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anonymous
06-16-2009, 07:44 AM
First I am an Egyptian girl,born as a muslim alhamdolillah ,few days ago ,I had an American revert potential,my parents consented ,they have no problem with a revert nor with a black man from another nationality and so do I.

The problem is that he is a very strict muslim,he knew about Islam from a strict muslims and they teached him Islam so he is very extrem and strict,he just misunderstand many things in Islam .
Alhamdolilah I am a practicing muslim girl and I like to follow sunnah in each act in my life ,but at the same time I beleive that being the strictest doesn`t mean being the best.
This man came to Egypt 3 weeks ago in order to learn arabic and Islam but he didn`t start Islamic studies yet.
Do u think that he may change his thoughts when he learn true Islam ?or he will reject what he learn and prefer to be strict all the time?
I don`t want to make my life harder just because my husband misunderstand Islam.
I think reverts members can help me to understand this guy,is he just a poor man who didn`t find yet the person who teach him true Islam,or he like to be strict and won`t change his way whatever evidince he get from Qur`an and sunnah.
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rpwelton
06-16-2009, 03:34 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
First I am an Egyptian girl,born as a muslim alhamdolillah ,few days ago ,I had an American revert potential,my parents consented ,they have no problem with a revert nor with a black man from another nationality and so do I.

The problem is that he is a very strict muslim,he knew about Islam from a strict muslims and they teached him Islam so he is very extrem and strict,he just misunderstand many things in Islam .
Alhamdolilah I am a practicing muslim girl and I like to follow sunnah in each act in my life ,but at the same time I beleive that being the strictest doesn`t mean being the best.
This man came to Egypt 3 weeks ago in order to learn arabic and Islam but he didn`t start Islamic studies yet.
Do u think that he may change his thoughts when he learn true Islam ?or he will reject what he learn and prefer to be strict all the time?
I don`t want to make my life harder just because my husband misunderstand Islam.
I think reverts members can help me to understand this guy,is he just a poor man who didn`t find yet the person who teach him true Islam,or he like to be strict and won`t change his way whatever evidince he get from Qur`an and sunnah.
Can you give us an example of what you feel he is doing that is too strict?
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crayon
06-16-2009, 03:36 PM
^Yup, an example of what you perceive as 'too strict' may help.
Reply

Sampharo
06-16-2009, 03:44 PM
There are variations to the word "strict". There is strict as in just strict and wants to apply everything conservatively as per Islam and Sunnah, or strict as in strict in discipline and wants to remove everything that is not Islam related and make life surrounding religion and nothing else, or strict as in deviated from the true path of Sunnah and is adopting an extreme version or conservative view that is actually incorrect Islamically. There is a difference in the three and my advice will depend on which one he truly is.

If he is just a strict muslim, as in wants to do everything in the sunnah to the maximum extent, pray the proper prayer of the prophet in what it takes and all the attached sunnahs and nawafel, and wants to spend a lot of time studying and learning about everything in Islam, there is nothing wrong with that and may you be guided by such fervor. This is great from him and when he knows more he will add, and you would do well to have such a husband.

If you mean strict as in discipline, like he doesn't want you to go anywhere without his permission and company, or denies you to have a phone or TV or internet access, or insists you wearing Niqab if you're wearing hijab, or he is demanding all these things with insistence or even with shouting thinking it is his right, well honey you need to see if you're willing to change him or if this is what you want in your life, because such people are changable, but hard to change. Try to get him some moderate friends and have your parents speak to him about how the prophet used to hold Aisha to watch the ethiopians dance and told the exclaiming sahabi "an hour and an hour" meaning that life is long and time for worship and study needs that people spend some time having some fun and room to freedom. Explain to him society and such things and see if he is responsive. Many new muslims are too excited and want to do it right so they will go ALL the way and want it there right now. So see if that is you can work with him.

