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halloula
06-15-2009, 01:18 PM
salam alaykom,

my husband is very tough with me in question of giving me orders do this and don't do this he always says his way or the high way. He want me to report everything to him even going to the supermarket while it is sometimes hard when i don't have credit on the phone or cant reach him i have to stay home and postpone everything until i get the approval.

he also give me always a time frame for every time i go out and if I'm 5 min late that's the big trouble and no more going out for a while. what should i do and how to make him more tolerant i'm a very obedient wife and i never done something untrusted he always says that he trust me but that's the way he is and i have to live with it
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- IqRa -
06-15-2009, 01:40 PM
Have u tried talking to him about this? Saying that you need a bit of space and you feel pressurised?
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Sahabiyaat
06-15-2009, 02:12 PM
check him out.

i think hes upto something dodgy thats why he's keeping you on locks.

ur 5 mins late and he freaks...dame.....he must love u to bits, or is just a very controlling person, or up to something.
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S_87
06-15-2009, 02:23 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
check him out.

i think hes upto something dodgy thats why he's keeping you on locks.

ur 5 mins late and he freaks...dame.....he must love u to bits, or is just a very controlling person, or up to something.
this is gonna get her mind working over time and if its not true then ...:X

He could just be one of those obsessive people, dont know if talking would do anything but its worth a try :?
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Raudha
06-15-2009, 02:24 PM
^ditto....Sometimes they become protective because they're trying to hide something from you. Please be on your guard but beware not to give off the impression that you're suspicious or paranoid.

May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for your sabr. Ameen
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Clover
06-15-2009, 02:53 PM
Originally Posted by halloula
salam alaykom,

my husband is very tough with me in question of giving me orders do this and don't do this he always says his way or the high way. He want me to report everything to him even going to the supermarket while it is sometimes hard when i don't have credit on the phone or cant reach him i have to stay home and postpone everything until i get the approval.

he also give me always a time frame for every time i go out and if I'm 5 min late that's the big trouble and no more going out for a while. what should i do and how to make him more tolerant i'm a very obedient wife and i never done something untrusted he always says that he trust me but that's the way he is and i have to live with it
Woah, that's weird. It's the super market, not a strip bar. It sounds like he is having a problem with you having any freedom, and you should have freedom, more then your being given. It's a partner-relationship, not him over you, not you over him, 50-50. He should not be doing this, and if he is threatening you so much with he will leave or whatever if you don't follow his rules exactly, then I'd advise trying it, and if he hits you, report him, or something, cause it's insane to live with a tyrant.

I am sorry that your having to go through this.
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Ansariyah
06-15-2009, 06:34 PM
That sounds creepy alright...
I feel for u sis, but u shudnt be too obedient that u end up becoming his doormat! ~U said if ur 5 mins late its big trouble~? If u don't mind me asking sis, wats that suppose to mean, wat does he do??!
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Abdul Fattah
06-15-2009, 06:44 PM
Selam aleykum
It's hard to give advice in the sense that we cannot tell you which choice you should make. We cannot advice you in either direction, since we cannot judge the situation. We can give you general advice, but in the end you'll have to make your choice.

Make Istakhara on wheter you should:
- divorce him
- be patient with him and try to make him understand, and make dua that Allah subhana wa ta'ala helps him understand and make it easier for you.

The choice is up to you. We cannot tell you whether or not this issue is important enough for you, or whether or not your husband is worth being patient for. If you really can't decide just keep repeating the istakhara. I'm sorry, I which I could say more, but this is all I can think of. And I don't know and Allah subhana wa ta'al knows best. Oh, and if you are considering divorce, do tell him this first, perhaps when he knows that this is an option he might change his "my way or the high way" attitude and try to talk with you and discuss these matters (as it should be done when there is a problem in a relationship).
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crayon
06-15-2009, 06:49 PM
Talk to him, perhaps he doesn't know how this is making you feel? Tell him what you just told us- that you're a good muslimah and that is has no reason not to trust you and should give you the benefit of the doubt. Ask him how he would react if he were in your shoes, if you were the one bossing him around for no particular reason?
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Snowflake
06-15-2009, 07:49 PM
He doesn't trust you because he can't trust himself. That is the biggest reason why people act jealous and possessive. They know what 'they' are capable of and assume everyone else must be doing the same. The lesser reason might be that someone has broken their trust and they are finding it hard to trust again. But again, a person should be able to tell who is worth trusting and who isn't, so this is not a strong reason for not having trust. The first reason is the most likely explanation for their behavior.

No amount 'proving' your innocence will help. He needs professional help.
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Lina
06-15-2009, 09:53 PM
^That and he's insecure.
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nisha_fav88
06-16-2009, 12:17 PM
firstly i wud say talk to him abt it but thts not always the solution bcos from the way u describe ur hubby does not sound approachable. secondly speak to ur parents and maybe his parents as well, if things really get out of hand then pls try divorcing him bcos i cnt even imagine ur situation, it must be so frustrating..!! wat ever u choose to do trust ALLAH (swt)
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IbnAbdulHakim
06-16-2009, 12:33 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
check him out.

i think hes upto something dodgy thats why he's keeping you on locks.
.
HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LETS NOT PUT IDEA's INTO HER HEAD! WAT THE?



talk to HIM about it


HIM


and maybe an arbitrator (middle man, not relative - someone who wont take sides preferably!)


NOT US

NOT KIDS



HIM !!!
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- IqRa -
06-16-2009, 12:42 PM
thats what i said
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sevgi
06-16-2009, 12:47 PM
He's a control freak...either speak up or lose it sis.

