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anonymous
06-21-2009, 03:21 AM
:sl:

I've got a proposal from a man who's salary is 3x less than mine. Qualification wise also he's 3x lower. Now is that an issue or can it become an issue after marriage? Please brothers and sisters, i need your advice and opinions regarding this matter.

Baarakallaahu fihi.
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S_87
06-21-2009, 03:18 PM
itsonly an issue if you want to make it an issue and if as a result you look down on him because he earns less and has less qualifications.
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glo
06-21-2009, 03:34 PM
What is your personal feeling on this?
Would you think any less of your husband for having a lesser qualification and earning less money?
If you decide to have children, would you want to stay at home? If so, how would you feel about reducing your family income by so much?

Has you potential husband-to-be mentioned how he feels about this?
Would he have a problem with having a wife who has superior qualifications and income?
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Muslim Woman
06-21-2009, 04:12 PM
:w:

Originally Posted by anonymous
:sl:

... can it become an issue after marriage? .
anything can become an isuue if the couple don't fear God , take everything for granted , don't show gratitude for the blessings they receeved .

Pl. don't forgert to offer Isthekhara prayer before taking the important decision like marriage.
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AlbanianMuslim
06-21-2009, 09:10 PM
I think you should still consider him, but discuss your concerns with your parents that HE may have an issue with that later on.

My ex fiance wanted me to quit school because "people will laugh at him if he is working a low paying job and his wife makes more money than him"

some men have issue with the woman making more money

but some DO NOt...so give him the benefit of the doubt, are you allowed to speak with him? if you are, you should ask him if it bothers him that you pay such a high salary....but DO NOT belittle him and DO NOT say "less qualified" or "makes less money"
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Sunni Ninja
06-21-2009, 11:03 PM
it will be an issue sister if the income will mean that you will not survive much from it.. i dont think it should be an issue if you wish to work after marriage if you wish not to work then maybe you should think more about it.. as it wil be difficult to pay for bills etc from just one wage..
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Al Qalam
06-22-2009, 08:26 AM
It's time to put your emotions on the shelf and look at the practical aspects of this potential union. If your want children, can he provide for you and them during their early years? Would you be happy in a relationship with a man who is 3x less than you? If not, don't tempt disaster here. He's the wrong guy, asking the wrong woman, to do the wrong thing at the wrong time with the wrong resources.
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Bub
06-22-2009, 08:55 AM
Salam remember money cant buy happiness and health so follow your heart InshaAllah Allah will help you. I think love is more important than money bec love is a sign of share and happiness and money could be greed, cold-heart. See how it is going in the future InshaAllah
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- IqRa -
06-22-2009, 09:21 AM
:w:

Can you not work after marriage?
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Aleena
06-22-2009, 09:31 AM
Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
:w:



anything can become an isuue if the couple don't fear God , take everything for granted , don't show gratitude for the blessings they receeved .

Pl. don't forgert to offer Isthekhara prayer before taking the important decision like marriage.
What does "Isthekhara" prayer mean? can someone explan it plzz...tnx w/salam
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- IqRa -
06-22-2009, 09:42 AM
Aleena, click on this link, it will explain everything InshaAllah:

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-guidance.html
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anonymous
06-23-2009, 10:46 AM
:sl:

I asked this question because I've seen couples who have conflicts because like you say sis AlbanianMuslim "some men have issue with the woman making more money". That's why I wanted to get the opinions of you people here if you have ever faced any similar situation.

I'm not arrogant on my salary or qualifications. These are a blessing from Allah and He may turn the table any time by making my husband more qualified and better paid than me. So I have never looked to marry someone more qualified and with a higher salary than me.

Now I don't want to work after marriage but he is looking for a working wife. So why did i consider his proposal you might ask.

The fact is nowadays it is very difficult to find a man who's looking for a non-working wife.

Now the issue about talking with him. This proposal was brought by a third party and the man just agreed to the proposal. It was me who requested a conversation with him but it was a phone conversation. Even then he didn't have anything to ask me. It's me who did the questioning!!! The only question he asked me was why I want to stop working.

There are a lot of things I would like to discuss but i feel kind of shy that me being a girl would ask questions and he doesn't have any.

I've prayed Istikhara. Hope Allah guides me to what's best.
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Malaikah
06-23-2009, 11:59 AM
The fact is nowadays it is very difficult to find a man who's looking for a non-working wife.
lol. My experience has been the exact opposite!
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muslimah_online
06-23-2009, 12:11 PM
i have a bad feeling about the guy in question. i'm sorry but i'm not trying to influence u or something. but through lots of reading.. well u know.. it's hard to say. guys who only care about ur working status has a very blunt way of saying 'i care for ur money'

i don't mean to be rude or what. i'm just offering my wisdom on this matter. do the istikarah many times. remember to do it frequently.
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Najm
06-23-2009, 12:38 PM
Originally Posted by Al Qalam
It's time to put your emotions on the shelf and look at the practical aspects of this potential union. If your want children, can he provide for you and them during their early years? Would you be happy in a relationship with a man who is 3x less than you? If not, don't tempt disaster here. He's the wrong guy, asking the wrong woman, to do the wrong thing at the wrong time with the wrong resources.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Agreed!

Uhkti, this person has to be able to look after himself and you and the children. Finance is one of the biggest issues in marriage, and if the man cant afford much, then its a disaster waiting to happen...

FiAmaaniAllah
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anonymous
06-23-2009, 05:58 PM
Money has no worth. Allah is your provider. :)
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true believer
06-23-2009, 11:21 PM
depends on u sis...tbh this guy dnt sound very reliable as he cant get a decent wage den how can he look after u...some guys cant AFFORD marriage..n oh lawd..wat bout KIDS?? i wouldnt comparise ma expections. u can do better.
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anonymous
06-26-2009, 12:07 PM
:sl:

After much thought and taking into consideration your advices and my family's opinions I've decided to close the matter. I felt that was best.

And Allah knows best.

Jazaakallah khair for everything.
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