. SubhanAllah, it worked! I initiate the salaams, I initiate the hugs and kisses, I initiate the how are you, alhamdulilah, blah blah blah. After awhile, people got to know me and would start the salaams when they saw me.

I'm not really the most social person in the world either - I prefer the internet to real life most of the time - but even having someone to exchange salams with made going to the masjid a lot happier event.

[aadil77]

lol I need to pass my test too in the summer!! I'm so crap at reverse parking and reverse round the bend though :(

we'll have to link up sometime though defo if you pass before august I know a wicked 2 day conference that's going to be taking place. We could go to it, people like sheikh salem al amry, asim al hakeem, dr bilal phillips, and yahya ibrahim gonna be there if your interested let me know.

You could come 2 ghengis :)

is this in leicester uni? because every year you get muslims across UK coming to stay for this 3 day conference and its literally up my road. last year salem al amry came and some others

[ghengis]

thanks bro... quality surah...

u guys have reinforced in me to turn to allah and the quran.

for reassurance and guidance... thanks...

the quran is a healing :)

[ghengis]

shura is mandatory........... thanks.

i have a role in this to play.


(just having a bad day people....) thanks

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I'd say sis Gossamers reply was at its best...and I'd also like to add that it's not Islam that has caught this disease, but Muslims. Islam is perfect and won't change. If they dont appreciate you and greet you as they should, then the problem lies within themself and ultimately w/e u do, u do for Allah. Be nice, smile, do all the the things uwould as a muslim regardless of what they do because your reward is with Allah.

:sl:

[ghengis]

wow.

being a proper muslim is so difficult. supreme behavioural control, emotional control, character control....

destroying your desires... your need to be wanted, to be socially accepted etc.

gossamer gave me a good talking too.
gossamer u did good. thanks.
inshallah i will learn that surah tonight!!! all nighter. inshallah!

it will be my first long surah to commit to memory!

...and yes it is long.... but we gotta start somewhere.

allah be praised!!!!

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^ Of course, no one is perfect. We all strive to and InshaAllah thats what counts.

All the best bro.

[جوري]

wow.

being a proper muslim is so difficult. supreme behavioural control, emotional control, character control....

destroying your desires... your need to be wanted, to be socially accepted etc.

gossamer gave me a good talking too.
gossamer u did good. thanks.
inshallah i will learn that surah tonight!!! all nighter. inshallah!

it will be my first long surah to commit to memory!

...and yes it is long.... but we gotta start somewhere.

allah be praised!!!!

:sl:

there is no secret to being a good muslim, like all arts and sciences must be learned one day at a time, and take a life time process to perfect, it isn't mere schooling, it is experience and an acquisition of life long wisdom.

there is no point of being perfect in one day, no one is perfect, only Allah swt and he know of our condition..

here is one of my favorite ahadith, I have taken the liberty to translate it:

إن هذا الدين متين فأوغل فيه برفق ولا تبغض إلى نفسك عبادة الله فإن المنبت لا أرضا قطع ولا ظهرا أبقى)
أخرجه أحمد من حديث أنس والبيهقي من حديث جابر

And Rasoul Allah PBUH said “This religion, 'Islam' is strong/vast, so, learn with ease, and don’t ever reduce the importance of a worship to Allah” and he gave an example of a traveler who spend days on his journey abusing the horse i.e beating it to get to his destination faster, at the end he didn’t achieve his goal by getting to his destination, and even worse his mode of transport gave out (died) from the abuse (so he acheived nothing) ...(Isnad: Ahmad, Anas, Baheeqi, Jaber)

in other words learn all you can but take it easy..

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

[جوري]

here is a transliteration of suret ad-duha for your memorization tonight insha'Allah, it is only 11 small verses with tremendous meaning and consolation:

1. Wa Ađ-Đuĥá
2. Wa Al-Layli 'Idhā Sajá
3. Mā Wadda`aka Rabbuka Wa Mā Qalá
4. Wa Lal'ākhiratu Khayrun Laka Mina Al-'Ūlá
5. Wa Lasawfa Yu`ţīka Rabbuka Fatarđá
6. 'Alam Yajidka Yatīmāan Fa'āwá
7. Wa Wajadaka Đāllāan Fahadá
8. Wa Wajadaka `Ā'ilāan Fa'aghná
9. Fa'ammā Al-Yatīma Falā Taqhar
10. Wa 'Ammā As-Sā'ila Falā Tanhar
11. Wa 'Ammā Bini`mati Rabbika Faĥaddith

http://www.guidedways.com/chapter_di...&translator=16

:w:

[noorseeker]

Muslims and islam are two different things unfortuanately.

[Clover]

i'm a bloke.

c'mon people!!! positive reinforcement!!!!

i need it.

shaitan attacks the lone sheep......... thats a good enough reason to go to the mosque.

but i need more....

70 * more prayer blessings too....

but i am really not wanting to integrate, i dont want to get to know these people. i may be muslim just like them but i feel worlds apart...

just give me reasons to go. i dont care about socializing.

Demanding people to do things for you is not the way to go.

Get into groups with them, read books with them, play games with them (Chess, Checkers, Monoply?).

[syilla]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I spent many years moping that people at the masjid were excluding me, especially during Ramadan. At iftars, people tended to bunch off based on language group and would chat away in arabic or urdu, leaving me sitting quietly by myself.

However, one day I decided to stop moping and feeling sorry for myself and just start being friendly. SubhanAllah, it worked! I initiate the salaams, I initiate the hugs and kisses, I initiate the how are you, alhamdulilah, blah blah blah. After awhile, people got to know me and would start the salaams when they saw me.

I'm not really the most social person in the world either - I prefer the internet to real life most of the time - but even having someone to exchange salams with made going to the masjid a lot happier event.

its truee ukhtee... exchanging salams do help. And of course it is a sunnah :) :thumbs_up

[Yanal]

:sl:
Some basic points in why you should go:
-it is fardh to go on Friday
-your deen increases
-you will get good deeds for the hereafter
Best of luck. :w:

[ghengis]

good. then i gotta go. regardless of feelings or emotions.
:)

thanks.

[Rabi'ya]

:sl:

As a revert I think I understand where you are coming from brother. Many Muslims, or I shoudl say born Muslims seem to take many things for granted. even cultural things. I mean one of my best friends, who's a born Muslim has severe difficulties with her familiy because she is a lonely type of person. She enjoys friends but does not want to be bothered with people much of the time. I am like this too, but many born Muslims are used to having big famillies and having people around. Im not saying this is the only issue but I feel born Muslims are often insensitive to revert issues. I too have distanced myself from the community because of things which happened to me. I have BIg issues with embracing someone when they give salaam. Its just something completely alien to me and it makes me feel on edge.

