iS LoVe an essential part of marriage?

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I have seen and heard about many marriages with bad endings simply because there wasnt any love between the spouses.

The Messenger of Allah (SalAllahu Alayhi WaSalam) speaking about his wife Khadeejah (RadiAllahu Anha), said: "Verily, I was filled with love for her."

Is love an essential part of marriage which would more likely lead to sucess?

Does the love need to come from both spouses or just the one?

What does one do, to "try" and love their spouse?

FiAmaaniAllah

[Faseeha]

:w:

I think that love is a vital part of the marriage, it doesn't necessarily have to be there right from the beginning but it should be able to grow.

Does the love need to come from both spouses or just the one?

It wouldn't feel nice loving someone who didn't love back would it??

[Ali_008]

:sl:
Love is a very essential part and I think it has to be expressed whenever you can to keep the couple happy and content with each other. It can be tested only in difficulties to see whether how he/she responds and supports you at tragic times. Most couples live together but aren't very expressive about their love for one another and I think thats when either or both of them start feeling lost and get seperated.

[alcurad]

yes, only it takes time and effort, and is not to be taken for granted.
any man and woman will 'love' each other given the right ways of courtship.
but then 'love' is what you define it to be.

good luck, nd may God grant you a loving wifey :)

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[Uthman]

Should we not love all our brothers/sisters for the sake of Allah anyway?

[alcurad]

^but brother Uthman, love has different meanings/degrees, to love the neighbors as you love your wife would be....:)

it is good advice though overall, thanks for the reminder.

[Uthman]

^but brother Uthman, love has different meanings/degrees, to love the neighbors as you love your wife would be....:)

it is good advice though overall, thanks for the reminder.

It was actually a genuine question. :D

And your answer does make sense. JazakAllah Khayr.

[alcurad]

also, reciprocity is essential, it doesn't work if it's one-sided, be clear about that from the start, otherwise one of you is going to wonder why the other is upset etc etc.

be good to each other, do interesting stuff, and fights are good if correctly handled.

[AntiKarateKid]

I'd say it would make it a alot easier if I cared about the person I was living with.

[- IqRa -]

If it is an arranged marriage, then obviously to start loving the person will take time, because you don't know anything about the person. The more you know about the person, learn about their good habits, learn to live with their flaws, understand the way they feel, why they act how they do, what they like, what they dislike - the love will come by itself InshaAllah.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I have seen and heard about many marriages with bad endings simply because there wasnt any love between the spouses.

The Messenger of Allah (SalAllahu Alayhi WaSalam) speaking about his wife Khadeejah (RadiAllahu Anha), said: "Verily, I was filled with love for her."

Is love an essential part of marriage which would more likely lead to sucess?

:w:

Love in a marriage would very much help towards success, but it is only half the equation. There needs to be mercy. I've heard that generally love gets people through the early years of marriage and mercy through the later years.

It isn't essential per se, because as 'Umar r.a. said: “If one of you doesn’t love someone else they shouldn’t say so. Few are those houses that are built upon love; rather people get along by depending upon Islam and Ihsān to one another.” - but it does help (quite a lot)!

Does the love need to come from both spouses or just the one?

It needs to come from both. For love to grow, it needs to be reciprocated.

What does one do, to "try" and love their spouse?

http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=28917
http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=28916

:D

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:wasalamex

I have seen and heard about many marriages with bad endings simply because there wasnt any love between the spouses.

i dont think its the the lack of love, i think its the lack of maturity form one/both parties when it come to dealing with their marital problems. i dont think love is an essential part of marriage, however it does make things easier. having said that though, if there isnt love in the marriage to "makes things easier" then maturity, understanding, mutual respect for one another is essential otherwise, forget being on the same page, i dont think you'll be even reading the same book!

The Messenger of Allah (SalAllahu Alayhi WaSalam) speaking about his wife Khadeejah (RadiAllahu Anha), said: "Verily, I was filled with love for her.

Is love an essential part of marriage which would more likely lead to sucess?

no.

A narration that speaks volumes from ‘Umar b. al-Khattāb (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) in al-Kharā’itī’s (d. 327h) book on character:

“From Abu ‘Azrah al-Du’ali who lived during the time of ‘Umar (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) and used to marry women and then separate from them, until he became known by the people for doing so, and stories would be told about him. When he heard of this, he took ‘Abd Allah b. al-Arqam home with him, and while he was listening, asked his wife, “I implore you with God’s name: Do you hate me?”

“Don’t implore me like that,” she said.

He said, “Yet I do.”

“By God, yes.” she said.

Abu ‘Azrah said to ‘Abd Allah, “Did you hear that?” They then left and went to ‘Umar, saying to him, “People say I wrong women and then separate from them. Ask Abdullah what he heard from my wife.” He did so, and ‘Umar having heard what she had said, sent for his wife.

He said to her, “Are you the one that goes and tells her husband that she hates him?”

She said, “Oh Leader of the Faithful, I am the first to repent and turn back to God’s command. He implored me in God’s name, so what was I supposed to do? Lie? I felt wrong lying!”

