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Sofia084
06-17-2009, 04:23 PM
Salam Alaikum. I have a problem I hope someone can help me with...

He is muslim, I am Christian, we live in a Christian country. We have been together for 7 years. 3 years ago I was invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure.
Now, I am pregnant 6-7 weeks. My boyfriend says that what is in my stomach is haram, because we were not properly married. And he wants me to become muslim. If not, he would rather I have an abortion.
I respect him and his religion, but I wont convert to Islam. This means I am left with the horrible choice of either becoming a single mother, or to have an abortion. I don't want either. I am in an awful situation, and I really didn't think my boyfriend would want me to have an abortion. I thought that muslims were against abortion, and am quite shocked that he said he'd want that.
What I think frightens him is the fact that he has a child from a past relationship, where the mother was not muslim, and he has a few problems now with that child.

I really don't know what to do, so I am seeking advice from you.
Thank you for reading.
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Snowflake
06-17-2009, 05:37 PM
I am so fuming, I will reply later lest I say something improper!! :raging:
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glo
06-17-2009, 05:44 PM
What do you mean by 'invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure'. Did you get married Islamically or not?

Either way, your boyfriend should not try to coerce you to become a Muslim ... Islam does not teach that.
There is no reason why he cannot be married to a Christian woman and raise a family with her.

How many children does he have from previous experiences?

If you have to make your own choice between becoming a single mother or having an abortion, what does your own heart tell you?

I hope things work out for you! It must be so tough!!
Do you have friends and family to support you through this?
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Tony
06-17-2009, 05:45 PM
sister u must have ur baby, u will regret it for the rest of ur life if not, dont let any man tell you what to do with ur baby or body, and I really dont think there are many muslims that would order you to have an abortion. If you cannot cope with the baby then I promise you this in the sight of Allah, my wife and I will bring up your child, so dont think there are no options. Now go get some proffessional help whether it be dr or social worker, and dont allow yourself to be manipulated or forced by anyone, this child is Gods gift and as such only God can remove the baby. We are praying for you sister.
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mathematician
06-17-2009, 05:46 PM
The fact that he is musliim and has a girlfriend, which is completely forbidden regardless of the excuse, I am not surprised that he wants you to have an abortion. We are told over and over in Islam that whoever forms a boyfriend/girlfriend will burn in hell, unless he repents from it.
He wants you to have an abortion so that he doesn't have to take care of a child, i.e. no responsibilities.
I am sorry to say this, but I don't think he wants to have a long-term relationship with you. It's better to know it now then later. Seriously, find yourself another man that will care for you. Be patient. I hope you find the right person for you.
Do not settle for such a creature. I am disgusted.
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Yanal
06-17-2009, 05:46 PM
Abortion is haaram in Islam.
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MSN
06-17-2009, 05:46 PM
something's fishy.
Only two?What about a sheikh?
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AnonymousPoster
06-17-2009, 05:51 PM
if she is real and telling the truth then the "muslim" man is a deviant, a conman, an abuser of trust, abuser of women, a fornicator if not a rapist

:w:
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alcurad
06-17-2009, 05:52 PM
my advice would be to avoid abortion as much as possible, and he's lying, if you married-unofficially yes, but it is still marriage from a Muslim POV if not the state then nothing is haram/forbidden, least of all an unborn child~!
he might be freaking out or something because of the baby, let him calm down first then have a long talk, best of luck
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Güven
06-17-2009, 05:53 PM
He didn't think of the relationship being haram all these years but when it comes to pregnancy oh It's all haram!


He should be a man and acknowledge the child and take care of both you.

And you also don't have to become muslim for him.
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Sofia084
06-17-2009, 06:01 PM
Thank you for your kind reply.

format_quote Originally Posted by glo
What do you mean by 'invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure'. Did you get married Islamically or not?
There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?

He has one child from the previous relationship.
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doorster
06-17-2009, 06:07 PM
....
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GuestFellow
06-17-2009, 06:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sofia084
Thank you for your kind reply.



There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?

He has one child from the previous relationship.
Well here is the basic overview of an Islamic marriage:

1. Consent of both parties.

2. Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3. 2 witnesses

4. The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

That is troubling. He has one child from a previous relationship...
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MSN
06-17-2009, 06:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sofia084
Thank you for your kind reply.



There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?

