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View Full Version : Allah did not give me a brother or sister..



anonymous
06-21-2009, 11:40 PM
..and it kills me inside.

When i was younger i used to make obsessive dua to Allah to give me a brother or sister, but it never happened and it can never happen now obviously.

People always say "oh you're so lucky, it must be great being an only child"..but it isn't.
Or they say "aww it must be awful for you, you must get so lonely"..and that upsets me so much, how can people be so insensitive and say something like that, what possible response can i give to that while they stand proud with their brother/sister and i stand there alone.
Or they ask "would you have liked to have a brother or sister?", again what can i say to that, if i say no then i am lying, if i say yes then i am admitting to something that privately torments me and hurting my parents by making them feel like they let me down.

I always make out that i have enough brotherly/sisterly relationships with my cousins and i'm happy..but at the end of the day they aren't my actual brothers or sisters and they don't know me inside out, they don't grow up with me day and night, they don't feel the complete loyalty and unjudgmental love that your own flesh and blood does, they're not there for me 100% of the time, they're not really mine..

It hurts me so much more knowing that my mother lost a baby when i was very young, to think i was so close to having, what i believe, was a brother.. When i am going through a bad day, i remember him, i pine for him, i hurt so much, as i really need him.. I cry for a brother i never knew, that i never had. I wonder what he would have looked like, what he would sound like, what he would do and how he would hug me and comfort me and tell me that he is always there for me, because he is mine, MY brother..

Everybody else i know has a brother or sister, if not many of them, and though they may fight, argue, and complain about them alot, they love eachother and get so many happy times with them, so many benefits, so much love, so much family contentment and also growth of the family due to marriages and nephews and neices..i feel i have nothing. I have my parents and that is it. When we go out, or go on holidays not including my relatives, it is just me and my parents..which is difficult. And one day they shall be old, and leave me, and i will have noone that will know my pain and share what i feel about them.

I just feel so lonely thinking about all this and i wonder why Allah left me as an only child. I feel it has done me no good in life. I'm not spoilt, but i know that i am treated much more differently by my parents because i am their only one, they are so over protective, and everything i do can make or break their happiness as everything lies on me. And i feel i haven't learnt life's lessons properly because i am so shielded and protected. And when things are happening in our home, in our family, there is noone to talk to that i can relate to. yes i have my friends and my cousins, but it is just not the same as having your own brother or sister.

I know Allah will reward me for not having this gift in life..but i just feel so sad that i will never have this gift, i will never have this experience in this world. I guess i will meet my brother in jannat..but in jannat there won't be hardships and troubles where i need my brother, like i needed him in this world. I am not questioning Allah, but i am wondering why some people are left without brothers and sisters, some people who want it more than anything..imsad
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Maryan0
06-22-2009, 12:03 AM
awww you wouldn't believe the amount of times of envied only children not that i'd trade my siblings but i think most people with siblings feel that way at one point or another. it goes both ways, everything has benefits.
as a middle child i'm always stuck and the middle, always made to take sides and if i don't both sides get mad at me, also having alot of siblings you may be ignored alot, anyways i can't say i feel your pain but i do sympathize inshallah you will have your own family and many kids. there's no point in making yourself depressed over something you can't change.
salam
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AlbanianMuslim
06-22-2009, 12:06 AM
awww honey, its ok to wish you had one! im sure it must be tough without one
but you have to try and think of the positives!

God had a reason for not giving them to you, one day you will realize what that reason was. Please dont despair, if you need someone to confide in or talk to, you can turn to us here on the forum. We will do our best to be there for you.
You can also turn to your mother or father if you are close with either.
A cousin maybe?
Please try to think positive, i know its tough, ishallah you will feel better.
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anonymous
06-22-2009, 12:26 AM
Thankyou for your replies..