Brother, it is hard to feel welcome quite often and I just pray that Allah guides all of us and helps us to understand each other better....ameen

[ghengis]

we need to integrate into the community. i needed support and encouragement to do so...

we all do.

we converted. our minds and hearts work well thank god. we see the truth. thank god. we need to walk the path with gods help.

it gets difficult. but the path needs to be walked. i know that. at least.

it took 40 years of training for musa (AS) and muhammed(SWS) to finally hit the target of prophethood. they had to walk the path. be trained by allah. schooled.

we need to walk the path. friends of allah one day?? sainthood??? or just religious man?
regardless of the outcome.

the path needs to be walked.

this lonely person thing, social integration difficulty thing is not islamic. its a problem with islam as presented in this day and age.

hold fast to quran and allah...... dont follow your desires.

it gets difficult. but our emotions are pretty irrelevent. in the grande scheme of things.
yet they win us over every now and then.... this is good. it lets u know your heart is alive and it lets u know your weaknesses to improove on.

i have certain weaknesses with respect to social integration and action. cool. now i know :)

[Rabi'ya]

:sl:

thats exactly wat I am saying brother. There is almost an expectatio, I feel, that we, as reverts, should act the way and accept the culture of born Muslims. This is my experience anyway. I have been a Muslim now for around 8 years and it is only now I al realising that it is not necessary. It is difficult, and inshallah with the help of fellow Muslims and most importantly Allah I can be strong and become a better person.

I dont quite understand this word "integrate" everyone has their own interpretation of it and its not a word I really like. Pehaps I would prefer just to "get on with" people and accept that in some respects we are alike, yet in others we are completely different. We are all Muslims but we are by no means all the same.

[ghengis]

yeah your right.

we are all individual people.

i suppose we all need our basic family units. man wife. grandad grandma... kids.

and then bringing the family to represent itself in the larger community...

hey maybe ....

its just cos we are reverts... we left our so called family and need to just start our own....

its easy i suppose, when u think about it.... what is needed to remedy the angst....

[Tony]

This is a thread I started on friday last, I dont know how to link it, suppose its v simple tho ! Anyway I just plonked it all here, hope it can be of some help, peace

Salamun Aleiykum. Alhamdulillah I finally did it, I went friday prayers at the mosque. For as long as I knew I was Muslim, I knew I had to go to mosque on a friday, now for a revert it is an area of anxiety for some, I learnt to pray from a book and have been very conscious about it being correct or not ( subhan Allah it was) and this has been a problem for me. Many times I have asked brothers to take me, and I sometimes felt that they thought nI was being weird or something. Let me explain to all those brothers that for a convert who does not know what to expect at a mosque, how it may be different from praying at home, how some of us think we will be watchedfor errors its scary. I also had to go to mosque where I was only white person amongst a congregation of Pakistanis, although I am no rascist, I was anxious of this also. Anyway new Muslims let me tell you, first of all I asked a colleague to go mosque with me last friday, we were to early to pray but he asked the Imam to let us in and this brother showed me round the mosque and how to wash properly, he is called Mamood and I ask all who read this to ask Allah to bless him and his familly in this life and the next. So today I washed, put nice clothes on, bit the bullet and prayed all the way to the mosque for Allah to make it easy. I had been told to get there for 13:30 ready to commence at 2pm (uk), this had also been a source of anxiety not knowing what to do or when to turn up, I walked in and sat down, immediatley an elderley Pakistani man, who outside may have been wary of me, grabbed my hand in both of his and shook it warmly, he looked directly into my eyes and smiled, "asalamu aleiykum", wow I was so touched it was awesome, all my anxieties disappeared. as prayers started I was ushered forward ( i sat at the back !) and literally squeezed between the other brothers there. I have to tell you the sense of brotherhood at that moment was palpable, brothers to each side, children and men praying together. I could not understand alot of what the Imam said, butn I noticed he did his best to summarize each section in English, subject was the angels at point of death, awesome. I followed the brothers next to meand realised it was the prayer I had done at home, , Alhamdulillah. After 15 mins some people left I stayed and understood this to be extra rakaats, so I id mine and made dua for my mum (Allah bless her and bring her to Islam), the Imam concluded and we left the mosque. 30 minutes start to finish. When I left and all afternoon I have had the strangest feeling of peace, not the happy smiley everything cool type peace, nor a deep and dark type peace, but a peace that was devoid of urgency but that In had made a further commitment to Allah and a seriousness, hard to explain but definatley powerful. So new or old converts who have never been to the mosque, please take it from me there is absolutley nothing to worry about, people there will help if you want them to, there is no difference between people there we are all equal, andits ok to copy the one next to you or even ask them to show you. New brothers go to the mosque its truly awesome, when the person called Adhan at 2pm, tears came to my eyes, this has not happened to me for a while and Alhamdulillah for it. I f you live in braford or west yorkshire region pm me and I will do everything to accompany you there insha'Allah. In short go to the mosque, it is for Allahs pleasure and I am counting the minutes to next friday already. La ilaha ilAllah, eshedu ana Mahamadur rasulAllah. Ameen

[Salahudeen]

is this in leicester uni? because every year you get muslims across UK coming to stay for this 3 day conference and its literally up my road. last year salem al amry came and some others

Nah it's in Birmingham lol but maybe they go from birmingham to leicester

[glo]

Tony, how long have you been a revert that you have only just attended a mosque for the first time? Sounds like you had a very beneficial time. :)
Does your wife attend mosque?
And will you take your sons next?

I think there are several reasons why it is beneficial to attend worship with fellow believers:

• There is a social element, i.e receiving support from brothers and sisters and giving it in return; simply enjoying the company of other believers
• There is a spiritual element, i.e experiencing God's presence and as a result feeling spiritually uplifted
• But most important perhaps is simply doing it to give God all the praise and worship he deserves

I often experience worship most profoundly when I have come to the service reluctantly; when I have had to 'make myself' be obedient to God and come; when I haven't come to 'meet friends' or 'feel good', but when I simply say "Here I am God, use me ..."

[Tony]

Glo I reverted 6 years ago, I started to take it seriously 1 and half yr ago but mosque was v strange concept for me. My wife seems to be following my lead and has started praying namaz, eating halal etc All praise to Allah for this, duas work what can I say. My kids wont go mosque for 2 yrs but they half prayer mats at home and they pray with me whenever they want, I dont ask them, theyask me. I dont want to push them, but its a dad son thing anyway at moment. I pray for them to come close to Islam of their choice. They also want to come running with me !!! btw their prayer mats are infant size and the cutest things you ever will see:D. Cant seem to rep u as much as u deserve Glo but thoughts there:D

[glo]

^
On a side not, I read that running (for any longer distance) can damage children's bones if they start too young.
You might want to research that some more, and either just do teeny weeny baby runs or wait until they are a bit older.

