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AnonymousPoster
08-14-2009, 10:12 AM
:sl: I'm in love with a girl. I can't marry her. She loves me too but our love has taken such ugly turns that we can't even spend time with each other. If we are spotted together then its trouble for both of us. She was already engaged when she fell in love with me and kept it hidden from me and she couldn't break the engagement. My family is not ready to accept her considering the betrayal she served me with. My friends want me to stay away from her. But I love her. Alhamdulillah, I offer all 5 namaaz daily and read the QURAN but nothing seems to help me. I was away from her for sometime and I was able to get a little happiness but when I saw her again after that break, everything became the same again. I'm very sad about all this. I want her, I love her, I need her. Without her my life will be full of pain. I can't bear seeing her with any other man. Its almost impossible for us to get married and I can't forget her either. I don't know what to do?imsad She's my life and we understand each other very well. I can't forget her. I try it very much but I never succeed. She knows how much i love her and cries about how she got me involved in all this but I don't want her to cry. I want us to be together. Sometimes, I cry even during namaaz and fear that I invalidate it. Her parents will get her married by next year and I'm powerless. Please advice me in forgetting her. May Allah bless all you brothers and sisters.
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Ummu Sufyaan
08-14-2009, 11:49 AM
:sl:
i know love is blind *so they tell me* but im going to say this anyway:
Without her my life will be full of pain.
unless she was forced to agree to the other guy, she had no reason to betray you. seems like your life may have been full of pain either way.

I was away from her for sometime and I was able to get a little happiness but when I saw her again after that break, everything became the same again.
why cant stay away from her again?

Please advice me in forgetting her.
not to sound harsh here, but sometimes the best advice is the one handed down un-sugar coated!
just drill it in your mind as best as you can that you cant be together and whatever Allah has decreed will pass.
just tell yourself to let go and believe that she cant be yours. believe that you cant be with her. believe that there is sunshine after the rain.
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- IqRa -
08-14-2009, 12:06 PM
You can't forget someone in an instant. It takes time. There are many, many memories associated with that person, which cannot be erased automatically, like you erase something from a computer. A person is much, much more complex than that.
Time is a healer, believe it or not.

Make lots of du'a. Allaah will respond to your du'a, He says so Himself in the Qur'aan;
"And your Lord says: 'Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer)'..."
[Qur'aan, 40:60]
But please, do not think that if you make du'a and it is not answered straight away in the form you want it to be answered, that Allaah isn't going to help you. It takes time. All you have to do is make du'a and do everything the best you can, leave the rest up to Allaah subhaan wa taa'la. If you are true in your love, then inshaAllaah Allaah wil find a way for both of you to be together. You will be surprised and happy at the way Allaah subhaan wa taa'la will help you out of this.

All you have to do is keep faith, keep strong and keep your trust in Allaah subhaan wa taa'la.

Also, please read this thread, it might help inshaAllaah;

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...m-wallahi.html
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touba
08-14-2009, 12:38 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl: I'm in love with a girl. I can't marry her. She loves me too but our love has taken such ugly turns that we can't even spend time with each other. If we are spotted together then its trouble for both of us. She was already engaged when she fell in love with me and kept it hidden from me and she couldn't break the engagement. My family is not ready to accept her considering the betrayal she served me with. My friends want me to stay away from her. But I love her. Alhamdulillah, I offer all 5 namaaz daily and read the QURAN but nothing seems to help me. I was away from her for sometime and I was able to get a little happiness but when I saw her again after that break, everything became the same again. I'm very sad about all this. I want her, I love her, I need her. Without her my life will be full of pain. I can't bear seeing her with any other man. Its almost impossible for us to get married and I can't forget her either. I don't know what to do?imsad She's my life and we understand each other very well. I can't forget her. I try it very much but I never succeed. She knows how much i love her and cries about how she got me involved in all this but I don't want her to cry. I want us to be together. Sometimes, I cry even during namaaz and fear that I invalidate it. Her parents will get her married by next year and I'm powerless. Please advice me in forgetting her. May Allah bless all you brothers and sisters.
brother allah is great and inshallah allah help you, May be this is a test from Allah Subhanahou Wa Taala to you to test your patience sabr and to see if you believe your destiney or not, believe me you will forget her now or later and believe me there is no khair in this girl Allah said in the Koran ( wa3assa an touhipou shayaan wa howa sharron lakoum wa3assa an takrahou shayaan wa howa khairon lakoum),Sadaka allaho al3azim.

