Salam and Du'A Request

[gs450la]

:sl:

I found this site while going through some searches and it seems like a great place to be. I have only recently garnered more adherence to Islam in these past few months so I decided to join to gain some more info.

Right now, thins are not too great for me in my life. I am the eldest of three children (I'm 19, 12 year old sister, and 8 year old brother). I am attending college in the states and am hoping to be a doctor some day inshallah. However, I've been going through a lot of family troubles for the past few months that prevent me from focusing as much as I should on my academics.

My parents have been fighting and have been at odds with each other since about March of this year and this has led to a serious turbulence in our household. This mainly stems from some problems my mother had with my dad's family in Pakistan. However, what is of major concern is my sister. She has changed quite a bit in the past 3 years.

She has gone from being a sweet and not-so demanding child to someone I don't recognize and I'm afraid of. She constantly uses foul and obscene language, gets physically abusive with me and my father/brother, always tries to create altercations, and threatens to not do her homework. She has completely decided to break most of the rules of the house. She refuses to eat what we cook in the house (she says she refuses to eat meat, so we have had to alter our diet, but it is still not up to her satisfaction most of the times). My father constantly has to go out to buy fastfood for her. It is difficult to even approach her as she demands all her meals be delivered upstairs and she be left alone with her laptop and cell phone for texting with friends. My mother is sick so it is hard for her to go upstairs, but when she does, the room is usually locked and my sister refuses to open it up. She never once helps with the chores or picks up after herself and whenever I tell her to do something she tells me that "NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO".

If she does not get her way she threatens to leave the house and go to a place far away. Obviously, this scares us, as we love her in spite of her flaws and succumb to her demands when she threatens this. She always gloats that she will never go to college and she will move out when she is 18 years old (She berates me for staying at home when I'm 19 and helping out in the house). I am unemployed and both of my parents work, so I thought that I would be a helping hand to them, however, she does not like the idea of me.

However, what is most pivotal, is that she seems to find a safe haven in my father. He always tries to protect her and sees her as "daddy's little girl". He doesn't try to get disciplined with her and just says yes to most of her commands. Behind her back, he says she's going through a phase and that my mom is difficult so that's why her daughter is difficult. My mom tries to be nice, but disciplined as well. She wants the rules to be adhered to and followed at least most of the time. (My 8 year old brother does a wonderul job of this). Whenever she tries to discipline her, my dad intervenes and criticizes her. This weakens the strength in their marriage.

For the past few weeks my sister and father have been talking about a separation between my dad and mom. She has stated that she wants him to get another house and live there with him. She has also stated today that she hates both me and my mother and she wants to go far away. This definitely creates a lot of problems for my parents and increases the wedge in their marriage. It is also a huge source of stress for all of us, especially me.

On top of that, we have extended family members who want us to solve their personal problems and need financial help especially during these times. This takes away time from my dad and causes him to get more stressed and angrier.

I'm really sorry for the long post and I don't know if this was the right section to post this in. But please if you are reading this, say sincere dua's for me, my sister, and all of my family. We are in true distress right now and are at the verge of losing a lot. Three years ago, we were sailing wonderfully in our lives, and now it seems as if though things have completely vanished.

Regards,
Ehsan

[aadil77]

:sl:

I found this site while going through some searches and it seems like a great place to be. I have only recently garnered more adherence to Islam in these past few months so I decided to join to gain some more info.

:sl:

Sorry to hear this brother. Do carry on practising islam and become closer to Allah, make plenty of dua as it is the weapon of believers. For me Islam would be the only solution to your problems and ofcourse some discipline from your family. This is because brother islam hugely emphasizes respect to parents, disrespecting parents is worse than murder and as its said that your parents are a key to a gate to jannah.

Now I doubt if your sister had been brought up with these islamic morals that she'd dare behave like this with your parents, you're gonna have to put the fear of Allah into her and create obedience to parents. She's already giving out threats and sorry to say this but acting like a complete little bi*ch. Don't give in to her demands, try talking some sense into her if she carry's on totally ignore her but don't let anyone hit her because she's seems like the sort of sad scum that would call the police on their own parents. My little brother is 9 right now and he wouldn't dare behave like this with my mum, I've drilled islam into him and he has the fear of Allah in him, it seems like a few slaps at a younger age would have kept your sister straight. You and your parents have time to change her, get her into an islamic routine, send her to a girls madrasa, carry on talking her out of it before she becomes independent and walks out, but don't ever suck up to her and give in to her. After that its out of your hands and Allah will deal with her.

