Sister In Law!

[Beardo]

Assalamu Alaykum All,

My brother recently got married. :D

But I was wondering the ruling on Sister-in-Law, and if any of you guys have sister in laws or brother in laws, how do you maintain the Islamic Segregation? Especially while iving in the same house.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

how do you maintain the Islamic Segregation? Especially while iving in the same house.

usually when my brothers in-law come over, we just don't sit/be around each other.thats it. im not sure there is any other way to do it. literally we are segregated.
if we need to eat, we eat in separate areas...lounge room for the men, dining room for the women.
basically if one needs something from somewhere where the opp gender is, we just tell someone else (eg parent, kid) to get it.
we manage, alhamdullilah, it isnt hard.

[Beardo]

Only problem is, I can't keep bugging my parents to get me something every time. In your case, I'm guessing it's only occasional. If it's long term, then I would need more accessibility, at least to perform the necessities, such as wudhu, drink of water, etc.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^ usually when things like prayer comes up, we just take it in turns. like my parents would notify us when the males are coming up to do wudu, so that if we
happen to be in the bathroom or somewhere in sight, we move out of the way so that we dont "bump" into one another.

basically we're just told to make way through an intermediary (eg my parents/brothers) for whatever things we may be doing or we may need you just need to ask politely and it's understood why you are asking them so many times.

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[Beardo]

Yeah. We've got curtains etc. In terms of talking or something, that's a no-no I suppose?

[Faye]

You can say something if you need to say something. But you're not supposed to chat freely or make small talk.

[Snowflake]

Firstly congratulations! May Allah grant the new couple a blissful wedded life and pious children ~ Ameen!

Ok as for segregation, the same rule for non mahrams apply. You can sit in the same room and talk in the presence of other members of the family. You can't be alone together at any time. Of course you can talk if it is necessary, but joking with each other must be avoided.

Actually one second, let me give you daleel inshaAllah..

Here goes..

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade non-mahrams (unrelated men) to enter upon women. He said: "Beware of entering upon women." One of the Sahaabah said to him, "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the brother-in-law?" He said: "The brother-in-law is death!" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Baari, 9/330).

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/1940

[Faye]

We lived for 10 years with my Aunt/Uncle. My father and uncle used to announce their presence with a very loud 'Assalamoalaykum, I'm passing', whenever they needed to transverse neutral territory. Some areas like the kitchen were women only, and some bedrooms/dens men only. Of course,we children went wherever we wanted to, and were often used as messengers.

Now we don't live with our Uncle anymore but we still have the occasional non-mahram family member staying with us. We have the girls' bedrooms, one bathroom and the kitchen as women-only territory, and the boy's bedrooms and one bathroom as men-only territory. My parents and grandparent's rooms are neutral - you have to ask permission to enter. Alhamdulillah, the pardah is often so good that the women do not even realize when guest cousins are there, and when they have left.

[jameelash]

salam,u r not supposed to talk to her freely.but wen living unter one roof necessities may arise to talk to each other.but take care that it doesn,t lead to freemixing.another thing even is she is younger to u give e respect to her as your brothers wife.u too will be respected in turn.inshahallah

[Mysterious Uk]

Well when my sister got married, her brother in law did not talk to her at all, expect if my sis asked him if he wanted anything food-wise and even then that was rare. He was always upstairs or at work... This did work like, they never saw each other because they would take turns eating, he never went in the kitchen and yeh generally he was never anywhere she was.

[Beardo]

^ My case, except for the fact that neither of us have any interaction. The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhe Wasallam did say that the brother in law is like death though. I'm just a bit confused about the ruling. My main purpose about this thread though, is to figure out how others handle it. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world, and at the same time, I don't want to burden my parents or anyone in that matter to give me this and that... It's my first time doing something like this while someone is staying overnight.

[جوري]

^ My case, except for the fact that neither of us have any interaction. The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhe Wasallam did say that the brother in law is like death though. I'm just a bit confused about the ruling. My main purpose about this thread though, is to figure out how others handle it. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world, and at the same time, I don't want to burden my parents or anyone in that matter to give me this and that... It's my first time doing something like this while someone is staying overnight.

