APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO MARRY MY Child
(dating is not an option, its un-Islamic)
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, religious affiliation and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH____________
2. HEIGHT__________ WEIGHT__________ I.Q. _________ G.P.A._________ NET WORTH ___________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY#___________________DRIVERS LICENSE # __________
4. RANK AT THE MOSQUE _______________________WHAT ROW DO YOU PRAY IN FOR JAMMAT___________________
5. HOME ADDRESS_____________________CITY/STATE_________ZIP/POST CODE_______
6. Does your father have more than one wife? __________
What rank is your mother in your father's harem?_________________
7. Number of years parents married _____________________________________
8. Do you own a camel?_____ A 7-11 or similar enterprise?____ Drive a taxi cab?_________
9. In 50 words or less, what does KHILAFAH mean to you?
10. In 50 words or less, what does the concept of HIJAB mean to you?
11. In 50 words or less, what does JIHAD and religious martyrdom mean to you?
12. Mosque you attend? ________________________ How often?___________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, uncle, aunt, cousins, neighbors and mullah?
14. Answer by filling in the blank please answer freely - all answers are confidential ( That means tell me so I can tell the whole community).
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is ______________
B. The best place to detonate a bomb is___________________________
C. A womans place is in the_______________________________________________ _
D. The one thing I hope ALLAH does not ask me about on the Day of Judgement is ___________________________
E. The last time I sat at the HOOKA was_____________
F. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is _______________________
(NOTE If answer begins with a T, H(ijab, that is) or A, discontinue and get back on your camel; keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised).
G. The land of Palestine should be returned to__________
H. I face Mecca ______ time(s) a day.
I. I drink ______ cup(s) of tea a day.
J. I eat with my ______hands ______ kitchen utensils (please check one)
K. Your daughter's dowry is worth
_______her weight in gold
_______the weight of my mother
_______There is no measure
L. Upon marriage, my wife and I will live (check all that apply)
__________ in an apartment
__________ in a BIG home
__________ with my parents
__________ with her parents
__________ with my other wife(s)
__________ all of the above
15. Are you a Doctor or an Engineer?______________________________________
I SWEAR BY ALLAH THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF
MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH
Signature (that means write your name, camel jockey)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) not that I would tell my daughter if a boy called ANYWAY. If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white turbans and carrying gun cases (You might want to watch your back, we come from a crazy peoples).
(This is a joke application)