[Tilmeez]

Brother Ehsan,
:Welcome: to LI Isamic Board. I would like you to start a separate thread in Indroduce Yourself Section where there will be no mix up of welcomes and advices.

I am moving this thread to appropriate section Inshallah.

[Snowflake]

We are in true distress right now and are at the verge of losing a lot.

imsad May Allah ease your difficulties and protect you and your family from the shaytaan's attempts to cause rife. Ameen. Recite or play Surah al-Baqarah in your house. The Prophet (saw) said, "Satan flees from the home where Surah Baqarah is recited."

For the past few weeks my sister and father have been talking about a separation between my dad and mom. She has stated that she wants him to get another house and live there with him. She has also stated today that she hates both me and my mother and she wants to go far away.

I'm not sure if this can be put down to the pains of growing up. Your sister's behavior, especially the desire of wanting her parents to split up seems to go beyond that. I can understand her hating you within the context of sibling rivalry etc, but hating your mother? I don't think giving advice to you alone will help as other parties have to cooperate for anything to change. I sincerely suggest, my bro, that you speak to the imaam at your local mosque. Hopefully, he can visit your home and speak to your parents as well as get a better idea of what the problem is and how to deal with it inshaAllah.

It isn't something that can't be fixed inshaAllah. Make lots and lots of dua. Adhere to your eligious duties as closely as possible and make efforts to pray tahajjud and make dua during all your sujoods in every prayer and after it.


Of course, I will make dua for you brother. One more thing. It is the blessed month of Shaban and the Prophet (saw) fasted most of Shaban.

The blessed companion Anas, Radi-Allahu anhu, reports that Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, was asked, "Which fast is the most meritorious after the fasts of Ramadan?" He replied, "Fasts of Shaban in honor of Ramadan."

InshaAllah, fast as much as you can as the prayer of a fasting person is not rejected...

It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Three prayers are not rejected: the prayer of a father, the prayer of a fasting person, and the prayer of a traveler.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi, 3/345; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Saheeh 1797

May Allah's mercy, blessings and protection, be upon you and your family. Ameen :)

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[gs450la]

:sl:

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for your kind responses and du'as. It helps to know that there are people out there who care. UPDATE: I've gotten my parents to look towards counseling for her and themselves. I think my request made a bit of an imprint with my mom today. However, this morning there was an altercation between my mom and my sister and I. We came back home and my dad asked my sister what was wrong. She said that my mom and I were both crazy and she wants nothing to do with us. Later on in the evening, she demanded that she and my younger brother be dropped off at her friends house. My dad agreed to this demand and dropped her off.

My mom, dad, and I went for a walk later on and we started talking about things. My dad said that my sister is crazy and immature and that she has taken after her mother and my mom's mom. (As a side note, and completely unbias, I'm not saying that my mom is perfect and she has made a lot of mistakes, but I don't think it amounts to my sister's behavior and I don't think it has to do with the genetics). He said that my sister got the X chromosome of our crazy mother. My mom said to him that she needs to take control and put up a united front when it comes to disciplining her. (We were referring to going to friends homes frequently). He says he does not want to say no to his daughter as she will be upset and he can't see that. He says she does not take no for an answer and starts hurting herself when he says no to her. Long story short, as we progressed in our walk, the argument began to heat up and my parents were yelling at each other and saying that the other will get custody of the kids. My mom and I continued to walk in one direction while dad in the other.

Tomorrow, I have to take her for golf classes that cost a lot of money, but she says she won't go with me. Money is really tight for us right now and we really wanted her to learn golf :(

As it stands, our house seems to be becoming more tumultous and tense as time goes on. My sister said the other day that our house is a broken one and that she and my father and younger brother will move out. Leaving the crazy ones (my mom and I). My dad doesn't discipline her as she is the girl and I believe that's why they get along so well. He says yes to everything for fear to disappoint her. Out of fear of being completely embarrased in the community, my father refuses to speak to an imam, but may agree to counseling. Sorry for the long post, I need to vent!