You live in Australia. So do I. Stuff like that just isnt a part of our culture. You have to tell him that you are an adult, an individual and that you have a mind of your own.

I'd divorce him without a doubt...but I guess thats just me.

Peace.
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sevgi
06-17-2009, 01:47 PM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
Ditto to FFI's post. It's not good to effectively "poison" the mind of the sister against her husband and make her suspicious of him.
I agree. I dont think hes cheating on her etc. Astahfirullah. I just think he is a issues with control etc. Theres no suspicion left to be thrown about on that matter.

But Sis:

Just speak to him...communication is vital...please dont bogg down and become a weak little thing...if he becomes upset or angry by you sharing your feelings...thats no way to live.

Sis, if you live close by in Sydney, mate, I'll talk to him..smack some sense into that bruv...and if he doesnt hear me, my man's a boxer, don't you worry, we'll set him straight :p

<3
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nisha_fav88
06-17-2009, 01:52 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi

I'd divorce him without a doubt...but I guess thats just me.

Peace.
You'd be suprised but sum ppl dont even have the freedom to divorce imsad
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sevgi
06-17-2009, 02:15 PM
Originally Posted by nisha_fav88
You'd be suprised but sum ppl dont even have the freedom to divorce imsad
Everyone has the freedom to divorce. It is permissble in our deen.

If you have that issue, please consult someone; a sheikh or something...if no, I'll talk to whoever is holding you back. Grr.
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- IqRa -
06-17-2009, 02:23 PM
subhanAllah

people divorce is the lastest option ever !! (and i know lastest isnt a word but yea)

subhanAllah thats the thing shaytan most loves and thats the first thing that comes to your mind?

try and sort it out, and talk to your HUSBAND, not people on forums, only then will you find out whats going on
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ghengis
06-17-2009, 02:24 PM
listen:

the problem is he feels obsessively jelous, he is trying overtime to protect you from harm. he is scared u will gop away from him.....

solution: express abundant of love towards him..... make him feel assureed that u are his wife and his wife only./...... just fall in love with him more....

and EXPRESS it.... words, actions etc.... if he feels more loved. he will feel more secure in the relationship and

boom!! relationship restored....

remember u both are each others garments.....

us guys are jelous when we think are wives arent fully devoted to us, fully loyal.... for some u have to over do the "i love u" thing.... reassure him with falling in love more...

i bet u guys find it hard to express love right??? tenderness?? care???..... something to think about.
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innocent
06-19-2009, 03:49 PM
How long have you been married? I cant beleive you have been putting up with this kind of dictatorship. It just not right and certainly not a healthy relationship.

You need to have a talk to him and make him understand that he cant treat you like this. A marriage should be a relationship of mutual trust and love and understanding.

Also do you have children? If not I would refrain from having them until your relationship is better and if thats not possible then I wouldnt rule out divorce as a last resort.
Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

I hope you sort this out and he changes for the better inshallah.
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babynisa
06-19-2009, 05:15 PM
just tell him the way u feel, and tell him to relax..! if he cant trust u y doesnt he get counciling, hes obviously very insecure and being a man that gets the best of him. Show him that u can be trusted and dont let him down but dont let him rule over u at the same time, good look x
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halloula
06-20-2009, 06:43 AM
he never hit me and he does trust me but it a matter of jealousy. He is so jealous and as well as the place that he comes from they all overprotective for their wives. I tried talking to him several times but no answer sometimes he listen and he give me some space because i never hide anything from him but sometimes he goes back to the way he's acting
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sevgi
06-20-2009, 06:44 AM
Originally Posted by halloula
he never hit me and he does trust me but it a matter of jealousy. He is so jealous and as well as the place that he comes from they all overprotective for their wives. I tried talking to him several times but no answer sometimes he listen and he give me some space because i never hide anything from him but sometimes he goes back to the way he's acting
Maybe if he got to know some of your friends and their husbands he could let go a bit and realise that you can go out with their wives etc?
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halloula
06-20-2009, 06:49 AM
we do have some couple friend that i visit and they come over but the thing is he does let me out but with boundaries all the time you have to come at this time and this and if i'm late then he's upset winging and sometimes doesnt talk to me for a while
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paradise88
06-22-2009, 08:00 PM
Im probably so late posting this but I am not used to using forums..
Anyway like some people said talk to him, is he from this country? some times being from different countries makes communication harder. We all have different values and understandings. He is most probably over protective and its his way of showing his love. Make sure he listens to u be in control i know it sounds mad especially coming from an unmarried girl..inshallah it works out for u
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ragdollcat1982
06-22-2009, 08:05 PM
Sound to me like abuse and control pure and simple. If he is hitting you, than you have an obligation to yourself and any children to get away from him. While one should be obeidant to ones husbands in most matters and defer to his leadership, that does not mean that you have to be treated like a child. It sounds to me like he has trust issues and those who are suspicious are suspect themselves.
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halloula
06-23-2009, 11:28 AM
to ragdollcat1982

i said that my husband never hitted me or abused me mentally or verbally it is just question of jealousy and overprotection that i wasnt used to it andd i just wanted some idea to help me sort out this problem with him i do love my husband and loves the way he act with me he is very respectful except he got a problem with me going out and he got boundaries for that i hope that everyone understand that i just need help how to explain to him that jealousy cannot be ttreated that way and he doesnt have tp be overprotective because i'm safe enough
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- IqRa -
06-23-2009, 11:45 AM
Sister, have you talked to him?
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