He has one child from the previous relationship.
There should have been a third party,a sheikh, to marry you,along with the two witnesses.And i don't think a mosque is obligatory here.
And i'm sorry to hear that by the way.
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Tony
06-17-2009, 06:17 PM
one thing is absolutely clear little sister, u will get support and advice here, i think i speak for all in that were here for you :D
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Sofia084
06-17-2009, 06:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by doorster
it is to be done according to Law of the land you are living in (i.e if registration of marriage is required by your State Law, then that is what you must do) but nominal Muslims might tell you different for whatever reasons
Then our marriage was not valid. But how was I supposed to know that then? Surely I trusted my muslim boyfriend to know best of how a muslim marriage is carried through? And to tell me now, after 6-7 weeks of pregnancy that this unborn child is haram, and that he would rather not have it. He told me that this afternoon, after some telephone call to a muslim man, who doesn't know me or our situation. Just this morning he was asking me when we would know the sex of the baby, and that he would rather want a boy. He's giving me mixed signals, and I am really getting confused. Even though he is several years older than me, he is not acting very responsible.
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Tony
06-17-2009, 06:21 PM
Want my advice RUN FAR AND FAST, THIS SMACKS OF SOME VERY OUTDATED BELIEFS AND PROCEDURES CONSCERNING THE BIRTH OF GIRLS. You need to get some legal advice and go see a midwife or familly planning unit. You can get a lot of support thru your GP if england or surgery elsewhere
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Sofia084
06-17-2009, 06:27 PM
Don't get me wrong, he also said that the sex of a baby is in the hands of Allah, and that it must be appreciated no matter what. The most important thing is that it has got good health.

The point is that he's giving me mixed signals..
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doorster
06-17-2009, 06:30 PM
....
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Tony
06-17-2009, 06:30 PM
Everything is in the hands of Allah, if u truly believe in God then u already know what is right sister, I really hope it goes well and please keep us informed and we will try to help you
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MinAhlilHadeeth
06-17-2009, 06:42 PM
Hi,

As a mother, I would say follow your maternal instincts. Haraam child? We're talking about a human being. It isn't this poor baby's sin. The baby has done nothing wrong. So if he's feeling guilty about his sins, he needs to face up to his responsibilities and repent to Allaah, not blame it upon this poor baby and order you to have an abortion!
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Sofia084
06-17-2009, 06:57 PM
Thank you all for support and advices.

I am now sure that an abortion, based on him and his inconsistent rules and views of how things are supposed/not supposed to be, is not an option.

I feel that there is so much positive about islam, and I feel really supported here amongst all of you.

If any of you happen to speak arabic and would like to have a chat with my man, alternatively write something in arabic, then I would be ever gratefull. I think that by talking to someone speaking my side of the story to him, in his own language, maybe could get him to understand. We do communicate in my language, but i feel that only to a certain degree do we really understand eachother..
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fadil
06-17-2009, 08:00 PM
Greetings sister

I really appreciate that u chose to seek advice and Allah willing, you will obtain the best of solutions

For sure whatever is in your womb is (haram) forbidden, but abortion also is forbidden, forcing people to accept Islam is forbidden and more than that, for a male to even touch a female stranger is forbidden; so your "muslim" boyfriend has certainly done a lot of forbidden things. please remind him about those.

I don't know about your boyfriend, perhaps he regrets his action or it may be he is running from his responsibility of bringing up the child, you have to find out as quickly as possible.

You said you were invited to his home to make your relationship halal (permissible), the only way for a permissible relationship between a male and a female stranger is through marriage and there need to be 2 witnesses, but the latter are chosen by the female and not the male, so either your boyfriend didnt know the the marriage process in Islam or it may be he was fooling you; please keep note fooling, betraying, lying, all of them, are forbidden in Islam

The child in your womb is the result of the actions of both of you, so u two have to take your responsiblity as it should be, i may ask you "what's the fault of the child?", others are telling you if you abort, you'll regret all your life, it's very easy for us 2make a decision 4u because we are not in your situation but remember, your last choice is always yours, please make sure you decide wisely without being influenced by others. Moreover seek advice from people of your surroundings, those who know you, those who understand you and not to forget, your parents - parents always support their children in any circumtances

Other than that, please dont become a muslim just because your boyfriend said so or because of the child but do become a muslim when you are
convinced that none deserve to be worshipped except Allah

You're a Christian, I suppose you have great considerations for Jesus (peace be upon him) and the virgin Mary (peace be upon her); the Qur'an (the divine book upon which the muslims practise) speaks of Jesus (peace be upon him) more than 100 times and the title of chapter 19 of the Qur'an is "The Virgin Mary". You may consider looking for them perhaps after your problem, increasing your knowledge about Islam, it will help you undoubtedly

2 elements are very essentials in life, gratitude and patience, sister you need to have a lot of patience right now

It's really sad all the time the females are the ones who are affected the most in these situations, remember you females, your most sacred part is your entire body, so please dont allow anybody to touch it except your husband

I apologise if ever I said something that in some way or the other have hurt you, that was not what I intended, please overlook those parts
any good that may be in it is from Allah and any bad is from me, please correct me

brotherly yours
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Sofia084
06-17-2009, 08:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by fadil
For sure whatever is in your womb is (haram) forbidden, but abortion also is forbidden, forcing people to accept Islam is forbidden and more than that, for a male to even touch a female stranger is forbidden; so your "muslim" boyfriend has certainly done a lot of forbidden things. please remind him about those.
What would be concidered more haram in your eyes, keeping a haram child or having an abortion?

And what if I didn't know that the conceiving of this child was haram? I was not aware that this "marriage" of ours was not valid, untill now. We had two witnesses, but you say they had to be chosen by me?