In any event, I know that I've said this before, but I genuinely from the bottom of my heart am asking for any type of advice and dua's you have to offer and will be eternally grateful. I have a suspicion that shaytan is testing us or there was some type of nazar on this home. I would appreciate any advice to ward off that.

[gs450la]

Salaam brothers and sisters,

First, wanted to wish you all a wonderful and prosperous new year.
I thought I'd post a little update on the situation. My sister hasn't gotten any better. She does periodically listen to my mother only when there is something she wants in return. However, her tantrums and demands seem to be skyrocketing by the day and she is getting harder to deal with as the days progress.

A few days ago, my mom wanted to go somewhere for New Year's and she flat out refused to leave her room. This caused a huge argument in the family between my parents and her. She didn't budge one bit. She has taken a keen interest in saying the F-Word and other profanity openly and liberally to my mom and dad.

She has also developed a liking for skateboarding and demands to go on practicing it as she has a desire to be a professional skateboarder (she is a tomboy, by the way). She demands that she be allowed to practice as much as she wants and my father must take her to the local parking lot to practice with her. Yesterday, he was tired and he said he couldn't do it. She demanded that she skateboard herself tot he local park (which is located near a busy street) and she started yelling at him when he refused as well as punching the walls of the house.

I am genuinely concerned about her mental health and the toll she's taking on her safety and the safety of others. I know that there is a need for a third party to be involved and my mother is going to speak to the psychologist at her school tomorrow. I am praying from the deepest corner in my heart that something good comes of this visit.

I want to again thank everyone for their kind words and duas. I would appreciate your continued duas and thoughts.

Also, what is tuhajjad? Is there any type of modification I could make to my prayers to make this wish come true?

Thanks,
Ehsan

[tango92]

bro i dont mean to sound harsh but that girl is a spoiled brat. in the spirit of my father hang her by her ankles and beat her till she learns some sense.

if it were my kid i would say "you wanna run away?" then pack her bags for her and throw her out, watch her run back. bro get permission from your mum and dad (dont take no for an answer) and you do the disciplining. how can three full grown adults be scared of a little girl?

first threaten her with physical discipline. if she threatens police then start with the emotional blackmail, shes a kid shell turn to jelly. then hand her the phone and dare her to do it. dont back down if she does cause youve done nothing wrong as of this point.

now shell see she cant get everything and might think twice before misbehaving. trust me this wont stop her. next time she is rude/misbehaves, /disobedient tell her to stop twice then third time whack her with a slipper, but not too hard, just enough to hurt (she will cry at ths point if you did it right)

soon this will condition her pubescent mind and shell thank u for it later

2. never give in to anything she wants unless its essential. ie dont bring her food in her room, when she gets hungry at some point she WILL come down to get it!

her behaviour will have major influence on the personality of your brother aswell
it could be her freinds are influencing her. so have words with them and parents.

i dont think this is what you wanted to hear but i cant sit here and give you advice that wont work. if you want islamic justification then heres another plan

get her to start praying (doenst have to be 5, but at least x times a day consistently) if she doesnt then your justified in hitting her. this will have the same conditniong effect

edit: may Allah have mercy on you brother and give guidance to your sister and ease the troubles of your family

hey why not send her to pakistan? or some islamic boarding school? or at least enrol in madrassa cause they will discipline her fine if your unable

[zakirs]

:sl:

Ehsan bro i sympathize a lot with your situation.Hope your difficulties decrease :( . I will post a longer reply later as i am in a hurry and

Tahajjud means extra nafil prayers which are usually done late night ( something like 2 -1 hrs before fazr).They have great sawab attached to them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tahajjud

[Hamza Asadullah]

Salaam brothers and sisters,

First, wanted to wish you all a wonderful and prosperous new year.
I thought I'd post a little update on the situation. My sister hasn't gotten any better. She does periodically listen to my mother only when there is something she wants in return. However, her tantrums and demands seem to be skyrocketing by the day and she is getting harder to deal with as the days progress.

A few days ago, my mom wanted to go somewhere for New Year's and she flat out refused to leave her room. This caused a huge argument in the family between my parents and her. She didn't budge one bit. She has taken a keen interest in saying the F-Word and other profanity openly and liberally to my mom and dad.

