married couple jalousy

[touba]

Assalamou alaikoum,

Me and my husband we love each other so much but we have one problem is that we are jalous for each other which makes problem for us.
We are living as a tenants in a share house and my husband doesnt let me cook in the kitchen and he cook hmself because boys are there nor let me talking to anybody in the house nor having friends hes very jalous for me but me too im jalous for him if any woman speak to him like saying hello to him i get crazy i really dont know how to handle the situation please any advice

Jazakoum allah khaiyran

[celina]

Waslam sister

Sister I think it may be because your husband is very protective of you that is why he may be behaving in that way. I feel you have the key ingredient that good marriage requires which is LOVE. As long as you continue to love and care for each other then there is no problem. Remember you must trust, and make pray to Allah that your love for each other grows. I also feel you are protective, which is good but don't let it get extreme where you loose your trust in your husband. My advice is sit and talk to your husband about the whole situation.

If you really need to go in front of other men in the house i.e cooking in the kitchen then cover up properly (as all muslim women should) and explain this to your husband. May Allah help you.

[The Ruler]

Ah, it seems that you're missing trust. One of the basic pillars on which a marriage stands upon. And, as I see it, you can truly trust someone when you see how God-fearing he is.

Jealousy, to a certain extent, is a good thing. It keeps a relationship intact as long as there isn't over possessiveness.

For you, if the jealousy is becoming an issue, then talk to him. Voice your fears and listen to his reasons.

As for you interacting with the other men, it's not allowed in Islam. There's no need for you to talk to them (certainly not alone) unless it's necessary.

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum,

Jealousy should be just enough to add a little seasoning to a marriage.. high doses will make it bitter. The shaytaan works hard to cause trouble between spouses. Common sense tells me that extreme jealousy is a tool of the shaytaan. That's because, it leads people to do other bad things that a muslim should avoid e.g. spying on spouse to see if they are up to something, making false accusations and so on. But these shayteen are so pathetic that their whisperings barely have any profound effect on practicing brothers and sisters who also seek the protection of Allah, The Eternal, The Sublime.

The best thing is to increase acts of ibadah, read the morning and night adhkars, avoid sins and have faith in Allah. Seek knowledge together so that you both can support each other and there are no conflicts and always recite ayatul kursi, Surah an Nas and al Falak before you sleep. Don't let the shaytaan urinate in your ears while you are sleeping. Close the doors to him by which he comes to you and sedate the internal shaytaan with dikhr ilahi. InshaAllah everything will be fine. :)

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[convert]

I think all this jealousy/gheerah business is nothing but trouble personally. Caveman mentality.

[Snowflake]

^It's also natural in it's balanced state.

[touba]

Assalamou alaikoum,

But my husband jalousy is so much for example when we are out he concentrate to who is looking at me and he get stress and up set . In the house he cook by himself and me im doing nothing as a wife even he take our clothes to washing machine to wash it by himself and all this because there is boys living with us but same time theres girls and me too i get jalous and up set as well and i speak to him and he said because hes the husband more strong and protective than me and no way to convince him to cook or to wash and of course sheytan makes so much wasswassa to me and i start accusing my husband with girls really im destroying my marriage and really dont know what to do even hes trying to get an other flat for us but still im having wasswassa please i need really help and what to do please.
ps : my husband very lovely person and hes doing everything for me but wasswassa destroying me.

Jazakoum allah khaiyran.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you touba;

Marriage has to be one of the toughest things we do in life, and nothing really prepares us for the problems ahead. Marriage has to last five years, ten, twenty, fifty years, and these problems keep coming back, time after time. You know when these problems persist, because when you have arguments you bring up the stuff that happened six months ago, and six years ago.

You may have heard the expression, if you love someone, then you have to let them go. If they don’t come back to you, then they do not love you in return, and the only way to find out is that you have to trust them fully without proof.

God wants marriage to work, pray for peace in your heart, you can only change yourself, you cannot change your husband, he has to want to change himself, and only with God's help will you both find peace in your hearts.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric

[celina]

Greetings and peace be with you touba;

Marriage has to be one of the toughest things we do in life, and nothing really prepares us for the problems ahead. Marriage has to last five years, ten, twenty, fifty years, and these problems keep coming back, time after time. You know when these problems persist, because when you have arguments you bring up the stuff that happened six months ago, and six years ago.

You may have heard the expression, if you love someone, then you have to let them go. If they don’t come back to you, then they do not love you in return, and the only way to find out is that you have to trust them fully without proof.

God wants marriage to work, pray for peace in your heart, you can only change yourself, you cannot change your husband, he has to want to change himself, and only with God's help will you both find peace in your hearts.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric

Beautifully said.

[glo]

Touba, it seems to be that whilst you understand that your husband is acting to protect you, you feel very restricted by his actions - to the extend that you are starting to feel useless and helpless. Am I right?

Have you told him how you feel?
Could you arrange for you to have access to the kitchen, washing machine etc when no other men/boys are around?

Do you think your husband's jealousy is based on him not trusting you? Or not trusting the males in the house (Out of interest, how old are these 'boys'? )
How about you? Do you trust your husband? What exactly makes you jealous of other women?

Perhaps you need to sit down and tell each other calmly and patiently how you feel, and try to work out in practical terms how you can organise your daily lives.

I wish you both every blessing in your marriage! :)