Thank you for your reply, it's highly appreciated.
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Clover
06-17-2009, 09:06 PM
Sofia, I would advise against abortion, no matter what your man thinks. Abortion is a big part of life, and must be taken into consideration before making any choice.

I hope you work the situation out, you have got some good advice here. I wish you luck in your problem.
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UmmSqueakster
06-17-2009, 09:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Faizah
Hi,

As a mother, I would say follow your maternal instincts. Haraam child? We're talking about a human being. It isn't this poor baby's sin. The baby has done nothing wrong. So if he's feeling guilty about his sins, he needs to face up to his responsibilities and repent to Allaah, not blame it upon this poor baby and order you to have an abortion!
Exactly! No child is haram. The actions that led to the child may be, but the child doesn't carry the sins of the parents.

While it is hard to be a single mother, you'd be better off dumping this guy and starting anew on a straight path, raising your child in a loving home with a loving mother.
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HopeFul
06-17-2009, 09:27 PM
Hello Sofia,
I am surprised that people here have said the marriage is not valid! According to the Islamic Law, a marriage is valid ( in case of adults) if there are two witnesses and they proclaim it allowed, the aceptance of both of the otehr as a spouse and a gift ( mahr) to the bride. It is obligatory to publicise the marriage afterwards but it is not a condiion for the validity of the child.


As far as being a christian is concerned, it is permissible in Islam for a muslim man to marry a jewish or christian woman, so that excuse is gone too.

As for the baby he is a halal baby, coming after an islamic marriage ahs been made.

As far as your muslim husband is concerned I think he is not sincere with you ehnce giving you trouble. I am ging to now post here authentic references for my replies.

This is about the validity of the marriage: ( note that for adults the wali /guardian bit is not necessary)

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/12283/Marriage

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/10642...age%20contract

This is about the abortion:

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/40269/abortion

What i would say is that if there were two wtinesses ( sheikh and mosque arent necessary theya re cultural things, wali is necessary if it is a part of the culture), you two are husband and wife. You are pergnant with you HALAL child and it is forbidden to abort it even if the marriage wasnt proper, let alone in this case it is completely unfair and not justified.

He is playing games with you, perhaps he is insincere. Decide what you have to do but it is a halal child and a proper marriage although it should be publicised, but if it was even publicised i.e you two told people you are married and openly started living together then there is nothing wrong about it at all although keeping marriage secret doesnt nullify the marriage

Wallahu A'lam.
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doorster
06-17-2009, 09:38 PM
....
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HopeFul
06-17-2009, 09:56 PM
Everybody is entitled to their own point of view, i think that the marriage is valid, I have always heard/read that if there are two adults and they make the promise infront of two witnesses that fulfill the conditions, ( two male muslims, or two women and one man) then the marriage is valid.

In that case the baby is halal and the man is her husband.

In case I am wrong, I would like to know how. it is not a competition, we should all strive to know the truth, someone should give refernces here on why her marriage is not valid/valid.

JazakAllah brother.
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Tony
06-17-2009, 09:59 PM
in my limited opinion, i would say her intention would make the marriage valid in this case
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ardianto
06-18-2009, 05:01 AM
I know some men like your boyfriend. They always runing from any responsibilty, and they never be a good husband. Do you want to have a husband like that ?.

Sister, I know is hard to be a single mother, but don't have an abortion. All baby is inocence, don't kill a baby even if a baby is birth yet.

I hope someday you can find a man who can accept you as a wife, no matter what religion is he. May Allah gives you a good man, ameen.
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pipay
06-18-2009, 07:47 AM
I'm currently in the same situation as yours. Having a child ( in my womb) from an irresponsible muslim man. I understand that it is really difficult to "break up" with him especially if you had lived together for a long time like husband and wife, also, bearing a baby inside your body. But you need to be strong. You definitely have to prepare yourself of the BEST and the WORST things to happen.

Before, I was so confused and almost wanted to jump out of the window to kill myself because I don't have anybody to turn to and to talk to regarding my situation. But slowly, I tried to think deeper. I prepared myself for the best and for the worst. I also tried to seek advices from this forum which I really searched, and thank God, this forum really helped me a lot. It's not necessarily that you need to follow everything what our brothers and sisters are telling you or advising you, but the thing is, it would give you confidence along the way. Still, the final decision is yours.

Our religion does not allow abortion although the baby is through a sinful act. We cannot correct the wrong thing by doing another wrong thing. Instead, face your fault, sincerely ask for forgiveness and stand up from where you fell. Be responsible enough for your baby. Keep in mind: A wrong thing is wrong even if everyone else is doing it; a right thing is right even if your the only person doing it.

I'm on my 7 1/2 month now and so excited to see my baby. Even if I will be a single mother, I don't care, as long as I have my baby with me. He's my new life and my new hope.