Don't worry about reps. I am sure there are more worthy recipients! :)

[Tony]

Glo, there 4 and 3,hahahaha, I dont take them running with me sister. God gave you the gift of being blissfully unaware of ur genius funny streak. Proper laughed when I saw ur post, got picture of myself in military uniform screaming at them to do pressups in the rain:D:D:laugh::laugh:

[glo]

Glo, there 4 and 3,hahahaha, I dont take them running with me sister. God gave you the gift of being blissfully unaware of ur genius funny streak. Proper laughed when I saw ur post, got picture of myself in military uniform screaming at them to do pressups in the rain:D:D:laugh::laugh:

Haha!
Well, my husband might call me naive (perhaps even a bit dippy :-[) ... although personally I prefer the genius funny image! :D

But to be honest, I wsn't imagine army style drills ... more like little jogs around the block. :)

What kind of distances do you run?
(And now I promise to no longer take this thread off topic ... :X)

[Tony]

Haha!
Well, my husband might call me naive (perhaps even a bit dippy :-[) ... although personally I prefer the genius funny image! :D

But to be honest, I wsn't imagine army style drills ... more like little jogs around the block. :)

What kind of distances do you run?
(And now I promise to no longer take this thread off topic ... :X)

when i trained tkd i woul do 3 to 6 miles on top of training. then i trained for 1/2 mthon in leeds and did ok, (used to smoke), now trying to find some way forward, have done fell runs and loved em but am easing back into it at mo. Finding time for distance run is not easy for me, but I want to train for mthon. missed out on London virgin for next yr, wld have liked to run for islamic relief. Need some sort of direction with it now as seem to be trundling round park aimlessly. ps, get to mosque op

[Friend]

just smile and people will feel more comfortable to took to you and it would be good aslo to say salaam alaikum
...... wish you the best

[Friend]

I mean people will be more friendly and they will talk to you and hopefully you will find some friends.... I always talk to people how i used to see their faces and say salaam alaikum for them so maybe other people will talk to you and be your friend if you give them a chance .......

[Ansariyah]

Find those who look like u n jst wasap them ..I mean Salam them.:

jk

[ragdollcat1982]

It seems that some people instead of going to a house of worhsip to pray and worship God are going to socialize instead. I have seen this in many churchs as well sadly.

[Ansariyah]

tho I said th above^in a jokey way, It's a reality in our Mosques. Everyones talks to their own kind, basically won't give a second look let alone salaam those who look different (not from their country/culture).

I feel bad for u, we as Muslims we are mirrors for one another, I can't believe that no one sees that u feel this way. Don't brothas come up to u, ask u ur name?

Have u tried a different mosque?

[Tony]

i am in my 3rd week of going mosque now. i am only white face there ! u can feel unwelcome or you can smile and suddenly be surrounded by pearly white teeth. when ppl see u r their to worship Allah they will say hello tou. if u want to feel friendly go to mosque runners and they will get u a buddy to ease u in.

[glo]

It seems that some people instead of going to a house of worhsip to pray and worship God are going to socialize instead. I have seen this in many churchs as well sadly.

Well, there is a place for people to socialise and support each other in places of worship - although perhaps it should be the main reason for attending. I especially feel that about the elderly and the disabled, who may not easily feel welcomed in other places.

Today I was working in the church yard, pulling weeds and maintaining the flower beds.
A lady with back problems so profound that she uses crutches came over and said that she would love to help me. Now I know that she will probably only ever be able to sit on a chair and give me advice - but I greatly appreciate her input and I told her so.
If nothing else it may give us the opportunity to chat, talk about our faith and God, and perhaps pray. (Plus, I don't know much about flowers, so I could use somebody who can tell me what to do! :D)

People attend places of worship for all kinds of reasons. Whatever we may think of their reasons, at least they are in a place where they may learn about and connect with God. :)

[Al Qalam]

I live on an island in the Pacific, and as far as I know, I'm the only muslim on the island. There is no community to join here, but that has not stopped me from being a muslim. Fortunately, the internet connects me to many muslims, and mediums such as the LI Islamic formum are extremely educational and informative. The moderators here have set me on the correct path many times. Make sure to advantage of the educational resources here. They are excellent! If there were a community of muslims here, I would certainly be interested in joining, but my prayers to Allah, striving to do good and to please Allah are my primary concern and the most satisfying aspects of being a muslim. I live in a community of people, and being a good muslim among them, even though they are not muslims, is probably just as good for my soul as being good to other muslims would be. I have certainly changed many people's opinions of what islam is, and I have also made them curious to know more about islam because they see it bringing peace and contentment to my life. Being a good example as a muslim is a good way to begin attracting other potential muslims...which in turn could create a community.

[Tony]

I live on an island in the Pacific, and as far as I know, I'm the only muslim on the island. There is no community to join here, but that has not stopped me from being a muslim. Fortunately, the internet connects me to many muslims, and mediums such as the LI Islamic formum are extremely educational and informative. The moderators here have set me on the correct path many times. Make sure to advantage of the educational resources here. They are excellent! If there were a community of muslims here, I would certainly be interested in joining, but my prayers to Allah, striving to do good and to please Allah are my primary concern and the most satisfying aspects of being a muslim. I live in a community of people, and being a good muslim among them, even though they are not muslims, is probably just as good for my soul as being good to other muslims would be. I have certainly changed many people's opinions of what islam is, and I have also made them curious to know more about islam because they see it bringing peace and contentment to my life. Being a good example as a muslim is a good way to begin attracting other potential muslims...which in turn could create a community.

wow, that is an awesome job u got there brother, taking Islam to the islands. :D

[muslimah_online]

I live on an island in the Pacific, and as far as I know, I'm the only muslim on the island. There is no community to join here, but that has not stopped me from being a muslim. Fortunately, the internet connects me to many muslims, and mediums such as the LI Islamic formum are extremely educational and informative. The moderators here have set me on the correct path many times. Make sure to advantage of the educational resources here. They are excellent! If there were a community of muslims here, I would certainly be interested in joining, but my prayers to Allah, striving to do good and to please Allah are my primary concern and the most satisfying aspects of being a muslim. I live in a community of people, and being a good muslim among them, even though they are not muslims, is probably just as good for my soul as being good to other muslims would be. I have certainly changed many people's opinions of what islam is, and I have also made them curious to know more about islam because they see it bringing peace and contentment to my life. Being a good example as a muslim is a good way to begin attracting other potential muslims...which in turn could create a community.

u absolutely amazed me. Alhamdulillah, such person as the likes of u should exist in every corner of the world.:statisfie

[jennifer sky]

when i read this post it semed to apply to me as well, but in my case im not allowed to go to our mosque, as women are not allowed :( but i have been told they are allowing women in on a sunday for study for a couple of hours, but not during prayer times, i dont understand there rule, and without travelling to other towns and cities i dont know how to find a mosque that will welcome me, i really feel alone most of the time, i try to explain this to my husband but he really doesnt seem to see where i am coming from, im also a revert, it will be a year in august, i also know women dont have to attend mosque, but i want too, i feel almost incomplete if that doesnt sound crazy

[Tony]

when i read this post it semed to apply to me as well, but in my case im not allowed to go to our mosque, as women are not allowed :( but i have been told they are allowing women in on a sunday for study for a couple of hours, but not during prayer times, i dont understand there rule, and without travelling to other towns and cities i dont know how to find a mosque that will welcome me, i really feel alone most of the time, i try to explain this to my husband but he really doesnt seem to see where i am coming from, im also a revert, it will be a year in august, i also know women dont have to attend mosque, but i want too, i feel almost incomplete if that doesnt sound crazy

mashaallah, another revert, alhamdulillah. why not put a poster in mosque and see if any other sisters want to get together in houses to pray

[glo]

Is your husband a Muslim too, Jennifer?

Welcome to LI, by the way. :)

[ragdollcat1982]

mashaallah, another revert, alhamdulillah. why not put a poster in mosque and see if any other sisters want to get together in houses to pray

While women are recommended to pray at home, can they be prohibted from attending the mosque? I thought all were welcome ?:confused: Dont mosqu have seperate areas for men and women?