“Then lie,” said ‘Umar. “If one of you doesn’t love someone else they shouldn’t say so. Few are those houses that are built upon love; rather people get along by depending upon Islam and Ihsān to one another.”

Does the love need to come from both spouses or just the one?

it depends on what the individual is looking for in a marriage. if one party is marrying to fall in love and have that sweet relationship, etc whilst the other half is simply marrying for practical reasons, for eg. than yes the love has to come from both parties, because as i said, they will be reading 2 different books and therefore they may be some problems. i mean image a wife saying to her hubbi that she loves him and all, only for him not to take it too heart and simpy wouldnt bother him, because he isnt experincing the relationship the same way she is...see how they are on too different "pars" so i do think that the love needs to come form both..at the very least, if it is one sided, the other should just go with the flow as to keep the peace.

What does one do, to "try" and love their spouse?

even if one dosnt feel that emotional inclination to their spouse, i really think that even saying and doing things to "plant" that love should be done, even though you don't feel that way because imo, sometimes when you do something outwardly, it tends to affect you inwardly as well.
other than that, there are any other ways to increase love between your spouse...check this thread out http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-how-do-i.html

['Abd-al Hakim]

:sl:

Love and cherish your wife as a companionable and gracious gift of divine mercy. But do not fasten your love to her physical beauty, which swiftly fades. Rather, woman’s most attractive and agreeable beauty is the fineness of character that accompanies the delicacy and refinement peculiar to her. As for her most precious and sweet beauty, it is her earnest, sincere, sublime and luminous
compassion. This beautiful tenderness and fineness of character continues and increases until the end of her days. Moreover, that weak and delicate creature’s rights of respect will be protected by that love. Otherwise, when her superficial beauty fades the poor woman will lose her rights, even when she most needs them. Your love for your wife. Since it will be built on her being a mine of tenderness, a gift of compassion and on her fineness of character, if you have sincere love and affection for her, she too will have earnest love and respect for you. As the two of you approach old age these sentiments will increase, you will pass your life happily. But if it is otherwise, if it is love of a pretty face and for the sake of the instinctual soul, then that love will be quickly destroyed and so too will be good relations.


:w:

[liya]

i think yh its important how the two will complete their lives together if they dont hav love... and if u praied salat al-istikarh just kno that Allah choose this person 4 u and he or she worth u trying ur best with them to feel love and peace and trust between each other ^_^

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:


No, although it's good to.. but mercy and patience, and having good thoughts without bad suspicion are essential.

[Najm]

Should we not love all our brothers/sisters for the sake of Allah anyway?

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Is loving your friends, the same thing as loving your wife?

So what do you do if you married to someone, and they dont love you?

FiAmaaniAllah

[Uthman]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Wa 'Alaykum As-salaam Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuhu

Is loving your friends, the same thing as loving your wife?

You're right. It isn't the same. :)

So what do you do if you married to someone, and they dont love you?

I think that you would have to be doing something wrong because I think that one cannot help but love somebody who has the characteristics of an ideal Muslim husband or wife. Therefore, you would have to correct that thing or those characteristics in which you are deficient.

Check this link out if you haven't already:

http://muslimmatters.org/2009/05/21/...xtraordinaire/

:w:

FiAmaaniAllah[/QUOTE]

[Layla454]

I cannot even begin to imagine a loveless marriage though there are many of those around

[Najm]

Wa 'Alaykum As-salaam Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuhu

You're right. It isn't the same. :)

I think that you would have to be doing something wrong because I think that one cannot help but love somebody who has the characteristics of an ideal Muslim husband or wife. Therefore, you would have to correct that thing or those characteristics in which you are deficient.

Check this link out if you haven't already:

http://muslimmatters.org/2009/05/21/...xtraordinaire/

:w:

FiAmaaniAllah

[/QUOTE]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

SubhaanAllah!! That was ONE AMAZING link!! If you happen to find more like this then PM me please. :-[

I notice people have been using the word "mercy", how can one show "mercy" to their spouse and what is the imporatance? And how does that fit in with love?

FiAmaaniAllah


FiAmaaniAllah

[Yanal]

