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View Full Version : why are people so inconsiderate?



AnonymousPoster
07-26-2009, 02:22 PM
I pray that Allah doesn't take away the reward (if any) that
He might give me for going through this test.
I am 23 years old male and I try to keep away from people. I always
get told why don't you talk to so-and-so, etc. Here is why.
People are always so offensive. For one thing, I am a skinny guy and for
some reason every single person I meet will eventually make a note of it.
It gets annoying after some point. Like you know I always wonder why do I have to be the one picked on? Why can't people comment on somebody's else looks? I don't comment on people's appearance so why they do it to me?
I hate group gatherings because of this. We can be 8 people and I will be the one picked on. imsad


People point out that I should shave facial hair. They say it doesn't look good on me. Imagine that, you are in middle of a conversation and your friend stops and says "man you should shave, the hair can hurt your image".

Another example, I have been losing hair since age 18 and so what I do is shave it off completely because it looks better than thinning hair. People tell me you should grow your hair because this bald look doesn't suit you.

I can go on and on with more examples. imsadimsad
Then get this, the same people tell me later "hey why don't you hang around with us anymore?"
It's not easy to tell people I don't want to see people because they will feel the need to comment on my weight, facial hair, and bald head. imsad

subhan Allah. I wish people were just more considerate.
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ژاله
07-26-2009, 03:18 PM
^ i am sorry to hear that brother.may Allah solve your problems and grant you better health ameen..brother,i think what you can do to get rid of such comments is to start commenting on the stupid people who have made your life difficult.you see no one is perfect,every one has some problems with them,but people comment on other people just to have a laugh,without realizing what they are doing to the person they think is their punching bag.they must have some problems with them as well.so you start commenting about them,they deserve it,and i am sure after a while they will come to their senses and stop bugging you.
secondly,be more self confident.if deep down you are confident and happy of your self,n one can make you feel low.if they say that the bald look doesnt suit you,tell them straight away that you prefer yourself to be that way and it is none of their business what you are doing. and if you dont feel comfortable in their company,leave them without any reluctance.such inconsiderate people dont deserve to be friends in the first place anyway.
thirdly,define your aim in life and devote your self to it.it will give you a new found self confidence and a sense of completeness.for example,if you want to become a scientist or engineer,just an example,devote your self to work whole heartedly.Allah has given everyone some hidden potentials that if they utilize can do something amazing and brilliant...to be great doesnt mean to be handsome.seen einstein?people remember him for his work till today,no one dislikes or makes fun of his bushy hair or the way he looked.so at the end of the day its our skills that matter.improve yourself in the things you can and forget about people and their comments.you dont need to give them a ****.you dont need to be sad because of them,they are not worth it.
may Allah makes it easy for you ameen.i will make dua for you inshallah.
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M..x
07-26-2009, 10:46 PM
Salaam Bro. Your post made me =(. I proper respekt you for not duin that to them. Its hard changing peoples personalities and keeping up with them so just be yourself still and just du what you du. And if they ask you nonsense question like why dunt you chill with them, Well if i was you, I'd just say it how it is, Like for example 'I dont need people like you making me feel constnatly awkward and wierd so I'm better off not chilling with you. Okay bye. *Big Grin...Walk away*'
Allah made man in tha best form and beauty lies within. Eryone is beautiful, so dont let enyone let you think otherwise. May Allah help yu and ease your calamities. W/Salaam Wr Wb
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crayon
07-26-2009, 11:06 PM
Yes, people are inconsiderate, there's nothing we can do about that. What we can do is grow a backbone, believe in ourselves and our capabilities, and have greater self esteem and self worth. People will always be jerks, but it's up to us to keep it from getting to us, and it's up to us to make sure we don't behave like them.

That may sound harsh, but it's reality. We can wait around for people to start being all nice to everyone, or we can realize that 'hey, him wanting to make me feel bad doesn't mean I have to!".
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noorseeker
07-26-2009, 11:53 PM
At your age brother , you know who your true friends are, luckily there isnt that much peer pressure in your twenties, just stay strong, i wouldnt chill with them, i would chill on my own, let them know you dont need them.

I pretty sure one day, these friends will realise what they are doing
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Woodrow
07-27-2009, 12:49 AM
People of different age groups are inconsiderate for different reasons but one thing I find in common with inconsiderate people is the amazing lack of intelligence they all seem to have.