[alcurad]

^no, they can't be forbidden/prevented.

[Tony]

While women are recommended to pray at home, can they be prohibted from attending the mosque? I thought all were welcome ?:confused: Dont mosqu have seperate areas for men and women?

To be honest I am unsure, but there is a seperate prayer room at the mosque I attend, I presume theres women in there ! I dont know the answer, but I feel that if there is accomadation available then why wouldnt they be

Edit as didnt see alcurad,s post. Thanks bro I have learnt something

[rpwelton]

While women are recommended to pray at home, can they be prohibted from attending the mosque? I thought all were welcome ?:confused: Dont mosqu have seperate areas for men and women?

It's another sad example of culture mixing with religion. In Islam women cannot be prevented from going to the masjid (mosque). If a masjid does not provide a separate area for the women then that is very unfortunate. I've never encountered a masjid that didn't have a women's area, but the do exist unfortunately.

[jennifer sky]

Is your husband a Muslim too, Jennifer?

Welcome to LI, by the way. :)

yes he is, he is a born muslim,

[glo]

I know our local mosque has a separate room for women - but it is rarely used, because so many women prefer to stay at home.

Interestingly, there is a TV in the corner and as I understand women follow the prayer as lead on the TV, rather than a person standing in the front. Is that common practice?

Can a woman lead other women in prayer?

[ragdollcat1982]

It's another sad example of culture mixing with religion. In Islam women cannot be prevented from going to the masjid (mosque). If a masjid does not provide a separate area for the women then that is very unfortunate. I've never encountered a masjid that didn't have a women's area, but the do exist unfortunately.

I dont understand why they still cant come even without a seperate area, The women should simply pray behind the men as is custom and if they are having lectures or classes seat men on one side and women on the other, as long as Islamic dress is observed just like encountering each other on the street there should be no reason not to permit women.

[glo]

Can women pray behind the men?
I thought they needed to be separated by a wall or screen.


5000th post! :thumbs_up

[rpwelton]

I dont understand why they still cant come even without a seperate area, The women should simply pray behind the men as is custom and if they are having lectures or classes seat men on one side and women on the other, as long as Islamic dress is observed just like encountering each other on the street there should be no reason not to permit women.

They could; in fact during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), there was no separate room for the women; they just prayed in the back.

However, it appears that the masjid does not want to have the women there at all.

[rk9414]

'Abd Allah bin ‘Umar reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say:

"Do not prevent your women from going to the mosque when they seek your permission."



At the time of the prophet, there was no separate praying area. The women would fill the back rows of the room first praying behind the men.

[rpwelton]

Can women pray behind the men?
I thought they needed to be separated by a wall or screen.

No screen is needed. However, perhaps in this day and age it is better since during non-prayer times (ie, before and after prayer) the men are easily distracted (thus leading them to be looking at the women). I'm not sure what the rulings are, but I do know that there was no barrier during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him).

[glo]

Is there are reason why the women pray behind the men?

[rpwelton]

Is there are reason why the women pray behind the men?

Imagine this: the men pray behind the women. When the women bend over for the prayer, the men's eyes drift towards...

It's essentially to eliminate distraction and keep the concentration on the prayer and not to get the men all excited during a time of worship.

[ragdollcat1982]

They could; in fact during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), there was no separate room for the women; they just prayed in the back.

However, it appears that the masjid does not want to have the women there at all.

That is just wrong. That is not islamic and I dont understand why people would accept it.

[rpwelton]

That is just wrong. That is not islamic and I dont understand why people would accept it.

I'm with you on that one; I don't understand it either. I wish everyone would just follow the pure sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him).

[glo]

Imagine this: the men pray behind the women. When the women bend over for the prayer, the men's eyes drift towards...

I'll let your imagination take over from there.

It's essentially to eliminate distraction and keep the concentration on the prayer and not to get the men all excited during a time of worship.

When you say it like that, it makes sense ... :)

Are women less distractable by such things, you think?

[rpwelton]

When you say it like that, it makes sense ... :)

Are women less distractable by such things, you think?

Yes, I believe that to be true (and I think most psychologists would agree).

I was taking a seminar this past weekend on love and marriage in Islam, and the brothers and sisters each had to come up with their own list of what they most look for in a spouse.

For the brothers, beauty was number one on the list. For sisters, beauty was probably 3rd or 4th.

Not to say that women aren't physically attracted to men, but the attraction of a man to the appearance of women is far stronger.

[ragdollcat1982]

Yes, I believe that to be true (and I think most psychologists would agree).

I was taking a seminar this past weekend on love and marriage in Islam, and the brothers and sisters each had to come up with their own list of what they most look for in a spouse.

For the brothers, beauty was number one on the list. For sisters, beauty was probably 3rd or 4th.

Not to say that women aren't physically attracted to men, but the attraction of a man to the appearance of women is far stronger.

Each sex is wired differntly.

[Yanal]

:salamext:
Bismillahair Rahmaan Naraheem
I apologize.If my first comment on this thread (1st post) has made you feel worse in the situation you have explained on this thread. It will be hard for me to evaluate the situation without asking a few questions;1)Why do you feel like that?I.E did someone say anything to you?2) Do you feel any better right now?3) Do you have faith in Allah? After you answer these Questions I can the assess the situation and insh'Allah help you feel more comfortable,but just for clearing my doubts,do you feel akward or rejected in your situation you explained to us? I need to know that questions answer because if you feel akward it is just a feeling controled by the Shytaan,though if you feel rejected answer those other three questions to get a better answer insh'Allah.

Walakum Asalam Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh

[silkworm]

Bro Ghenghis, I have gone through same spasm, please make sure you are NOT depressed, well I was and that's how I was feeling the same way you are.

Depression is the only disease which lives inside you and you don't even you that you're sick - Please you must go and see a doctor - Thanks and take care

[Tony]

Nearly time for Jumm'ah prayers, cant wait, I so love going to pray at mosque now. :D

[Al Ansari]

whatever happened to the ummah... i never thought islamic people would allow stragglers on the edge of society to exist....

what happened to welcome... we are one ummah... we feel pain when you get hurt... yeah right....

i am grateful for all the comments and invitations... but i cant believe people like me exist....

isolated ones... i bet there are actually loads of us...... this is not good. its a social ill.
isolation is a western disease.
that it seems islam has caught..... maybe cos we are living in this west... who knows.

lonely fragmented individuals that have no home. i think i am a refugee.

yeah. thats it. i'm a refugee.

as salaamu 'alaikum,

I know how you feel. I have been in the same situation. I was an isolated one years back and it is harmful. It keeps you from getting to know people. I remember I used to be so extreme in that I stayed away from Jumah and Eid Salaah. It was a bad time for me, but you must be the upright example of a Muslim. InshaAllaah.

[Asiyah3]

When you say it like that, it makes sense ... :)

Are women less distractable by such things, you think?

I think it's better to be seperated rooms. Last friday I went to mosque. Well, it was my first time (besides ramadan) and I started using hijab a little time ago - alhamdulillah :). I put on a hijab that was moving a lot so during the prayer I had to fix it sometimes. Actually even my clothing was pretty stupid- cauz the shirt I put on didn't cover my neck all (& the skirt was a little short too.)
Luckily There was a screen between the men and women. So I took it off and put it on again better after that. I couldn't have done that if there wasn't the screen. And next time inshallah I'll dress in a better way :statisfie

Besides that I would feel uncomfortable if we prayed in the same hall since there are a lot of men and only about 7 women (though that's good too).

