Lack Of Understanding From Those Who Brought You Up

[AnonymousPoster]

There are those types of parents who spend time with their families, taking them out to restaurants, Talk regularly to their children etc and there are those who rarely show an interest in when you do good but lambaste you when you do something bad

Unfortunately the latter description is the situation im in. I live in an environment where everyone is a stranger to me though these are the people who are closest to me. It saddens me when i see parents teach their children and show them love. I ask my self why wasn't i shown any affection? Why didn't anyone tell me to respect my elders? Why wasn't i taught the basics?

I feel dumb and at a loss to explain why i am going through this. Its nigh on impossible to even talk to my parents when i need help. If i need something i feel scared to ask even if it is about something very important. This is how ridiculous the situation is. I do not want to live like this anymore.

Does anyone else go through this and any tips on how to handle it?

Thanks

[mathematician]

salamu 'alaykum brother,

I can relate to your situation because I was (well I'm 24 now) there. although I may have been slightly more lucky.

You have to look at the big picture. Your experience will help you become a better parent because you will be aware and will clearly remember the importance of teaching the basics & show affection. You can say that maybe you would still make a great parent who would show affection to your kids even if your parents were super nice to you, but that's not true. The best wisdom comes from experience, hence the old saying "experience is the best teacher" or yet "experience is the mother of wisdom".
So you are gaining a lot of insight that you should thank Allah for. He is giving you a chance to clearly see why it's so essential to show affection to your children.

Yes I know it was not really fair that you had to go through pain to gain wisdom, but remember wisdom will lead you to do good, which in turn will lead you to gain Allah's pleasure. The people who were the best at doing good deeds are those with the most knowledge. Some knowledge is gained by reading for example, whereas a lot is learned by seeing it with your eyes through experiences.

May Allah guide us all to what pleases Him. Ameen.

[GuestFellow]

Asslamu Alikum.

Do your parents have any problems? Like financial problems or family problems? I would try to find out why your parents are like this. If you haven't got an idea, I would still try to keep them happy even if they cannot do the same to you. Probably if you help your mom out with the daily housework maybe this improves your relationship with at least one of your parents.

Use this experience to your advantage. At least you will not treat your own kids like this.

[ahmed_indian]

there are many cases like urs, so dont worry too much. prophet :saws: told us to look at ppl who are below you.

this life is too short to keep thinking over this. aim to please Allah and enter His jannah. stick to Quran and sunnah. get married and move it based on Islamic principles.

may Allah help you.

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[Muhaba]

Unfortunately, they are all over the place. Such selfish parents only think of themselves and consider their children a problem. they forget that they brought the kids into the world in the first place and that they are also human beings with feelings.

i think everyone should be taught parenting 101 in every class starting with the 5th grade where kids should be taught the importance of being responsible parents.

[AnonymousPoster]

Asslamu Alikum.

Do your parents have any problems? Like financial problems or family problems? I would try to find out why your parents are like this. If you haven't got an idea, I would still try to keep them happy even if they cannot do the same to you. Probably if you help your mom out with the daily housework maybe this improves your relationship with at least one of your parents.

Use this experience to your advantage. At least you will not treat your own kids like this.

Salaam. Thank you all for the replies. Much appreciated

Guestfellow, I think its "Its just the way they are" and "Its the way they were brought up". That's the only answer i can come up with and i'm pretty sure i am right. Im bamboozled why they dont learn from other peoples mistakes.

Its difficult to stay motivated when you have people around you who rarely take an interest and do not push you to achieve something in life. Its confidence shattering stuff.