i am married and committed Zina

[ryaan]

salam alikum

i have made a massive mistake ive been with my partner 4 years she is a revert, we had done our Nikah over a year ago. i have been stupid enough to commit zina not once but twice with a work collegue she is single not married. i feel so down, sick and guilty as i do love my wife dearly and i feel so bad words cant describe how i feel. i promised myself i will not interact with the lady from work like that again. it botheres me so much that i didnt even sleep that well yesterday. i dont know what to do i know i must seek repentance from allah and i beg him to forgive me for my sin as i know its a big one.

what can i do i know if i tell her she will leave me thats 100% i know she loves me but thats one thing she said will do if she ever found out i cheated. what can i do to make things better should i do a kurbani and just keep praying to allah to forgive me? please help me or advice me on the right path.

jazakum allah keir

[markislam]

brother i can understand your pain :(

[Somaiyah]

Salam,
Maybe I am stupid but if my future husband cheated on me there's a possibility for me that I would forgive him if I loved him and he really regreted it and showed that he did. I might be angry for a while, disappointed, let down and everything, but after a while what else husband do I have with all the memories, all the love and all the common things we have shared together? Many people forgive their partners. I believe the best thing is to tell her even though she has said that because that's a thing I would say too but not mean it (I start to feel I am a very complicated person hm). You can't lie to your wife, she deserves to know. Then it's up to her what happens. Unfortunately you did this but you can't go back in time so now you just have to try to make it better. Ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness yes, but also that he will help you in this case. It's not wrong to wish that your wife will stay if you tell her. She might, she might not, she might be away for a while, she might come back. We know nothing about the future, maybe she already has her thoughts about that you could have been unfaithful and will feel relieved for that you actually admit it? I hope that everything will be solved to the best inshallah, still I believe partners in love can forgive everything.

[touba]

Salam,
Maybe I am stupid but if my future husband cheated on me there's a possibility for me that I would forgive him if I loved him and he really regreted it and showed that he did. I might be angry for a while, disappointed, let down and everything, but after a while what else husband do I have with all the memories, all the love and all the common things we have shared together? Many people forgive their partners. I believe the best thing is to tell her even though she has said that because that's a thing I would say too but not mean it (I start to feel I am a very complicated person hm). You can't lie to your wife, she deserves to know. Then it's up to her what happens. Unfortunately you did this but you can't go back in time so now you just have to try to make it better. Ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness yes, but also that he will help you in this case. It's not wrong to wish that your wife will stay if you tell her. She might, she might not, she might be away for a while, she might come back. We know nothing about the future, maybe she already has her thoughts about that you could have been unfaithful and will feel relieved for that you actually admit it? I hope that everything will be solved to the best inshallah, still I believe partners in love can forgive everything.

Sister i disagree with you because as woman with dignity i cannot accept my husband been with an other women and come back to me it will be always in my mind and eyes hes a cheater , I dont understand if a man loves his wife why he cheated her , what difference between his wife and his girlfriend we are all women having same thing anyway

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[touba]

Hmm. With further thought, you're just asking for advice and a fatawa site may or may not help.

I'll allow others to advise you, but I'll keep an eye on the replies InshaAllah. Nothing counter-productive please.

Good thank you Alpha Dude

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum bro Ryyan,

As sad as I feel to read your post, I also feel happy that you regret your actions. Allah is forgiving, provided you repent and ask for His forgiveness from the bottom of your heart. We should conceal our sins, so don't make mention to your wife of your sin. Also your guilt is feeling like a burden, and you want to find relief by telling your wife. But what will that achieve? Apart from her testifying against you on the Day of Qiayamah, it can ruin your marriage for good. Is that wise when you regret your actions and want to change? You have to carry the burden yourself until Allah makes it easy for you, inshaAllah. On a practical note, I hope you haven't caught anything (STD). If you think there's a chance you should get tested and Allah forbid if something is wrong, you will have to tell your wife.

Please read the following articles relating to zina, repentance and forgiveness inshaAllah.

1. http://www.islamawareness.net/Repentance/

2. http://www.themodernreligion.com/misc/hh/zina.html
Allah (SWT)'s order in the Quran to stay away from Zina.

"And those who invoke not any other god along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse (zina) and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; except those who repent and believe and do righteous deeds, for those Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful." (al-Furqaan #25, ayat #68-70)
"And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah (a great sin) and an evil way." (Sura Al-Israa # 17 ayah # 32)

May Allah accept yor repentance and forgive you. Ameen

[Somaiyah]

If ryaan wants advices from those who know better than us, it's possible to create an anonymous e-mail and send a mail to an imam. He won't know who you are and he can help you without judging.

[muslimah 4 life]

:sl:

Brother I think since you are remorseful and repenting for your sins you should keep them between you and Allah. Do extra good deeds and be extra nice to your wife but look at this way, if Allah wanted her to know she would have found out.
Just pray to Allah sincerely and make a firm intention never to repeat the sin.

Allah is most forgiving if he chooses to forgive you he will conceal your sins not only here but inthe hereafter too.

[S_87]

Allah knows what you should do brother, the punishment for zina when married is very severe-its death. I dont think anyone here can tell you what to do, what would YOU do if your wife told you that?
Yes you must of course seek forgiveness from Allah but as for telling your wife- what you gonna do if you hide it from her and she finds out through someone else?

Read this inshaAllah:
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/47924/zina%20married

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
repent repent and repent.
i have more to say, but best thing sometimes to do, is just shut up...

[ryaan]

subahan allah guys i really didnt expect this much replies in such short time im greatfull to you all for taken the time and may allah bless you all. thank you for all your help and advice mashala this is a nice forum.

she reverted to islam and i started life as a muslim, the girl at work is not my girlfriend or anything like that it was something i done that i really do regret. alhamdulilah allah had blessed me with the a lot of things and belive me i couldnt be happier but doing my job i get a lot of female attention i keep my ring on 24/7 no matter where i go, i always say no when im offerd a date, but the situation with the lady at work is so dificult and it obviously not all her fault as we all know it takes two to tango.

last night i was up and i thought to myself for every wrong i do i should try and do as many rights as possible in order to wash it of. and try and be as nice as i can to my wife as possible and repent to allah and allah knows best. once again thank you all for your input you guys have truely made me see this forum in a diffrent light

[ryaan]

my work and home life are diffrent we both live diffrent proffesional lifes so she wont find out at all. i told the girl at work its best we stay as work collegues nothing more nothing less. im avoiding her at work she tryies to email me every now and then but thats the least of my worries i just truely hope allah does forgive me for my sins

[touba]

subahan allah guys i really didnt expect this much replies in such short time im greatfull to you all for taken the time and may allah bless you all. thank you for all your help and advice mashala this is a nice forum.

she reverted to islam and i started life as a muslim, the girl at work is not my girlfriend or anything like that it was something i done that i really do regret. alhamdulilah allah had blessed me with the a lot of things and belive me i couldnt be happier but doing my job i get a lot of female attention i keep my ring on 24/7 no matter where i go, i always say no when im offerd a date, but the situation with the lady at work is so dificult and it obviously not all her fault as we all know it takes two to tango.

last night i was up and i thought to myself for every wrong i do i should try and do as many rights as possible in order to wash it of. and try and be as nice as i can to my wife as possible and repent to allah and allah knows best. once again thank you all for your input you guys have truely made me see this forum in a diffrent light

Brother Ryan,
Are you muslim or you become muslim later and it is same for you wife?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

alhamdulilah allah had blessed me with the a lot of things and belive me i couldnt be happier but doing my job i get a lot of female attention i keep my ring on 24/7 no matter where i go,

grow your beard as well. a big hairy scary one :hiding:

[Danah]

All of what I can say is try to be very sincere in your repentace brother

And I will recommend you strongly to seek the advice from a scholar to tell you exactly what to do inshaAllah
May Allah forgive you

[ryaan]

i was born a muslim can some one please forward me an email address of a good schollar, i work in sales and unfortunately my beard doesnt grow although im 28?

jazak allah keir

[- IqRa -]

Repent sincerely.