If you figure out a good way to ward off your sister in law let me know too, I have been trying to dodge my sis in law for years ;D;D;D;D

yes I know I am a female but once you get sucked into the woes of your siblings' marriages you'd appreciate how staying away can potentially save your sanity .. albeit too late in my case now :hmm::skeleton:


:w:

[Beardo]

If you figure out a good way to ward off your sister in law let me know too, I have been trying to dodge my sis in law for years ;D;D;D;D

yes I know I am a female but once you get sucked into the woes of your siblings' marriages you'd appreciate how staying away can potentially save your sanity .. albeit too late in my case now :hmm::skeleton:


:w:

LOLOLOL! ;D

Well, with us it's more mutual. We both avoid each other completely, but it's a matter of organization. How do I organize things in a way where we don't ever run into each other? Some say to let the kitchen be the lady's section... But the kitchen is my second bedroom. imsad I can't give it up. I gotta have that leftover biryani in the fridge. :cry:

If you guys don't know, there's a scarcity of Halaal KFC in America, and you have to pre-order large quantities, so we rarely have it. So it's sort of a race. Me Vs. My sister in law & brother. lol jk. ;D

yeah right psh. I put it in the freezer so I could eat it while they are gone xD. Evil Genius. :nervous:

But yeah, jazax to all those who did give their experiences above. It'll be an experience.... Just keep me in your duas. And advise me if you can. :X

[BlissfullyJaded]

:sl:

Lol Gossamer. I hear ye.

Anyway are there times when you know she's not in the kitchen area? The even though you're not hungry, you could just go grab a plate of whatever food you want, cover it and take it to your room to have a couple hours later. And always keep a bottle of water in your room for when you get thirsty... Not so sure how you'd handle the wudhu issue.

[Beardo]

:sl:

Lol Gossamer. I hear ye.

Anyway are there times when you know she's not in the kitchen area? The even though you're not hungry, you could just go grab a plate of whatever food you want, cover it and take it to your room to have a couple hours later. And always keep a bottle of water in your room for when you get thirsty... Not so sure how you'd handle the wudhu issue.

Well, the other day a kid advised me to simply hold it in. "It's that simple. DUH." :skeleton:

lol... But yeah, I mean, what they do is, when they are out of their room, they keep their bedroom door open. That way I know where they are. It's not really THAT hard, but long-term, we need to set up something. As far as covering the food etc, I don't want to create a mess. What's easier for my parents is what counts at the end of the day, and it's not like it's any easier for my sister in law. With that in mind, I think we should take it one day at a time. Insha'Allah it'll be okay. I do thank the above for the advice, it DID actually help. I think we'll have to setup strict timings, and routine.

[جوري]

Pls forgive me for asking, I know it is rude.. but why are they living with you guys? I find that most odd indeed.. shouldn't they be honey mooning somewhere before they get their own place? How do you tolerate living with newly weds?

[nebula]

Its in pakistani tradition for the bride to move in with the inlaws and stay their. :exhausted

I think bro hafiz might be a pakistani too.

[Beardo]

Its in pakistani tradition for the bride to move in with the inlaws and stay their. :exhausted

I think bro hafiz might be a pakistani too.

Close. Desi. :p

[جوري]

what an awful tradition (I hope I am not offending anyone) but it isn't even Islamic at that.. what if you have four boys.. and they all get married, you'll have five families living in one house? that is nuts.. who came up with that rule? besides what if they want to stay out late or whatever.. do they come home and be scolded by the parents :haha: how awful in a hilarious manner.. I thought this was a weekend thing, when they come for a visit.. but an all day thing? surely not everyone does this? People have to move out sometime? I mean your parents aren't living with their parents so why is it different for the new generation? especially for newly weds.. how incredibly uncomfortable..

[ژاله]

what if you have four boys.. and they all get married, you'll have five families living in one house? that is nuts.. who came up with that rule?

yeah, they will all live together under the same roof.its considered a sign of great fortune that all the sons are living with the parents.otherwise,people think the sons have betrayed their parents and things like that.its so common here.they dont live in independent houses until they start hating each other to the extent that they want to drink each others blood:skeleton::exhausted:omg:lol just kidding.actually,they separate a bit earlier than that.
in bigger families,when they have like six or seven sons,and in turn,their children of all the sizes whatsoever,the house literally looks like a zoo.you cant find a place where you can study calmly or sleep peacefully.children chirping every where.;D;D;D
i agree its nuts,but enjoyable.you can never be alone.