Can i please just politely say though that i really don't need to hear the disadvantages of having brothers and sisters, i really don't need that. Please. And i am not asking for advice on how to deal with this, i have spent my whole life dealing with it and know best how to deal with it, and know who i have for support and love in my life. And like i have added in my post, nothing can compare to having an actual brother or sister.
I just wanted to post about it to get an insight into maybe why Allah chooses to leave some people as only children, and to make everyone see how something that is so normal to most people, can be a much desired gift to a few others, and to not take it for granted.
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anonymous
06-22-2009, 12:28 AM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
Wow. This post is a wake-up call for those people who do have siblings and take it for granted. JazakAllah Khayr.

I can't imagine what it must be like. You will inshaAllah get married and you'll have a life partner in your spouse. :-]

I am glad that it made you feel that way, i hope you cherish your siblings always..

I will inshallah get married and have a life partner in my husband. But most people do, and also have their brothers and sisters at their side hugging them and being there for them. My parents will be the only ones truly saying goodbye to me on my wedding day, my brother will not be there holding my hand when he gives me away to my husband.
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Yanal
06-22-2009, 12:33 AM
May Allah ease your pain and make your husband love you tripleX.Ameen!
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roohani.doctor
06-22-2009, 12:57 AM
Wow. That left me totally speechless.

I have two brothers but I used to cry/beg for a sister when I was younger. I can remember the pain and the loneliness of not having a "girl" to talk to. People always said: "you are the only girl so everyone must spoil you a lot..." but I didn't care about that, all I wanted was a sister.

Now, reading your post, I feel almost ashamed of myself. I cannot even begin to understand what you must go through. Insha'allah Allah will bless you infinitely for all your pain. Ameen.

You know the saddest part is when siblings don't get along..I know of so many instances where brothers no longer talk due to misunderstandings...when siblings pass away without ever making up...Its all Allah's will...we cannot begin to understand why He does what he does. We just have to live with and accept what we have. No matter how much it kills us.

Reading your post really shook me up. I have not read such an emotional story for a while...May Allah grant you abundant happiness in this world and the Hereafter. Ameen.
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syilla
06-22-2009, 04:58 AM
:salamext:

i'm the only child too...

But i'm very closed with my relatives...and i think them as my siblings. Eventhough we are not living in the same house but we always communicate, text and call each other.

Try to socialise in islamic way InshaAllah you will think them as your brothers and sisters too.
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- IqRa -
06-22-2009, 08:53 AM
:salamext:

...Snap. I am also am only child, and I feel exactly the way you feel. Even though I have other "siblings" that I take for brother and sister, there is still that issue of mahram/non-mahram, and also the feelings shaytaan might sometimes put inside your heart... (not that you WANT those feelings to come, because you view the others as your brother/sister, but shaytaan is a ....... )

Don't worry, maybe this is the trial that Allah will see whether we are patient or not...and He will reward us according to our patience. It's been going on for the past 25+ years for me...and sometimes you feel so lonely it kills...it really kills inside. Only the people who do not have siblings can understand this feeling.

It hurts me so much more knowing that my mother lost a baby when i was very young,
My mother had 3 miscarriages.

All kismat...all destiny...all to see how much strength we have.

And like i have added in my post, nothing can compare to having an actual brother or sister.
Yes...I completely agree with you.

I just wanted to post about it to get an insight into maybe why Allah chooses to leave some people as only children, and to make everyone see how something that is so normal to most people, can be a much desired gift to a few others, and to not take it for granted.
Maybe this makes you stronger? Maybe...that is what I've noticed...is that when I've had to fight my battles alone, it made me a stronger person, when I realised I could depend on no one but Allah.

my brother will not be there holding my hand when he gives me away to my husband.
...Ouch. That really made me emotional. imsad Can't say anything to that.

Keep it strong sister. Allah is Just, He loves Us - if He is doing anything that is causing us pain, it is for our benefit. Read the link in my signature, Insha'Allah you'll feel better.