I hope that you'll find the real love and happiness in your life. Don't waste your time for somebody whose not giving you care, love and just. Don't think you don't have a choice. YOU HAVE A CHOICE. And if ever it doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to start anew. Let there be God in everything that you do. Good luck!!
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Malaikah
06-18-2009, 09:10 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sofia084
He is muslim, I am Christian, we live in a Christian country. We have been together for 7 years. 3 years ago I was invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure.
Now, I am pregnant 6-7 weeks. My boyfriend says that what is in my stomach is haram, because we were not properly married.
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way - please don't take offence but it might be the reason your husband/boyfriend believes that the marriage was not valid. While in Islam Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian and Jewish women this is one the condition that the woman is chaste, and has not had a physical relationship while unmarried before. I don't know the extent to which physical contact would have had to occur though for this to be applicable.

Again, please don't take that personally, I'm not implying that you were involved in anything inappropriate outside of marriage!
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doorster
06-18-2009, 10:39 AM
.....
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Sofia084
06-18-2009, 11:19 AM
This leads me to another question.
What does a girl have to do to prove her chastity towards her husband? The hymen is not always intact whether or not the girl has had intercourse before. This can be broken for various reasons.
What if the husband does not believe the girl when she says he was the first to have been physical with her?
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doorster
06-18-2009, 11:54 AM
....
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pipay
06-18-2009, 01:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sofia084
This leads me to another question.
What does a girl have to do to prove her chastity towards her husband? The hymen is not always intact whether or not the girl has had intercourse before. This can be broken for various reasons.
What if the husband does not believe the girl when she says he was the first to have been physical with her?
And why do you have to prove? If a person loves you, he/she will accept you for who you are and what you are.

"The person meant for you is the person who'll stay even when there's no more reason to love you..."
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- IqRa -
06-18-2009, 01:58 PM
"The person meant for you is the person who'll stay even when there's no more reason to love you..."
Beautiful.
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Sampharo
06-18-2009, 04:54 PM
Strange opinions being flung and I guess schools of jurisprudence is not actually on the line here as much as it is whatever was heard in this lecture or the next.

Sophia let me put your mind at ease a bit and go through a few points:

1- As per the consensus of the Islamic scholarly community, a valid marriage happens with proposal, acceptance, and witnessing. A groom should give a gift of anything, but the prophet married some people with simply a few chapters of Quran that they knew, nothing else. A judge or leader of marriage is for local administrative requirements and you are required to go through such procedures, however the marriage is not invalid due to the lack of such procedure. Egyptian courts have held up marriages carried out with less conditions than yours. There aren't even necessary declarations more than "this man wants to marry you, is that ok?" and your answer of yes validates it. If you were a muslim then you should have gone through a guardian, if not available your guardianship is assumed by the judge or the senior witness of the marriage.

2- Being chaste means not to have illicit relations with other men behind your husband's back that you CONTINUE to have at marriage and after. THAT invalidates marriage only if it is proven adultery by four witnesses or your and your alleged illicit partner's confession. You are assumed chaste until proven otherwise. Khalifa Umar Ibn Al-Khattab was asked if a father has to tell a suitor of his daughter's earlier mistake and Umar asked if she is having an affair, and the man said she stopped and repented, so Umar jumped on the guy and held his clothes shouting "who are you to uncover what God has deemed covered?"

3- There is a haraam relationship and an acceptable one, yours was ok after the marriage, which is valid. Even if it wasn't, there is no such thing as a haraam child who needs to be aborted or killed!! A child is a child even if a *******, and his or her blame in this is absolutely zero. You are correct to completely rule out that option. Islamically the child is in your care and custody (obligated for him to spend on you) until the age of puberty if a boy, or until married or adulthood if it's a girl.

The above is your situation from an Islamic point of view as per the majority of opinions of moderate and correct scholars. The rest below is personal opinion and advice for what you can do:

Your child is yours and if this despicable example of a man is copping out (and apparently according to you he did that before) then that is your situation pure and simple. If you live in a country with a shariah court, a judge can rule in your favour and force the witnesses of the procedure to come forward and hear their testimony, upon which it will officially validate the marriage and back-date it to when it has happened. If there is no such access, seek the local masjed where this guy attends and try to speak to an Imam there to get answers, go with a sympathetic friend to speak on your behalf and try to get something to boost credibility, you might face skeptics. As a christian you have more options for you and you may wish to use the local court of law of course and explore DNA tests to force his financial obligations being met under supervision.

Other than that, get a job, repent to God for your mistake of playing around before the marriage, and be wiser for not having a proper family involvement in the relationship and not getting an official ceremony at the registry. Seek a good life with your child, and maybe find a true husband who wants to be with you for life and for real. No I do not think you should patch things up with this guy because he seems to be a deceptive dirty pathetic coward based on the situation, him being a muslim is irrelevent.
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doorster
06-18-2009, 05:36 PM
^^ I thought unless one lived in a cave in tora bora one had to register a marriage as per local Laws

forgive my earlier "erroneous" posts "based on lecture, I might have heard" (even though those posts were words of Maududi and another (neither of them a Sufi) verbatim.