She has also developed a liking for skateboarding and demands to go on practicing it as she has a desire to be a professional skateboarder (she is a tomboy, by the way). She demands that she be allowed to practice as much as she wants and my father must take her to the local parking lot to practice with her. Yesterday, he was tired and he said he couldn't do it. She demanded that she skateboard herself tot he local park (which is located near a busy street) and she started yelling at him when he refused as well as punching the walls of the house.

I am genuinely concerned about her mental health and the toll she's taking on her safety and the safety of others. I know that there is a need for a third party to be involved and my mother is going to speak to the psychologist at her school tomorrow. I am praying from the deepest corner in my heart that something good comes of this visit.

I want to again thank everyone for their kind words and duas. I would appreciate your continued duas and thoughts.

Also, what is tuhajjad? Is there any type of modification I could make to my prayers to make this wish come true?

Thanks,
Ehsan

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother i sincerely sympathise with your situation but unfortunatley your sister has your father wrapped around her little finger. He has caused her to become like this. When i read all you had written it reminded me of a programme i watch sometimes called 'Supernanny' where this women from UK visits people who have problem children. She teaches them how to discipline their child by using a range of techniques.
Your sister acts EXACTLEY like those young children. Brother your mother and fathers turbulant marriage may have been a factor but from what i can see your father was the cause.

Some Fathers have a very bad habit of blaming the mother for their child turning out like that but what your father does'nt realise is that he has spoilt her so much that she can get away with murder and he would still give in to her demands. Your father needs serious counselling too brother because he has spoilt her so much by giving into her every need and if she does'nt get her way then she pulls a tantrum just like a child would. She needs the 'naughty corner'. You would only get that if you watch Supernanny.

My brother don't give in to your sister in regards to seeing a counsellor. Your family is in urgent need of third party help. Your going to have to become a man now brother and stand up to your sister otherwise she will ruin your family. Be firm and make sure that you get hold of a good counsellor for your family and make sure you get a psychologist for your sister as she has some very serious issues.

You have to have a very serious word with your father in that he is has to stop giving into her demands like this. Your father is ruining her and will eventually cause the split of your family if he carries on giving into the demands of your sister. You have to tell him that if he truly loves his daughter and wants the best for her then he has to stop giving into her demands and start being a proper father to her and discipline her. All those threats she makes are just empty ones. She is just saying them to put your father in fear. She knows exactley what strings to pull to get what she needs out of your father.

Brother go to a reliable and experienced scholar on your own and just have a talk with him about your issues as he can give you the best advice.

My brother stay strong and have faith in Allah. Remember one thing - Allah only tests those who he wants good for and who he wants close to him, so your veryt lucky that he wants you close to him! Grab this opportunity and make the strongest connection you can with Allah!

Do all of your fard prayers aswell as Nafil prayers too. Also recite as much Qur'an as you can as well as doing as much dhikrullah(Remembrance of allah) as you can glorifying Allah night and day and this will cause you to feel peace, tranquility, contentment and happiness in your heart regardless of whatever is going on in your life because you would have FULL trust,hope, faith and reliance on Allah alone!

Take this opportunity to pray Tahajjud Salah which is the best Salah after the Fard prayers. You can read it after Isha but it is best reading it in the third portion of the night and it is when dua's are most readily accepted by Allah. You read it as 2 rakat nafl salah's upto 12 rakat maximum and minimum 4. You can pray it an hour before Fajr starts.

Cry in those dua's to Allah and ask of him and my brother know that he hears your dua's and has something better for you. He is with those who are patient and the reward for those who are patient is Jannah!

Here are some tips for you to overcome this perioud in your life:

Increase dhikr (remembrance of Allah):
"Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction (Qur'an, 13:28)."

Increase prayers: "O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely, Allah is with the patient (Qur'an, 2:153)

." Regardless of the type of meditation, recent studies have verified the physiological effects of meditation. Most of those mediations consist in focusing on something, repeating some words and breathing (Greenberg, p.142, 143).

Perform ablutions: The most important component of relaxation is what Hans Loehr calls "the rituals of success." These rituals may be as simple as making ablution; yet, they must be performed properly for it is not enough to pass water on the body parts - those parts must be massed.

Ask for forgiveness: Even if a person has not done anything wrong, he must insure the forgiveness of Allah. "Then I said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord; surely, He is the most Forgiving'" (Qur'an, 71:10).

