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anonymous
07-17-2009, 11:09 PM
Saalam,

I was just wondering what im supposed to do if im at work and have to speak to a non muslim girl.

I know men are supposed to have a lowered gaze but if you avoid eye contact it makes you look either very nervous or like your not listening.

What should I do?
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Banu_Hashim
07-17-2009, 11:49 PM
If I were in your situation, I'd make some eye contact, as it might seem rude if you don't while talking to them, but your speech should be direct, to the point and business like. This is the workplace, and as long as you work in a professional manner, I don't see a big problem, inshaAllah.
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GuestFellow
07-17-2009, 11:55 PM
In a working environment where you have to speak to a non-Muslim girl, I would simply keep things formal. Be nice and kind, but never get too friendly or personal. Simple.
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Banu_Hashim
07-18-2009, 12:05 AM
^ Exactly my point. No need to make a big deal out of it.
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aadil77
07-18-2009, 12:28 AM
Yeh just keep EYE contact, dependin on what you're like you can even avoid that sometimes, like if theres some ho talkin to me then I'd normally just pretend I'm not bothered say yeh and get on with other stuff.

Also depends on what kind of woman you're talkin to, if she's decent then it would make you look bad if you dont make eye contact but if shes like some scutty tramp off the street then you can just ignore them all together nd make them feel like crap.
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Beardo
07-18-2009, 12:34 AM
I was once observing... my student's mother came to my teacher. My teacher looked on the right side, on the ground, right BY the lady, but not AT the lady. I'd say it's best not to look at all. But some circumstances you have to, I suppose...:X
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IslamicRevival
07-18-2009, 12:46 AM
Keep eye contact but look down now and again.
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TrueStranger
07-18-2009, 04:24 AM
I am lost, is it haram to look at another human being? When did having an eye contact with the opposite s3x become haraam? :blind:
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StudentMuslim
07-18-2009, 04:34 AM
Yeah I am a little lost too, what if a female COP walks up to me, who is obviously already mad at me for over-speeding or something. If I do not make eye-contact she might think I have cocaine or something in my car lol?

Why is it such a BIG deal about eye contact? Seriously?
Reply

aadil77
07-18-2009, 10:47 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by StudentMuslim
Yeah I am a little lost too, what if a female COP walks up to me, who is obviously already mad at me for over-speeding or something. If I do not make eye-contact she might think I have cocaine or something in my car lol?

Why is it such a BIG deal about eye contact? Seriously?
Who said its such a big deal? you didn't need to quote you're little girl cop example because thats obvious you'll need to make eye contact, but if you can avoid it then you should
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Layla454
07-18-2009, 10:53 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by StudentMuslim
Yeah I am a little lost too, what if a female COP walks up to me, who is obviously already mad at me for over-speeding or something. If I do not make eye-contact she might think I have cocaine or something in my car lol?

Why is it such a BIG deal about eye contact? Seriously?
Obviously in that case you'll need to make eye-contact otherwise you'll look shifty lol
Reply

Cabdullahi
07-18-2009, 11:05 AM
just look once in a while.....when she says something look briefly and when its your turn to say something look down or at a chair or table....that way she wont think your not listening and! if she says lets go to the canteen together just scrunch up your fist and show her the middle finger.......on a serious note do the above except the last bit :)
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Salahudeen
07-18-2009, 02:51 PM
Praise be to Allaah.
One of the immoral actions that are widespread in western countries is immoral and wanton display (tabarruj), whereby women hardly wear anything that covers them, as the questioner has said.

This situation leads to haraam things and major sins, including mixing, touching and zina (unlawful sexual relationships), all of which stem from looking.

Sharee’ah came to forbid the ways that lead to immorality, one of which is looking at non-mahram women.

1 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)”

[al-Noor 24:30]

Imaam Ibn Katheer said:

This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them. So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze.

Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282

2 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

3 – It was narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a sudden glance, and he commanded me to avert my gaze.”

(Narrated by Muslim, 2159)

al-Nawawi said:

What is meant by a “sudden glance” is when a person’s glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)”

[al-Noor 24:30]

Men must lower their gaze and refrain from looking at them in all circumstances, unless that is for a valid shar’i reason, such as giving testimony, medical treatment, wanting to propose marriage, buying a slave woman, engaging in financial transactions such as buying and selling, etc. In all these cases it is permissible to look as much as is needed, and no more. And Allaah knows best.