[touba]

i was born a muslim can some one please forward me an email address of a good schollar, i work in sales and unfortunately my beard doesnt grow although im 28?

jazak allah keir

Brother,

Which city do you live and i can advise you a schollar?

What you mean by your wife revert ?

[convert]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: what you did was despicable. If you were under an Islamic state you would be stoned to death. Make sure you spend you Ramadan wisely and don't let it pass without making serious repentance and increasing your ibaadah. If I were you, I would do itekaf this year as well.

Get tested for STDs before you cohabit with your wife again to make sure you didn't catch anything either.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

... keep praying to allah to forgive me?

Offer your sincere repentance to Allah and take all the necessary steps not to commit the sin again.

Try to change your job so that u can avoid that lady . Next time , u feel attracted to any lady , spend close time with wife and InshaAllah you can overcome the temptation for other lady. I read that and most probably it's a hadith .

[Afg]

:wa: Brother, please do things that will bring you closer to Allah, as this will make you fearful of Allah and will make you forget these things. Please ask for sincere forgiveness, very sincere, as you know you regret it. Zina is a big sin, and im sad to hear your story. However brother, pls dont feel like its over. Remember the story of the prostitute who had fed a dog and went to heaven? Remember the story of the man who killed 100 people, but because of his sincerity for forgiveness, went to heaven? Allah is most forgiving brother, when you ask forgiveness, let it be so sincere that you cry and in your heart you are really asking for forgiveness. I truly hope that Allah will forgive you brother and i hope Allah will help you and guide you along the way and protect you and those around you from doing sins. May Allah be with you.

[nebula]

:sl:

grow your beard as well. a big hairy scary one :hiding:

lol...

bro best to ask a scholar about this, but you need to repent as zina is a major sin but abandoning the prayer is a greater sin and a act of kufr. so make sure u dnt stop praying now and keep repenting!

[mathematician]

salamu 'alaykum,

First, I really don't understand why you are being told here that you should ask a scholar. You are not trying to create a fatwa. So, really, I don't think a scholar could help you in this case much more.

Secondly, brother it's important that you be very careful in the future. Committing zina once is a very serious sin, especially when one is married!! At that point there is no excuse left for committing zina. For example, a single man might say "I was tempted, I was lonely" but what can a married man say before Allah?
Then on top of that, you went ahead and committed zina TWICE. Subhan Allah.
I really hope that no moderator will erase my reply. I may sound harsh but sometimes people need to be shaked to wake up.

Secondly, insha'Allah you seem genuine in regreting this major sin. Ask Allah for forgiveness and you can give money or food in sadaqa in the hopes that Allah will forgive you.

Brother, regreting is a nice thing, it's a very nice thing, but it doesn't guarantee that you will not commit the same sin again. Your heart was tempted to commit such a grave sin. This is not how the heart of a pious man is. So, you will need to work on making yourself pious my brother. Once you become pious your soul will command you to worship Allah, and nothing else will matter.

To attain taqwa, you can read this article. Please do that for yourself. It is the best thing to happen to a person. Follow the advice carefully.
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...EAskTheScholar

May Allah ta'ala forgive you, make you and us among the pious.
wa sallam brother

[mathematician]

jazakAllahu khairan Alpha Dude. A scholar would say that you should never tell your wife about the zina. No good can come from it. The only time he should tell his wife about it is if he is infected with HIV or some STD. The brother should make sure he didn't pick up any STD.

As for the kurbani, I think sadaqa would suffice.
In case the brother wants to really ask about this, the best website is:
www.islamonline.net Go to the "Ask the Scholar" section. They are not always open but they reply to EVERY question.

wa sallam

[aadil77]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: what you did was despicable. If you were under an Islamic state you would be stoned to death. Make sure you spend you Ramadan wisely and don't let it pass without making serious repentance and increasing your ibaadah. If I were you, I would do itekaf this year as well.

Get tested for STDs before you cohabit with your wife again to make sure you didn't catch anything either.

JazakhAllah^ about time someone gave him reality

I feel sorry for your wife ryaan I hope you feel ashamed everytime you look at her face. SubhanAllah you had a wife, theres loads of us brothers here hoping to get married to avoid these acts.

All you can do now is beg for forgiveness, change your job so you're not around that hoe anymore and sort yourself out. People don't just go from nothing to commiting adultry, you must be a freemixing non-practiing type of person, get that sorted out as well.

[AnonymousPoster]

I don't think you should tell your wife. It'll just make her feel more hurt. We should hide our sins.

Repent very sincerely, and pray to Allah to hide your sin. And consider changing your job.

If you are having trouble being faithful to just one wife, maybe a second marriage would be a good idea? It would be definitely better than zina again, but only if you are very very sure you can be fair to both your wives. And I don't know how your revert wife would feel about it. :unhappy:

[Somaiyah]

Salam,
Seriously I believe our brother has understood his actings and how wrong it is, otherwise he wouldn't tell us and ask for advice. It's no use to make him feel worse for it.
I will send you a message with an e-mail to an imam I often ask questions and find very good, I don't want to write it here in public.

[جوري]

I am not going to comment on the religious end of things, and won't ask you intimate details, I do hope that if you weren't 'careful' with this lady, that you at least check yourself out for your wife' sake. I have seen quite a few Muslim women unfortunately get a despicable gift courtesy of their husbands.. so pls take care of that right away as well...


:w:

[Trn2allah]

You should really really think about getting a Job where you dont have to interact with uncovered women, or women atall. Brother in order for your repentance to be accepted completely you should leave your Job and stay away from temptation!

Pray 5times a day on time (NO QAZA!!)
Learn the meanings of the Salah
Try to sit with some religious brothers and read more Quraan. If you can read it properly try to get some lessons. We need to start living like Muslims in order to be treated like s Muslims on Qiyaamah!! (The Day Of Judgement)

Keep fast on mondays and Tuesdays

May Allah forgive you and curse that DIRTY SLAPPER!!!

[limitless]

Subhnallah!

I would like to say something here. A suggestion/opinion type.

If you and your wife have established the basic foundation of marriage, which are: respect, love, honesty, and truth. You should tell her. It is your fault, your choice to commit such a disgusting sin, hence you should face the consequences of it.

For instance, if i was married, and my wife did something like that or I did, I would tell her regardless. And she better tell me. I might forgive my wife, but that suspiousion of her cheating and constantly bringing up how she had an affair and what not would be in my mind. So take that into consideration as well. There will be stigma in your marriage, but thats the consequences you face. We should cover our sins because Allah swt expects us to, however in this case it really depends on you.