If you are saying strict as in deviated strict, like insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing (wants short cotton pants and nothing else, and insists you wear black jilbab and niqab), passes takfir on people who sin, is involved with extremist group political mentalities with deviated interpretations of the sunnah, or denies you the right to study anymore, then stay away sister. People adopt those ideas because they are willing and ready, and it's a long and hard path to correct them. A few do al-hamdolellah but many don't. The prophet said about the prospect groom that you need to "accept his manners and religion" and that it matches yours. A deviated version of Islam is not a match and you should not accept it. If he is destined to mend his ways, then God help him, as a sister you cannot have close interaction with him anyway until he does so.

Hope that helped and hope you make the best choice for you. I need to add that as Egyptians we have MANY social and cultural things attached to our life and marriage and I am not sure if a strict african american new revert will understand and be willing to accomodate unless he's open-minded to it, and sounds like you're already having problems with his open-mindedness.

May God help you in your dilemma
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UmmSqueakster
06-16-2009, 05:38 PM
Alhamdulilah, I'm very happy to hear that your parents don't mind accepting a convert as a marriage partner. All too often, our convert brothers face a lot of problems when looking to marry born and raised muslimahs.

That being said, I would be wary of entering into a marriage with this brother. If you go into a marriage looking to change your spouse, you're in for a lot of problems and heart ache.

Create a list of things that are important to you in a spouse, and things that you're willing and not willing to do in a marriage. Granted, no one will match your expectations 100%, but he should be willing to try to accomidate you.

Likewise, have him do the same exercise. If your ideal and his ideal are far apart, then you may not be a good marriage partner.



Also, since he's only recently arrived in Egypt, maybe give him some time to study there, so see if his views will mature and evolve. Maybe 6 months or a year from now, he'll be closer to the husband you would like to have.
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anonymous
06-16-2009, 05:57 PM
Originally Posted by Sampharo
There are variations to the word "strict". There is strict as in just strict and wants to apply everything conservatively as per Islam and Sunnah, or strict as in strict in discipline and wants to remove everything that is not Islam related and make life surrounding religion and nothing else, or strict as in deviated from the true path of Sunnah and is adopting an extreme version or conservative view that is actually incorrect Islamically. There is a difference in the three and my advice will depend on which one he truly is.

If he is just a strict muslim, as in wants to do everything in the sunnah to the maximum extent, pray the proper prayer of the prophet in what it takes and all the attached sunnahs and nawafel, and wants to spend a lot of time studying and learning about everything in Islam, there is nothing wrong with that and may you be guided by such fervor. This is great from him and when he knows more he will add, and you would do well to have such a husband.

If you mean strict as in discipline, like he doesn't want you to go anywhere without his permission and company, or denies you to have a phone or TV or internet access, or insists you wearing Niqab if you're wearing hijab, or he is demanding all these things with insistence or even with shouting thinking it is his right, well honey you need to see if you're willing to change him or if this is what you want in your life, because such people are changable, but hard to change. Try to get him some moderate friends and have your parents speak to him about how the prophet used to hold Aisha to watch the ethiopians dance and told the exclaiming sahabi "an hour and an hour" meaning that life is long and time for worship and study needs that people spend some time having some fun and room to freedom. Explain to him society and such things and see if he is responsive. Many new muslims are too excited and want to do it right so they will go ALL the way and want it there right now. So see if that is you can work with him.

If you are saying strict as in deviated strict, like insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing (wants short cotton pants and nothing else, and insists you wear black jilbab and niqab), passes takfir on people who sin, is involved with extremist group political mentalities with deviated interpretations of the sunnah, or denies you the right to study anymore, then stay away sister. People adopt those ideas because they are willing and ready, and it's a long and hard path to correct them. A few do al-hamdolellah but many don't. The prophet said about the prospect groom that you need to "accept his manners and religion" and that it matches yours. A deviated version of Islam is not a match and you should not accept it. If he is destined to mend his ways, then God help him, as a sister you cannot have close interaction with him anyway until he does so.

Hope that helped and hope you make the best choice for you.I need to add that as Egyptians we have MANY social and cultural things attached to our life and marriage and I am not sure if a strict african american new revert will understand and be willing to accomodate unless he's open-minded to it, and sounds like you're already having problems with his open-mindedness.