Sharh Muslim, 14/139

Secondly:

There are means which help a person to lower his gaze, and we ask Allaah to help you to do them:

1 – Bearing in mind the fact that Allaah is watching you, that He sees you and is with you (by His knowledge) wherever you go. It may be a secretive glance of which your neighbour is unaware, but Allaah knows of it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal”

[Ghaafir 40:19]

2 – Seeking the help of Allaah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him (du’aa’). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord said: Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation).”

[Ghaafir 40:60]

3 – You should know that every blessing you enjoy comes from Allaah, and requires that you should give thanks. Part of the gratitude for the blessing of sight means that you should protect it from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden. Is there any reward for good, other than good? [cf. al-Rahmaan 55:60] Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allaah”

[al-Nahl 16:53]

4 – Striving with your self and training yourself to lower your gaze and be patient in doing so, and not giving up. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning:

“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400)

5 – Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121).

6 – You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”

[al-Ahzaab 33:36]

7 – Doing a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (al-Bukhaari, 6137

8 – Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says:

“That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)”

[al-Zalzalah 99:4]

9 – Remembering the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you,

Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),

They know all that you do”

[al-Infitaar 82:10-12]

10 – Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)”

[al-Noor 24:30]

11 – Avoiding looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly.

12 – Marriage, which is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1806; Muslim, 1400).

13 – Fasting – because of the hadeeth quoted above.

14 – Doing obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]

15 – Remembering al-hoor al-‘ayn, which will give you a motive to be patient in avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, hoping to get al-hoor al-‘ayn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Companions of Equal Age ”

[al-Naba’ 78:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2643).

16 – Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who is looked at and the filth and waste material they carry in their gut.

17 – Being ambitious and focusing on nobler things.

18 – Checking on yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst realizing that everyone makes mistakes.

19 – Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the effects of letting one’s gaze wander.

20 – Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above.

21 – Bringing up this topic in meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers.

22 – Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their attractions, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.

23 – Warding off passing thoughts and whispers from the Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he keeps looking he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove will not be planted in his heart.

25 – Being afraid of a bad end, and of feeling regret at the point of death.

26 – Keeping company with good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way.

27 – Knowing that the zina of the eye is looking, and that should be sufficient to put you off.

Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee’ah.

And Allaah knows best.


That's why it's a big deal :) it became haraam when Allah told us in the Qur'an to lower our gazes and not look at non mehram women. :)
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ژاله
07-18-2009, 03:53 PM
i dont understand why are people here insisting on keeping eye contact?its best not to keep it at all,and there are many other ways to make the other person realize that you are listening and paying attention to him or her,you dont have to look into their eyes to make them feel so,you answer their questions politely and nicely,keeping your gaze sideways or wherever,just dont look at them.just because if people find it weird or strange is not a good enough reason to start looking at them (occassionally).we should put first the fact that we are commanded to lower our gaze and we must try to abide by it to the best of our abilities.we should not care if people find it strange or something,Allahs orders are first people!!
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Trumble
07-18-2009, 04:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Malaak
i dont understand why are people here insisting on keeping eye contact?its best not to keep it at all,and there are many other ways to make the other person realize that you are listening and paying attention to him or her,you dont have to look into their eyes to make them feel so,you answer their questions politely and nicely,keeping your gaze sideways or wherever,just dont look at them.just because if people find it weird or strange is not a good enough reason to start looking at them (occassionally).
It's not a case of thinking it weird or strange; most non-muslims will see as a sign of nerves (to the extent of hiding something), that you are not paying attention, rude, or even evidence you are lying and cannot be trusted. That's hardly a recipe for career success.

Surely there is room for balance here? You can make occasional, normal eye contact with somebody you are talking to/at without gazing at each other like lovers.
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StudentMuslim
07-19-2009, 12:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Trumble
It's not a case of thinking it weird or strange; most non-muslims will see as a sign of nerves (to the extent of hiding something), that you are not paying attention, rude, or even evidence you are lying and cannot be trusted. That's hardly a recipe for career success.