Alhamdulillahi A'la Kulli Haal (All Praise be to Allah in all circumstances)
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Faith.
06-22-2009, 10:30 AM
:sl:
Im sorry to hear about what your going through.imsad When I was younger for so long I felt like an only child, even though I had a sister (who was born with down syndrome.) I felt alone. Even though I loved my sister I felt like I had no one to talk to. I had never expearianced the whole 'fighing, getting on your nerves sibiling sort of relataionship.) Man I had plently of cousins, but It still wasn't the same. But as years passed I realised it was a blessing in disguse, no fights, a peaceful house, a really close realtionship with my sister. I coukdn't complain. So please don't lose hope. This may be a test for you. Allah will reward you according to your patience.
and after reading your post it's really made me realise how lucky some of us really are.

I hope Allah grants you every happiness, and eases the pain that your feeling.:thumbs_up

:w:
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- IqRa -
06-22-2009, 10:36 AM
Allah will reward you according to your patience
..
I hope Allah grants you every happiness, and eases the pain that your feeling.
Ameen.
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AnonymousPoster
06-22-2009, 11:02 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
I am glad that it made you feel that way, i hope you cherish your siblings always..

I will inshallah get married and have a life partner in my husband. But most people do, and also have their brothers and sisters at their side hugging them and being there for them. My parents will be the only ones truly saying goodbye to me on my wedding day, my brother will not be there holding my hand when he gives me away to my husband.

I have alot of brother and sisters Alhumdulillah. BUT I feel like I have no family because I am compleletly on my own, my father is not a father, he hates my family and wants us dead, my mother just follows his sayings and listens to him. my brothers and sisters are not close and we are all estranged.

Apreciate that when you get married, at least your mother and father will be there to give you away, i have no one.
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- IqRa -
06-22-2009, 11:05 AM
You always have Allah, no matter whether you have someone else or not. Allah will be there for you always, you can quote me on that.
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Ansariyah
06-22-2009, 02:10 PM
Though I not know wat it's like to be an only child, ur story truly touched me. Reminds me not to take my brothas/sistas for granted. Insha'Allah u'l get married n have lots of beautiful children who will be there for u forever.

u might also meet someone in life like a sister whom u can become so close n bond wit that it'll feel like ur sisters. I have a close friend that I consider my own sister. u seem like a nice sista, inshaALlah ALlah will bless u with amazing people that will fill up all ur empty holes ameen.
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Danah
06-22-2009, 10:00 PM
My dear sister, your post touched me soo deeply wallahi :cry:

May Allah make it easy on you my dear, and May Allah grant you the husband that will compensate all what you lose in your brother and made him your family and everything for you. I know how it feel to be alone, I am alone as well...but not really, I am in a dire need for a sister with me. Well, all my sisters are way older than me and married. My brothers are amazing alhumdulilah, but having sister is something different that you can refer back to at the end of the day.

Sometimes, having a great friend can do much, because some friends can be like real siblings, trust me my dear.

Originally Posted by anonymous
My parents will be the only ones truly saying goodbye to me on my wedding day, my brother will not be there holding my hand when he gives me away to my husband.
wallahi this brought tears to my eyes sister :cry:, may allah grant you a happy life that will make you forget all the suffering you went through. I wish I can help you in any way, all of what I can do is making duaa and only duaa. Even though, please..please..please... sister, feel free to PM me any time you feel like you need a sister to talk to, I will be very honored to help inshaAllah
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AnonymousPoster
06-22-2009, 10:16 PM
my niece asks me daily whether her mother will bring her a brother or a sister to play with, and my sister has been struggling for a few years to have a baby after my niece to no avail with treatments and fertility clinics, the latest told her that she is going into early menopause.

I always find my niece leaning against some table or wall playing with her dolls alone, when her only friend (who is leaving next month) visits, they both dance around like butterflies, but as soon as her play date is over my niece cries herself to sleep. She is only four by the way. It breaks my heart to see her this way.

There are several lessons to be drawn here.
1- one should indeed be thankful for the blessing of one child for many people have none at all. I have an aunt with no children, another of whom three of her children died, another of whom one set of twins died, and two cousins who are not married all together and reaching their forty.

2- Other people might have children, but their children are sick, or in constant need of treatment. My uncle who recently passed, has four boys, the youngest with cerebral palsy. Everyone believes my uncle died of grief as he didn't know what would be the fate of this young man after his passing.