May God help you in your dilemma
jazakom Allah khayr
I think he is mix of the second and the third type, he insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing and think that muslim must dress this clothes ,he want me to wear niqab while I am wearing tall and respectable hijab ,he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.
Reply

S1aveofA11ah
06-16-2009, 06:19 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
First I am an Egyptian girl,born as a muslim alhamdolillah ,few days ago ,I had an American revert potential,my parents consented ,they have no problem with a revert nor with a black man from another nationality and so do I.

The problem is that he is a very strict muslim,he knew about Islam from a strict muslims and they teached him Islam so he is very extrem and strict,he just misunderstand many things in Islam .
Alhamdolilah I am a practicing muslim girl and I like to follow sunnah in each act in my life ,but at the same time I beleive that being the strictest doesn`t mean being the best.
This man came to Egypt 3 weeks ago in order to learn arabic and Islam but he didn`t start Islamic studies yet.
Do u think that he may change his thoughts when he learn true Islam ?or he will reject what he learn and prefer to be strict all the time?
I don`t want to make my life harder just because my husband misunderstand Islam.
I think reverts members can help me to understand this guy,is he just a poor man who didn`t find yet the person who teach him true Islam,or he like to be strict and won`t change his way whatever evidince he get from Qur`an and sunnah.

Asalaamualaikum,

Sister PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take my short, following advice seriously.

I'm not saying this particular brother is from this sect, but he seems to be showing the characteristics of it.

Islam, as you know is ALL about BALANCE - ihdinuss siratual-mustaqeem (guide us to the STRAIGHT/BALANCED path, as we recite in fatiha). All I can tell you is there is a group of Muslims, not very large in number, but DEVASTATING in affect known as the Hadaadiyeen. They go to EXTREMES. They are like a cult who brain wash their followers or group members. They have been known to marry and divorce women like drinking water. They boycott other Muslims who are not part of their group. They withold salams and they follow a very select group of scholars only - blindly. I'm not getting into a discussion about Salafiyyah or Salafi but they refer to themselves as Salafis - they seem far from 'salafiyyah' however.

BE VERY CAREFUL. They are VERY EVASIVE.

Ask tons of questions. Ask about their Islam. Their friends. Their scholars and views.

Personally, as good advice, if the extremes are great, I would be patient and avoid this brother. Look for good signs of balance.
Reply

S_87
06-16-2009, 06:22 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
jazakom Allah khayr
I think he is mix of the second and the third type, he insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing and think that muslim must dress this clothes ,he want me to wear niqab while I am wearing tall and respectable hijab ,he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.
as for the opinion he follows on niqab being wajib, that is not strict or extreme in any way....but for the medicine thing slightly worrying.

How long has he been a revert if you dont mind me asking?
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Abdul Fattah
06-16-2009, 06:32 PM
Originally Posted by S1aveofA11ah
Asalaamualaikum,

Sister PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take my short, following advice seriously.

I'm not saying this particular brother is from this sect, but he seems to be showing the characteristics of it.

Islam, as you know is ALL about BALANCE - ihdinuss siratual-mustaqeem (guide us to the STRAIGHT/BALANCED path, as we recite in fatiha). All I can tell you is there is a group of Muslims, not very large in number, but DEVASTATING in affect known as the Hadaadiyeen. They go to EXTREMES. They are like a cult who brain wash their followers or group members. They have been known to marry and divorce women like drinking water. They boycott other Muslims who are not part of their group. They withold salams and they follow a very select group of scholars only - blindly. I'm not getting into a discussion about Salafiyyah or Salafi but they refer to themselves as Salafis - they seem far from 'salafiyyah' however.

BE VERY CAREFUL. They are VERY EVASIVE.

Ask tons of questions. Ask about their Islam. Their friends. Their scholars and views.

