Bad Temper

[AbdullahSyed]

:sl:

Salamalikum to all the Muslims on Islamic Board. My name is Abdullah Syed and I am 22 years old. I have been viewing this forum for along time but never bothered to register until today.

I have bit of a problem for most of the time I am really relaxed and calm person. But sometimes when someone really gets me angry I start to get really warm from inside and I snap. Even though what I consider snap is still in calm way. To give you an example, Today I was having an argument the person said I never told him about a personal matter. I did inform couple people around him so I expected him to know he kept accusing me of not telling him. So I lost it and raised my voice a bit and told him I already told people around him and expected him to hear from them. After, the argument ended I felt really bad and even some what guilty for raising my voice. I did not want to do it but I could not control myself. Is there a way I can control my angry before I lose it agian?

[Raudha]

:w:

Brother, try taking wudhu, seeking protection from shaytaan and performing Salaah. All help to calm one's temper as taught to us by the Prophet (SAW).

Also, think before you speak (take your time before responding) - even in general light-hearted conversations. This will help you to control yourself when things get a bit heated up. I personally used to say things which I regretted for years after that and this approach seems to be working for me.

May Allah grant you patients and strength and reward you for your effort in becoming a better person. Ameen.

Remember us in your duas.

[Clover]

Fighting. Fighting is a great way to relieve stress. So is meditation. I advise meditation, but you'd hae to research Muslim meditation, just meditation would most likely be Buddhist Meditation, and I doubt that'd be healthy for you, as a Muslim.

[Snowflake]

You can go and make wudhu. But, how many of us stop in the middle of an angry outburst and think, 'I should go and make wudhu now?' If we were that great, we would've been better at controlling our anger in the first place. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I think it's something you'd employ when you hear news that makes you angry, or in the beginning of the first feeling of anger.

I think it's better to keep reminding yourself how bad you know you will feel afterwards and let that be a deterrent. Also, engage in some D.I.Y. cognitive behavioral therapy by imagining something that would make you angry and then envisaging yourself stopping and controlling your temper before you blow your top. it's said that the mind is a very powerful tool so I'm sure, if you keep training your mind, the learned technique will kick in when your patience is tested again and you will be able to stop yourself before the damage is done.

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[AbdullahSyed]

:w:

Brother, try taking wudhu, seeking protection from shaytaan and performing Salaah. All help to calm one's temper as taught to us by the Prophet (SAW).

Also, think before you speak (take your time before responding) - even in general light-hearted conversations. This will help you to control yourself when things get a bit heated up. I personally used to say things which I regretted for years after that and this approach seems to be working for me.

May Allah grant you patients and strength and reward you for your effort in becoming a better person. Ameen.

Remember us in your duas.

Thank you for the great advice and dua. I will try this method hopefully it works. Ameen to the dua and Inshallah I will remeber everyone in the duas.

[AbdullahSyed]

Fighting. Fighting is a great way to relieve stress. So is meditation. I advise meditation, but you'd hae to research Muslim meditation, just meditation would most likely be Buddhist Meditation, and I doubt that'd be healthy for you, as a Muslim.

Yes, We pray 5 times a day which is Muslim meditation. What do you mean by "fighting is a great way to relieve stress." Do you mean as in double M A or actual fighting?

[Yanal]

:sl:

Brother I also face through a similar problem all I do is remember patience is the key to heaven so why cant it be the key to vanishing temper? And inshAllah that worked for me and inshAllah will work for you too. Ameen.

[AbdullahSyed]

You can go and make wudhu. But, how many of us stop in the middle of an angry outburst and think, 'I should go and make wudhu now?' If we were that great, we would've been better at controlling our anger in the first place. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I think it's something you'd employ when you hear news that makes you angry, or in the beginning of the first feeling of anger.

I think it's better to keep reminding yourself how bad you know you will feel afterwards and let that be a deterrent. Also, engage in some D.I.Y. cognitive behavioral therapy by imagining something that would make you angry and then envisaging yourself stopping and controlling your temper before you blow your top. it's said that the mind is a very powerful tool so I'm sure, if you keep training your mind, the learned technique will kick in when your patience is tested again and you will be able to stop yourself before the damage is done.

I am quite calm when I am angry. But I do get really heated from inside and if I take it even more I even end up with a head ache. I want to find away to control my angry so I do not get phyiscal problems such as mentioned above. Thanks for the advice I will try it.

[Clover]

Yes, We pray 5 times a day which is Muslim meditation. What do you mean by "fighting is a great way to relieve stress." Do you mean as in double M A or actual fighting?

Either. Both are the same t hing i nthe end, using physical and mental force to win a challenge.

[redblackmask]

Meditation, also as in emptying your emotional mind and abandoning your ego. There is nothing wrong with that, just because you're Muslim doesn't mean Allah will torture you for meditating and quieting the monkey in your mind. Exploring other ways is always a good way, remember that

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’"
Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Advise me." He said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him, "Do not become angry."
reported by Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, who said: "I was walking with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he was wearing a Najraani cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allaah that he had. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something.

640. Anger

1317. Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The person who is strong is not strong because he can knock people down. The person who is strong is the one who controls himself when he is angry."