they are all deleted now so that you can give your "scholarly opinions" freely

wasalam

As per the consensus of the Islamic scholarly community
you know that because? they took an international vote on it?
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Sampharo
06-18-2009, 06:21 PM
I thought unless one lived in a cave in tora bora one had to register a marriage as per local Laws
Common law marriage is acceptable in Islam regardless of country, it requires the three listed items of proposal, acceptance, and witnessing. Witnessing can two witnesses or announcement. Going through local license is an administrative procedure that does not invalidate marriage.

you know that because? they took an international vote on it?
Yes, it is something called books of fiqh in case you're interested, it shows schools of fiqh opinion on many matters and mentions if there is majority, or ijmaa amongst them. You would do well to read some before invalidating people's marriages because they didn't file for a license. As for maududi his own journalistic skills notwithstanding, he is more of a political activist than a trained faqih, so whether one likes him or not he does not have the weight to overthrow the 1300 years of fiqh established by the four schools of Sunnah.
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Thinker
06-18-2009, 07:47 PM
I am sure I’ll be jumped all over for having the temerity to purport to know anything about Islam but as you are not Muslim I will (and I’m sure I’ll be corrected if I am wrong).

First you should know that Islam allows Muslim men to marry non-Muslims women. You might think that doesn’t need stating but it does as Islam does not allow Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men. The verse of the Qur’an stating such is . . . .
erse 5. 5. . . . . . (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book (Christians and Jews), revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those w ho have lost (all spiritual good). That said there are some who will say that Muslim men can marry non Muslim women but not until they convert; that however (I believe) is not in the Qu’ran but something which is less came later (hadith).

Next thing you need to know is that sex outside of marriage is forbidden and any child from sex outside of marriage is considered illegitimate. So the question about whether you went through a marriage ceremony is important. The question of whether you were married or not is also important as marriage imposes certain duties on a husband and one of those is that he must ‘keep’ you and the child.

If I were you I would get myself round to the Mosque, ask to speak with the Imam, tell him that this man told you he was marrying you and put you through a ceremony and now you are pregnant etc. etc. If they try and fob you off threaten to go to the newspapers. If they don’t sort him out for you he’s not a committed Muslim and so the whole question doesn’t become an issue.
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Muezzin
06-18-2009, 08:20 PM
This thread was about whether or not its starter would go through with an abortion. As a result of discussion, they decided not to. They are now receiving support from members here.

I urge all members to remain on-topic. Off-topic posts will be deleted.
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Thinker
06-19-2009, 06:44 PM
What does Sharia law say about a man obtaining carnal knowledge of a woman by deception (e.g. going through a sham wedding ceremony) would that be rape in Sharia law; is there a crime of rape in Sharia law?
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Thinker
06-19-2009, 07:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sofia084
Thank you for your kind reply.

There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?
If the marriage was a sham you may have been raped in which case you can report it to the police.

The law says . . . . Sexual Offences Act 1956, s1, as amended, and s1 (1) (c) and (2) replace s1(2) of the Sexual Offences (Amendment) Act 1976.

By s76 it is conclusively presumed that the victim did not consent and that the accused did not reasonably believe that he or she consented if (a) the defendant intentionally deceived the complainant as to the nature or purpose of the relevant act;
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جوري
06-19-2009, 10:00 PM
all you need to know Thinker:

Name of Questioner
Muhammad

Title
Islamic Punishment for Rape

Question
What is the ruling on the crime of rape in Islam?