[- IqRa -]

Women and men should pray seperately.

[NoorInaya]

Asalaamu Alaikam,

Genghis, did you ever get this resolved? Did you find enough reasons to start attending Jummuah?

I don't know if anyone mentioned this or not (so forgive me if they did!), but attending Jummuah is classified as "fardh ayn" for brothers, which means "personal obligation" (it's "personal" because it's not fardh for sisters). Brothers must attend Jummuah, if they have the ability to (some live in such remote areas that the closest masjid may be hundreds of miles away!).

I know how unfriendly and uninviting our Muslim "brothers and sisters" can be at times. Alhamdulilah, I've been Muslim for 7 years now, and I can tell you that there are some masjids filled with people who look at me like I've got three heads when I walk in! (white chick in a scarf?? Is she Muslim?? Or is she just after our men??)

Some masjids are more inviting than others. Masjids are exactly like churches in this regard. The atmosphere depends greatly on the people who are in attendance. We should never expect every masjid in the world to be the same. If you don't like the feeling you get in one, then try another. InshAllah, you will find one where the people will at least give you salaamz.

I understand that you do not wish to socialize, and you have every right to keep to yourself. I must say that there are times when I don't feel like talking, and I enjoy a bit of anonymity. I am just there to listen to the khutbah (one should never be talking during the khutbah, yet women have a real problem with this! I simply ignore them when they try to talk to me!), pray, and then leave.

The time when it's nice to have friends and acquaintances at the masjid is during Ramadhan. It really helps to make the month that much nicer. I like the feeling of community during Ramadhan.

Brother, I hope that this has been resolved, and you are attending Jummuah regularly, inshAllah. Just hang in there, and it will get better. One thing to know is this; the more they see you, and the more you say salaamz to the them (why wait for them to say it? You get more reward for saying it first anyways!), then over time, they will start to accept you. One thing to bear in mind is culture, and the other is suspicion. After Sept 11th, masjids in America were being infiltrated" by spies. This made Muslims highly suspicious. I don't know if the same was happening also in the UK. Perhaps it was, after the July 7th bombings.

wasalaamz

[celina]

May i say I am really fascinated by this thread, I am also really fascinated by reverts/converts especially their passion for Islam its beautiful. I have always wanted to be friends with a revert because I admire the way they approach Islam, they really appreciate the gift of Islam. I am however a little taken back from the original part of this thread, especially about the brother who doesn't feel welcome at the mosque. Im my community reverts are really welcomed and appreciated, however theres always ignorant people in the community. I am born muslim, sometimes I feel excluded at the mosque or when I attend talks. Sometimes it depends on the mosque and the type of people who attended, however brother Genghis don't let this put you off from going to the mosque.

[glo]

May i say I am really fascinated by this thread, I am also really fascinated by reverts/converts especially their passion for Islam its beautiful. I have always wanted to be friends with a revert because I admire the way they approach Islam, they really appreciate the gift of Islam. I am however a little taken back from the original part of this thread, especially about the brother who doesn't feel welcome at the mosque. Im my community reverts are really welcomed and appreciated, however theres always ignorant people in the community. I am born muslim, sometimes I feel excluded at the mosque or when I attend talks. Sometimes it depends on the mosque and the type of people who attended, however brother Genghis don't let this put you off from going to the mosque.

What kind of things make you feel excluded, celina?
Can you try to explain it some more?

[celina]

What kind of things make you feel excluded, celina?
Can you try to explain it some more?

Hello glo, hope your ok.

Well when I am at the mosque I feel that people don't really greet you, they frown at you and observe you like a surveilance camera and it makes you feel uncomfortable. People chat at a lot about worldly matters (your not really supposed to do this at the mosque) and sometimes I can't hear what the imaam is saying because people are talking over him and he normally is saying something valuable about islam. At times my mum has asked fellow members to hush, but they really pay no attention and gossip and chat. May I say this is in the women's section. I also attend the mosque for islamic speechs and sometimes I tuck closer to muslim sister so that I can befreind them but in return I get nothing but ignorance. However not all muslim people are like this and maybe there are some flaws in myself that make me feel like this. Allah knows best my intentions are pure.

glo, hope that answers your questions let me know if you want to know more about this I am more than happy to answer anything..;D

[glo]

Thank you for your reply, celina. It's very interesting.

I guess I am trying to draw comparisons to why people may feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in places of worship (including churches) - when really those should be the places people are drawn to and welcomed with open arms! :)

[celina]

Thank you for your reply, celina. It's very interesting.

I guess I am trying to draw comparisons to why people may feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in places of worship (including churches) - when really those should be the places people are drawn to and welcomed with open arms! :)

Your welcome glo..I know people are supposed to connect at places of worship but sadly its not the place but the people. imsad

[NoorInaya]

Hello glo, hope your ok.

Well when I am at the mosque I feel that people don't really greet you, they frown at you and observe you like a surveilance camera and it makes you feel uncomfortable. People chat at a lot about worldly matters (your not really supposed to do this at the mosque) and sometimes I can't hear what the imaam is saying because people are talking over him and he normally is saying something valuable about islam. At times my mum has asked fellow members to hush, but they really pay no attention and gossip and chat. May I say this is in the women's section. I also attend the mosque for islamic speechs and sometimes I tuck closer to muslim sister so that I can befreind them but in return I get nothing but ignorance. However not all muslim people are like this and maybe there are some flaws in myself that make me feel like this. Allah knows best my intentions are pure.

glo, hope that answers your questions let me know if you want to know more about this I am more than happy to answer anything..;D

Women talking during the khutbah is one of the greatest annoyances at Jummuah! Do they not know that if they speak during the khutbah they receive no reward for attending? They might as well have just STAYED HOME.

I used to not confront the chatty sisters, but now I do. Even if it's my first time in the masjid, I will go up to them and give them the signal to be QUIET. I am there to listen to the khutbah, and I do not want to listen to them gossiping and chatting.

I really don't mind if this offends some, or they think that I am a bad person. We are there to listen to the khutbah, and we need to keep our mouths shut. I'm embarrassed sometimes, because the brothers may be thinking that we are all idiots.

As for being observed vs being welcomed, it really does just depend on the masjid and the community. Some masjids just seem to attract more ignorant people. I've taken to staring back at the ones who stare at me. That usually gets them to stop. :P

Whether you are a revert, or born to Muslim parents, or even a non-Muslim visitor, you should feel welcome and relaxed in the masjid. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

wasalaamz,

[celina]

Women talking during the khutbah is one of the greatest annoyances at Jummuah! Do they not know that if they speak during the khutbah they receive no reward for attending? They might as well have just STAYED HOME.

I used to not confront the chatty sisters, but now I do. Even if it's my first time in the masjid, I will go up to them and give them the signal to be QUIET. I am there to listen to the khutbah, and I do not want to listen to them gossiping and chatting.

I really don't mind if this offends some, or they think that I am a bad person. We are there to listen to the khutbah, and we need to keep our mouths shut. I'm embarrassed sometimes, because the brothers may be thinking that we are all idiots.

As for being observed vs being welcomed, it really does just depend on the masjid and the community. Some masjids just seem to attract more ignorant people. I've taken to staring back at the ones who stare at me. That usually gets them to stop. :P

Whether you are a revert, or born to Muslim parents, or even a non-Muslim visitor, you should feel welcome and relaxed in the masjid. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

wasalaamz,

Aslam Sister you are bang on, however I agree that it does depend on the mosque and community..Whereas the chatting part, it is very annoying and I give you credit for telling people not to talk I think I should start doing that too as I go to the mosque to learn not hear gossip.:statisfie

ws.

[Snowflake]

i'm a bloke.

c'mon people!!! positive reinforcement!!!!

i need it.
shaitan attacks the lone sheep......... thats a good enough reason to go to the mosque.
but i need more....

70 * more prayer blessings too....
but i am really not wanting to integrate, i dont want to get to know these people. i may be muslim just like them but i feel worlds apart...

just give me reasons to go. i dont care about socializing.

:sl: Pardon me for saying bro, but I'm still learning how to be more sociable and I find that when we feel we don't fit in, it's because it's us who are different.

I watch people's behavior, as really I've never had much social interaction with people in my life either. But from watching others who are confident, outgoing and people's people, I noticed they are the one's who don't worry about how they come across. They just be themselves and people see that and warm to them.

It's help if we aren't afraid to act friendly if we are feeling like it. Maybe your shy and that makes you seize up? Just let go a bit and see how things go for you inshaAllah. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

[Al Ansari]

:sl: Pardon me for saying bro, but I'm still learning how to be more sociable and I find that when we feel we don't fit in, it's because it's us who are different.

I watch people's behavior, as really I've never had much social interaction with people in my life either. But from watching others who are confident, outgoing and people's people, I noticed they are the one's who don't worry about how they come across. They just be themselves and people see that and warm to them.

It's help if we aren't afraid to act friendly if we are feeling like it. Maybe your shy and that makes you seize up? Just let go a bit and see how things go for you inshaAllah. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

as salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullah,

At least there is a degree of hayyah. However, extreme in anything is never good. A moderate degree of shyness as directed by Islaam is the way. However, do not disassociate yourself from your brothers/sisters. You are to love them for the sake of Allaah. Do not worry about any outcome--the outcome is up to Allaah. There are times where I spread the salaams amongst others and they did not respond. Be the first to give salaams. Allaah swt sees that and will give you the reward for it. Just worry about what pleases Allaah, because you will never be able to please every created thing.

And Allaah (awj) knows best.

[zeerina]

Sadly not feeling welcome seems to be the norm.
I suggest 2 things. 1 keep going even if its hard as everyone will get used to seeing you there. Its your mosque as much as theirs. 2 speak to people, If they dont speak back its on them. Eventually you will find some friendly ones. I promise it happened to me.
Also, Ghengis have you checked out the new muslim project in leicester? google it. there will be loads of people there in the same boat cant promise everyone will be uber friendly but worth a try.

[kawaiigardiner]

:sl:

thats exactly wat I am saying brother. There is almost an expectatio, I feel, that we, as reverts, should act the way and accept the culture of born Muslims. This is my experience anyway. I have been a Muslim now for around 8 years and it is only now I al realising that it is not necessary. It is difficult, and inshallah with the help of fellow Muslims and most importantly Allah I can be strong and become a better person.

I dont quite understand this word "integrate" everyone has their own interpretation of it and its not a word I really like. Pehaps I would prefer just to "get on with" people and accept that in some respects we are alike, yet in others we are completely different. We are all Muslims but we are by no means all the same.

The problem is, what ever happens to be the dominant culture of that particular area will be interpolated with Islam and marketed to reverts/converts as 'the gold standard Islam'. Just remember that being born a Muslim doesn't make them superior and just because they (those in your area) do something a certain way, doesn't make it the 'gold standard' of Islam.

It is our underlying culture, our experiences and so forth that shape our understanding of Islam and at what angle we approach it. We are all different and have different challenges.

Side issue: When I was growing up I loathed going along to church; the people, the music and the hell, fire and brimstone speech from the pulpit (ignoring the cold church and the uncomfortable seats). I slowly realised to block these distractions out of my head - I was more concerned about the peripheral issues instead of focusing on what I was there to do.

[Nur-ud-Dean]

I've been Muslim for almost 6 years now, and like others I don't feel entirely comfortable in the mosque. You will always be watched, scrutinised and judged to an extent alien to born Muslims.

I'm used to it now. I have as much right to use the mosque as any of God's creatures, and I do as I please there. If I still feel like a bit of an outsider, that's a reflection on other people rather than me. I attend mosque because I have an obligation to do so, and it does give me a spiritual boost. It's not perfect, but I've learned to live with it.

The only thing that really vexes me is the continue absence of English in many mosques. You can forgive the failings of individuals, but hope that those in charge would take the lead in making newcomers a bit more welcome.

There is no compulsion for you to assimilate; remember that not everything that other Muslims say / do / believe is correct or worthy of emulation. Do your own thing, and you will build friendships with those who have the manners to treat youy properly.

[frindlymuslim]

The hard talk is:

Masjids not as required by Islam, your case not a single case, but many may have the same feeling.

In every Masjid you see those have relation and salam in between based on non-Islamic motive i.e. really the relation not for Allah (swt), but for this life only.

Nationality, Money, this donyaa bonds are there in Masjids, but Islamic bond is missing

running Masjids by a small group non-elected, working underground, don't disclose plans, money come in, money go out, these things totally illness in Masjids.

My self born Muslim, never got welcome in any Masjid, never one single smile.

But paid money to them, thats the only thing they accept it.

those running Masjids should be elected, trained, not working like mafia group

[Al Ansari]

frindlymuslim:

Has that experience kept you away from the masajid? Also, I do not know what masajid you attended, but the ones that I have went have been friendly, acceptable, and Islaamic.

Also, I assume you know how therse masajid are ran since you are complaining about how they are being run?

[Ramadhan]

The hard talk is:

Masjids not as required by Islam, your case not a single case, but many may have the same feeling.

In every Masjid you see those have relation and salam in between based on non-Islamic motive i.e. really the relation not for Allah (swt), but for this life only.

Nationality, Money, this donyaa bonds are there in Masjids, but Islamic bond is missing

running Masjids by a small group non-elected, working underground, don't disclose plans, money come in, money go out, these things totally illness in Masjids.

My self born Muslim, never got welcome in any Masjid, never one single smile.

But paid money to them, thats the only thing they accept it.

those running Masjids should be elected, trained, not working like mafia group

Brother, which country are you living in?

That does not sound like most masjid that i have been to, and i have been to hundreds masjid in my life, mostly in Indonesia, but I have also lived in several western countries as well.

[Nur-ud-Dean]

In the UK there is an issue - not just for new Muslims - whereby mosques are run by the community 'elders' whose only real qualification is age - who understand little of the challenges and needs of the younger generation. It's not true everywhere of course, but it is common, and many mosques I have been to are unwelcoming for young people generally.

[Ramadhan]

I see, that maybe a common situation in many institutions.

it would be good if younger generation be more pro-active.
In Indonesia, apart from the mosque committee which consist mainly of those with better knowledge of Islam (understandably, they are usually older people), there are also "remaja masjid" (which means "the youth of the mosque) whose members are younger generations who make their own plans and activities.

so, maybe you can find other like-minded individuals who want to be more involved in the mosque activities and get together to take more proactive approach

[nazeer_uk]

I've been Muslim for almost 6 years now, and like others I don't feel entirely comfortable in the mosque. You will always be watched, scrutinised and judged to an extent alien to born Muslims.

I'm used to it now. I have as much right to use the mosque as any of God's creatures, and I do as I please there. If I still feel like a bit of an outsider, that's a reflection on other people rather than me. I attend mosque because I have an obligation to do so, and it does give me a spiritual boost. It's not perfect, but I've learned to live with it.

The only thing that really vexes me is the continue absence of English in many mosques. You can forgive the failings of individuals, but hope that those in charge would take the lead in making newcomers a bit more welcome.

There is no compulsion for you to assimilate; remember that not everything that other Muslims say / do / believe is correct or worthy of emulation. Do your own thing, and you will build friendships with those who have the manners to treat youy properly.

:sl:

Im a revert myself for 4 yrs ish and I have found that I too feel as un-welcomed at some masjids, but I found that going to masjid's where the majority of the muslims are reverts are more welcoming. Its sad to see this, as we are all ment to be brothers and yet get cold salaam's.

[CosmicPathos]

whatever happened to the ummah... i never thought islamic people would allow stragglers on the edge of society to exist....

what happened to welcome... we are one ummah... we feel pain when you get hurt... yeah right....

i am grateful for all the comments and invitations... but i cant believe people like me exist....

isolated ones... i bet there are actually loads of us...... this is not good. its a social ill.
isolation is a western disease.
that it seems islam has caught..... maybe cos we are living in this west... who knows.

lonely fragmented individuals that have no home. i think i am a refugee.

yeah. thats it. i'm a refugee.

man, you are like my inner voice!!!!! I feel so isolated from the company of humans, some Muslims included! Especially some people at MSA at my uni too .... They are like executives of the club but I feel that they dont deserve that ... they cant connect with you at a personal level!

Kher. I like this forum. I hope you get out of this lonely shell and make friendship with nature. Inanimate nature is your best friend, more so than humans.

Go for hiking, go for sight-seeing, go for surfing, go and become a part of nature.

[Italianguy]

man, you are like my inner voice!!!!! I feel so isolated from the company of humans, some Muslims included! Especially some people at MSA at my uni too .... They are like executives of the club but I feel that they dont deserve that ... they cant connect with you at a personal level!

Kher. I like this forum. I hope you get out of this lonely shell and make friendship with nature. Inanimate nature is your best friend, more so than humans.

Go for hiking, go for sight-seeing, go for surfing, go and become a part of nature.

DUDE! YOU SURF????? I totally surf as much as i can! We get waist high and sometimes single over head here at Virgina beach, and i go down to Avon NC for the waves durring huricane season....it was wack this yearimsad

[CosmicPathos]

DUDE! YOU SURF????? I totally surf as much as i can! We get waist high and sometimes single over head here at Virgina beach, and i go down to Avon NC for the waves durring huricane season....it was wack this yearimsad

I dont but I would love to someday lol!

[Italianguy]

I dont but I would love to someday lol!

Dude if your ever in Virginia you just tell me! I will take you surfing:D I am no profesional but i hae fun and enjoy one of God's greatest creations, the ocean.

I used to have a Muslim buddy who would come with me, but he moved to India after collegeimsad It's nice to have poius friends to discuss God and enjoy nature:D Now my wife just sits under an umbrella and reads a book while i surf by myselfimsad It's no fun when your by yourself. I have some Christian freinds that surf sometimes but they are all too busy now.

I just hit the waves alone now and enjoy the quiet.....but it would be nice o have others around....besides those zen like surfers who think the ocean belongs to themimsad

[CosmicPathos]

Dude if your ever in Virginia you just tell me! I will take you surfing:D I am no profesional but i hae fun and enjoy one of God's greatest creations, the ocean.

I used to have a Muslim buddy who would come with me, but he moved to India after collegeimsad It's nice to have poius friends to discuss God and enjoy nature:D Now my wife just sits under an umbrella and reads a book while i surf by myselfimsad It's no fun when your by yourself. I have some Christian freinds that surf sometimes but they are all too busy now.

I just hit the waves alone now and enjoy the quiet.....but it would be nice o have others around....besides those zen like surfers who think the ocean belongs to themimsad

Ill holla back if i am ever in virginia. I have so many plans to explore nature but they never materialize. you need a good amount of dedication and getting out of your comfort zone to explore. Usually I feel let down cuz no friend wants to join me in my "crazy ideas" I just give up myself too.

[Rialah]

I've been Muslim for almost 6 years now, and like others I don't feel entirely comfortable in the mosque. You will always be watched, scrutinised and judged to an extent alien to born Muslims.

I'm used to it now. I have as much right to use the mosque as any of God's creatures, and I do as I please there. If I still feel like a bit of an outsider, that's a reflection on other people rather than me. I attend mosque because I have an obligation to do so, and it does give me a spiritual boost. It's not perfect, but I've learned to live with it.

The only thing that really vexes me is the continue absence of English in many mosques. You can forgive the failings of individuals, but hope that those in charge would take the lead in making newcomers a bit more welcome.

There is no compulsion for you to assimilate; remember that not everything that other Muslims say / do / believe is correct or worthy of emulation. Do your own thing, and you will build friendships with those who have the manners to treat youy properly.

Hmmmm, you know, I was born a muslim, and to be honest in growing up, I don't really remember a time when anyone at the mosque differentiated between muslims i.e converts or non converts.

I think that sometimes when we make a change, it can be percieved in a variety of ways by others and we can also be sensitive to a certain degree in interpreting others reaction, behaviour and or actions when we are sensitised.

When I returned to England to live, I went to the mosque on a Friday and in the womens' area it was not hostile, it was not unfriendly, but it was not friendly either, this was not the same as the attitude or should I say warmth I learnd to associate with Islam and Jumat in Lagos which is where I grew up. Jumat in Lagos is a flambouyant affair, we put on our best clothes and go to hear the whutba, then go to hear the lecture before and after prayers.

My gran used to have to send us to get a good spot with the mats because the mosque would always be overcrowded and you would be outside for fresh air, it was like holidays where people scramble for a beach and sun spot. Sometimes we would be lined up into the main road and cause a traffic jam or the street would be closed. Imagine a family of nine or ten, you need two mats and if there was dirt you had to clear it then lay your mat.

Everyone smiled whether they knew you or not, everyone said hello. We particularly enjoyed being given your zakat by grandma and grandad then you would try to split it into smaller coins so everytime the collections box lady/man came past shaking it you could put money in. Once over, we got to stop and socialise a bit with friends who lived nearby and then you got treat money from adults at the mosque and then go to buy sweets to eat but we had to rush ahead of my gran so she would not catch us.