I have read that most scholars do suggest you don't tell your wife, but some do suggest that you do. My opinion is that i would tell my wife because it is my fault, i made the choice to commit the sin knowingly that i have a wife and etc. This could've been prevented, but Allah knows.

Heres a question for you: what if your wife did such a thing...would she tell you? Do you expect of her to tell you? how would you react? Would you doubt her ever again? literally keep track on her?

As other brother mentioned, you may browse through islamonline.net because there are questions that have been answered regarding this sin. From a female and male one as well.

You should immdiately get yourself a full checkup because the last thing you want to do is infect your wife.

Do sincere repentence to Allah swt, and change jobs if you are able to, do it immdiately as others suggested. And to prevent from this re-occuring, take the necessary steps to avoid it by spending more time with your wife.

Insha'Allah all goes well with you brother :).

[touba]

Brother Ryaan do you have children from your wife?

[cat eyes]

brother can i ask you something and don't get angry please... but are you and your wife practising muslims? you see when we are constantly reminded of Allah we are even to afraid to look at the opposite sex because we muslims fear Allah that much.

you see another thing is you say that this woman works with you... this also a sin for a brother to work along side females because this is the result of this now, you have commited zina. if you really want forgiveness.. so Allah is not gona forgive untill you ask forgiveness from your wife first as she deserves to know and humans rights comes first Allah says so otherwise you could be facing a punishment for your actions.. because ive seen with my own eyes.

this is what you must do. if you fear your wife will leave you so brother you have to put trust on Allah now.

[ryaan]

salam alikum brotheres and sisters

aliha thanks for your pm i tried to reply but i need 50 posts first.

again i really cant thank you all enough, ok 1st of all the lady i commited a sin with was single and she is a western lady so its perfectly acceptable for her what we did i fully blame myself aswell as her and to be honest i blame myself more as im married and im muslim. now my wife started life as a non muslim she only reverted just before our nikah, we have no children yet, im a practising muslim who prays 5 times a day i sometimes miss fajar doesnt mean im seriously religous brother.i come from a very religous family yet my life has changed a lot since i met my wife i used to drink,gamble,fornicate, smoke cannabis. once i started praying i started to feel guitly about smoking canabis so i stoped smoking after 10 years of hard smoking. then the gambaling stoped then finaly the alchol and just over 2month ago the cigarattes stoped and thats after 15 years, im not even 30 yet. the one curse i couldnt stop was women even before i was married i used to be here there and everywhere but since we got married sometimes i could be driving to work ill see a lady and il say astagfur allah but sometimes my imAn is so weak that i cant avoid the temptation.

now my wife is gorgous and i love everything about her she makes me so happy and i always make her happy since we been married my only goal was to please and do everything she wants to do. i care for her love her make her smile listen to her be there for her. i take her out to cinema dinner etc but my only problem is my weakness with other women. and belive me since ive been married i had to avoid so many situations but this one was hard. and i hope and pray to allah that this also stops like my previous bad habbits.

in regards to the other lady i text her earlier today and told her no more that im married that i love my wife i feel guilty for what i have done and i really wouldnt want to risk what i have.

im so greatfull to god i have such a good job and alhamdulilah allah has blessed me to do well at my job. and were i currently work they let me pray and the majority of them are muslim so alhamdulilah for that. i have been here too long to leave my job becuase of some lady.

but i hope allah forgives me i saw her today i wanted to tell her but she will be so heart broken and she isnt well she has a very rare condition and i cant make her more ill it will kill me to see her suffer. beside her family dont know about reverting if they did they would kill her. is she a practising muslim the answer is NO but thats my fault as i intrudeced islam to her therfore i should guide her and to be honest due to work and social life i havent done as much as i really should may allah forgive me for that.

[ryaan]

and yes i am a practising muslim but i need to strengthen my iman as its so weak. i try to read atleast 10 ayats before bed or during the day. i try and keep most of my prayers i give charity i do a lot of good deeds alhamdlilah for giving me the oppourtunity to do so, but my iman is weak at times,

i never disclose what i do to get in to allah good books but as you guys dont know me i know you wont praise me therefore allah inshala will give me the reward. once again thank you all for your support im on many forums and not islamic ones and by far ive never met such welcoming bunch.

im sure the moderator is fine with your comments so dont worry be as harsh as you like as long as it correct then im more than happy to take it on the chin. if you guys cant be honest with me who will. so dont worrry be honest blunt its ok with me as long as its the truth.


j.k

[GreyKode]

and yes i am a practising muslim but i need to strengthen my iman as its so weak. i try to read atleast 10 ayats before bed or during the day. i try and keep most of my prayers i give charity i do a lot of good deeds alhamdlilah for giving me the oppourtunity to do so, but my iman is weak at times,

i never disclose what i do to get in to allah good books but as you guys dont know me i know you wont praise me therefore allah inshala will give me the reward. once again thank you all for your support im on many forums and not islamic ones and by far ive never met such welcoming bunch.

im sure the moderator is fine with your comments so dont worry be as harsh as you like as long as it correct then im more than happy to take it on the chin. if you guys cant be honest with me who will. so dont worrry be honest blunt its ok with me as long as its the truth.


j.k

I suggest you always stick to good company, true muslims, not the quasi-muslims that chit-chat with women and go out on dates, avoid the company of women completely 100% percent the Islamic WAY, please, now you can see the harm from that, especially that you have a strong attraction to women.
Wallahi I'm astonished, you can pray 5 times at work and have good muslim company and yet this happens, at work.

"and the majority of them are muslim " is this in an arab country or something.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

.. my wife started life as a non muslim she only reverted just before our nikah,

Was she a chaste Jewish or Christian lady ? In that case , you were allowed to marry her without changing religion. If she was a hindu or Buddish and she reverted just for sake of marriage , then most probably it's not allowed as she is not a Muslim in her heart.

we have no children yet,

That's good . Easy for both of u to take a very important decision . If she is not a good Muslim and if there is a risk that you can cheat on her again and again , may be it's better to give a serious thinking about your married life before u have kids and situation gets worst.

im a practising muslim who prays 5 times a day

It's not enough bro and u must obey commands of Almighty Allah in your daily life as lower your gaze , spend life with a pious partner who will encourage u to obey God.

Besides Ramadan , grow habit of keep fasting regularly . InshaAlah it will help you to control your desire. Else take more wives legally but keep away from illegal relationships.

Where are your parents and other family members ? May be , u can live with them for sometime so that u 2 can live a restricted life . May Allah help you ( I did not read all posts ; sorry If i am repeating )

[thetruth2009]

Assalam aleykoum brother Ryaan,


1) You have to ask Allah SWT to forgive you sincerly, and you will never do it again.

2) You have not to look at women again

Sourate 24

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


30. Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.

Because the danger and desires start at the first looking, all is about your eyes.

Eyes are the gates to your Heart, Heart to love, Love to do bad things.

Sourate 40

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


19. ((Allah)) knows of (the tricks) that deceive with the eyes, and all that the hearts (of men) conceal.


Do you know why Allah SWT told us LA TAKRABOU ZINA ( do not approach ZINA ), because when we are two persons alone :

1) A man

2) A woman

3) there is automatically a THIRD PERSONNS the Devil, Shaytan


You have always to fight against your desires, by making DIKR to allah SWT.

