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AnonymousPoster
06-13-2009, 12:16 AM
Salam

I need advice...Guidence. May Allah help me ameen.

I have 2 proposal from two really good bros. I care about them both, I don't know what to do! I feel like rejecting them both so I don't have to live with the fact that I broke someones heart. Die single, so they both can live happily knowing that I didn't accept the other.

I have rejected proposals be4 quite easily, moved on. This is different, I feel like I can't do this. My family is all excited everyones talking about it, asking me wat I want, sometimes I feel like I can't choose between them...I'm stuck.
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Yanal
06-13-2009, 12:26 AM
First of all contrast them and find their differences. And inshAllah post them here so I can evalute them and inshAllah do some good.
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HopeFul
06-13-2009, 01:37 AM
Assalamoalaikum,

It would be such a mistake to reject both of them!! That would be so silLy! Alah ahs given you ablessing, especially for you to choose the best for yoruself.

look in your heart, and thik who do you prefer, and know that if theya re both good brothers, then they will not give you the chance to think about the other one and feel guilty when youg et married. If the other brother is a nice one, InshaAllah Allah will give him a good wife too,

You are not responsible for ether of them , youahve a responsibility to yoruself, to find a good spouse so your children can have a good father, righteous and caring.

Do Istikhara, and continue until your problem is solved, whoever comes in your mind, accept that proposal.

I musta dd that for an adult , it is not advisable to delay marriage any further, especially if someone good has approached you. Allah is giving you a chance to complete your deen, then you must take it.

You will feel for both of them now, but later on InshaAllah it wil wear out, and this is not natural anyway, once you marry you wont have this feeling so do not succumb to it now. Make everyones lives easy and happy by choosing one. I would agree with the above reply that if you're absolutely stuck then just consider the first one.

and make dua fo the other that Allah gives him a better spouse, inshaAllah.

Congratulations sister :)
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Dawud_uk
06-13-2009, 07:18 AM
:sl:

it is not permissable for a brother to make a proposal to a sister knowing her family is considering someone else already. this particular ruling is covered by sheikh muhammad al jibaly in 'the quest for love and mercy'

Uqbah bin Amir (ra) reported by Allah's messenger said "A believer is a brother to another believer. It is not permissable for a believer to negotiate a deal that his brother is negotiating, nor propose to a woman to whom is brother is proposing - until he leaves."

Therefore it is best the sister considers whichever of these two brothers proposed first and try her best to ignore the 2nd, give it full weight and consideration, check his aqeedah and manhaj, get her wali and brothers to ask those who know him about his character and if finding all good and a level of attraction there then marry.

if not, then consider the 2nd afterwards as a seperate case.

:sl:
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Snowflake
06-13-2009, 10:18 AM
Therefore it is best the sister considers whichever of these two brothers proposed first and try her best to ignore the 2nd, give it full weight and consideration, check his aqeedah and manhaj, get her wali and brothers to ask those who know him about his character and if finding all good and a level of attraction there then marry.
MashaAllah! Couldn't have said it better myself.
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Ali_008
06-13-2009, 04:02 PM
Do Istikhara and whatever the result you get, communicate that to both of them. This way you'll be able to come to a conclusion and also let go of one of them politely. The one who won't get to marry you might have a heart-break but lets hope the "istikhara" gives him guidance and sabr. It'd also help him understand that he wasn't made for you and there's someone else for him.
May Allah guide all three of you and bless this marriage. Ameen
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Clover
06-13-2009, 09:09 PM
Um, are you talking about marriage proposals or what?
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Raudha
06-13-2009, 09:11 PM
^I'm sure she's talking about marriage proposals. That's why she sed "...from two really good bros." :? :peace:
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mathematician
06-14-2009, 12:13 AM
They will get over it. It's not like the rest of their life they will remember a sister rejecting them. There are many good women out there that they can find.
So let's put that aside.
Use your judgement and trust your instincts.
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- IqRa -
06-15-2009, 08:08 AM
:salamext:

Perform istikharah, and do what your heart tells you after that. Dont be silly, u cant reject them both, especially if they are good proposals. Nowadays those are very hard to come by. Istikharah is perfect for this situation.
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IbnAbdulHakim
06-15-2009, 08:42 AM
what Dawud_UK said.


two proposals at one time aint right
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- IqRa -
06-17-2009, 02:58 PM
^ yea but she has to make a choice, so wouldn't it be best to perform istikharah?
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AnonymousPoster
06-20-2009, 10:10 PM
:sl:
Can a brother look at two proposals together?

Sister pray Istikhara, and InshaAllah Allah will guide to the one who will be the Husband to you! :statisfie

OMg, I didn't know that, I've had some weeks three all at the same time:X . Perhaps I should tell my parents to only look one at a time! But then it's never on purpose it seems every1 finds some1 'suitable' on the same day! So it means I end up with two proposals(ish) in one day.
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AlbanianMuslim
06-20-2009, 10:45 PM
seriously?
how old are you?

stop being silly, pray and consider the first one who made the proposal, dont think about the others while you consider him
if its a yes, the other two will move on and forget you

if you say no
consider the next one

it really shouldnt be that difficult....i think there might possibly be an underlying issue here why you "cant decide"
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AnonymousPoster
09-21-2009, 05:06 PM
this might sound completely insane, but i still havent chosen one of the two. I know that they both love me how can I choose?

then there is all this pressure from the families calling up my family asking if i had decided so they can proceed with arrangements. I hate being in this situation all eyes on me.
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Cabdullahi
09-21-2009, 05:26 PM
you have two running after you mashallah quick just flip a coin!

psyche ! just pray and ask for guidance
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ژاله
09-21-2009, 05:45 PM
select the one who is better in his deen and better in other things too. the two cant be identical right, dont think that they both love you so you shouldnt break anyones heart, see whom you find better. best of luck.
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cat eyes
09-21-2009, 08:32 PM
you should pick the best one who is good with his deen but how can they love you:hmm:
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Ummu Sufyaan
09-22-2009, 08:01 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by cat eyes
you should pick the best one who is good with his deen but how can they love you:hmm:
my thoughts exactly :?

just choose the one with good deen, aqeedah, character, etc.
do whats rights for you. i dont mean to sound insensitive, and i know it must be hard to tell someone who likes you that they arent meant for you, but yh its your life and you have to think about yourself and not worry too much about who is gna get hurt. :)
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