Date
12/Sep/2005

Name of Counsellor
Muhammad Saleh Al-Munajjid

Topic
Crimes & Penalties, Adultery & Fornication, Mischief

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Thanks for your question, and we implore Allah to guide us all to the best and to help us gain insight to understand the teachings of Islam.
Rape is an abhorrent crime and an abominable sin. This heinous crime is forbidden not only in Islam but in all religions, and all people of sound thinking and pure human nature reject it.
Responding to the question, the prominent Saudi Islamic lecturer and author Sheikh Muhammad Saleh Al-Munajjid states the following:
The Arabic word ightisab (rape) refers to taking something wrongfully by force. It is now used exclusively to refer to transgression against the honor of women by force.
This is an abhorrent crime that is forbidden in all religions and in the minds of all wise people and those who possess sound human nature. All earthly systems and laws regard this action as abhorrent and impose the strictest penalties on it.
Islam has a clear stance which states that this repugnant action is haram (forbidden) and imposes a deterrent punishment on the one who commits it.
Islam closes the door to the criminal who wants to commit this crime. Western studies have shown that most rapists are already criminals who commit their crimes under the influence of alcohol and drugs, and they take advantage of the fact that their victims are walking alone in isolated places or staying in the house alone. These studies also show that what the criminals watch on the media and the semi-naked styles of dress in which women go out also lead to the commission of this reprehensible crime.
The laws of Islam came to protect women’s honor and modesty. Islam forbids women to wear clothes that are not modest. In addition, Islam encourages young men and women to marry early, and many other rulings that close the door before rape and other crimes. Hence it comes as no surprise when we hear or read that most of these crimes occur in permissive societies, which are looked up to by some Muslims as examples of civilization and refinement! It is worth mentioning here that in America , for example, Amnesty International stated in a 2004 report entitled “Stop Violence Against Women” that every 90 seconds a woman was raped during that year.
The punishment for rape in Islam is the same as the punishment for zina (adultery or fornication), which is stoning if the perpetrator is married, and one hundred lashes and banishment for one year if he is not married.
Moreover, Ibn `Abdul-Barr (may Allah bless his soul) said
The scholars are unanimously agreed that the rapist is to be subjected to the hadd punishment if there is clear evidence against him that he deserves the hadd punishment, or if he admits to that. Otherwise, he is to be punished (that is, if there is no proof that the hadd punishment for zina may be carried out against him because he does not confess and there are not four witnesses, then the judge may punish him and stipulate a punishment that will deter him and others like him). There is no punishment for the woman if it is true that he forced her and overpowered her. (Al-Istidhkaar, 7/146).
In addition, the rapist is subject to the hadd punishment for zina, even if the rape was not carried out at knifepoint or gunpoint. If the use of a weapon was threatened, then he is a muharib, and is to be subjected to the hadd punishment described in the verse in which Allah says (The recompense of those who wage war against Allah and His Messenger and do mischief in the land is only that they shall be killed or crucified or their hands and their feet be cut off from opposite sides, or be exiled from the land. That is their disgrace in this world, and a great torment is theirs in the Hereafter) (Al-Ma’idah 5:33).
So the judge has the choice of the four punishments mentioned in this verse and may choose whichever he thinks is most suitable to attain the objective, which is to spread peace and security in society, and ward off evildoers and aggressors.
Source: www.islam-qa.com


__________________________________________________ ______

Name of Questioner
Muslimah - Pakistan

Title
Punishment for Rapists

Question
In the Shari`ah, is there a certain punishment for a rapist?

Date
22/Feb/2007

Name of Mufti
Ahmad Yusuf Sulaiman

Topic
Crimes & Penalties

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear questioner, thanks for your question, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.
Islamically speaking, the raped woman is not guilty of any sin because she was forced to it beyond her control. Stressing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said, “Allah has forgiven my Ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” Thus, the raped woman is a victim and all members of her community should deal with her with honor and kindness and should encourage her to obtain her rights through all possible means.
In an attempt to furnish you with an answer to your question, we would like to cite for you the following fatwa issued by Dr. Ahmad Yusuf Sulaiman, professor of law and Islamic Shari`ah at Cairo University:
If a woman is raped, she should press charges against the one who raped her. If it is proved that she was raped, then the court must apply discretionary punishment or ta`zir on the rapist. Such discretionary punishment may reach the death penalty, according to some schools of thought. This is based wholly on the fact that the rape is confirmed through medical tests and court procedures, without the confession of the rapist himself.
In cases where the rapist confesses the crime, then the penalty for zina (illegitimate sexual intercourse) is to be applied to him. If he is not married, then he is to be whipped 100 lashes. If he is married, then he is to be stoned to death.
As for the rape victim, no punishment is to be inflicted on her. She is to be treated with dignity and honor, and all forms of help should be given to her to gain her rights.
______________________________________________

Name of Questioner
Akhtar

Title
Are Raped Women Asked to Bring Four Witnesses?

Question
Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. When it says to bring four witnesses against a woman who has committed indecency, is it for the woman who has been raped or this is for a married woman whose husband is in doubt about her indecency? Please explain in detail.

Date
29/Aug/2004

Name of Mufti
Ahmad Kutty

Topic
Misconceptions

Answer

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


Dear brother in Islam, thanks a lot for your question which reflects your care to have a clear view of the teachings of Islam. Allah commands Muslims to refer to people of knowledge to get themselves well-acquainted with the teachings of Islam as well as all aspects of life.

In Islam, we are not allowed to tarnish the honor of anyone. One is required to produce four witnesses when making an allegation of adultery against another person; otherwise, one will be guilty of slandering.

A raped woman is a victim that must be treated with honor and kindness. She is not required to produce four witnesses to prove the crime done against her, nor is she punished for the crime done against her.

In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:


If a person makes an allegation of adultery against another person (male or female) he or she must produce four witnesses to support such an allegation; otherwise, he or she is guilty of slandering, which is a grave offense in Islam, for we are not to tarnish the honor of anyone.

A woman who has been raped cannot be asked to produce witnesses; her claim shall be accepted unless there are tangible grounds to prove otherwise. To insist that she provide witnesses is akin to inflicting further pain on her. If anyone refutes her claim of innocence, the onus is on him to provide evidence, and she may simply deny the claim by making a solemn oath, thus clearing herself in public. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The onus to provide evidence falls on the one who makes a claim, and the one who denies (the same) can absolve himself or herself by making a solemn oath to the contrary.”