Surely there is room for balance here? You can make occasional, normal eye contact with somebody you are talking to/at without gazing at each other like lovers.

I was gonna reply to the sister above, but You obviously said what I wanted to say.

PS is eye contact that big of a deal in Islam? Is it that big of a sin? I think it is close to impossible not to make eye contact with the opposite sex. Think about it, especially for people living in non-Muslim countries. Personally I think there is no harm at looking at the opposite sex as long as you have pure thoughts. If you have corrupted thoughts, it does not really matter whether you look at someone or just imagine someone in your head, for me it is same.

PS, I do not know how others feel about it but I think we should refrain from copying and then pasting huge texts from the internet. Much Oblige.

Wasalam.
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Salahudeen
07-19-2009, 03:36 AM
hmm but what if they are the texts of scholars and students of knowledge who have given guidance on the topic then why should we refrain? :S

what if they are texts containing evidence from the Qur'an and Sunnah relating to the topic, then why should we refrain??

is not the book of allah and the sunnah of his messenger a guidance then what is wrong with pasting texts that contain guidance from the Qur'an, and the sunnah of his messenger??

if anything we should refrain from presenting our on opinions, because really what you or I say doesn't have any weight, our opinions don't mean anything when the issue is to do with matters of the deen, what Allah and his messenger say is what carries weight. So what is wrong with posting texts that are full of narrations from the book of Allah and the sunnah of his messenger? which are relating to the topic of the thread.

are our opinions worth more than theirs?

I don't know how others feel but I think we shouldn't refrain from pasting texts of the scholars with references from the Qur'an and Sunnah. Much obliged

waslaam
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أبو سليمان عمر
07-19-2009, 04:17 AM
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty..." [Soorah an-Noor (24):30-31]
this should be sufficient we should lower or gaze if u feel u cant or it wont work out then try to find another Job were u can we shouldnt forget Allah IS AL RAZAQ it is He who provides He puts u in a situation to see how u will deal with it so inshallah u will deal with it in the best way to leave somthing for the sake of Allah is not bad

The Great Virtue Of Lowering The Gaze

Imaam ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah rahimahullah
Taken from 'al-Muntaqaa min Ighaathatul Lufhaan fee Masaayid ash-Shaytaan'
[pp.'s 102-105] of ibn al-Qayyim, summarised by Alee Hasan

Allaah, the Exalted said,

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts; that will make for greater purity for them. Indeed Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do." [an-Nur (24):30]

So Allaah made purification and spiritual growth to be the outcome of lowering the gaze and guarding the private parts. It is for this reason that lowrering ones gaze from (seeing) the prohibited things necessarily leads to three benefits that carry tremendous value and are of great significance.

The First: experiencing the delight and sweetness of faith.

This delight and sweetness is far greater and more desirable that which might have been attained from the object that one lowered his gaze from for the sake of Allaah. Indeed, "whosoever leaves something for the sake of Allaah then Allaah, the Mighty and Magnificent, will replace it with something better than it." [1]

The soul is a temptress and loves to look at beautiful forms and the eye is the guide of the heart. The heart commissions its guide to go and look to see what is there and when the eye informs it of a beautiful image it shudders out of love and desire for it. Frequently such inter-relations tire and wear down both the heart and the eye as is said:

When you sent your eye as a guide For your heart one day, the object of sight fatigued you For you saw one over whom you had no power Neither a portion or in totality, instead you had to be patient.

Therefore when the sight is prevented from looking and investigating the heart finds relief from having to go through the arduous task of (vainly) seeking and desiring.

Whosoever lets his sight roam free will find that he is in a perpetual state of loss and anguish for sight gives birth to love (mahabbah) the starting point of which is the heart being devoted and dependant upon that which it beholds. This then intensifies to become fervent longing (sabaabah) whereby the heart becomes totally dependant and devoted to the (object of its desire). Then this further intensifies and becomes infatuation (gharaamah) which clings to the heart like the one seeking repayment of a debt clings firmly to the one who has to pay the debt. Then this intensifies and becomes passionate love (ishk) and this is a love that transgresses all bounds. Then this further intensifies and becomes crazed passion (shaghafa) and this a love that encompasses every tiny part of the heart. Then this intensifies and becomes worshipful love (tatayyuma). Tatayyum means worship and it is said: tayyama Allaah i.e. he worshipped Allaah.