I gave up and started to either miss, skip or pray jumat using the telly, I was even told that women don't go mosque for jumat its not sunnah etc. I don't go here currently for logistical reasons, but I did pull up the courage to return to the mosque for eid prayers last year and since then I have continued.

At the mosque I go to, people are respectful, helpful, friendly and smile at you and greet you etc. But aside from that it is pretty much normal for people to simply greet and then ignore you, that is the way of the world now.

Having said all the above, I suppose what you should always bear in mind is that you do not go to the mosque for the people or for the atmosphere, you go there to worship Allah.

You will find that with time, just like the new student, people may begin to recognise you or remember you because of you not them, You must go in, and greet people with confidence, smile, show you are respectuful and ask questions aobut any thing you are not sure of like for wudu and so on.

It takes time to establish a relationship with people at the mosque after all you are a stranger to the people there just as they are to you.

You don't need to be friends, just be civil, you don't need the acceptance of the congregation, you need and already have that of Almighty Allah.

Familiarity can sometimes breed contempt, so... as much as one craves being warmly greeted and known and popularity with congregations, also understand that you may not like it if too much interest is given to your attendance and you may not want to share your personal life with the people at the mosque.

So in principle and to conclude, continue to go to the mosque, it empowers you to maintain good habits outside of congregation, it also gives you confidence in your daily life.

Stop completely noticing who said, did, or was at the mosque, instead go in, greet, find a spot, wait for adhan and pray, remain if you want time to meditate, remain if you want to simply be in a quiet place then finish and greet all you see, know or encounter and again, go home. It is as simple as that.

May almighty Allah strengthen your confidence in yourself, your ability to feel the peace and comfort of islam and grant you the grace to feel accepted by yourself first and then by others and strengthen your faith in Allah and his ability to guide, protect and support you. Amin.

[Raaina]

Ill holla back if i am ever in virginia. I have so many plans to explore nature but they never materialize. you need a good amount of dedication and getting out of your comfort zone to explore. Usually I feel let down cuz no friend wants to join me in my "crazy ideas" I just give up myself too.

I just wanted to say, you shouldn't just not do something because no one else want's to. Go do what you want, even the crazy ideas! :p You will meet people on the way, ones who have just as crazy ideas as you :statisfie

Yeah, I just wanted to say that :)

[Italianguy]

I just wanted to say, you shouldn't just not do something because no one else want's to. Go do what you want, even the crazy ideas! :p You will meet people on the way, ones who have just as crazy ideas as you :statisfie

Yeah, I just wanted to say that :)

These days I am up for anything.....whats a good crazy idea? I could go realllllllllly wild and.....stay up until 3am, i know, that sounds wack, but thats being really wild for me:p

[Salahudeen]

These days I am up for anything.....whats a good crazy idea? I could go realllllllllly wild and.....stay up until 3am, i know, that sounds wack, but thats being really wild for me:p

I all ways end up doing that in the holidays it becomes my natural pattern :hmm: then I start panicking cos the morning prayer is only 3 hours away so then I end up staying awake till the morning prayer and going sleep till the early afternoon prayer imsad

[FAISAL85]

salam brother.
im sorry you feel that way.
but alhamdulillah, Allah brings you to the mosque to make friends with Him and the masjid is not only a place for you to make friends but should also be your sanctuary from the rest of the world.
The way ive made friends is by making salaat in the masjid not jus for jummah. but every chance you get and smiling and giving salam to the brothers there.
and jus be yourself.
even a smile is a charity:statisfie:statisfie:statisfie
make dua and proper niyat and rememberance of Allah and he will introduce to many good friends inshallah.

[bamboozled]

I honestly know EXACTLY what you are going though.

I was even born a Muslim, so rest assured that the reason you feel awkward is not because you are a revert at all. In a mosque, 9.99/10 people have some degree of imman otherwise they woudnt be at the mosque. If any of the muslims are like me, a great deal of my friends are reverts and it makes me soo happy to see them in the mosque with me, it reminds me that islam is the unstopable truth.

The reason I feel akward, and the reason why I think you do also, is because I imagine that no one really shown you around the mosque, or told you the procedures in enough detail, or the process for Janazzah, or what to do if you are late, or about the rules (like not walking infront of someone when they are praying) or about when to do dua or tusbee....(no one told me)

And its because of those reasons we begin to feel out of place when we see people walking by knowing exactly what they are doing etc and we begin to feel like there looking at us (though we know they really arnt)

There are TONS of ways to remove this feeling though, but it takes time. I am still working on it. But some things I have found that help me are:

1. Befriend an Iman, I bet you he wont be able to help you enough. For me it was a little hard approaching him because I am really shy, but Imans really are beautiful people because the follow the quran and sunnah.

2. Ask a friend to go with you for as often as possible, even if he isnt the most religous person in the world (though it would help). But even if he isnt, it does not matter. When you go some where new its always nice to have someone to talk to as oppose to letting your mind wander

3. Friday Jumahs can be really busy, which is a good thing. But I bet you that your local mosque will only use like the first two lines for say Fujr, Zuhr or Asr prayer (thats what mine does, and its a massice and local mosque). Go to mosque at one of those times, other than a friday, get a feel for things and the procedures when its a lot less busy.

4. Go camly and with plenty of time to spare. What I mean by that is dont let time, be a reason you seek awkward

5. Read about all the procedures, ask friends and imans and us on the Islmaic board forum

6. Go to the front rows, the closer you are to the front the closer you are to Allah

7. Dont think that everyone is looking at you. They wont remember you from last week. Walk in the mosque, like its the 1000000th time you have done it (not arragontly lol, just assured)

I know what you are going though, but it really is all in our heads. It is a horrible feeling, but one thats there only because of were not sure what we are doing (even though I bet we are both doing it right, i suppose it just takes time)

You are always welcome in my mosque.

:wa:

Ps if any of that helped please do a dua for me, my life really is falling apart.

[bamboozled]

whatever happened to the ummah... i never thought islamic people would allow stragglers on the edge of society to exist....

what happened to welcome... we are one ummah... we feel pain when you get hurt... yeah right....

i am grateful for all the comments and invitations... but i cant believe people like me exist....

isolated ones... i bet there are actually loads of us...... this is not good. its a social ill.
isolation is a western disease.
that it seems islam has caught..... maybe cos we are living in this west... who knows.

lonely fragmented individuals that have no home. i think i am a refugee.

yeah. thats it. i'm a refugee.

Just because someone has a Muslim name and goes to the mosque, doesnt mean they are a true Muslim. Trust me.

Remember, what was written on the Prophet PBUH sword.

If God Forbid, these people really do delibrately stare at you or what not to make you feel awkward (which is absolutely disgusting, and thank Allah that you know about Islam to know that, if that is the case, then they are not fully representing Islam yet). Then let them stare.

You went there for Allah. No other reason.

- I just remembed a quick story that I will tell you. (it is authentic hopfully someone else can give the full details).

But there was this man that one day got up and went to see somone who did not fully like him, when he was going he was asked why?

Do you owe this man money? No replied the man.....(and a few other questions). The man then asked 'why are going to see him then'.He replied 'because I love Allah'.

On his journey to the mans house, Allah sent the Angel Gabrail, to tell him that Allah loves him to.

Moral of the Story, do it because you love Allah