As for a spouse who witnesses his or her partner committing adultery and the other party denies it and they are unable to provide witnesses, they are, if they so desire, to part company by repudiating each other by engaging in what is known as a solemn oath and prayer of curse (li`an). It is described thus in the Qur’an: “And those who accuse their wives, and have no witnesses but themselves, then the testimony of each of them shall be a testimony sworn by God repeated four times, that he is indeed truthful. And the fifth (oath) is that God’s curse be upon him if he is lying. And it shall avert punishment from her that she testify a testimony repeated and sworn by God four times, that he is lying. And a fifth (oath) that the wrath of God be upon her, if he has spoken the truth” (An-Nur: 6-9).
Excerpted, with slight modifications, from: www.muslims
__________________________________________________

Name of Questioner Nina Title Are Raped Women Punished in Islam? Date 26/Nov/2007 Question Dear respected scholars,

My question is simply about raped women. I know that Islam doesn't punish a raped woman because simply it’s out of her hands. But some people say that they should be punished.

Can you please tell me the state of the "raped" in Islam.
Jazakallahu khayran
Topic Human Rights, Women's life Name of Counselor Kamal Badr
Answer
Salam, Nina.
Thanks for your question.

As the question mostly revolves around raped women, I would confine my answer to that point, without delving into the issue of punishing the rapist, on which there is no controversy that if it is proven, beyond reasonable doubt, that he is guilty of the crime, he will serve the punishment.

But I would like to make it clear that this crime can be proved either by confession or testimony or even through any modern means, thanks for the great revolution that has taken place in the field of science. This has made it easier for criminal experts to lay their hands on clear evidence that paves way for justice to run its course.

So what I am trying to say is that, contrary to what some Westerners claim, the issue is not just "bring four witnesses or set the accused free". Shari`ah is not a legal system that keeps itself away from realities of life. Rather, it is practical in the sense that its mechanism of justice operates in a quite flexible way that makes all its precepts and rulings applicable at all time. Anyway, as I have said, I will not go into details on that now.

Moving to your question. Yes, sister, raped women are not punished in Islam. What punishment? This is like saying that a person robbed of his property should be punished.

It is a fact that, to be absolved from guilt, the raped woman must have shown some sort of good conduct, in the sense that what befell her must be something beyond her control. This is where Islam excels.
In dealing with a certain issue or addressing a certain problem, it brings forth a comprehensive panacea that uproots the problem and eliminates its causes. Rather than stipulating a temporary measure that will act as sedatives, Islam gets down to the root of the problem itself with the aim of uprooting entirely.
It sets noble codes of conduct that should prevail in the society; it addresses women to maintain their modesty, as not to open the door for evils:

*{… be not too complacent of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire: but speak ye a speech (that is) just.}* (Al-Ahzab 33: 32)

The above verse, despite addressing the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) actually, in an implicit way, calls upon Muslim women in general to preserve their dignity and modesty, just to save themselves from any harassment.

This injunction sounds more explicit in the following verse:
*{O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad): that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.}* (Al-Ahzab 33: 59)

This is Islam. As we have reiterated before, it does not hunt for crimes just to punish; rather, it works towards the means of blocking the avenues of crimes. Even when it punishes, it does not punish blindly; rather, it strikes the guilty hand.

So, for a rape victim to be absolved from guilt, she must not be the one that opens her house for robbery and her dignity for deflowering. If, after trying her best to resist the attack, she gets overcome by the assailants, she is totally absolved from punishment.

Muslim scholars are unanimous on this. They maintain that any woman, who, despite doing her utmost to resist these thugs and their ilk, is raped, is not guilty of any sin. This is since the situation is beyond her control, and anyone who is forced to do something is not guilty of sin. This is even in the case of disbelief, which is worse than zina (sex out of marriage), as Allah says what means:

*{… except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with faith}* (An-Nahl 16: 106)

The Prophet said: "Allah has forgiven for my Ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do."

In showing reaction to this heinous crime, Islam takes into consideration the terrible effects it has on its victims. Most rape victims have their self-esteem diminished after an assault or abuse, driving them to be hunted by frequent shame, humiliation and loss of control.

This situation may even exacerbate to the point of making rape victims find it difficult to be intimate with others. That is why Islam lays down certain strategies, which all in all, aim at soothing the rape victim, opening for her new channels of hope and survival.

That is why Islam makes it clear that any Muslim woman who falls prey to a rapist will be rewarded for bearing this calamity with patience, if she seeks Allah's reward for the harm that has befallen her.
The Prophet says:
"No stress or exhaustion befalls the Muslim, nor worry or distress, even a thorn which pricks him, but Allah will forgive his sins because of that." (Al-Bukhari)

The society also has a role to play in rehabilitating the rape victim. Instead of deserting her or considering her a person non grata in the society, for the crime she has no hand in, Islam calls upon the society to rush to assist her in modifying and improving her life. We should show her the way out the pain of abuse.

Thus, many Muslim scholars, led by Sheikh Al-Qaradawi, have maintained that young Muslim men should hasten to marry women who fall as rape victims, so as to reduce their suffering and console them, to compensate them for the loss of the most precious thing that they possess. This reflects mutual love, rapport and altruism that prevail in the Muslim society.