You have to avoid to stay alone with a woman .

Do you know when you stay alone with a woman its very hard to avoid to do more than only tchating, you say inside you that I will not do anything else, but the Shaytaan is telling you do not worry a kiss its nothing, steep by steep ( Lose control ) Shaytaan get you at the end.

Repentence to Allah SWT, we will ask Allah SWT to help you Insha'Allah my brother.


I do not know what to tell you because its a very hard situation, why do you not fasten when you feel that you are going to do something wrong.


Assalam aleykoum brothers and sisters, I ask Allah SWt to forgive us and to guide us, Ameen.

[AnonymousPoster]

Salaam,

I am no Iman or anything so I cant give you advice, but can give you my thoughts.

Before you do anything, go to a religous Iman, Scholar, elder that follow the Quran and authentic hadith. Not the internet.!!!!

Then

First of all, Allah is paramount in all your decisions, what ever decision you make be prepared to answer to Allah as to why you choose to do that.

Stick to the Quran and Sunnah. No matter what. Not other peoples opinions, but the Quran and Sunnah, even if it scares you.

2ndly, you should tell your wife. If she leaves you, she leaves you. Support her and give her money understand and help her, apologise and empasis how it was your fault as she will probably blame herself, if Allah wills she will take you back.

If not get a divorce and provide for her as much money as you have and actually ask for her forgiveness and make it up to her, as much as you can. Apologies to her parents. Make her life easy and say sorry.

You cannot have a strong relationship based on a lie that big, in my opinion. Especially if you want kids, trust me.

3dly, get a new job, that doesnt involve working with women and tell your wife that you are staying away and lowering your gaze and actually do it. Get some fear of Allah in you.

4th Lower your gaze MORE.

5 REPENT REPENT REPENT...not just today or 2morro or in 2moths....

Brother, you have indeed committed a major sin. Somone came to the Prophet PBUH and said I have commited zina, the Prophet PBUH looked away, the man repeated this three times and was ignored them the Prophet PBUH said witnesses have now heard it and he was ordered to be stoned to death, he ran away, but was caught up with.

I know thats harsh, but its the reality. Mashallah, you have a heart as you feel guilty but im afraid you are going to have to repent for a lifetime AND CHANGE grow a beard become more islamic and strengthen your Iman (beard acts as a declaration saying your a Muslim, women tend to assume you show a little more self control and inshallah would stay away from you, wear a topei (hat like immans) wear sulvar kameez, do something!!!).

If you choose not to tell your wife and have children, and then she finds out, or guilt takes over it will only be worse.

There was a narration I once read. A worker of the devil comes to Iblees and says I have caused a dispute between two people. Iblees goes, get away from me, stay away (as in thats nothing). Another worker of the Devil comes and says I have caused a man to have an affair. The Devil goes, come here and give me a hug.

Astagfirulaha.

So to summarize;

Get advice of Scholar, elder...
Think about the advice carefully and quickly
Tell your wife, telling her it was ALL your fault.
If she wants a divorce giver her it and support her through it
REPENT
get a job with less women,
lower your gaze.
REPENT
FEAR ALLAH

There was an ANNON poster in this thread who said dont tell your wife. Do not listen to this person, he/she is clearly poorly informed in there Islam.


"Forgive him who wrongs you; Join him who cuts you off; Do good to him who does evil to you; And speak the truth even if it be against yourself.
- Inscribed on Prophet Muhammad's sword."

If that person can find me a single quote from the entire Quran or any Authetic hadith that encourages one to hide such major sins I will apologise. Otherwide, that is ENTIRELY the wrong advice. If people dont know about their Islam, they should not comment with such opinions. If you decided to follow that advice. ALLAH WOULD ASK THAT ANNON POSTER WHY HE/SHE SAID HIDE YOU HAD AN AFFAIR FROM YOUR WIFE! I do not want that burden

Base ALL you decisons on Sunnah and the Quran. ALL of them. If someone gives you an opinion with no such references, either ignore it or find the references.

PARAMOUNT - SPEAK TO SOMEONE RELIGIOUS AND ASK THEM AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING THING YOU WANT TO DO/THINKING ABOUT DOING/FEEL LIKE DOING BEFORE YOU DO IT. EVERYTHING.

Dont just read my post and do it, speak to a religous person first and ask them if you should.

May Allah protect us all from this Sin. Ameen.

btw, my father had an affair and DESTROYED my entire family. Doesnt anyone Fear Allah anymore...

[alcurad]

you Will live with this for the rest of your life though, I mean it's not like just breaking her favorite vase or eating the pie before it cools..
in your situation I can't say, it will make her extremely miserable if you tell, but what about her right to know? there is no clear cut solution to this, although remember as long as you don't say anything, you will suffer, on the other hand it might be too much too keep in..if she can take it tell her, if you know she won't the don't. I mean her health both mental & physical are what should be considered first, I think as humans we can live with such things and not tell, but it's really up to you.

[optimist]

salam alikum

i have made a massive mistake ive been with my partner 4 years she is a revert, we had done our Nikah over a year ago. i have been stupid enough to commit zina not once but twice with a work collegue she is single not married. i feel so down, sick and guilty as i do love my wife dearly and i feel so bad words cant describe how i feel. i promised myself i will not interact with the lady from work like that again. it botheres me so much that i didnt even sleep that well yesterday. i dont know what to do i know i must seek repentance from allah and i beg him to forgive me for my sin as i know its a big one.

what can i do i know if i tell her she will leave me thats 100% i know she loves me but thats one thing she said will do if she ever found out i cheated. what can i do to make things better should i do a kurbani and just keep praying to allah to forgive me? please help me or advice me on the right path.

jazakum allah keir

Salam,

please read verses 68 to 71 of chapter 25, where Allah promises forgiveness to those involved in adultery, if there is true repentance as tested by a changed life in conduct. The verses decribe the qualities of true servents of Allah;

“And the servants of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility.............Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment. (But) the Chastisement on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy, Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful, And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah in repentance;-(25:68-71)

I would suggest that there is no need to inform your wife what has happened because you have decided to correct yourself. You also have to take a pledge by yourself that if you ever do this again, you will to inform her.

wassalam

[Snowflake]

There was an ANNON poster in this thread who said dont tell your wife. Do not listen to this person, he/she is clearly poorly informed in there Islam.


"Forgive him who wrongs you; Join him who cuts you off; Do good to him who does evil to you; And speak the truth even if it be against yourself.
- Inscribed on Prophet Muhammad's sword."

Allahumma salli ala Muhammad wa ala aali Muhammad. But speak the truth in which context? We are told not to reveal our sins.

Taken from another forum..