Personally, as good advice, if the extremes are great, I would be patient and avoid this brother. Look for good signs of balance.
Selam aleykum
I know some brothers who consider themselves to be salafis, but none of them have the characteristics you mentioned here. Be that as it may, regardless of who's wrong or right, it's always wrong to judge people by their views, or to judge an idea based on he people who follow it.
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anonymous
06-17-2009, 02:56 AM
Originally Posted by amani
as for the opinion he follows on niqab being wajib, that is not strict or extreme in any way....but for the medicine thing slightly worrying.
yes ,I respect the opinione which say that niqab is wajib and I may follow it someday ,the problem isn`t in niqab ,the problem is in the whole baggage of thoughts,he isn`t high graduated now by his choise ,he wear very strange clothes ,I don`t know anybody dress like this even in suadi arabia or pakistan ,he wear a turban which was used 1000 years ago and think that this is the Islamic dress.

Originally Posted by amani
How long has he been a revert if you dont mind me asking?
he reverted two years ago
Reply

convert
06-17-2009, 03:09 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.
I'd say do not continue. Umar ibn alKhattab used to beat men of working age who used to stay in the masjid all the time instead of earning a living. Unfortunately, the neo-salafi cult preys on converts in the us and tells them all kinds of garbage; I heard the same kinda stuff as well as how I had to change my name, cut ties with my "kuffar family", wearing pants is a bidah and immitating the kuffar, and how the Saudi regime can do no wrong.

There needs to be a middle path in the deen and a lot of so-called salafis in the us aren't on it.
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Woodrow
06-17-2009, 03:51 AM
Ukhti,

It is not unusual for us reverts to become very strict and follow a very narrow path of Islam, disavowing everything that is not on the same path. We see it as piety and often do not realise that what we call piety is only anti-establishment. Many of us American reverts are non-conformists and anti-government. Sadly, some of us revert because of those reasons, not because of love for Allaah(swt)

I would seek to find the reason he reverted to Islam, if his reason is a just, honest acceptance of the truth of Islam, all will be fine Insha Allaah. If his reason is for hatred of America and not for love of Allaah(swt) he will become more extreme and more radical, seeking to find only that which justifies hatred of Americans and never seeing the beauty of Islam.

A person who reverts for the wrong reason, possibly did not really revert, just found an outlet for inner hatred and calling it piety.
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anonymous
06-17-2009, 04:17 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
Ukhti,

It is not unusual for us reverts to become very strict and follow a very narrow path of Islam, disavowing everything that is not on the same path. We see it as piety and often do not realise that what we call piety is only anti-establishment. Many of us American reverts are non-conformists and anti-government. Sadly, some of us revert because of those reasons, not because of love for Allaah(swt)

I would seek to find the reason he reverted to Islam, if his reason is a just, honest acceptance of the truth of Islam, all will be fine Insha Allaah. If his reason is for hatred of America and not for love of Allaah(swt) he will become more extreme and more radical, seeking to find only that which justifies hatred of Americans and never seeing the beauty of Islam.

A person who reverts for the wrong reason, possibly did not really revert, just found an outlet for inner hatred and calling it piety.
u touched a very important point,jazakom Allah khayr,he told me about racism in America ,I think he hate America,but I am not sure about the reason which leads him to revert,he told me that he reverted just because he believe that Islam is truth.
I have a question,if a person reverted just due to hatred to America why would he past most of the day praying and why would he reject TV ,internet and other life entertainments .I just ask trying to understand this kind of people more.
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Caller الداعي
06-17-2009, 04:20 AM
sis i think u should ask some close male relative of urs i mean mahram to meet him and find out how he is maybe he isnt as strict as u think and on the other hand maybe what u think is strict is normal to him. rememba he is a revert and we must be easy with our muslim reverts theyve taken the big step and changed their lives and made the sacrifice.
oh yeah and by studying inshallah under good pious knowledged teachers hell get better!
i was a bit strict b4 i startd studyn then i began to understand better alhamdulilah.
and 1 last thing pray to Allah if hes rite 4 u thats gr8 and if not then Allah will give u better.
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Woodrow
06-17-2009, 04:32 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
I have a question,if a person reverted just due to hatred to America why would he past most of the day praying and why would he reject TV ,internet and other life entertainments .I just ask trying to understand this kind of people more.
We have no way to look into the hearts or intentions of anyone. It is possible to pray intently for the wrong reasons.