This is, in brief, how Islam caters for raped women. Please keep in touch.
_________________________________

hope that takes care of all your q's
you can always pose your questions to them directly or search their data base islamonline.net

all the best
Reply

-MuslimSista-
06-20-2009, 04:16 AM
Sister it is haram but i wish u the best. sorry
Reply

fadil
06-22-2009, 06:24 AM
Greetings sister

Apologies for replying very very late indeed

To be honest, I did not think the marriage is valid until “Hopeful” pointed it out, thanks to you “Hopeful”. Verily Allah is the greatest.

Please don’t get me wrong, I had reasons to think as such and I still can’t figure it out what was the need to get married just in the presence of 2 persons only and why not inviting some close relatives, friends and others, sharing with them all one of our best moments, this doesn’t happen often…

Well sister, below is a brief note on marriage, please do consider it:

In Islam, marriage is an act of worship; a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom.

Both parties mutually agree and enter into a marriage contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.

Primary Requirements

1. Mutual agreement by the bride and the groom
2. Two adult and sane witnesses
3. Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately or deferred, or a combination of both

Secondary Requirements

1. Legal guardian representing the bride
2. Written marriage contract signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3. Muslim judge appointed by State or a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony
4. Sermon to solemnise the marriage
If the procedure of making the relationship halal agrees with at least the primary requirements mentioned above, then Islamically you are a married woman, and by the permission of Allah you have not committed any sin by having intimacy with your husband, on the contrary, a couple is rewarded even when they have sexual intercourse – All praise to Allah – and certainly, the child is not haram or illegitimate. It is well and truly the child of both of you and it is obligatory upon your husband to provide you with all the necessary support; it is essential that he assumes his responsibility correctly else he will be held responsible in the sight of Allah.

But if the marriage does not meet the primary requirements, never mind, deliver the baby, then you two get married after the delivery, you have made a mistake, knowingly or unknowingly, so what, after all we are human, we are bound to make mistakes, we have been created weak; we are not angels (angels do not commit mistakes), but the wiser is the one, after committing a mistake, repents sincerely to Allah and has firm belief that Allah, the most merciful, the One who accepts repentance, will accept his/her repentance and will absolve him/her of the sin. Also we should try our best not to repeat the same mistakes again; we can only do that by seeking the help of Allah.

Sister, never will this brother of yours advice you to have an abortion except:
• continuing with the pregnancy would be a greater risk to your life than would ending the pregnancy
• continuing with the pregnancy would involve a greater risk of injury to the your physical or mental health than would ending the pregnancy
I have read a bit about the risks associated to abortion, sincerely speaking; please don’t even think about abortion, it has many implications, such as breast cancer, handicapped newborns in later pregnancies and others.
Please do your own research work concerning abortion in the medical perspective.
If the marriage is not valid and you did not know about that, you are not held responsible since you are in this situation only because you thought he was your husband, but that does not mean you should not repent to Allah, on the contrary do so, it is for our own benefit, just to remind ourselves, the beloved prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to repent 70 to 100 times per day, so we have to repent more than that, if it is thousand times, it’s good for us, more than that, it’s better for us.

You may consider following the steps:

1. Get to know whether the marriage is valid or not
2. If yes, convince your husband that you are his wife
If no, never mind, talk to him saying “We made a mistake, so let’s correct it together”
3. Take good care of yourself and the baby
4. Deliver the baby and you two get married in case the marriage is invalid

I say it again sister, the choice is yours, think profoundly and then decide, without being influenced by anybody.

If there is anything I said you did not appreciate, do let me know please and I apologise for all, I only wanted to help, not to hurt you in any way, but I’m human, I err, so please point out my shortcomings and excuse me if you can.

Anything good in it is undoubtedly from Allah, the Exalted in Might and anything bad is from me

Remain in the protection of Allah
Brotherly yours
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
06-22-2009, 07:19 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
all you need to know Thinker:
lol yh that was already mentioned to him in his other thread which im guessing he chose to ignore...:rollseyes
Reply

Al Qalam
06-22-2009, 08:16 AM
It's ironic that your boyfriend is not behaving like a muslim, nor is he observing the laws of islam. It sounds more like he is afraid of becoming a father, becoming responsible, and stepping up to the plate like a man. At this stage, I'd say single motherhood is the better option. Your desire for male attention may cost you a lifetime of misery with this "man." There is no compulsion in islam to become a muslim. No true Muslim would compel you to have an abortion or become a muslim. Something else is at work here.
Reply

paradise88
06-22-2009, 07:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
I am so fuming, I will reply later lest I say something improper!! :raging:
i know this isnt funny but what u just said made me laugh cos i was kinda thinking the same.. but i will try and write a calm reply to it now :statisfie
Reply

paradise88
06-22-2009, 07:52 PM
I say dump him because he does not seem like responsible good muslim. However if he can fix things then thats ok.. Dont have an abortion like evryone said its not the childs fault. Its nice u came here for some advice but do try and get some help physically as in see a person, doctor or family
Reply

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