DO NOT REVEAL YOUR SINS

From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) is to keep sins a secret matter. If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O so- and-so! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukhari]

Abdullah Ibn Masoud (May allah be pleased with him) related, `A man came to the Prophet and said: `O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab (May allah be pleased with him) then said: `Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?' [Sharh Muslim]

Similarly, if one becomes aware of somebody else's sin, he should keep it a secret. Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "He, who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (world) for a believer, Allah will relieve (from him) a hardship of the Day of Resurrection; he who makes easy an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (meaning his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter …" [Sahih Muslim]

[cat eyes]

i notice that in your posts, this woman has your number and your email address... is your head working seriously??i would suggest you block your number and block her from your email or even better, close your email. feels like your wife could find out any second so i would just tell her instead of somebody else telling her.. and trust me people do find out, its just a matter of time

as i said the right if a human comes first and if she finds out without you telling her, she might end up cursing you in the anger and tears and if she is a good practising muslim, Allah will have you cursed. the pain of a human from somebody else hands angers Allah greatly

[ryaan]

i live in the U.k and my wife was sikh before. i will speak to scholar and see what he says i appretiate all your help and efforts, only allah knows how i feel right now. in my job i have to be smartly dressed everyday clean shaven and no hats unfortunately but i tell you what it aint such a bad idea to that after work.

i hope this thread doesnt cause any arguments amongst any of you guys i appritate all your help i will see a scholar and if he says tell i wont know how to as she trust me 100%it will break her heart she really deserves better. im not a bad guy just sometimes the shaytan gets the best of me unfortunately. i have few muslim friends but they not too practising. i sometimes try to go to masijd for magrib and isha.

i made this mistake as i was trying to get out of this horrible habbit allah has blessed me and unfortunately i get a lot of unwanted attention but alhamdulilah ramadan is around the corner inshalla things will change for me.

[Afg]

Salam,

please read verses 68 to 71 of chapter 25, where Allah promises forgiveness to those involved in adultery, if there is true repentance as tested by a changed life in conduct. The verses decribe the qualities of true servents of Allah;

“And the servants of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility.............Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment. (But) the Chastisement on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy, Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful, And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah in repentance;-(25:68-71)

MashaAllah nice verse. Allah is Most-Forgiving.

[bamboozled]

i live in the U.k and my wife was sikh before. i will speak to scholar and see what he says i appretiate all your help and efforts, only allah knows how i feel right now. in my job i have to be smartly dressed everyday clean shaven and no hats unfortunately but i tell you what it aint such a bad idea to that after work.

If you cant wear a hat, can you grow a beard. But as someone was saying you gaze has to be at the floor from now on. Also, make sure you seek a Wise scholar, mashallah most are, but always ask for references and tell him everything.

Maybe another job is necessary. Not worth keeping if you have to be even near your mistress. Especially if they dont let you grow a small beard. Tell the Scholar this. WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN, U WILL FORGET OTHERWISE. EVERYTHING.

i hope this thread doesnt cause any arguments amongst any of you guys i appritate all your help i will see a scholar and if he says tell...

There was a debate on page 2 about telling here as someone said what was ingraved in the PBUH sword and someone else said that the Prophet PBUH said one should hide sins. Present both these arguements to the scholar.

If you can try and speak to maybe 2schoalrs, just to make sure their advice match inshallah it should. If it contradicts go back and tell them that it differs and then they will double check. Dont just pick the one u prefer.

i wont know how to as she trust me 100%it will break her heart she really deserves better.

Can you blame her? You just need to try and make it up to her. This burden is going to be with you forever brother. Its good though that you deeply regret it. Ask yourself was it worth it? Then remeber what ever you feel.

im not a bad guy just sometimes the shaytan gets the best of me unfortunately. i have few muslim friends but they not too practising. i sometimes try to go to masijd for magrib and isha.

Then stay away from those friends. You are the company you keep. Go to the mosque absolutely all the time, whenever you can, even if its not prayer time. Repent, pray read Quran, sit and think, do wuzu, tusbee, nufl, help out with the cleaning, speak to imans, read islamic books in the mosque. People will get to know you at your mosque and you will make better friends that way. Real friends.

Magrib and Isha are mashallah very good starts try to keep it up and slowly go more and more often, reading more nufl etc.

RAMADAN is around the corner indeed, mention this to the scholars. It is an oppurtunity for you to change. just work on lowering your gaze. And make sure these Rosa are the best ones in your life. Repent like mad.

Make sure you tell the scholars everything and ask absolutely everything you need to do. Do not hide anything, they need the full picture.

Always seek advice from high up scholars, this is a serious matter. Make sure they know there stuff.

Brother I also have to say what you done is totally haram. A major sin. A disgusting act. Thank Allah you do not yet have children as they would have been torn apart and dont ever have them if there is a chance that this can happen again, even a chance, would you want your children to behave in such a manner. Mashallah all the brothers and sisters on this forum are trying to help you and give you advice to repent and they are all right. But there is no undermining the massive sin you have commited. Never do it again. Your gaze should be on the floor, all the time.

Inshallah Allah will make us all stronger. Amen.

[ryaan]

honestley alll day my gaze has been on the floor and alhamdulilah everything is so much better im able to concentrate more in salat and i feel better. thanks again everyone

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
As a wife I would want to know, and have the chance to make my own decision. Is that not my right? He has wronged ME and yet acting as though he has done nothing wrong. He he feels guilt, but I do not think he will ever feel peace until he has gotten forgivness from his wife, and he shouldn't. Yes I agree Allah must be most important one that he seeks forgivness from. But what about this wife that he apparently LOVES? Is this what love is? Is it fair to lead a woman on? Let her think everything is ok in their marraige when it is not? IF it ever came out, the fact that he hid it, will NEVER let her trust him again. BUT if he tells her, is honest and up-front there might be a chance inshaAlllah. Can he base the rest of marraige on secrets? is that what islam teaches? Yes there are some situations where it is best to keep things from others, but I personally feel this is not one of them, as their futures are depending on this.
NB Please note this is just my opinion.
Allahu A'lam
InshaAllah I will make du'a for your poor wife that Allah gives her the happiness she deserves whether that's with you or without you.

[Sahabiyaat]

:sl:the above is indeed just an opinion....and heres mine....DO NOT TELL HER, u have repented,will never do it againso thats it,the end.....no need to cause her so much pain, as u well know how hurt she will be....good to hear ur lowering ur gaze, keep it up. :wa:

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
If it was once, then MAYBE not telling her and repenting is enough...but twice, sister? Who makes the same mistake twice with the same person, in the same situation? The second time it happened because he felt he got away with it the first time.
Anyhow, I am now leaving this thread as it is a topic that is very personal to me.imsad
And I do not want to offend others leaving their advices to the brother.

May Allah keep us away from Haram...always

[mathematician]

:sl:
If it was once, then MAYBE not telling her and repenting is enough...but twice, sister? Who makes the same mistake twice with the same person, in the same situation? The second time it happened because he felt he got away with it the first time.
Anyhow, I am now leaving this thread as it is a topic that is very personal to me.imsad
And I do not want to offend others leaving their advices to the brother.

May Allah keep us away from Haram...always

salamu 'alaykum sister,
Since this topic is personal to you I am sorry for what you went through.
I know what you mean. I think this brother needs to come to his senses. You are right that having done the act twice is something very disturbing. At least that's how I would find it.

It is quite possible that the brother here does not deserve the wife he has. BUT, he deserves one more chance. Just one more. I think if he ever gets close to zina again he needs to tell his wife that he has major problems in that department. Then maybe she will move on and find a better husband.

