advice on approaching a woman

[AnonymousPoster]

I plan on approaching my sister's best-friend for marriage purposes. She has a lot of qualities that I like, but I have no idea whatsoever whether or not she has feelings for me.
Because I have no clue about how she feels about me I am afraid if she says she doesn't have feelings for me. I guess my worry is that it may create an awkward situationf or me. Our families go to picnics and parks together once every month or two together. Therefore, if she turns me down I will feel unease when I see her and our families together.
Of course if she tells me that she likes me like I like her then it's all good.
I just want to be ready for all cases.
Thank you for any tips. I appreciate it.

[Sampharo]

You already have the solution. Your sister. She's the proper channel to see if she would accept you or not. She can always present it in hypothetical discussion to her "What if you learn that so and so likes you and wants to marry you? What about someone you don't know? What about someone you do know? What about for example it was my brother? What about the masjid?...." girl talk brother, something you and I shouldn't underestimate its power. :D

Anyway, my real opinion is that there is nothing wrong with simply telling your parents to go and ask for her hand in marriage if you really want to be with her. Even if she's not very fond at the time she may accept and the love flourishes during marriage the way it is supposed to be. If she still refuses flat out, then you know from now and just get on with your life. Families being together in picnics shouldn't mean you are mixing closely with the girl in the first place, where are your islamic manners? And therefore there shouldn't be awkwardness even if she says no.

[Banu_Hashim]

^ Good advice. Go through your sister... she can find out for you in a subtle non-dramatised way. And if, for whatever reason, it doesn't go to plan, that's that. No harm done. If she does agree and wants to take things further that's the point where you can get each other's parents involved. :)

[nebula]

ya akhi, get your sister to ask her somehow rather then you approaching her, and if she doesn't like you or something like that then do not be disheartened Inshallah, Allah will provide you with something better inshallah. :thumbs_up

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[Salahudeen]

defo get your sister to ask her, and who cares about the picnics it's not like you free mix in them do you? I'm assuming the men have their own little picnic and the women have their own then you both leave together so it won't matter if she knows.

[Snowflake]

No wait! You have made the intention, then you must consult family or people who can give you sound advice. After that you can make Istikhara. May Allah, grant you this sister in marriage if she is good for your deen and akhirah. Ameen.

It is not necessary in the case of istikhaarah to feel something specific afterwards. Rather if you consult people and think deeply about the matter, and it becomes clear to you that this matter will be beneficial both in religious and worldly terms, then you should pray istikhaarah and go ahead, and not wait for a sign or a dream or a feeling. You should rather put your trust in Allaah and go ahead after praying istikhaarah. You will find a detailed answer concerning istikhaarah and its rulings in Question no. 5882. http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/22453...for%20marriage

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you so much for all the tips. :)
I will think about how I can tell my sister about this.
It may be a shock to her like "oh my God you were thinking of my best friend?"
About the picnics. I didn't make myself too clear. I'm sorry. I am a shy guy so what I meant to say is I will feel shy when I see her (if she turns me down). At the picnics we eat dinner both families together.
I have never asked anyone else for marriage so it's my first time. I guess it will be good experience.
Now that you have helped me know it's best to do it through my sister, my new problem/question is: How do I approach my sister about this? :)
She is 18 months younger than me and her friend is about the same age.
I can imagine that she may not be too happy, especially if she thinks her friend is far too beautiful for me. I don't know how she will react.

[Salahudeen]

hmm if your shy about telling her jus drop obvious hints lol when i was in a similar situation I'd as questions like "so how's ur friend lately you seen her?" basically just take an interest in the friend all of a sudden and ask questions about her your sis will probably figure it out lol mine did.

if she comes round your house you could ask when she's coming down lol

the biggest hint would be to ask your sis if her friend is looking to get married or not lol

it worked for me cos I never asked about her friends normally I just started asking about the 1 friend that I liked so it was obvious lol

hmm don't worry if the girl you like says "no" just be like "OK NEXT" don't put all your hopes in 1 person I know it's hard when you REALLY like them and wanna marry them but if it don't happen your setting yourself up to get hurt trus me.

just think minor if it happens, it happens, if it dont plenty more women on earth! just move on to the next potential marriage partner

and who cares how your sis reacts at least you can say "well I tried and I know now", if you don't even try you're gonna be wondering for the next 10 years "what IF"

it's better to go and get rejected than to sit there wondering if its gonna happen for the next 5 years cos that kills you trus me!! lol i'm talking from experience

if she likes you whoope if not who cares least you know that you can stop thinking about it and wondering if it could happen. cos that's the most anoying thing so jus get it done and out the way.

hmm I rambled on for ages sorry

[alcurad]

^that's good, second

[Snowflake]

lol Squiggle, mashaAllah that was a great 'ramble'!

[Rebel]

I agree with squiggle :thumbs_up

You're shy from your sister :><:? Why? So what if her friend is "far too beautiful for [you]"? Why would that be a problem? Wouldn't she want you to marry a beautiful girl :><:?

And I imagine your sister would be happy that you'd considered her best friend, no :><:? It's better than having an enemy for a sister-in-law, I s'pose :X Lots of them around these days :enough!:...

This is your sister, not your evil stepmother. She'd only want the best for you (or so I hope).

C'mon, it shouldn't be difficult. I am now married to the very woman who hated my guts back in the days. I hated her too. Only cause she hated me, though :><: Okay, long story :X but point is, if us two are happily married now (and are having a lil Rebel soon, insha' Allah :D) then anything is possible :X Just go for it, man. When I fell head over heels for my wife, the first thing I did was tell my sisters. I made them go talk to her, n I was honestly expecting her to reject me but thought I'd try my luck nonetheless.

Pray istikharah n get it over n done with n all the best to both of you...

[Muhaba]

Thank you so much for all the tips. :)
I will think about how I can tell my sister about this.
It may be a shock to her like "oh my God you were thinking of my best friend?"
About the picnics. I didn't make myself too clear. I'm sorry. I am a shy guy so what I meant to say is I will feel shy when I see her (if she turns me down). At the picnics we eat dinner both families together.
I have never asked anyone else for marriage so it's my first time. I guess it will be good experience.
Now that you have helped me know it's best to do it through my sister, my new problem/question is: How do I approach my sister about this? :)
She is 18 months younger than me and her friend is about the same age.
I can imagine that she may not be too happy, especially if she thinks her friend is far too beautiful for me. I don't know how she will react.

Then tell your parents. they can talk to the girl's parents, who can then talk to the girl.