format_quote Originally Posted by
gs450la
Salaam brothers and sisters,
First, wanted to wish you all a wonderful and prosperous new year.
I thought I'd post a little update on the situation. My sister hasn't gotten any better. She does periodically listen to my mother only when there is something she wants in return. However, her tantrums and demands seem to be skyrocketing by the day and she is getting harder to deal with as the days progress.
A few days ago, my mom wanted to go somewhere for New Year's and she flat out refused to leave her room. This caused a huge argument in the family between my parents and her. She didn't budge one bit. She has taken a keen interest in saying the F-Word and other profanity openly and liberally to my mom and dad.
She has also developed a liking for skateboarding and demands to go on practicing it as she has a desire to be a professional skateboarder (she is a tomboy, by the way). She demands that she be allowed to practice as much as she wants and my father must take her to the local parking lot to practice with her. Yesterday, he was tired and he said he couldn't do it. She demanded that she skateboard herself tot he local park (which is located near a busy street) and she started yelling at him when he refused as well as punching the walls of the house.
I am genuinely concerned about her mental health and the toll she's taking on her safety and the safety of others. I know that there is a need for a third party to be involved and my mother is going to speak to the psychologist at her school tomorrow. I am praying from the deepest corner in my heart that something good comes of this visit.
I want to again thank everyone for their kind words and duas. I would appreciate your continued duas and thoughts.
Also, what is tuhajjad? Is there any type of modification I could make to my prayers to make this wish come true?
Thanks,
Ehsan
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother i sincerely sympathise with your situation but unfortunatley your sister has your father wrapped around her little finger. He has caused her to become like this. When i read all you had written it reminded me of a programme i watch sometimes called 'Supernanny' where this women from UK visits people who have problem children. She teaches them how to discipline their child by using a range of techniques.
Your sister acts EXACTLEY like those young children. Brother your mother and fathers turbulant marriage may have been a factor but from what i can see your father was the cause.
Some Fathers have a very bad habit of blaming the mother for their child turning out like that but what your father does'nt realise is that he has spoilt her so much that she can get away with murder and he would still give in to her demands. Your father needs serious counselling too brother because he has spoilt her so much by giving into her every need and if she does'nt get her way then she pulls a tantrum just like a child would. She needs the 'naughty corner'. You would only get that if you watch Supernanny.
My brother don't give in to your sister in regards to seeing a counsellor. Your family is in urgent need of third party help. Your going to have to become a man now brother and stand up to your sister otherwise she will ruin your family. Be firm and make sure that you get hold of a good counsellor for your family and make sure you get a psychologist for your sister as she has some very serious issues.
You have to have a very serious word with your father in that he is has to stop giving into her demands like this. Your father is ruining her and will eventually cause the split of your family if he carries on giving into the demands of your sister. You have to tell him that if he truly loves his daughter and wants the best for her then he has to stop giving into her demands and start being a proper father to her and discipline her. All those threats she makes are just empty ones. She is just saying them to put your father in fear. She knows exactley what strings to pull to get what she needs out of your father.
Brother go to a reliable and experienced scholar on your own and just have a talk with him about your issues as he can give you the best advice.
My brother stay strong and have faith in Allah. Remember one thing - Allah only tests those who he wants good for and who he wants close to him, so your veryt lucky that he wants you close to him! Grab this opportunity and make the strongest connection you can with Allah!
Do all of your fard prayers aswell as Nafil prayers too. Also recite as much Qur'an as you can as well as doing as much dhikrullah(Remembrance of allah) as you can glorifying Allah night and day and this will cause you to feel peace, tranquility, contentment and happiness in your heart regardless of whatever is going on in your life because you would have FULL trust,hope, faith and reliance on Allah alone!
Take this opportunity to pray Tahajjud Salah which is the best Salah after the Fard prayers. You can read it after Isha but it is best reading it in the third portion of the night and it is when dua's are most readily accepted by Allah. You read it as 2 rakat nafl salah's upto 12 rakat maximum and minimum 4. You can pray it an hour before Fajr starts.
Cry in those dua's to Allah and ask of him and my brother know that he hears your dua's and has something better for you. He is with those who are patient and the reward for those who are patient is Jannah!
Here are some tips for you to overcome this perioud in your life:
Increase dhikr (remembrance of Allah):
"Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction
(Qur'an, 13:28)."