Since the brother came to us for help, he is trying. You know maybe before he came across islamicboard he wasn't religious (although he says he was).
What I worry about is, let's say the brother tells his wife about it. From then on she might never appreciate him. But Allah controls all of our hearts, so He might guide the brother to be a very good pious man. So at that point you would be dealing with ----a pious man who has an ungrateful wife---.
And yes I say ungrateful because she may not understand that a person who sincerely repents is not the same as the person who did not repent. I can't blame her. I wouldn't forgive my wife for committing zina. It's an act that takes a lot of thought to do. But for the sake of "one more chance" he should not tell his wife about this.

[Ayubi]

Assalamu alaykum bro Ryyan,

As sad as I feel to read your post, I also feel happy that you regret your actions. Allah is forgiving, provided you repent and ask for His forgiveness from the bottom of your heart. We should conceal our sins, so don't make mention to your wife of your sin. Also your guilt is feeling like a burden, and you want to find relief by telling your wife. But what will that achieve? Apart from her testifying against you on the Day of Qiayamah, it can ruin your marriage for good. Is that wise when you regret your actions and want to change? You have to carry the burden yourself until Allah makes it easy for you, inshaAllah. On a practical note, I hope you haven't caught anything (STD). If you think there's a chance you should get tested and Allah forbid if something is wrong, you will have to tell your wife.

Please read the following articles relating to zina, repentance and forgiveness inshaAllah.




May Allah accept yor repentance and forgive you. Ameen

I fully agree with you sister. Conceal your sins, ask Allah ta3ala for forgiveness and seek to improve your marriage.

[cat eyes]

secrets and lies are evil. islam don't teach us to hide things from the ones we love especially in this situation where the human has every right to know or is she not a human?? he will never feel at peace and comfort until he will ask forgiveness from the person he hurt.. believe me i had to do it myself and it was tough and would you believe that person forgave me

i am probably going to deep into this but anyway lets just say Allah took both there souls and on judgement day, they will be asked there every bad sin which they did, Allah might forgive him what he did on his wifes back but he will never forgive that person who lies..

as Allah has said he watches everything which a person dose, he might be able to fool other people but Allah is all hearer all knower of everything and his hands will even testify against him on the day of judgement at least if hes wife was going to know everything in the life of the world,

lets just say Allah gave the right to the wife to judge her husband and she didn't know what he did with her in the life and Allah told her what he did, mabe she could say i want him to go to hell for what he did with me at least in this worthless life if he was gona tell the truth and ask forgiveness,

Allah will make a quick decision about him and his wife will be able to say yes he asked forgiveness from me and i want him to enter into jannah with me. marriage is precious to Allah and he takes the right of a human very serious

and he is a liar and a cheat infront of his wife.. she deserves to know that she has been wronged.. and believe me she will find out herself that will be your punishment more then likely because it happens to every single person..

[IbnAbdulHakim]

KEEP A BEARD

START PRAYING AT YOUR WORKPLACE - ALWAYS


and listen

RECITE DHIKR AT YOUR WORKPLACE


KEEP THAT SHAYTAN AWAY




HEED MY ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pious believer]

this might seem a little dumb but why do men do this?

[Pk_#2]

this might seem a little dumb but why do men do this?

The Q isn't dumb sis, dw.

Some women do it too. .. they do it because they're stupid. imsad

[pious believer]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?:raging:

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!:heated:

can anyone explain why this happens?

[syilla]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?:raging:

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!:heated:

can anyone explain why this happens?

Because the love is not good/high enough. :hmm:

[- IqRa -]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?:raging:

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!:heated:

can anyone explain why this happens?

Men have a lot of sexual desire, and sometimes they are not satisfied with 1 woman. They need release and maybe because the woman they married has not got a high level of sexual desire, the same as the man, which is why he is not content with her.

That's what I understand anyway.

[zakirs]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!

can anyone explain why this happens?

God made us that way.i remember an hadith saying that For men women are the greatest distraction ( greater than wealth and pride).And ofcourse do not forget the evil side :)

[zakirs]

God made us that way.i remember an hadith saying that For men women are the greatest distraction ( greater than wealth and pride).And ofcourse do not forget the evil side

just to clarify women refers to women other than your wife :)

[Yusuf Saeed]

:salamext:

I suggest you ryaan and also everyone else could maybe listen to a wonderful lecture by Bilal Assad. It's really about the situation what you're in right now.

The lecture is called Ahmad the Repenter.

Here's the link from where you can download it or listen to it: http://www.kalamullah.com/bilal-assad.html

[Santoku]

salam alikum

i have made a massive mistake ive been with my partner 4 years she is a revert, we had done our Nikah over a year ago. i have been stupid enough to commit zina not once but twice with a work collegue she is single not married. i feel so down, sick and guilty as i do love my wife dearly and i feel so bad words cant describe how i feel. i promised myself i will not interact with the lady from work like that again. it botheres me so much that i didnt even sleep that well yesterday. i dont know what to do i know i must seek repentance from allah and i beg him to forgive me for my sin as i know its a big one.

what can i do i know if i tell her she will leave me thats 100% i know she loves me but thats one thing she said will do if she ever found out i cheated. what can i do to make things better should i do a kurbani and just keep praying to allah to forgive me? please help me or advice me on the right path.

jazakum allah keir

Can't give an Islamic answer and I am not going to try. Nor am I going to sugar coat my reply for you.

You are a fool, capital F.

TWICE! Once you might get away with the temptation excuse but twice is (as my darling wife would say) a habit. You are now in the power of this woman, if she decides to be nasty and inform your wife?

There is an old saying two people can only keep a secret if one of them is dead, your wife is going to find out sooner or later, if not through you or the woman but from a colleague or coworker of yours or hers because they will notice, they may not say anything but they will notice, even if she does not tell. You know your wife better than I do so your only choice is to decide which is the better. Do your arithmetic and work out which is going to be the best.

[ryaan]

i spoke to the lady that works with me and ive explained to her its wrong what we done and it wont happen again, and yes i am a fool for what i did as my wife is also much better looking than her.why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes and she was reeling me in with emails and texts its my fault to have taken part and then finally taken it to a next level. but thats it, its the last time i guess i didnt think about the consecuences it didnt relise it would be Zina i have a good friend of mine who is muslim a very close friend of mine i consulted him about the matter before anything happend and he was like just do it everyone does although it was wrong my reputation and pride took over as always with a little convincing of the shaytan it certinly beat me.

but then again im old and ugly enough to know what i have done i could of stoped it and im not about to blame that friend of mine as i hold full responsibilty for my actions.

[Cabdullahi]

i spoke to the lady that works with me and ive explained to her its wrong what we done and it wont happen again, and yes i am a fool for what i did as my wife is also much better looking than her.why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes and she was reeling me in with emails and texts its my fault to have taken part and then finally taken it to a next level. but thats it, its the last time i guess i didnt think about the consecuences it didnt relise it would be Zina i have a good friend of mine who is muslim a very close friend of mine i consulted him about the matter before anything happend and he was like just do it everyone does although it was wrong my reputation and pride took over as always with a little convincing of the shaytan it certinly beat me.

but then again im old and ugly enough to know what i have done i could of stoped it and im not about to blame that friend of mine as i hold full responsibilty for my actions.

couldnt you have just waited until you got home and met up with your to do whatever you like?!?!