I find it best to believe a person is praying with the right intentions, unless he proves different. piety can not be measured in terms of how often or how deeply a person prays. That is only an outer visible portion, it is what is within the person that makes the prayers either pious or otherwise.

At this point I would not question his reasons for his actions. Rather I would focus on trying to see why he believes Islam is the truth.

The NOI here in America are often very pious and they call themselves Muslims, but the actions of some are often based on the hatred of white people and not on the love of Allaah(swt) Although some stress that hating white people is a way to show love of Allaah(swt)
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-17-2009, 05:42 AM
:sl:
@thread starter, maybe you should talk to him (in a meeting/with mahrams present), give him naseeha, becuase in all honesty, some people just dont know. see were that goes...
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aadil77
06-17-2009, 12:18 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
jazakom Allah khayr
I think he is mix of the second and the third type, he insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing and think that muslim must dress this clothes ,he want me to wear niqab while I am wearing tall and respectable hijab ,he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.
Well he is an example of many revert members on Ummah forums, they are extreme to the core. I'd be careful sis these people follow the wrong aqeedah and their hearts are hardened to pass judgment on other muslims, labelling them kuffar with the slighest excuses. Yes they do make halal haram and your life might just be ruined if you get involved with any brothers like these
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Tony
06-17-2009, 12:49 PM
I feel I should just step in to say that converts are extreme because we are aware of the clock ticking and we want to get it right for the time we have left, where do you draw the line when following AlQur,an and Rasulullahs (pbuh) teachings. I dont think I am so extreme per say but I am trying to improve on a daily basis, I am starting my beard insha,Allah, which to some people looks very extreme being of white/western background, but you know its something I dont quite understand about our Ummah, why some go that extra mile though others donot. The convert/revert wants salvation like its a matter of being able to breath, we see the truth and ache for the fulfillment of our covenant, and I think that over time it really becomes thatwe seek Allahs pardon above all others who may think we are too extreme. So if the brother in question seems too extreme then dont marry him, instead you can admire and be in awe of his commune with Allah. Hope this doesnt soung strange but us converts have to make up for lost time therefore we must follow Islam to the absolute letter. Peace:D
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convert
06-17-2009, 01:07 PM
Originally Posted by TKTony
I feel I should just step in to say that converts are extreme because we are aware of the clock ticking and we want to get it right for the time we have left, where do you draw the line when following AlQur,an and Rasulullahs (pbuh) teachings. I dont think I am so extreme per say but I am trying to improve on a daily basis, I am starting my beard insha,Allah, which to some people looks very extreme being of white/western background, but you know its something I dont quite understand about our Ummah, why some go that extra mile though others donot. The convert/revert wants salvation like its a matter of being able to breath, we see the truth and ache for the fulfillment of our covenant, and I think that over time it really becomes thatwe seek Allahs pardon above all others who may think we are too extreme. So if the brother in question seems too extreme then dont marry him, instead you can admire and be in awe of his commune with Allah. Hope this doesnt soung strange but us converts have to make up for lost time therefore we must follow Islam to the absolute letter. Peace:D
Theres a difference in improving oneself and being harsh. You obviously have not come across these types, alhamdulillah. I have. They're an incorrigible bunch, man. This brother sounds like hes a Philly brother, who got his knowledge from TROID/SPUBS... aka the modern day khawarij.
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Tony
06-17-2009, 01:11 PM
well i didnt read thread so maybe i should. but bro be careful of what yousay re other muslims faith and direction. Peace brother
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aadil77
06-17-2009, 01:22 PM
Originally Posted by TKTony
well i didnt read thread so maybe i should. but bro be careful of what yousay re other muslims faith and direction. Peace brother
Brother thing is he is right, he's not lying about them, you're lucky not to be exposed to them because they will misguide you badly. If you want to know what he is talking about, just join up ummah forums and you'll come back here shocked to see the amount of misguidence these 'perfect' muslims spread around there and the mods do nothing about it.
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convert
06-17-2009, 01:25 PM
Originally Posted by aadil77
Brother thing is he is right, he's not lying about them, you're lucky not to be exposed to them because they will misguide you badly. If you want to know what he is talking about, just join up ummah forums and you'll come back here shocked to see the amount of misguidence these 'perfect' muslims spread around there and the mods do nothing about it.
Or just spend like 30 seconds on TROID/SPUBS own forums.
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Clover
06-17-2009, 01:28 PM
So far, from what I've read here, the Ummah are a 'cult' of Islam? Well, if they are much like the LDS Cult that was in Texas, I advise you be careful girl.