Increase prayers: "O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely, Allah is with the patient
(Qur'an, 2:153)
." Regardless of the type of meditation, recent studies have verified the physiological effects of meditation. Most of those mediations consist in focusing on something, repeating some words and breathing
(Greenberg, p.142, 143).
Perform ablutions: The most important component of relaxation is what Hans Loehr calls "the rituals of success." These rituals may be as simple as making ablution; yet, they must be performed properly for it is not enough to pass water on the body parts - those parts must be massed.
Ask for forgiveness: Even if a person has not done anything wrong, he must insure the forgiveness of Allah. "Then I said,
'Ask forgiveness of your Lord; surely, He is the most Forgiving'"
(Qur'an, 71:10).
Recite the Qur'an: The Prophet (SAW) said, "… Qur'an is a remedy for illnesses of the mind"
(Bukhari). "The echo of sound has a medical effect and is now widely utilized," says Dr. Greenberg. "The recitation of or listening to the Qur'an has an effect on the body, the heart and the mind! It is said that the letter Alif echoes to the heart and the letter Ya' to the pineal gland in the brain. Dr Ahmed El Kadi of Akber Clinic (Panama City, FL) conducted and published the effects of listening to Qur'anic recitation on physiological parameters (i.e., the heart, blood pressure, and muscle tension), and reported improvement in all factors, irrespective of whether the listener was a Muslim or a non-Muslim, Arab or non-Arab. Obviously, it can be postulated that those who understand and enjoy the recitation with a belief in it will get maximum benefits," writes Dr Athar.
Make the hereafter one's main concern: "Whoever has the hereafter as his main concern, Allah will fill his heart with a feeling of richness and independence; he will be focused and feel content, and this world will come to him in spite of it. Whoever has this world as his main concern, Allah will cause him to feel constant fear of poverty; he will be distracted and unfocused, and he will have nothing of this world except what was already predestined for him," said the Prophet (SAW). One of the greatest causes of stress is money - how to pay the loans, whether one's job will be lost, what will happen to the family if the father dies, etc.
Think positively: Muslims should forget about the bad things of the past and think of good things, always having hope that he can be better. Trying to change the past is a foolish and crazy waste of time, "for saying
'if only…'opens the way to Shaytan" said the Prophet (SAW). The Prophet (SAW) also said, " Know that victory (achievement) comes through patience, and that ease comes through hardship." Muslims understand that there's no reason for panic in the case of crisis - no reason to be distressed or worried for we know that after hardship come ease!
Do not waste time on thoughts of fear or stress: "The search of time is one of the most frequent causes of stress"
(Seyle, p.102). Laziness is the mother of all evils, and the Prophet (SAW) used to seek refuge in Allah from it. Understanding that this life is short and time precious, Muslims should try to work hard and pursue worthy knowledge
(Munajjid).
In conclusion, a surprisingly effective remedy for stress is to "remember death".
The Prophet (SAW) said, "Remember frequently the one who will destroy all your pleasures - death! For there is no one who remembers death when in straitened circumstances, but his situation will become easier…".
Watch these short clips:
Never lose hope in Allah!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58g-ZNWxv20
Are You Going Through Hardships In Life?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfJNLdOWcIQ
I have pasted some beneficial links for you on various aspects of Islam which i hope you will find VERY useful and beneficial!:
Overcoming tests from Allah
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...sts-from-Allah
25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety VERY GOOD THREAD
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43179
Overcoming laziness and Procrastination
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52097
10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html
Signs of Weak Iman and How to Increase It
http://www.missionislam.com/knowledge/weakimanfix.htm
Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html
VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)
My Daily Ibadah(worship) check
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html
The translation of salat (namaz)- learn what your reading in namaz
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38303
A party in Paradise, A party in Hellfire
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39698
The Ultimate Motivation for Muslims
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49243
The State of the People of Paradise in this World
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49125
Major Signs before the Day of Judgement
http://www.inter-islam.org/faith/Majorsigns.html
Signs before the Day of Judgement
http://etori.tripod.com/dajjalsystem/judgement.html
The Life of this World and the Hereafter
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51739
Beautiful Description of Paradise in Islam
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51707
Practising az-Zuhd in the Dunya
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51738
Everything about Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh)
http://www.mohammad-pbuh.com/