[Ansariyah]

Men have a lot of sexual desire, and sometimes they are not satisfied with 1 woman. They need release and maybe because the woman they married has not got a high level of sexual desire, the same as the man, which is why he is not content with her.

That's what I understand anyway.

Let us not give men like that any excuses they don't deserve it. It's not about contentment, is he content wit sleeping around wit a disgusting woman? Who probably doesn't even wash her own backside (istinja)? No! It's because he's a Shameless creature who can't control himself!

That woman at home is probably a wonderful wife, who does everything to please her husband. It's not her fault that her husband is a man of no dignity & honor.

[Sahabiyaat]

^ ouch

[Sahabiyaat]

why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes

thats funny, ....i was appproached a short while ago by a married man, this mans wife was beautiful, much more than me, and both me and her wear the ful hijaab.....yet why would a married man do that if i dress modestly and he has a wife who is stunning ?????...i would really like to know what goes on in the minds of such men????

[Ansariyah]

This thread makes me sick physicallhy.:(
I shudnt have replied.
btw my post is speaking men in general as sis tia was talking about ''men'' in general.

[GreyKode]

i spoke to the lady that works with me and ive explained to her its wrong what we done and it wont happen again, and yes i am a fool for what i did as my wife is also much better looking than her.why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes and she was reeling me in with emails and texts its my fault to have taken part and then finally taken it to a next level. but thats it, its the last time i guess i didnt think about the consecuences it didnt relise it would be Zina i have a good friend of mine who is muslim a very close friend of mine i consulted him about the matter before anything happend and he was like just do it everyone does although it was wrong my reputation and pride took over as always with a little convincing of the shaytan it certinly beat me.

but then again im old and ugly enough to know what i have done i could of stoped it and im not about to blame that friend of mine as i hold full responsibilty for my actions.

This friend of yours, although I don't like to use this style, IS WORSE THAN SHAYTAAN.
You need to set up your priorities now, this friend of yours is the worst muslim you can ever be with, he is no friend of yours, you hate for ALLAH(swt) and love for HIM, I think you shouldn't be friends with him anymore, apparently all the ones in your places are like that, avoid them and try to find some good pious muslims, think of what the prophet(saw) would have done to you, he would have stoned both you and your friend.Period.

A hadith of the prophet (pbuh) : "Al maru'u ala deen khalilih...."

Translation: A man is a reflection(or follows the ways) of his friends..(something like that)

[markislam]

brother consult the Quaran not men, what kind of a guy is he saying just go ahead , every body does it :hiding:

i spoke to the lady that works with me and ive explained to her its wrong what we done and it wont happen again, and yes i am a fool for what i did as my wife is also much better looking than her.why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes and she was reeling me in with emails and texts its my fault to have taken part and then finally taken it to a next level. but thats it, its the last time i guess i didnt think about the consecuences it didnt relise it would be Zina i have a good friend of mine who is muslim a very close friend of mine i consulted him about the matter before anything happend and he was like just do it everyone does although it was wrong my reputation and pride took over as always with a little convincing of the shaytan it certinly beat me.

but then again im old and ugly enough to know what i have done i could of stoped it and im not about to blame that friend of mine as i hold full responsibilty for my actions.

[markislam]

I have seen so many men who have beautifull wives but dont appreciate them :heated: and look at other women :omg:

i spoke to the lady that works with me and ive explained to her its wrong what we done and it wont happen again, and yes i am a fool for what i did as my wife is also much better looking than her.why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes and she was reeling me in with emails and texts its my fault to have taken part and then finally taken it to a next level. but thats it, its the last time i guess i didnt think about the consecuences it didnt relise it would be Zina i have a good friend of mine who is muslim a very close friend of mine i consulted him about the matter before anything happend and he was like just do it everyone does although it was wrong my reputation and pride took over as always with a little convincing of the shaytan it certinly beat me.

but then again im old and ugly enough to know what i have done i could of stoped it and im not about to blame that friend of mine as i hold full responsibilty for my actions.

[Cabdullahi]

This thread makes me sick physicallhy.:(
I shudnt have replied.
btw my post is speaking men in general as sis tia was talking about ''men'' in general.

You know why you are sick because of this

disgusting woman? Who probably doesn't even wash her own backside (istinja)? No! It's because he's a Shameless creature who can't control himself!

Im feeling sick now :(


to the thread starter friends can kill you and that person you call a friend has destroyed you.....its up to you now to better yourself life is short

[ryaan]

its true i could of waited but like i said my past cought up with me my arrogance and pride and im also a bit of a show off yes its beyond stupid. i cant blame my friend for dishing out such advice as i know what right and wrong.

i wish i could be a pious man but its hard really hard.i have made a mistake and i do regret it and i do hope god does forgive me. i sometimes and wake up and wish it was just a dream but thats life ive made a mistake a BIG one and now ill try and do good to wash away that bad sin.

im not going to sit here and lie as it just wont benfit anything, im trying to be as honest as i can so you can paint a real picture of what its like outhere. i live in the U.K and theres lots of muslims outhere that are doing a lot worst DOESNT MAKE WHAT IM DOING ANY BETTER, but when your surronded by this all the time it only makes you feel like theres nothing wrong with it when there really is something wrong with it.

only allah knows what i go through and i hope he forgives me. thank to you all for your honest comments.

trust me i do appretaite my wife its why she bloody trusts me so much and thats why i feel so guilty. some of you will say if i did so why did i sleep with this other lady. maybe if you read my previous posts then you will understand well maybe not. all i can tell you its hard and alhamdulilah ramadan is few days away atleast then i can spend more time in the masjid and not think of anything evil inshala

[ryaan]

my friend is muslim he knows whats right and wrong but the problem is he is very westernised just like a lot of brothers and sisters. if i call him to pray with me he would do it with out hesitation

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i spoke to the lady that works with me and ive explained to her its wrong what we done and it wont happen again, and yes i am a fool for what i did as my wife is also much better looking than her.why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes and she was reeling me in with emails and texts its my fault to have taken part and then finally taken it to a next level. but thats it, its the last time i guess i didnt think about the consecuences it didnt relise it would be Zina i have a good friend of mine who is muslim a very close friend of mine i consulted him about the matter before anything happend and he was like just do it everyone does although it was wrong my reputation and pride took over as always with a little convincing of the shaytan it certinly beat me.

but then again im old and ugly enough to know what i have done i could of stoped it and im not about to blame that friend of mine as i hold full responsibilty for my actions.

if i was you i would never speak to that friend again until he changes his ways.




and also if i was you, i would have quit that job and saught one where you dont have to work with women.




thats IF i was you-... although i cant imagine commiting zina... especially if i have a wonderful wife



the shaytan and his tricks...


hate the sin... not the sinner...


KEEP THE BEARD


IT MAKES A STATEMENT AND ACTS AS A VEIL!

[markislam]

just because some one prays they don't become a muslim. Action is more than words.

Show islam through your Actions :hmm:

my friend is muslim he knows whats right and wrong but the problem is he is very westernised just like a lot of brothers and sisters. if i call him to pray with me he would do it with out hesitation

[Alphadude]

why did u get married at first place isnt this stupid get married then commit zina huh u dont deserve a wife and what if she does the same thing what would be ur reaction if she told u the same thing ? its best if u leave it and not tell her and 4get about it and not commite zina again if u do it then as i said u dont deserve a wife.

