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AlbanianMuslim
06-20-2009, 02:34 AM
:sl:

I dont know if any of you remember my last thread on here months ago, but i broke off my engagement to a man who turned out to be a very manipulative, abusive and non-religious person (although before our engagement he pretended to be the opposite of each of those words)
Needless to say, i have made it through the worst of it. I stood before the family elders and calmly presented my case and was cleared of any blame in the break up.

I have moved on, and feel so good these days, Alhamdullah, with Gods help i got out in time.
Now someone else has shown interest. This time he is someone my uncles have known for years, although i have never met him myself.
He is coming with my uncle to my house to meet me and my father.
Im nervous, but thankful that someone has shown interest in me (i was afraid that men would think less of me since i broke off my previous engagement)


The problem is others, whenever any one of my girl cousins or friends find out a man is interested in me or i express the fact that i am not against getting married even tho i am only 20 years old.
I keep being told "put marriage off, live your life!" or " experience life!"

It almost seems like they think that by getting married somehow life ends? I dont see it that way. I feel like if the right man comes along, we build a new life together, inshallah a good one. I just really dont like hearing these things they make me question myself sometimes, am i crazy to think its ok to get married young?
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Frijj
06-20-2009, 05:39 PM
:sl:

I'm glad to hear you found out about this guy before it became too late. :)

In today's society (in the UK) getting married at avery ealry age, like in the teens or early 20s is quite rare, and I think this is what people have become accutomed to. However, we must try to follow the example set by our beloved Prophet Muhammed (SAW), who advised the Muslim Ummah to marry whenever possible. If you, and only you, think that marriage is something you are willing to get into at the age of 20, then go ahead and do it, certainly if you believe that it will protect you from commiting the sinful and shameful act of fornication, and if you believe this new suitor to be a man of integrity and genuinety, unlike the last.

In conclusion, you certainly are not crazy to follow the example that we are supposed to follow. Yes, some will be shocked, but, ultimately, only you know what's best for yourself.

Personally, I would love to get married after completion of my uni degree and if anyone questions my doing so, all I can say is "tough luck". :D

Whatever you do, I hope you make the right decision. :)
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
06-20-2009, 05:46 PM
:sl:

You are definitely not crazy to think it's too young. I was ready since I was 18 and here I am 21 and not married yet and i feel old lol. I get the usual comments from others too and my mom thinks its like a big DEAL to hear it from my mouth lol. Those who tell you to "live your life" obviously are clueless as if you'd be bounded in marriage, hopefully not. Don't listen to them and do as u wish to get married. All the best sis xx :D

:w:
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alcurad
06-20-2009, 05:52 PM
it's really up to you, marriage is not the end of life, but it's not necessarily something that should be rushed into, what do you want yourself? married life is demanding, and you won't have much freedom as you had before, although that depends..
in the end, it's your call..
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alcurad
06-20-2009, 05:53 PM
it's really up to you, marriage is not the end of life, but it's not necessarily something that should be rushed into, what do you want yourself? married life is demanding, and you won't have much freedom as you had before, although that depends.
in the end, it's your call, just be sure if you really want to go ahead with it or not.
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AlbanianMuslim
06-20-2009, 10:38 PM
alcorud

with all due respect, i do not expect you to understand my situation seeing as you are a brother...freedom means something entirely different to you than it does for me.
freedom is different for each individual. everything i do now, in my fathers household, is pretty much what i will be doing when i am married
theres nothing i want to experience before marriage that i have not experienced, and you must understand my experiences were very limited to what i am allowed as 1. a muslim 2. a daughter and 3. a girl
i am happy with my life thus far, i dont think that marriage is an ending its a begining for someone like me

i just hate dealing with people who attack me for being open to marriage at a young age.
but then again, most of these people are people who "experience" the forbidden
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Mysterious Uk
06-20-2009, 10:47 PM
If you are ready then you are ready.. Fair enough if people might worry that you're young, i'm sure their intentions are good. If people question you then tell them you have thought it through (obviously you know marriage is a big deal) and thank them for their concern.. end of.

Wish you all the best.
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AlbanianMuslim
06-20-2009, 10:49 PM
thank you sister :)
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-21-2009, 08:26 AM
:sl:
if you want to get married and feel ready, go for it...its your life you are living, no one is in you shoes, except you so in my opinion they have no place to tell you that you should experience life etc...:)
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Bub
06-23-2009, 02:06 PM
Follow your heart, sis! if u want then go for it. Your family love you and caring about you. But remember its your life.
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Ansariyah
06-23-2009, 02:06 PM
Some friends can be like that, maybe they're a bit jealous? Doesn't have to be in a evil way.
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Intisar
06-23-2009, 02:17 PM
:sl: Don't listen to those people, in fact you get more freedom as a woman when you're married and there are less restrictions. Since you have a mahram, you can travel and do all of the things you want to and have been putting off.

Make lots and lots of du'a inshaAllaah sis. I pray everything goes well for you.
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Layla454
06-23-2009, 02:21 PM
If you feel you're ready sis then go for it. Don't let other people put you off. At the end of the day, its YOU who is getting married, not them.
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AlbanianMuslim
06-23-2009, 02:27 PM
Thank you all, i really appreciate the supportive words. I feel that i am ready, but i am believer that everyday you learn and become more ready. Everyday i am learning new things that will make me a better daughter, sister, and one day wife and mother inshallah.

My fathers cousin and the man who is interested in me visited last night. Very respectful gentlemen. My parents approve. Now i just have to take time to think it through and make prayers.
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Layla454
06-23-2009, 02:29 PM
Originally Posted by AlbanianMuslim
Thank you all, i really appreciate the supportive words. I feel that i am ready, but i am believer that everyday you learn and become more ready. Everyday i am learning new things that will make me a better daughter, sister, and one day wife and mother inshallah.

My fathers cousin and the man who is interested in me visited last night. Very respectful gentlemen. My parents approve. Now i just have to take time to think it through and make prayers.
Remember to make salatul istikhara :)
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