1318. Ibn 'Umar said, "There is nothing that is swallowed greater with Allah in reward than a slave of Allah who swallows and contains his rancour out of desire for the pleasure of Allah."

641. What to say in anger

1319. Sulayman ibn Surad said, "Two men abused one another in the presence of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and one of them began to get angry and his face got red. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, looked at him and said, 'I know some words that, if he says them, will remove this from him. They are: "I seek refuge with Allah from the Accursed Shaytan."' The man went to that man and said, 'Do you know what he said? He said, "I seek refuge with Allah from the Accursed Shaytan."' The man retorted. 'Do you think me mad?'"

1319. (sic) Another variant of 1319.

642. A person should remain silent when he is angry

1320. Ibn 'Abbas said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ' Teach and make it easy. Teach and make it easy.' three times. He went on, 'When you are angry, be silent' twice."

643. Loving the one you love is an easy matter

1321. 'Ali was heard to say to Ibn al-Kawwa', "Do you know what the first one said? 'Loving the one you love is an easy matter. It may be that one day he will be the one you hate. Hating the one who hate is an easy matter, It may be that one day he will be the one you hate.'"

644. Do not let your anger be destruction

1322. Aslam said, " 'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, 'Do not let your love be a total infatuation. Do not let your anger be destruction.' I asked, 'How is that?' He replied, 'When you love, you are infatuated like a child. When you hate, you desire destruction for your companion.'"

"O you who believe! Endure and be more patient..". (3:200)

"And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient)". (2:155)

"Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.'' (39:10)

"And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.'' (42:43)

"Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly, Allah is with As-Sabirun (the patient).'' (2:153)

"And surely, We shall try you till We test those who strive hard (for the Cause of Allah) and As-Sabirun (the patient)'' (47:31)

things u can do when u feel u are getting anger
Seeking refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan, Keeping silent, Du’aa If standing sit if sitting lie down,Following the Prophet’s example in the case of anger,Not moving
and remeber
Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours, Knowing the bad effects of anger,
One of the du’aa’s of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was:

"O Allaah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allaah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allaah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds."
DONT KNOW if this will help but a reminder is all
May Allah increase us in eman and make our hearts firm in islam AMEEN

[- IqRa -]

:wasalamex

If you are sitting, stand up.
If you are standing up, sit down.
Drink water.
Perform Wudu.
Breathe deeply.

[jpaladeen]

A couple of things...
1. It could be that the people you are hanging around irritate you. You seem like an emotionally mature person or else getting angry wouldn't bother you, so maybe the people you are hanging out with are too immature? Seek people with similar aspirations in life.
2. Sometimes when there are feelings we surpress or issues that are bothering us we hold them inside & bury them. This makes it difficult to control our emotions when we are aggitated by something. Is there something in your life that you feel you cannot control?

Pray, go to the masjid and read Quran. Through these things with Allah's help insha'Allah, you will move past the anger and focus in on what is really bothering you.

[Abdul Fattah]

Hi,
Toward our non-muslims guests. I would like to kindly remind you that people come here looking for Islamic advice, as that is the purpose of this subforum. While you may have different ideas about which advice might be more beneficial; keep in mind that this is not the place to post it. If there's anything in here that you find controversial, you can always start a thread about the issue in the comparative religion section.

[AbdullahSyed]

A couple of things...
1. It could be that the people you are hanging around irritate you. You seem like an emotionally mature person or else getting angry wouldn't bother you, so maybe the people you are hanging out with are too immature? Seek people with similar aspirations in life.
2. Sometimes when there are feelings we surpress or issues that are bothering us we hold them inside & bury them. This makes it difficult to control our emotions when we are aggitated by something. Is there something in your life that you feel you cannot control?

Pray, go to the masjid and read Quran. Through these things with Allah's help insha'Allah, you will move past the anger and focus in on what is really bothering you.

You just hit the nail. Seriouly that was really good I never thought of it that way. Some of my family members are really immature for their age specially my mom (yeah this may sound bit odd). My mom is kind of a bully she doesn't have much to do so she picks on someone and lately that someone is me. I am trying to tolerate her as much as possible and instead of telling her off or something I remain silent and take the abuse. The reason I do not say anything because once I did and felt guilty because this is not the way to talk to your mother. I think she suffers from delusional disorder where she makes up things and fights the person. She fought everyone from her family, she fought everyone from my dads family, she fought my neighbours, she fought her best friend, she always fights my dad, and it seems to keep getting worse. She does is constantly attack me on every little thing until she gets some reaction out of me. She always seems to be in a fight with someone in the house or outside. Now I do not want you to think she is crazy because she isn't she is normal human being with only this problem probably more that I do not realize. The time I realized this problem with my mom was she was fighting my dads sister and she would tell us how horrible person she is even though everyone that talks to her loves her. Then before another fight they had a conversation and I was there. Then my mom came and made up this story in which she is this victim and she was trying to start a fight until I said " I was there and she never said anything like that" then my mom accused me of working with her and all this paranoid stuff. After, that I always remained silent my other brother treats my mom like special person, and my dad never comes home from work and always makes up excuses to stay outside. No on is solving the problem instead we are expecting it to go away.

Alhumdillah I pray regularly, go to mosque as often as I can, and I am trying to memorize Quran and learn arabic.

Thanks for the advice.