:salamext:
What Brings About the Love for Allah?Answered by Imam Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali[Instinshaq Naseemul-Uns min Nafahaati Riyaadil-Qudus, pp. 22-30]1: Recognizing the bounties Allah has bestowed upon His slaves. These bounties [are so many that they] cannot be counted or enumerated. [Allah says:] "If you count the blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them." [Quran 14:34] Hearts naturally have love for those who do good to them. Love for a blessing is from the general aspects of thanking the one who has bestowed a bounty. It is said that thanks is with the heart, tongue and limbs.2: Another cause is to have knowledge of Allah by His Names, Attributes and Actions. The one who knows Allah, loves Him. Whoever loves Him, obeys Him. Whoever obeys Allah is honored by Him. Whoever Allah honors, He will have him live close to Him. Whoever lives close to Him, has attained the glad tidings.3: One of the great causes [that leads to having love of Allah] is the specific knowledge that comes about through pondering over the creation of the heavens and the earth and what Allah has created. In the Quran, there is much mention of the signs of Allah that indicate His Greatness, Power, Majesty, Perfection, Eminence, Compassion, Mercy, Strength, Subjugation and other of His beautiful Names and exalted Attributes. Whenever one's knowledge of Allah is strengthened, one's love for Him is also strengthened and one's love for obeying Him is also strengthened. He will then experience the pleasure of worship, whether it be in prayer, remembrance or other forms of worship.4: Another cause that will bring about love for Allah is to act towards Allah with sincerity and purity while going against one's desires. This is a cause for Allah to bless a slave and when He blesses the slave, the slave loves Him.5: One of the greatest causes that bring about one's love for Allah is increasing one's remembrance of Allah. Whenever a person loves something, he remembers it more often. And it is through the remembrance of Allah that the hearts find tranquility. In fact, one of the signs of having love for Allah is the constant remembrance of Allah by one's heart and tongue.6: One of the causes that brings about Allah's love for His slave is reciting the Quran often and pondering over its meaning, in particular those verses that contain Allah's Names, Attributes and Actions. Having fondness for that action will lead the slave to love Allah and Allah to love Him.7: Another of the causes of love for Allah is remembering what has been mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah concerning the believers seeing their Lord in the Hereafter and visiting them and gathering together
on the Day of Abundance. That will definitely bring about in a person love for Allah.
source:www.youthemerged.com

By the means of that article it clearly shows Allahs love and mercy towards us [both males and females] so why can't we show that to our life partner? Any other questions brother then feel free to ask.

:w:

[Yanal]

:salamext:
What Brings About the Love for Allah?Answered by Imam Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali[Instinshaq Naseemul-Uns min Nafahaati Riyaadil-Qudus, pp. 22-30]1: Recognizing the bounties Allah has bestowed upon His slaves. These bounties [are so many that they] cannot be counted or enumerated. [Allah says:] "If you count the blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them." [Quran 14:34] Hearts naturally have love for those who do good to them. Love for a blessing is from the general aspects of thanking the one who has bestowed a bounty. It is said that thanks is with the heart, tongue and limbs.2: Another cause is to have knowledge of Allah by His Names, Attributes and Actions. The one who knows Allah, loves Him. Whoever loves Him, obeys Him. Whoever obeys Allah is honored by Him. Whoever Allah honors, He will have him live close to Him. Whoever lives close to Him, has attained the glad tidings.3: One of the great causes [that leads to having love of Allah] is the specific knowledge that comes about through pondering over the creation of the heavens and the earth and what Allah has created. In the Quran, there is much mention of the signs of Allah that indicate His Greatness, Power, Majesty, Perfection, Eminence, Compassion, Mercy, Strength, Subjugation and other of His beautiful Names and exalted Attributes. Whenever one's knowledge of Allah is strengthened, one's love for Him is also strengthened and one's love for obeying Him is also strengthened. He will then experience the pleasure of worship, whether it be in prayer, remembrance or other forms of worship.4: Another cause that will bring about love for Allah is to act towards Allah with sincerity and purity while going against one's desires. This is a cause for Allah to bless a slave and when He blesses the slave, the slave loves Him.5: One of the greatest causes that bring about one's love for Allah is increasing one's remembrance of Allah. Whenever a person loves something, he remembers it more often. And it is through the remembrance of Allah that the hearts find tranquility. In fact, one of the signs of having love for Allah is the constant remembrance of Allah by one's heart and tongue.6: One of the causes that brings about Allah's love for His slave is reciting the Quran often and pondering over its meaning, in particular those verses that contain Allah's Names, Attributes and Actions. Having fondness for that action will lead the slave to love Allah and Allah to love Him.7: Another of the causes of love for Allah is remembering what has been mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah concerning the believers seeing their Lord in the Hereafter and visiting them and gathering together
on the Day of Abundance. That will definitely bring about in a person love for Allah.
source:www.youthemerged.com

By the means of that article it clearly shows Allahs love and mercy towards us [both males and females] so why can't we show that to our life partner? Any other questions brother then feel free to ask.

:w:

[barrio79]

Bride wants divorce after airport loo stop
Article from: Daily Telegraph
July 03, 2009 12:00am
A BRIDE has demanded a divorce from her husband of just one week who left her at an airport after their romantic newlywed jaunt because she took long in the toilet.
The Daily Mail reports that only a week of married life, one couple's romance came to a dramatic end after the bridegroom decided his wife simply spent too long in the bathroom.
His solution was simple. Get on the plane without her.

The woman in question, a teacher, had gone to use the facilities at the airport before boarding a flight back in Saudi Arabia.
Quite how long she stayed in the toilet remains unclear.
What is certain is she emerged to discover her husband had vanished without trace.
The woman, who had paid for the holiday, began a desperate search of the airport and grew increasingly concerned that something terrible had happened to him.

It eventually emerged that he had in fact boarded a plane, according to the Saudi Gazette.

When he arrived at his destination, he calmly told relatives his new wife was still in Malaysia.

His bride was not so calm about his behaviour. She has demanded an immediate divorce.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^or we could use those stories about celebrities who marry and divorce within weeks...
if i remember correctly some star was only married for like 9 hours or something...i think that's how the story goes...
weirdness...