Do not do anything hasty, at the time, I think caution is the best thing you can do.
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Tony
06-17-2009, 01:31 PM
ok aadil, thanks for guidance
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rpwelton
06-17-2009, 01:32 PM
Originally Posted by Clover
So far, from what I've read here, the Ummah are a 'cult' of Islam? Well, if they are much like the LDS Cult that was in Texas, I advise you be careful girl.

Do not do anything hasty, at the time, I think caution is the best thing you can do.
They're talking about a specific forum called "Ummah Forums".

The arabic word Ummah refers collectively to Muslims, and is not in reference to any kind of cult.

Just wanted to clear things up.
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convert
06-17-2009, 01:34 PM
Originally Posted by Clover
So far, from what I've read here, the Ummah are a 'cult' of Islam? Well, if they are much like the LDS Cult that was in Texas, I advise you be careful girl.

Do not do anything hasty, at the time, I think caution is the best thing you can do.
No, Ummah in this case is a message board. It is not filled with the neo-salafi cult but there are some posters who spread their garbage there daily.
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AnonymousPoster
06-17-2009, 01:42 PM
My sista got a proposal once from a revert, when they were getting to know each other, once he pointed out that she should stop wearing lipstick..my sister was in shock, because she wasn't wearing any lipstick at all. 'I dont want my wife wearing lipstick'...
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crayon
06-17-2009, 01:58 PM
^Perhaps he meant in public? Which is a perfectly acceptable request, of course.
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Sampharo
06-17-2009, 04:03 PM
jazakom Allah khayr
I think he is mix of the second and the third type, he insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing and think that muslim must dress this clothes ,he want me to wear niqab while I am wearing tall and respectable hijab ,he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.
Well as you can see, some muslims here are stricter than others and it is all relative, so by the very fact that you were uncomfortable enough with his habits to write, I would advise you to look elsewhere even if some muslims think there is nothing wrong with what he is saying. You need to marry someone who will be your healing balm against the harshness of the World and be your shoulder to cry on when you are disappointed, not be the SOURCE of harshness or disappointment (either at yourself for not changing to what he says is proper or at him for not changing to someone you more expect him to be).

Sister Amani, just a correction: As per three of the four math-habs (Haneefi, Maliki, Shafei) Niqab is optional or mostahab, not wajib. Only Hanbali math-hab regard it as a wajib (and most of the Saudi scholars are which might explain the frequency of hearing it is wajib). Even though I lean mostly towards Hanbali myself, I do agree with the majority of the math-habs on this one considering the evidence that the verse of the niqab had a specific reason in it "so that you are not known and may be harmed", which shows that niqab was a matter of protecting the women of the prophet and the important sahaba from being targeted by ambushing mushrekien.

Additionally, the sahih hadith of the prophet saying "A Muhrima (woman in haj or Omra) does not wear niqab or gloves". This goes to show that the face and hands are specifically to be shown in haj by order, and therefore are not Aawra (as in forbidden parts of the body), otherwise worship would not be appropriate showing a Aawra.

Additionally Asmaa's hadith also of the prophet telling her "A woman reaching puberty should only show this and these" and he -pbuh- pointed to his face and his hands.

