format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
:bism:
:salamext:
I have found myself in a tight situation I hope by writting this that some of you can help me find my way out. For a few years I have been ignoring this, but now I truly see it. I always had this image of my ideal wife. I thought she would be Arab of syrian origin you know someone of my culture. Now I have realised that I am begining to develop some serious feelings for a Somali girl who attends my uni. when I see her, I know that she's the woman of my dreams. I love her smile..the way she moves, talks, her shyness... she's got it all wow. Noww! I have no trouble asking for her hand in marriage but my parents are already planning my own imaginary wedding in their heads:exhausted except that its far from my reality. I am a man I gotta do whatever it takes to make her mine! how will I get the support of my parents? My father believes in nothing called 'mixing'. My mother has a heart of gold i know she will understand. There's a million of stuff running through my head. When I see her all the obstacles beginn to fade, as you can all see this girl has my heart. She's not even my wife yet but she sure is the coolness of my eyes that our rasul (saw) spoke of. I want lots of children, show her the world, make her my queen. Oh Allah my rab help me ameeeen.
:w:
:D Awesome. This is called the 'in-love' syndrome. You're just in love with her physically. Her smile, laughter, face, beauty etc...which could have been avoided had you lowered your gaze..but what's done is done. No benefit in crying over spilt milk. Now what you can do is:
1) Talk to some male member in her family. Dads are scary, so you can see if she has a brother? Or if you have a sister, send her to 'test the waters' and see what the sister is like. If those two are options you can't take, then talk to your mom and get her to talk to the sister. Or talk to your dad and tell him that you've found him a suitable daughter in law. Or if you have a friend whose married, tell him to tell his wife to talk to her and get some info.
Because you can't just marry her based off of the fact that she looks good. Make sure her religion is good too. Get her dad's contact and give it to your dad. Do the honorable thing. :thumbs_up
2) When you see beauty, automatically people assume that everything else is perfect too..just like her beauty. Usually, that's not always the case. You need to see if she's compatible in terms of practicing the religion, her family (if they're going to be cool with it), and a few other factors. Don't let her beauty blind you to more important factors. Attraction is first, but religion is most important!
3) Don't get more emotionally attached than you already are. Because say it doesn't work out, you'll be a wreck, believe me. I know the feeling you're feeling man, and really it's an awesome feeling, but if it doesn't work out..it's real bad.
4) Make lots of dua' for it. Pray Istikhara. Ask Allaah to guide you and to make it easy. Correct the reasons you want to marry her for. Use this time to improve yourself. Read up on marriage and love.
5) Listen to 'Fiqh of Love' by Shaykh Yaser Birjas.
http://store.dar-us-salam.com/M_Family/ME33.html
You can maybe find it online somewhere too.
6) Do these at your own risk:
http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=32041
(Not really. Don't do them except #35. :p)