Hence the heart begins to worship that which is not correct for it to worship and the reason behind all of this was an illegal glance. The heart is now bound in chains whereas before it used to be the master, it is now imprisoned whereas before it was free. It has been oppressed by the eye and it complains to it upon which the eye replies: I am your guide and messenger and it was you who sent me in the first place!

All that has been mentioned applies to the heart that has relinquished the love of Allaah and being sincere to Him for indeed the heart must have an object of love that it devotes itself to. Therefore when the heart does not love Allaah Alone and does not take Him as its God then it must worship something else.

Allaah said concerning Yusuf as-Siddeeq 'alayhis salaam,

"Thus (did We order) so that We might turn away from him all evil and indecent actions for he was one of Our sincere servants." [Yusuf (12): 24]

It was because the wife of al-Azeez was a polytheist that (the passionate love) entered her heart despite her being married. It was because Yusuf 'alayhis salaam was sincere to Allaah that he was saved from it despite his being a young man, unamarried and a servant.

The Second: the illumination of the heart, clear perception and penetrating insight.

Ibn Shujaa` al-Kirmaanee said, "whosoever builds his outward form upon following the Sunnah, his internal form upon perpetual contemplation and awareness of Allaah, he restrains his soul from following desires, he lowers his gaze from the forbidden things and he always eats the lawful things then his perception and insight shall never be wrong."

Allaah mentioned the people of Lut and what they were afflicted with and then He went on to say,

"Indeed in this are signs for the Mutawassimeen." [al-Hijr (15): 75]

The Mutwassimeen are those who have clear perception and penetrating insight, those who are secure from looking at the unlawful and performing indecent acts.

Allaah said after mentioning the verse concerning lowering the gaze,

"Allaah is the Light of the heavens and the earth." [an-Nur (24): 35]

The reason behind this is that the reward is of the same type as the action. So whosoever lowers his gaze from the unlawful for the sake of Allaah, the Mighty and Magnificent, He will replace it with something better than it of the same type. So just as the servant restrained the light of his eye from falling upon the unlawful, Allaah blesses the light of his sight and heart thereby making him perceive what he would not have seen and understood had he not lowered his gaze.

This is a matter that the person can physically sense in himself for the heart is like a mirror and the base desires are like rust upon it. When the mirror is polished and cleaned of the rust then it will reflect the realities (haqaa`iq) as they actually are. However if it remains rusty then it will not reflect properly and therefore its knowledge and speech will arise from conjecture and doubt.

The Third: the heart becoming strong, firm and courageous.

Allaah will give it the might of aid for its strength just as He gave it the might of clear proofs for its light. Hence the heart shall combine both of these factors and as a result, Shaytaan shall flee from it. It is mentioned in the narration, "whosoever opposes his base desires, the Shaytaan shall flee in terror from his shade." [2]

This is why the one who follows his base desires shall find in himself the ignominy of the soul, its being weak, feeble and contemptible. Indeed Allaah places nobilty for the one who obeys Him and disgrace for the one who disobeys Him,

"So do not lose heart nor fall into despair; for you must gain mastery if you are true in faith." [Aali Imraan(3): 139]

"If any do seek for nobilty and power then to Allaah belongs all nobility and power." [Faatir(35): 10]

Meaning that whosoever seeks after disobedience and sin then Allaah, the Might and Magnificent, will humiliate the one who disobeys Him.

Some of the salaf said, "the people seek nobilty and power at the door of the Kings and they will not find it except through the obedience of Allaah."

This is because the one who who obeys Allaah has taken Allaah as his friend and protector and Allaah will never humiliate the one who takes his Lord as friend and patron. In the Du`aa Qunut their occurs, "the one who You take as a friend is not humiliated and the one who You take as an enemy is not ennobled." [3]

FOOTNOTES:

1.

Reported by Ahmad [5/363], al-Marwazee in 'Zawaa`id az-Zuhd' [no. 412], an-Nasaa`ee in 'al-Kubraa' as mentioned in 'Tuhfah al-Ashraaf' [11/199] from one of the Companions that the Messenger of Allaah (SAW) said, "indeed you will not leave anything for the sake of Allaah except that Allaah will replace it with something better than it." The isnaad is saheeh.
2.