[syilla]

Akhee...

From what i've learned... you shouldn't blame the imaan, shaytan and the other women...

Blame yourself first... for not taking good care of your iman. For not trying hard to increase your imaan. :(

Grow your imaan...

Repent...repent...repent... thats all i can say. The guilt will haunt you forever if you don't try to achieve the taubah that it should be.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

i spoke to the lady that works with me and ive explained to her its wrong what we done and it wont happen again, and yes i am a fool for what i did as my wife is also much better looking than her.why did i do it this lady dresses up in the most reveling clothes and she was reeling me in with emails and texts its my fault to have taken part and then finally taken it to a next level. but thats it, its the last time i guess i didnt think about the consecuences it didnt relise it would be Zina i have a good friend of mine who is muslim a very close friend of mine i consulted him about the matter before anything happend and he was like just do it everyone does although it was wrong my reputation and pride took over as always with a little convincing of the shaytan it certinly beat me.

but then again im old and ugly enough to know what i have done i could of stoped it and im not about to blame that friend of mine as i hold full responsibilty for my actions.

just to add to what others have said:
1. quit your job

2. ditch your "friend"...just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't make it anymore correct. if everyone jumped off a cliff, then i guess you would deem it right to jump if a cliff as well.

3. doesn't matter how good looking/tempting someone is, how you react is a completely different issue. you are responsible for your own actions. YOU alone will be asked about them

4. lower your gaze-ALWAYS!!!

5. keep renewing your iman and keep yourself busy by reading/listening to Islamic lectures so that you don't fall into the "its ok, everyone else does it" psychology. read about what the torture the sahabi's (radhiallahu anhum)/the prophet (sallahu aleyhi wa sallam) has to go through in the early days of islam :( and yet that didnt even shake their iman in the least! take inspiration from those who have come before you and suffered at the hands of their enemies<---when the going gets tough, the tough get going!

6. fear Allah so that he can make a way for you---> do something for Him, and He will do something for you.

[ryaan]

thank you all for your help and comments and inshala i wont come back on here and have the same problem, you all have been very helpful and honest and i appretiate it.

jazakem allah keir

[touba]

thank you all for your help and comments and inshala i wont come back on here and have the same problem, you all have been very helpful and honest and i appretiate it.

jazakem allah keir

Akh rayaan what is your origin country?

[- IqRa -]

Sounds like UK :-\

[Rasema]

Assalamu Alaikum

You need a scholar for this issue.

Isn't the punishment death when someone commits zina?

I could never expect such a thing from a Muslim brother.

[touba]

Sounds like UK :-\

I know but hes not English , He is muslim that mean hes got a country of muslim origin !

[touba]

Assalamu Alaikum

You need a scholar for this issue.

Isn't the punishment death when someone commits zina?

I could never expect such a thing from a Muslim brother.

Sister you are right and the koran mention about it to get stoned but Allah is big Subhanallah and can forgive if akh rayaan did real repentence and never committng any zina .

[ryaan]

im currently living in the u.k and lets say im not asian either. once again thank you for all your help and effort.

[touba]

im currently living in the u.k and lets say im not asian either. once again thank you for all your help and effort.

That mean you are arab ? I just would like to know your origin to give you more advice and proof in your origin language thats all akhi nothing to worry im arab and im proud of to be and our prophet Mohammed Salla Allah Alayhi Wassallam Arab hamdoliallah

[Rasema]

im currently living in the u.k and lets say im not asian either. once again thank you for all your help and effort.

It doesn't matter from where you are. The thing is that you knew the truth.

But Allah is greater than your sin.



Say: O My slaves who have been prodigal to their own hurt! Despair not of the mercy of Allah, Who forgiveth all sins. Lo! He is the Forgiving, the Merciful. (53) Turn unto your Lord repentant, and surrender unto Him, before there come unto you the doom, when ye cannot be helped. (54) And follow the better (guidance) of that which is revealed unto you from your Lord, before the doom cometh on you suddenly when ye know not, (55) Lest any soul should say: Alas, my grief that I was unmindful of Allah, and I was indeed among the scoffers! (56) Or should say: If Allah had but guided me I should have been among the dutiful! (57) Or should say, when it seeth the doom: Oh, that I had but a second chance that I might be among the righteous! (58) (But now the answer will be): Nay, for My revelations came unto thee, but thou didst deny them and wast scornful and wast among the disbelievers.


http://www.quranexplorer.com/Quran/Default.aspx

Please listen to this surah.

Cry to Allah for your sin.

Stay alone and be satisfied with what you obtain.

Remember, your only wish is the pleasure of Allah,spw.

With love in the name of Allah.

[aadil77]

im not going to sit here and lie as it just wont benfit anything, im trying to be as honest as i can so you can paint a real picture of what its like outhere. i live in the U.K and theres lots of muslims outhere that are doing a lot worst DOESNT MAKE WHAT IM DOING ANY BETTER, but when your surronded by this all the time it only makes you feel like theres nothing wrong with it when there really is something wrong with it.

Brother most of us here are living in uk theres no point even mentioning it, I know for a fact that a good portion of my muslims friends have done zina, someone of them are disgraceful enough to even boast about it. That doesn't effect me in the slightest way, because when I see what screw ups some of them are it just makes me a stronger muslim.

Make the most of this ramadan, look out for laylatul qadr and if you repent sincerely and enough you might be sinless by the end of it

[ryaan]

thank you aadil

p.s i speak arabic but im not an arab lol thank you all again and jazakem allah keir may allah guid you all when your lost like he guided me to you.

peace

[thetruth2009]

Assalam aleykoum brother,


Its only my opinion, no scholars or anybody.

I ask Allah SWT to forgive you and to forgive us all, Inshallah, Ameen.

Do you know, I am not here to tell you what you wish to hear, I will tell you how I will act if I were in your situation.

Fisrt of all the first personn I have to ask to forgive me its my wife ( I am not married ), how can I continue to live with my wife , like nothing happend, the life is beautifull.

Its like I have signed an agreement, doing that I broke taht agreement, how i can :

1) smile to my wife

2) kisse her

3) sleep beside her

4) living normaly

5) hiding what I have done


What I want to tell you, you have to pay for it even if you lose her, maybe, she will forgive you, who knows, if not you have to pay brother.

Can you tell me if your wife deserve a man like you , who did that ?

Sorry I am direct, but you played a game and you know the rules.

Do you accepte if your wife do that to you one or many times ? you have to take taht in consideration.

After that you have to ask Allah SWT to forgive you what you did and you will never do it again, if you do it again you are in very dangerous situation.

Did you say to that girl, that you are married ? did she knew that ?

I am not here to tell you congratulations, or to judge you, you did something is one of the worst thing a man can do to a wife and the worst thing Allah SWT forbid.

You have to work hard to do the jihad of eyes, you have't to look any woman, the desires start at the first look.

Its not easy, I am a man and every day I am fighting, when I am at home I feel safe, when I am outside I am scraed and afraid to look at women.


I ask Allah SWT to forgive us and to guide us, Ameen.

[touba]

thank you aadil

p.s i speak arabic but im not an arab lol thank you all again and jazakem allah keir may allah guid you all when your lost like he guided me to you.

peace

Only the people who speaks arabic and they are not arab are turkish people so are you turkish ?