3- Some people have healthy children but they die, and I have already given examples above, and I need not describe to anyone the pain of losing a child or any loved one.

4- some people have healthy children who grow up and be vile creatures all together...

5- Some have many children that they can't afford that they have to give them up.. a recent Muslim convert just lost her mother, didn't have money to bury her, her brother committed suicide, her husband has an injury on the job, she has about 8 children, and she is the only Muslim in her family. She let's her sister who hates Muslims take care of some of her kids, because they can't even afford their electric bill let alone food on the table..

the moral of the story should be gratitude... Allah swt gives so much more than what he tries us with. All we can do is the best we can and accept the rest with grace and contentment, instead of wallowing in endless self-pity. Life doesn't grant everyone everything they desire.. in fact, I am sure if each person here wrote down their woes and losses you'd be awe struck... there are far greater miseries in life than Allah swt not giving you a bro. or a sr.

:w:
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Salahudeen
06-22-2009, 10:33 PM
Salaam, I can relate to your post in every aspect as I am an only child also with just a mother and no father. It sometimes helps when I think of the situation of the prophet pbuh as an orphan with no mother or father and also no brother or sister then I am thankfull for my mother and all that Allah has given me.

I also find reading Surah Ad - Duha comforting for me personally, it's a beautifull surah look up the translation sometime it's only a few ayahs. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCP1hJv9IDU
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- IqRa -
06-23-2009, 08:15 AM
Originally Posted by Danah
Sometimes, having a great friend can do much, because some friends can be like real siblings, trust me my dear.
Indeed, truly said. Sometimes a friend can become so close to you and understand you so much that there remains only the difference of the blood matter, that's it. SubhanAllah.
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Bub
06-23-2009, 10:25 AM
I understand how you feel as my best friend have no sis or bro and she always tell me how lonely she is and she always wanted 2 have bro or sis- support her in every way.
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- IqRa -
06-23-2009, 10:29 AM
Only the people that are truly an only child will ever understand how it feels. The other person can try and be empathetic, but the true feelings lie within the only child's heart.
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anonymous
06-23-2009, 10:50 AM
Thankyou for your replies, i read every single one..

I have good friends and good girl cousins, but seriously nothing can compare. Yes you can have a really close friend, but they won't grow up with you in your home and know you inside out and have the same bond you do with your parents, sharing that special something that only immediate family can. They're not there sitting with me having dinner every night, breakfast, there 1st thing in the morning, last thing at night, they're not on family holidays, they're not arguing with me everyday about trivial things, banging on the bathroom door, giving me money which they don't expect to be paid back, doing every little favour for me even though it annoys them..you see what i mean?

And i know that i am lucky in so many ways, i thank Allah all the time for how lucky i am to have so many good things in my life, and i know there are so many people worse off than me, but you can say that about almost any situation. I just wanted to share my pain in what i believe many people take for granted. I know you guys are trying to make me feel better and put things in perspective by saying how other people are worse off, but i already know that, and it doesn't take away the essence of my situation.

I don't feel Allah has been cruel to me, or un-fair, i just wonder what test he is giving me and what i must do, and i do really pine for my brother, but i know Allah will reward me for all this and already rewards me in many ways.
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- IqRa -
06-23-2009, 11:16 AM
. I just wanted to share my pain in what i believe many people take for granted.
It's good to let it out.

i know Allah will reward me for all this and already rewards me in many ways.
Hang in there =) Maybe this is our test? To be an only child, to crave for a sister/brother to:

they won't grow up with you in your home and know you inside out and have the same bond you do with your parents, sharing that special something that only immediate family can. They're not there sitting with me having dinner every night, breakfast, there 1st thing in the morning, last thing at night, they're not on family holidays, they're not arguing with me everyday about trivial things, banging on the bathroom door, giving me money which they don't expect to be paid back, doing every little favour for me even though it annoys them..you see what i mean?
Yes, I know what you mean as I am in the same boat. Allah's wisdom, sister, Allah's wisdom.
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