Have pity on the inconsiderate as stupidity is a horrible handicap.
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nebula
07-27-2009, 12:59 AM
bro what you need to do is meet some good muslim brothers, change the people you hang around with, may Allah ease your difficulties ameen.
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- IqRa -
07-27-2009, 08:32 AM
...ignore them.
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Snowflake
07-27-2009, 10:25 PM
people like that are just shallow. My best friend is 15 years older than me. I prefer her company to women my age any day. I've learnt a lot from her, mashaAllah. Why not find friends who are older and wiser and have more to offer in the form of knowledge and wisdom.
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Ansariyah
07-28-2009, 04:46 PM
If these people are 'friends', dont be friends wit them no more u deserve better.

If they are Family make sure u let them know that this is hurting ur feelings. It needs to stop InshaAllah.

U can't please people u can only learn to understand that words tho they hurt are jst that 'words'. Last but not least, there's nothing wrong wit u, but there's a whole lot wrong wit them. Its far better to be skinny, or bald, or watever then be a bully. Say Alhamdulilah.
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Alphadude
07-29-2009, 01:17 AM
sorry to hear that brother,i have had similler problem as you are having and u know what i did i stoped hanging around those people if they were good freinds they wouldnt say something like this just stop hanging with them and find some new friends as brother nebula said find some good muslims brothers ask allah for help he will guide you and find you the good friends look at me i had some freinds like your and i stoped hanging with them and never had any friends sence and when i joined LI i found good friends who cares trust me brother if they dont see the good person in you why should you.peace
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GuestFellow
07-29-2009, 03:25 AM
Ah I met many idiots at school and at college who called me all sorts of things. Some even talked gossiped about me and spread very nasty rumours. So I can understand what you are going through.

These people are stupid. You must have heard the phrase, ''what goes around, comes around.'' They will get a taste of their own medicine eventually.

I would avoid these type of people. If it is a family member which you cannot happen to avoid, then tell them to mind your own business! That is what I did and it worked lol. Though if they are older, I wouldn't say anything.
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Tony
07-29-2009, 04:21 AM
I gotta big nose, an unusual surname and middle age spread kicking in. Alhamdulillah :D
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Hayaa
07-29-2009, 04:37 AM
I'm really sorry to hear about that. Usually those types of people lack the ability to compliment others and take pleasure in criticizing, instead; although, they probably wouldn't want to be treated the same way. I guess in the end, all you can do is make dua for them and keep reminding yourself that Allah (swt) looks at what's inside. :0)

May Allah make everything easy for you. Ameen
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zakirs
07-29-2009, 05:40 AM
with people i would suggest one thing bro ,

take care of the good and dear ones , dont even bother about the others
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AnonymousPoster
08-02-2009, 12:25 AM
Just wanted to say thank you, and may Allah reward you for your replies.
It felt good to let it out. :) Insha'Allah I will meet some good muslims. The problem I had so far is you can meet someone you think is really kind but eventually they come up with these same inconsiderate comments. Although I must make note that so far none of the people who have been saying these nonsense comments perform prayers.
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bamboozled
08-02-2009, 12:49 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Just wanted to say thank you, and may Allah reward you for your replies.
It felt good to let it out. :) Insha'Allah I will meet some good muslims. The problem I had so far is you can meet someone you think is really kind but eventually they come up with these same inconsiderate comments. Although I must make note that so far none of the people who have been saying these nonsense comments perform prayers.
I met most of my friends at Mosque, I used to go dead early on fridays before Jumah to read Surah Kahf and the same group of people, about my age where always there and we always said a passing salaam like everyone does. Some had beards so I knew they were pious, or at least trying.

One day, I went in for a prayer that was not on a friday and had missed the jamat, so me and that group of people I always see at the mosque done it all together as they were late to. And afterwards got chatting...'where do you live', 'what do you study', where you work and all that and turns out we got on great

People who go to mosques whenever they can, not just fridays and understand islam are always polite, talk to the imans just in general, ask them how they are do they need anything, to listen to your Quran, just get chatting.

Socialise at you Mosque more, Inshallah you will make good friends as you are looking in the right place.

You are the company you keep and those friends who treat you poorly, dont diserve you. But inshallah they will learn more about Islam and treat you better in the future.
Those who have no one have Allah.
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