My clavier is only in English sorry for that , Please brother pray and ask allah for a good future wife she will be better 100 times than this girl and it will be only a memory that make you laugh and said how stupid i was . Allah with you Ameen, Keep me in your pray and duaa please

your sister in islam,
btissam
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AnonymousPoster
08-14-2009, 01:20 PM
Originally Posted by T.I.A
You can't forget someone in an instant. It takes time. There are many, many memories associated with that person, which cannot be erased automatically, like you erase something from a computer. A person is much, much more complex than that.
Time is a healer, believe it or not.

Make lots of du'a. Allaah will respond to your du'a, He says so Himself in the Qur'aan;


But please, do not think that if you make du'a and it is not answered straight away in the form you want it to be answered, that Allaah isn't going to help you. It takes time. All you have to do is make du'a and do everything the best you can, leave the rest up to Allaah subhaan wa taa'la. If you are true in your love, then inshaAllaah Allaah wil find a way for both of you to be together. You will be surprised and happy at the way Allaah subhaan wa taa'la will help you out of this.

All you have to do is keep faith, keep strong and keep your trust in Allaah subhaan wa taa'la.

Also, please read this thread, it might help inshaAllaah;

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...m-wallahi.html
Jazakallah Khair sis for this kind response but there's this another problem. I don't know if I should make Dua for us to be together or not. Her fiance loves her as well ( not as much as me) and I don't want to marry her with anybody's objection. There are more obstacles in our way as well. :cry:I don't know how to make dua for this either. :cry:
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- IqRa -
08-14-2009, 01:57 PM
Have you made Istikharah, brother?
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mathematician
08-14-2009, 03:21 PM
Wait, I'm sorry. You are here asking for advice on wanting someone who is already taken, and the bros and sisters are telling you to make du'a???
You can't make du'a to Allah to make a married woman like you. It's just unethical, no?

Brother, if she is engaged, as you say so, then you need to move on. There is no easy way out. It's a painful path, but I don't think you have much of a choice here.
It is a sin to try and separate a couple. You say she loves you, but why did she get engaged to someone else? Did her parents "force" her to do that or was it that she loved him until you came in her life?
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- IqRa -
08-14-2009, 03:41 PM
Her parents will get her married by next year and I'm powerless.
This means she does not want to get married.
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mathematician
08-14-2009, 05:48 PM
Originally Posted by T.I.A
This means she does not want to get married.
Yeah I always have trouble understanding that. When the brother said she is engaged I thought that meant that already did they marriage contract in the presence of witnesses, etc. If that has happened and the young lady went through it, then doesn't that mean she gave her parents the permission to marry that fiancee of hers?
If the marriage contract has not been done yet, then they are not really "engaged". They are still strangers. In that case, the young woman needs to face her parents and tell them "no". I know it's easy said than done, but it's something she will have to go through if she is to marry the OP.
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cat eyes
08-14-2009, 09:16 PM
ive heard many times... duaa is very powerful trust me. a friend of mine same thing happened with her, she couldnt get this guy, his family were to cultural his family didn't accept her for some crazy reason well she told me when she bowed her head and cried with such powerful emotion in which she asked Allah i don't want to love this person anymore and the next morning her heart was hard as rock for that person and she moved on... now she is happily married to a brother who is more the man he ever will be.

mabe you should try that. Allah helps the believers bro.:statisfie
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IbnAbdulHakim
08-14-2009, 10:03 PM
marry her then


theres nothing better for two lovers then marriage
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cat eyes
08-14-2009, 10:55 PM
btw i went through the same pain as you.. it effected my worship and i was thinking about taking my own life
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Tony
08-14-2009, 10:59 PM
Originally Posted by cat eyes
btw i went through the same pain as you.. it effected my worship and i was thinking about taking my own life
Yeah being in love is definatley making a person mentally ill/unbalanced
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IbnAbdulHakim
08-14-2009, 11:01 PM
yup thats why u eiva -

get married


or

get distanced :)
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cat eyes
08-14-2009, 11:04 PM
thanks tony
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Tony
08-14-2009, 11:09 PM
Originally Posted by cat eyes
thanks tony
Sorry if that came across wrong, I mean it really does affect us mentally, we become neurotic, paranoid and even delusional on a temporary basis and that would account for suicidal feelings and greiving etc. Sometimes its pain more than pleasure.
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AnonymousPoster
08-15-2009, 03:01 AM
Originally Posted by mathematician
Wait, I'm sorry. You are here asking for advice on wanting someone who is already taken, and the bros and sisters are telling you to make du'a???
You can't make du'a to Allah to make a married woman like you. It's just unethical, no?