Anyway, that went off on a tanget. If anonymous sister wishes to wear niqab, that is fine and good. But for a man to insist on it and getting harsh with it is not appropriate. I think though we all already agree that ditching medicine school and wanting to do nothing but listen to Islamic lectures and no work is a pretty wrong angle. This hijrah thing suggests sectarian influence like some posts suggested, but we can't judge for sure. The prophet however said clearly after Fat-H Makka "No hijra after the Fat-H". Still a minority of scholars say muslims even with nationalities of non-muslim countries should leave and come to muslim ones, but if they do so then none will be left to actually educate and influence the remaining population, or maybe as in Europe now begin to take over the population and effect its policy.

For starters how will he provide for you properly without a degree? Sitting in a masjed all day praying and hope for food and rent money? That will be like the man the prophet saw and asked about where he was getting his sustenance, and when they said his brother works and spends on him but doesn't pray that much, the prophet said "his brother is better than him". It is the duty of men to seek work and employment and benefit society.

Good luck sister and as per your request I will make duaa for you to find your dream muslim suitor.
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HopeFul
06-17-2009, 09:47 PM
Assalamoalaikum Sister,

I would ahve to say that knowing many eyptians personally i think theya re rather more ... how to say moderate as compared to other arabs. I had another egyptian friend who was not married to a revert but a local egyptian man, who wanted her to wear a niqaab, he even found a job in saudi so she would be forced to wear it but she chose to live away fromt he husband in egypt rather than live with him and wear niqab. This is an example of a perfectly happy family, they chose each other with happines and still live apart somehow.

I think that it is not a matter of whether the man is a revert or not but perhaps the beliefs you yourself have and to which extent YOU want to practice Islam. From personal experience I can say that one cannot change , unless they really want to. if you think you are already a perfect muslim, and others are perhaps ... unnecessarily strict, then you will not change your point of view.

I am rather impressed by the suitor. I also think that us born as Muslims take our religion for granted so much so that if someone else practices it well we say hes mad. remember Prophet Mohammad's ( sallaho Alaihi Wassalam) saying?Interpretation:

Remember Allah so much that people may think you are mad.

Something like that.

I think that the revert is commendable. as for he quit his study etc let me tell you i did something of the same, Alahmdolillah today my husband takes care of me and I dont have to work or anything, and we live in such comfort that people at least a decade older than us would afford to live like us, at least a decade older, Alhamdolillah. When one does something for Allah then Allah would reward them

It is all a matter of niyyat.

Have you thought, asked yourself this..

Why is he so strict?

Did it ever occur to you that he may be trying to pelase Allah as best as he can.

If someone wants to please Allah would Allah let them suffer?

I think such people like him , well, deserve like minded people, and even in the quraan it says, in Surah noor a long verse which basically means same type of men and women are for each other. good men are for good women and good women for good men and bad women are for bad mena nd bad men for bad women, something like that.


The only thing wrong here is not with him, he has tasted the halwatul imaan, he would carry on trying to please Allh as he has come out of ignorance. i must add that people who revert of their own free will have NO other goal than pleasing Allah, it is not merely following culture, or obeying parents, or appearing good, it is about pleasing Allah. they have to go against the whole system that had been fed to them since their birth. The thing wrong here is perhaps the difference of idealogy/beliefs. Or rather the method of pleasing Allah is different according to both of you.

In such a situation even if they do sometimes make mistakes Allah will eventually guide them and put them on the right path as Allah knows they were only trying to pelase Him. There are only and only rewards for people like this.

You could choose to be a part of his life and get further knowledge and great rewards or you could choose someone else, who may be stil good and also keep you happy as you two will understand each other more. In either cases, it is not the brothers fault, May Allah bless him with successes in botht he worlds, ameen. It is adiffernce of opnions among you.

May Allah give you both good spouses who would help you both increase your imaan and may you both find comfort in your life partners, ameen.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
06-18-2009, 08:40 PM
Originally Posted by crayon
^Perhaps he meant in public? Which is a perfectly acceptable request, of course.
He assumed that she was wearing it at the time when they were speaking, but thats just her natural lip colour. Hope u understand now.
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