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AnonymousPoster
06-23-2009, 05:01 PM
:sl:
Is there anyone here who has been through a mixed marriage, where it has been difficult and also the easy ones! Is there anyone who would be willing to share their experiences? And also how they overcame it?

If I can be specific, I suppose My thread is mainly targetting sisters (asian or otherwise). How did you tell you parents? How did they respond? And How did you deal with the 'gossip' and talk from the rest of the community? I am not asking all these beacuse I am just nosey! And please forgive me this thread upsets anyone.

I would just like to see how you dealt with such a difficult decision, and learn from your experiences.

Would love to hear about experiences, and also any advice that you can share with many others who are in a similar situations.
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Sampharo
06-24-2009, 07:23 AM
My parents are a mixed marriage, my wife's parents are a mixed marriage, and my wife and I as well are mixed. The only negative thing it produced was a joke making fun with our daughter that she is four quarters of four nations and might split like a cut apple. :D I think though it is important that the couple has common grounds in lifestyle and a bond to build bridges across, like religion and beliefs are crucial, otherwise strains will be too much between the couple itself and of course there will be understandable strain between the families.

In my experience I have seen some attempts at mixed marriage fail if the religion is different, it is just too much. The ones that went through and worked, the couple were not religious people to start with. The only negatives I have seen in other people's mixed marriages where religion was the same were simply family expectations, nothing more, such as an Arab man's family expects the western wife to be loose and liberal and will disgrace them and will run away with the children (even if she was muslim), while the western wife family thinks the Arab will beat their daughter with his whip if she doesn't cook a good pot of lamb and take her children away before kicking her out. :) Both expectations are assuming the worst possible stupid stereotypes of each other, and it's knee jerk reactions that cause the tensions.

With asian friends, it becomes straight up prejudice and racism honestly, they simply kept on trying to break them up because it doesn't match the traditions. Their method of choice was pressuring rediculous and embarassing habits to try and trigger a reaction from the "foreign" spouse to show their son or daughter that their spouse is intolerant. Malay husband was always surprised every other weekend without notice with the whole wife's family coming over to stay, the wife was Indian and her family made sure ALL of them (20 people or more) would come with pots and whatnot, want to literally take over the house for two days, and of course spend the night and the husband has to sort it, otherwise it would be an insult and he is not accomodating of their traditions. They did that for four months and the poor guy bared it with grunt until they gave up and relaxed, but they still would not stop hinting and poking, not to mention that they always speak in his presence in their pure dialict even when they are talking about him. Did not matter how much the wife pleaded and fought and argued with them to stop all that.

Are you thinking about it?
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-24-2009, 08:19 AM
:sl:
hmm i think this thread should help inshallah...
http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...marriages.html
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AnonymousPoster
06-25-2009, 12:19 AM
Originally Posted by Sampharo
such as an Arab man's family expects the western wife to be loose and liberal and will disgrace them and will run away with the children (even if she was muslim), while the western wife family thinks the Arab will beat their daughter with his whip if she doesn't cook a good pot of lamb and take her children away before kicking her out. :) Both expectations are assuming the worst possible stupid stereotypes of each other, and it's knee jerk reactions that cause the tensions.

With asian friends, it becomes straight up prejudice and racism honestly, they simply kept on trying to break them up because it doesn't match the traditions. Their method of choice was pressuring rediculous and embarassing habits to try and trigger a reaction from the "foreign" spouse to show their son or daughter that their spouse is intolerant.
Are you thinking about it?

:sl:

MashaAllah about your family, and may we all teach our children and familes the importance of openess in Islam, the ONLY way we should judge is by their level of Eeman and not by the country they were born in...or in many cases now the couple are born in same country, but its the parents country that matters!

Yes I think it is a little to do with plain Racism sometimes, and also it is to do with lack of knowledge and understanding to some extent.
Yes it is something I am thinking about, however..I feel as though I am not strong enough to deal with the consequences (the rumors/the family 'pride' (which I know is a load of rubbish, as Muslims we should proud that Race is not allowed to be used as a form of judgement) But it still affects many familes, who think that it's okay to have friends of different races, have close friends who are non-muslim..but freak out because you want a marry a Muslim who is not from the same country as you! As well, sometimes families can agree, but you that things will never be the same between you and your parents.)

I'm sorry it's turned into a little rant, a simple answer is yes, it is something I feel strongly drawn towards....I just don't know how.

Sis Umm, I'm just about to check out the link you gave sis JazakAllah!
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