Brother, if she is engaged, as you say so, then you need to move on. There is no easy way out. It's a painful path, but I don't think you have much of a choice here.
It is a sin to try and separate a couple. You say she loves you, but why did she get engaged to someone else? Did her parents "force" her to do that or was it that she loved him until you came in her life?
Their parents are in talks to get them married, thats all. Her parents aren't forcing her, in fact they're getting her married to him because they think she loves him and she was in love with him before she met me and she hasn't told anyone in her family about me. Its very ugly. I may be in love with the wrong person but I'm in love and I'm so helpless.
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ژاله
08-15-2009, 03:41 AM
may Allah ease your pain ameen.
try a simple therapy.when one falls in love,thats because one thinks all the time about the person in good terms. we amplify their good qualities and rectify bad ones. and many a times thats the thing that makes one fall for someone rather than the good times they spent together. so rewind the process. now amplify the bad qualities, think about them all the time, try to believe that she betrayed you and she doesnt love you and you are better off without her. and dont let your thoughts wander near anything good about her. you may find it extremely insane to think bad of the person you hold so dear, but thats gonna work, trust me. and also try to boost up your self esteem telling yourself that you should have too much pride to marry someone who loved or loves someone else. you know all kinds of evil thoughts inshallah. hope that helps.
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AnonymousPoster
08-15-2009, 04:37 AM
Originally Posted by Malaak
may Allah ease your pain ameen.
try a simple therapy.when one falls in love,thats because one thinks all the time about the person in good terms. we amplify their good qualities and rectify bad ones. and many a times thats the thing that makes one fall for someone rather than the good times they spent together. so rewind the process. now amplify the bad qualities, think about them all the time, try to believe that she betrayed you and she doesnt love you and you are better off without her. and dont let your thoughts wander near anything good about her. you may find it extremely insane to think bad of the person you hold so dear, but thats gonna work, trust me. and also try to boost up your self esteem telling yourself that you should have too much pride to marry someone who loved or loves someone else. you know all kinds of evil thoughts inshallah. hope that helps.
I've tried it. It makes me worse. It makes me wanna take revenge and I start cursing that prospective marriage in my Duas. Its not good at all.
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Ummu Sufyaan
08-15-2009, 06:32 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Their parents are in talks to get them married, thats all. Her parents aren't forcing her, in fact they're getting her married to him because they think she loves him and she was in love with him before she met me and she hasn't told anyone in her family about me. Its very ugly. I may be in love with the wrong person but I'm in love and I'm so helpless.
if shes already taken and agreed to it, move on.
Their parents are in talks to get them married, thats all. Her parents aren't forcing her, in fact they're getting her married to him because they think she loves him and she was in love with him before she met me and she hasn't told anyone in her family about me. Its very ugly. I may be in love with the wrong person but I'm in love and I'm so helpless.
if she loves you, why hasn't she spoken up? does she want the other brother still? why hasn't she broken up with him if she loves you? things aren't making sense :$
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cat eyes
08-15-2009, 01:21 PM
so if she loves you man why did she agree to the marriage... is this girl worth to suffer over :raging:
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cat eyes
08-15-2009, 01:24 PM
if she really loves she would call the marriage off!!! in the love you don't care about anybody else not even parents so they are not forcing her whats the problem???
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Al-Zaara
08-15-2009, 02:24 PM
If you truly love her, then you will make dua for what is best for her and you to happen.

If it means the best for her is to marry this other man, then you will pray for it to happen, only if you truly love her and want for her the the best, and accept it.
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mathematician
08-15-2009, 03:54 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Their parents are in talks to get them married, thats all. Her parents aren't forcing her, in fact they're getting her married to him because they think she loves him and she was in love with him before she met me and she hasn't told anyone in her family about me. Its very ugly. I may be in love with the wrong person but I'm in love and I'm so helpless.
Brother, she needs to come to her senses. If she loved him before she met you, then you should find somebody else. It is not fair to that other guy. Would be you want to be in love with some lady and then she meets another guy and says she loves him now? How would you feel if you were in his shoes?
Maybe you just lost yourself someone who wouldn't be a good wife.
I need you may be young and are "in love', but no worries, that will be healed. Pray to Allah to grant you a great wife.
Your feeling of being helpless will go away. Stay strong and focus on the knowledge you have gained from this situation.
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