This is not established as a hadeeth of the Prophet (SAW)
3.

Reported by Abu Daawood [Eng. Trans. 1/374 no. 1420], an-Nasaa`ee [3/248], at-Tirmidhee [no. 464], ibn Maajah [no. 1178], ad-Daarimee [1/311], Ahmad [1/199], ibn Khuzaymah [2/151] from al-Hasan from Alee (RA). The hadeeth is saheeh. The isnaad has been critcised by many, however none of the critcisms hold. Refer to: 'Nasb ar-Raayah' [2/125] and 'Talkhees al-Habeer' [1/247]
Source
Sorry forgot to put source Barak Allah feek akhi for the reminder
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
07-19-2009, 04:22 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by squiggle

I don't know how others feel but I think we shouldn't refrain from pasting texts of the scholars with references from the Qur'an and Sunnah. Much obliged

waslaam
May Allah bless you Ameen
yes we shouldn't refrain from and we should do it more indeed not to what we think is best but what is best
Question: Some who are seeking knowledge are very hasty in giving rulings in matters of halaal and haraam, and this is a common noticeable defect. What is your advice to such people?

Response: We have spoken on this issue long before, and we said that Allaah the Wise has divided the Muslim community into two types of people: the Ahl adh-Dhikr (the people of knowledge, i.e. the scholars), and those that depend on the Ahl adh-Dhikr. As Allaah says to the ordinary people:

{then ask those who possess the Message (Ahl adh-Dhikr) if you do not know} [Soorah 21, Aayah 7 and Soorah 6, Aayah 43].

The Ahl adh-Dhikr, as we all know, are the Ahl al-Qur.aan and the Ahl al-Hadeeth, those who know the authentic from the unauthentic, the general from the specific, the abrogating from the abrogated, and other such principles of fiqh and hadeeth. Hence, it is not allowed for a Muslim to begin giving fataawa (plural of fatwa) on the basis of some hadeeth, simply because he came across it in some book, although he does not know if it is saheeh (sound) according to the criteria of the scholars of hadeeth.

On the other hand, he knows that he is not sufficiently well-versed in knowledge and competence in the Arabic language to explain the meanings and ideas behind The Book (Qur.aan) and the Sunnah. Therefore, anyone who has not decided to undertake acquiring knowledge and persevere in it for many years, until the people of knowledge testify that he can guide the people and direct them towards good, it is not permissible for him to think that he is an 'aalim (scholar) simply because he has read some ahaadeeth (plural of hadeeth) and memorised some aayaat (plural of aayah).

We often hear of some of them who cannot even read the Qur.aan properly, nor the ahaadeeth of the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam). This is why I advise the seekers of knowledge to study two fundamentals:
a) the principles of fiqh, and
b) the principles of hadeeth.

I have mentioned before that it is not easy for one to deduce the intended aim of the Lawgiver from any text unless he consults as far as possible, all the texts of the Qur.aan and the Sunnah. I will give a clear example: Allaah says:

{Forbidden for you are dead meat, blood,...} [Soorah 5, Aayah 4].

If a beginner who is studying the Qur.aan and has no knowledge of hadeeth is asked regarding dead fish, he will immediately bring this aayah as proof to clearly forbid it since it prohibits dead meat. But were he to look into the ahaadeeth, he would know that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) excepted two types of animals, fish and locusts, from this prohibition, so he could rule accordingly. Briefly, the student must learn these two fundamental branches of learning to help to understand the Qur.aan and the Sunnah as correctly as possible.

Shaykh al-Albaanee
http://www.fatwa-online.com/fataawa/.../9991205_1.htm
and we need to understand how improtant it is to stick to scholars closely
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
07-19-2009, 03:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
Saalam,

I know men are supposed to have a lowered gaze but if you avoid eye contact it makes you look either very nervous or like your not listening.

What should I do?
lol not tru at all - i worked at helpdesk - got NO complaints from ANYONE and ALWAYS kept my gaze lowered from the ladies


Alhamdulillaah :D
Reply

TrueStranger
07-19-2009, 11:53 PM
Salaam Aliakum

We as Muslims should lower our gaze to avoid looking at the awarh of the opposite sex. A woman's face is not part of her awarh (thou some Muslims do think that her face is part of her awarh)

"Lower their Gaze" does not Mean to Avoid Eye-contact or to not Interact

Many so-called practicing Muslims are un-cooperative and unhelpful to members of the opposite gender. They keep away from each other as much a possible. In some cases, if two such people are put in a situation where they have to communicate, one looks into the sky, while the other looks into the ground in order to avoid eye contact. A person of this breed can even appear impolite and rude to a person who does not carry this mentality. They back their behaviour using what they have been told about Verse 24:29-30 of the Qur'an. This is a misconception that arises purely out of a lack of wisdom and understanding.

The Verses they quote are the following:

24:30:

"Tell the believing men that they should reduce/lower (يغضوا) their gaze/vision and guard their private parts"

24:31:

"Tell the believing women that they should reduce/lower (يغضضن) their gaze/vision and guard their private parts"


Taking a literal understanding of Verses can often lead to erroneous understanding of a Verse. The meaning that should be derived from the above Verses is that men and women who believe in Allah and the Last Day, must behave modestly and carry themselves humbly between one another. Not only is this an interpretation based on reason, it is also supported by the other occasions the root word "غض (to lower/reduce)" has been used in the Qur'an.

"It is those who lower (يغضون) their voices in the presence of Allah's messenger and whose hearts Allah has proved to be aware - they will have forgiveness and a great reward" (Qur'an 49:3)


We cannot say, by looking at the above expression, the verse means to not speak to the messenger just because it says "lower the voice". Rather what is expressed is that the believers should not have arrogance or haughtiness in their voice and attitude when interacting with the messenger. Likewise, to "reduce/lower their gaze/vision" does not mean to avoid looking at opposite gender, rather to carry a modesty, humbleness when dealing with one another.

Another example is when Allah describes the time when Luqman advised his son on how he should behave with people:

"Go at a moderate pace and lower (واغضض) your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is the braying of donkeys" (Qur'an 31:19)


The advise in the Verse is not to sound arrogant and inconsiderate in dealing with people. To "lower the voice" does not mean to literally lower the voice! For example, to become so quiet so as people cannot hear one speak. Just like "lower their gaze" does not mean to not look at the opposite gender, but to do so with modesty.

A point which adds weight to this argument is that the term "ابصار (absaar)" translated as gaze/vision, has also been used in the Qur'an to metaphorically refer to a person's inner character and capabilities to grasp and respond to the outside world correctly, rather than literally one's vision through the eyes.

Furthermore, lessons from the Qur'an show us that all believers must look after one another out of love for Allah and must not cut interaction, even between genders. For example:

“The believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of one another. They command what is right and forbid what is wrong” (Qur’an 9:71)

Allah further elaborates in another Verse:

"Those who were already firmly established in their homes and firmly rooted in faith, show love for those who migrated to them for refuge and harbor no desire in their hearts for what has been given to them. They give them preference over themselves, even if they too are poor. It is those who are saved from the greed of their own souls who are successful." (Qur'an 59:9)

The verse teaches us the strength of unity between true believers. This originates from their love for Allah and desire for the Hereafter. One cannot say that the above Verse carries double standard for the two genders. Rather the believers of the time referred to in the verse, gave refuge to in their very own homes, all believers who migrated regardless of their gender. What matters is one's faith in Allah, believers are united by this.

The following incident in the story of Prophet Musa has lessons for the believers:

"As he made his way towards Midian, he was saying, 'May my Lord guide me to the right way.' When he arrived at Midian's waters, he found a group of men [watering their flocks], and beside them two women keeping their flocks back, so he said, 'what is the matter with you two?' They said, 'We cannot water [our flocks] until the shepherds take their sheep away: our father is a very old man.' He watered their flocks for them, withdrew into the shade, and prayed, 'My Lord, I am in dire need of whatever good thing you may send me" (Qur'an 28:22-24)

Prophet Musa's watering the flocks of the two women is a deed of a believer. However, such behaviour is unlikely among the majority group of so-called practicing Muslims of today. In conclusion, the expression "lower their gaze" used in Verses 24:30-31 does not mean to not look at the opposite gender or to not interact with them. The correct understanding is 'to interact modestly' between one another.

Verses 24:30-31 are not reasons in themselves for their mentality and behaviour. They simply 'use' the verses to keep up a nostalgic form of religion, derived not from the Qur'an. Part of this nostalgia is to cut connections from the opposite gender. This is common with their application of the Qur'an in all other areas, where the Qur'an is simply 'used' to give evidence in a religion where the Qur'an is 'muddled', and its true interpretations are never reached.

The Qur'an should be understood using Quranic context, as we have done here. One cannot arrive at the correct understanding of verses, if one's intention while approaching the Qur'an is to find evidence to prove a preconceived mentality.

http://www.quranicpath.com/verses/lowering_gaze.html
Reply

aadil77
07-20-2009, 12:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by StudentMuslim
I was gonna reply to the sister above, but You obviously said what I wanted to say.

PS is eye contact that big of a deal in Islam? Is it that big of a sin? I think it is close to impossible not to make eye contact with the opposite sex. Think about it, especially for people living in non-Muslim countries. Personally I think there is no harm at looking at the opposite sex as long as you have pure thoughts. If you have corrupted thoughts, it does not really matter whether you look at someone or just imagine someone in your head, for me it is same.

PS, I do not know how others feel about it but I think we should refrain from copying and then pasting huge texts from the internet. Much Oblige.

Wasalam.
that sounds so ridiculous its like saying theres no harm in looking at porn as long your thoughts are pure. The thing is theres plenty of people like you who will hand out their opinions which clearly conflict with islamic teachings carelessly. You basically just denied Allah's command when we are told to lower our gaze.

And these texts that are pasted are for people like you who are in need of the islamic perspective and proofs to confirm the truth
Reply

IslamicRevival
07-20-2009, 12:56 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by StudentMuslim
I was gonna reply to the sister above, but You obviously said what I wanted to say.

PS is eye contact that big of a deal in Islam? Is it that big of a sin? I think it is close to impossible not to make eye contact with the opposite sex. Think about it, especially for people living in non-Muslim countries. Personally I think there is no harm at looking at the opposite sex as long as you have pure thoughts. If you have corrupted thoughts, it does not really matter whether you look at someone or just imagine someone in your head, for me it is same.

PS, I do not know how others feel about it but I think we should refrain from copying and then pasting huge texts from the internet. Much Oblige.

Wasalam.
You are having a laugh arent you? Why is it impossible to NOT look at the opposite gender? Are you a man or an animal? If you're walking down the street, one should not look at women, but what you are saying is..."Theres no harm in it!" This goes against Allah SWT's laws!

There is harm in it when Shaytan is there trying to corrupt you! If one is in a work and needs to interact with the opposite gender, Its fine to talk but only when its necessary. Random rubbish talk is unacceptable. Simple as
Reply

AabiruSabeel
07-20-2009, 05:02 AM
Please, please, this section is not for debate. The OP isn't asking whether having an eye contact is ok or not. He is seeking advice on how to avoid eye contact without giving a wrong impression to others.
Reply

adil hasnain
07-20-2009, 08:12 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger
I am lost, is it haram to look at another human being? When did having an eye contact with the opposite s3x become haraam? :blind:
I am new here.Salaam alakum.

I just want to reply to you.You need to avoid things that may lead to evil thats why we lower our gaze.If you look at her you may start to think bad thought etc.We are all human we are not angels its only human instinct to find the opposite sex attractive.You dont want that though coz this may lead to problems.For example say you are married to another woman you may start to like this woman nad have feelings for her and it may lead to worse things.So the best thing is to stay well clear of these troubles in the 1st place inshallah this will be better for you.



I want to go slightly of topic and say something about this.There is a muslim girl in my uni and I wanted to marry her until I realised she was not that strict muslim.Anyway I would always lower my gaze coz I wanted to keep it Islamic and not have bad thoughts about her just get to know her and see if she descent.Yeh so when I realised she was not soo good muslim I asked her how come you didnt flirt with me like you did with the other boys you liked and she answered COZ YOU LOWERED YOUR GAZE now see lowering your gaze protects you from evil.I know this story doesnt really seem to corelate but anyway Take care Salaam and if I have said anything wrong in this please correct me
Reply

Snowflake
07-20-2009, 08:26 AM
Actually (without reading the whole thread) I think you can look at the person you are talking to. I read this somewhere (authentic) and will try and get daleel for it.

Also, since when does 'lower your gaze' mean avoid all eye contact? If we are to lower the gaze permanently, imagine someone came up to you and asked for the time, and while you were distracted they snatched your bag, stabbed you or something else, what would you say in court? Sorry, I can't identify them because I had to keep my gaze lowered?

Really it's common sense. When talking to a person, look at them now and then so they know you are listening to them. Just don't stare deeply into their eyes and hold your gaze.
Reply

qarasz
07-20-2009, 09:53 AM
Assalamu allikum

who are the people we have to interact with ?

1] family- men&women - you can interact freely physical &mental interaction with
without specific rules.
2]wife - she is all way more than family in interaction-
physical & mental interaction in every sense higher closeness
than interaction with family


3]strangers( women) -a] job,education & travelling & business.....
in these areas you have to interact with women.
so interaction include seeing face- you interact by looking
her face/ without looking her face till u complete ur good
purpose.
TWO OPTION HERE-
1] U INTERACT BY LOOKING HER - IF SHE DIDNT MAKE
ANY BAD THOUGHTS IN UR MIND

OR
2] IF SHE ENTICE YOU, U SHOULD FINISH WORK BY
KEEPING MIND AND EYE AWAY FROM HER


THIS IS MY ADVISE CONSIDERING VALUES OF ISLAM(THIS IS NOT 100% CORRECT)

KEEP IN MIND THAT ALL OPPOSITE SEX IS ATTRACTIVE TO OTHER SEX, SO ALLAH KNOW MUCH BETTER THAN ANYONE....., SO ALWAY INTERACT WITH STRANGE WOMEN
FOR COMPLETING ANY OFFICIAL PURPOSE/ PERSONAL HUMANITARIAN PURPOSE WITH GOOD MIND & PHYSICAL ACTION( EYE,TONGUE, .......)
Reply

Pk_#2
07-20-2009, 10:22 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by StudentMuslim
If I do not make eye-contact she might think I have cocaine or something in my car lol?
Then let her search the car...besides it's not like you really do have cocaine in the car. :exhausted
Reply

touba
07-21-2009, 12:58 PM
Assalamou alaikoum,

Eye contact is haram in islam between man and women are not married and is better to not keep eyes on women and same for women to men,

Inshallah allah give us hidayat and touba,

Your sister in islam

Btissam
Reply

TrueStranger
07-21-2009, 11:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by touba
Assalamou alaikoum,

Eye contact is haram in islam between man and women are not married and is better to not keep eyes on women and same for women to men,

Inshallah allah give us hidayat and touba,

Your sister in islam

Btissam
Would people please stop saying eye-contact is haraam, when there is no hadith which says it is haraam and the Quran does not say it is haraam.

You can’t make something haraam which Allah and His Prophet(PBUH) didn’t make haraam.
Reply

touba
07-22-2009, 11:12 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger
Would people please stop saying eye-contact is haraam, when there is no hadith which says it is haraam and the Quran does not say it is haraam.

You can’t make something haraam which Allah and His Prophet(PBUH) didn’t make haraam.

Yes eye contact is haram and quran mention about it but i dont wanna make mistake because long time i didnt read the quran but i think its start by wa kol lilmouminine an yaghdodna min abssarihim please could someone say it right for us.ALLAH AALAM

Jazakoum allah khaiyran,

Your sister in islam
Reply

true believer
07-23-2009, 06:03 PM
personally, i struggle with dat, cos i sometimes get stared at in random places. or buses by some dude right in front of me. or if a male peer asks me something study related in class....can i NOT look?, not sure.... but if someone talks to me, i always look at them in the eyes otherwise i feel rude :s
Reply

touba
07-23-2009, 06:07 PM
Asslamou alaikoum,

Dear sister i used to do same allah inshallah forgive us but now hamdollah i did touba , I advise you to wear black dark glasses and like that you will be safe inshallah and allah knows


Your sister in islam,

Btissam
Reply

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