[ژاله]

bro eHafiz,what nationality is desi?desi could be either pakistani or indian?innit?

[جوري]

yeah, they will all live together under the same roof.its considered a sign of great fortune that all the sons are living with the parents.otherwise,people think the sons have betrayed their parents and things like that.its so common here.they dont live in independent houses until they start hating each other to the extent that they want to drink each others blood:skeleton::exhausted:omg:lol just kidding.actually,they separate a bit earlier than that.
in bigger families,when they have like six or seven sons,and in turn,their children of all the sizes whatsoever,the house literally looks like a zoo.you cant find a place where you can study calmly or sleep peacefully.children chirping every where.;D;D;D
i agree its nuts,but enjoyable.you can never be alone.

:sl:

wait a minute please.. what if you want to start a family or something? This has to be incredibly uncomfortable.. does everyone have a palatial home to accommodate all this expansion?
Sob7an Allah.. this just can't be right.. how meddlesome...

Who am I to speak against tradition.. I am glad I am not paki/desi..
does this rule apply also if you marry outside of your culture?
Say you are an Indian guy and want to marry someone from Norway does she still have to move in to your parents' home

:w:

[alcurad]

it's very common in India form what I know, otherwise not really.

I hate Paki/indian-new word: pakindian- familial traditions, my cousin just got married and his mother+sister moved right in with him the next day :/
my own immediate family's not like that, but man ,,the poor guy..

& eHafiz yaar, just mut dheko, no one said to stare at her when you go to the chiken, I mean kitchen :D, even if she's there just grab the grub and escape,,that's what I'd do atleast, heh

also, man up an kill your own chiken, KFC is not so good methinks.

oh and did you hear why the chicken that crossed the road?

it wanted to get to the other side...,

but KFC got it..

it was a desi chicken too.

heh ok, i'll stop :shade:

[piXie]

lol stop scaring her guys. Skye, its not like that (I hope :p ) It depends on each families situation. Usually... one son will stay with parents to look after them. Rest move out.

[جوري]

:haha:.. Rumpelstilzchen coming for the first born.. ah man.. can't be none too pleasant showing up for breakfast with a head scarf ey...

I wouldn't marry under those circumstances.. I have seen a thread where someone asks why it is so hard to get married.. I imagine a horrible tradition like this one is a major deterrent..

:w:

[Faye]

Actually, its extremely rare to find unmarried Pakistanis above 30 years old, at least in Pakistan. Another tradition is that the entire family pitches in to help you choose your spouse, whether you want to get married or not.:skeleton:

[ژاله]

:sl:

wait a minute please.. what if you want to start a family or something? This has to be incredibly uncomfortable.. does everyone have a palatial home to accommodate all this expansion?
Sob7an Allah.. this just can't be right.. how meddlesome...

Who am I to speak against tradition.. I am glad I am not paki/desi..
does this rule apply also if you marry outside of your culture?
Say you are an Indian guy and want to marry someone from Norway does she still have to move in to your parents' home

:w:

people normally start their family in their parents home.and then they might collectively buy a bigger house if the old house if unable to accomodate them all.its just a tradition,not a rule.you can move out if you want to,just you should be brave enough to tolerate peoples comments and gossip....:p
anyhow,good old traditions are dying with modernity.so is this one.you dont need to be scared sis gossamer.:shade:
well,generally,if a son marries a foreigner,parents and relatives expect the bride to follow the tradition but commonly foreigneres are not used to it,so they move out.and it is considered a very selfish and disrespectful attitude.may be thats the reason marrying foreigners is not encouraged...:D

[جوري]

My sis in law was over yesterday, and I am still recovering from our five minute friction.. to be quite honest, I don't care if breaching such a tradition would be deemed disrespectful .. I think it is a matter of priority.. unless a family has only boys and no girls.. women no matter how pious and well meaning sooner or later will be at each other' throat.. a good relationship has to be a healthy one.. which means everyone has to have their space.. at least it gives you a chance to miss each other...

I hope such a tradition becomes obsolete unless all parties really want it, which I doubt...
I am not particularly worried that some dude is going to shift me to his parents house.. I am just alarmed that is happens at all.. thinking of the OP, even getting lunch seems like a mission impossible..

I am not going to keep at this anymore.. because I sincerely don't want to be disrespectful to a common accepted tradition.. but to an outsider this seems really outlandish you know..