Recite the Qur'an: The Prophet (SAW) said, "… Qur'an is a remedy for illnesses of the mind" (Bukhari). "The echo of sound has a medical effect and is now widely utilized," says Dr. Greenberg. "The recitation of or listening to the Qur'an has an effect on the body, the heart and the mind! It is said that the letter Alif echoes to the heart and the letter Ya' to the pineal gland in the brain. Dr Ahmed El Kadi of Akber Clinic (Panama City, FL) conducted and published the effects of listening to Qur'anic recitation on physiological parameters (i.e., the heart, blood pressure, and muscle tension), and reported improvement in all factors, irrespective of whether the listener was a Muslim or a non-Muslim, Arab or non-Arab. Obviously, it can be postulated that those who understand and enjoy the recitation with a belief in it will get maximum benefits," writes Dr Athar.

Make the hereafter one's main concern: "Whoever has the hereafter as his main concern, Allah will fill his heart with a feeling of richness and independence; he will be focused and feel content, and this world will come to him in spite of it. Whoever has this world as his main concern, Allah will cause him to feel constant fear of poverty; he will be distracted and unfocused, and he will have nothing of this world except what was already predestined for him," said the Prophet (SAW). One of the greatest causes of stress is money - how to pay the loans, whether one's job will be lost, what will happen to the family if the father dies, etc.

Think positively: Muslims should forget about the bad things of the past and think of good things, always having hope that he can be better. Trying to change the past is a foolish and crazy waste of time, "for saying 'if only…'opens the way to Shaytan" said the Prophet (SAW). The Prophet (SAW) also said, " Know that victory (achievement) comes through patience, and that ease comes through hardship." Muslims understand that there's no reason for panic in the case of crisis - no reason to be distressed or worried for we know that after hardship come ease!

Do not waste time on thoughts of fear or stress: "The search of time is one of the most frequent causes of stress" (Seyle, p.102). Laziness is the mother of all evils, and the Prophet (SAW) used to seek refuge in Allah from it. Understanding that this life is short and time precious, Muslims should try to work hard and pursue worthy knowledge (Munajjid).

In conclusion, a surprisingly effective remedy for stress is to "remember death". The Prophet (SAW) said, "Remember frequently the one who will destroy all your pleasures - death! For there is no one who remembers death when in straitened circumstances, but his situation will become easier…".

Watch these short clips:

Never lose hope in Allah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58g-ZNWxv20

Are You Going Through Hardships In Life?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfJNLdOWcIQ


I have pasted some beneficial links for you on various aspects of Islam which i hope you will find VERY useful and beneficial!:


Overcoming tests from Allah



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...sts-from-Allah



25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety VERY GOOD THREAD



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43179


Overcoming laziness and Procrastination


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52097


10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)



http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html



Signs of Weak Iman and How to Increase It



http://www.missionislam.com/knowledge/weakimanfix.htm


Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html


VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!


http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)


My Daily Ibadah(worship) check


http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html

The translation of salat (namaz)- learn what your reading in namaz



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38303




A party in Paradise, A party in Hellfire



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39698



The Ultimate Motivation for Muslims



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49243



The State of the People of Paradise in this World



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49125


Major Signs before the Day of Judgement


http://www.inter-islam.org/faith/Majorsigns.html


Signs before the Day of Judgement


http://etori.tripod.com/dajjalsystem/judgement.html



The Life of this World and the Hereafter


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51739


Beautiful Description of Paradise in Islam


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51707


Practising az-Zuhd in the Dunya


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51738



Everything about Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh)



http://www.mohammad-pbuh.com/

[gs450la]

Salaam Everyone

I read the replies and they were quite insightful...however, college and exams have started so I haven't had the time to post a detailed response. In fact, I have an exam tomorrow which I'm really nervous about.

Well it's basically been oscillating between good days and bad days with my sister. She maintains the yelling,loud voice, and profanity. However, she does listen to mom occasionally.

Today or tomorrow, my mom will go and speak to the principal and superintendent of the school to see what can be done. Inshallah I hope that this meeting will produce constructive results and will help my sister and family for the better. Please make dua that it will.

I can't tell you how horrible and anxious it feels to be in an environment where there is always yelling and fighting. It is a lot of negative energy and it takes all the joy and fun out of everything.

I'm very happy I found this site to vent and I want to thank you all for your dua's.