:w:

[Beardo]

it's very common in India form what I know, otherwise not really.

I hate Paki/indian-new word: pakindian- familial traditions, my cousin just got married and his mother+sister moved right in with him the next day :/
my own immediate family's not like that, but man ,,the poor guy..

& eHafiz yaar, just mut dheko, no one said to stare at her when you go to the chiken, I mean kitchen :D, even if she's there just grab the grub and escape,,that's what I'd do atleast, heh

also, man up an kill your own chiken, KFC is not so good methinks.

oh and did you hear why the chicken that crossed the road?

it wanted to get to the other side...,

but KFC got it..

it was a desi chicken too.

heh ok, i'll stop :shade:

1. If I had more power on this forum, I'd've suspended you for saying KFC is not so good. :X Possibly even a ban.

2. Yeah, I mean, eventually we'll have to work something out. I'll have to go to the chicken to get my food after all.

lol stop scaring her guys. Skye, its not like that (I hope :p ) It depends on each families situation. Usually... one son will stay with parents to look after them. Rest move out.

I hope by "her" you were not referring to me. :exhausted:raging:

[جوري]

2. Yeah, I mean, eventually we'll have to work something out. I'll have to go to the chicken to get my food after all.

lol.. you really do have chicken on the mind.. ;D

[Beardo]

lol.. you really do have chicken on the mind.. ;D

Oh darn. That was an accident. :skeleton::exhausted

One of my I-Feel-Obese moments.

[- IqRa -]

If I had more power on this forum, I'd've suspended you for saying KFC is not so good. Possibly even a ban.

What more power do you want? You're an admin... :ermm:

[Beardo]

What more power do you want? You're an admin... :ermm:

lol... Yeah, but I can't take decisions on my own. imsad I gotta go through the trolls, zAk, Muhammad, Maalik, and all them. :skeleton:

[جوري]

lol... Yeah, but I can't take decisions on my own. imsad I gotta go through the trolls, zAk, Muhammad, Maalik, and all them. :skeleton:

Al7mdlillah walhi what good reason, considering you want to ban a fellow Muslim for chicken chicken chicken lol ;D

and frankly I'll have to take his side (I am not big on fried food) but if I had a choice I'd go for Crown Fried Chicken over KFC.. It is a no brainer...:p

:w:

[Proud of Islam]

I think that your sister in law should be suffering more than you!
If she wears Hejaab, I don’t think there would be a problem..
She is the responsible to wear Hejab whenever she is outside her room & if you saw her with Hejab in the kitchen, there is no problem, right?

However, if she doesn’t wear Hejab, (but I hope she does), the case will be harder. But you still can ask your brother to tell her to wear Hejab whenever she is outside the room even if she didn't use to do so. She has to respect you since you are in the same house & respect the religion of your family..



----------------------------------------------------------------

Longing for the Paradise (Al-Jannah) where the endless happiness…

[ژاله]

^or alternatively you can wear hijab:X:><:
@ the OP btw

[Beardo]

^or alternatively you can wear hijab:X:><:
@ the OP btw

Such wisdom mashallah. How about a bright flammingo pink one?

Well, again, just make dua. It'll take some adjustment definitely!

[Bittersteel]

why do you call Indians Desis?
what do you call Bangladeshis there?

@eHafiz:I know this may sound uncivilized but as long as you and your S-i-L don't start flirting with each other everything's gonna be fine.Honestly by reading the thread title I thought things were a bit more serious.

[GuestFellow]

lol... Yeah, but I can't take decisions on my own. imsad I gotta go through the trolls, zAk, Muhammad, Maalik, and all them. :skeleton:

lol

Well since she is living with you, try to keep things formal. Like get on with your own daily activities as normal. If she happen to speak to you then just keep things nice and formal.

It is not that hard. I had a female relative (same age as me :skeleton:) who came over to stay at our house for like six months. -_-;;

I simply got on with my daily routine. She only spoke to me when she couldn't find something like the house keys.

[جوري]

The problem is really with the rule of living with your parents after marriage to begin with.. you create a bad situation of intense discomfort for everyone and then spend a life time walking on eggshells because problems are bound to arise with too many adults in one household.. sob7an Allah.. I thought Islam was supposed to rid us of strange customs...

:w: