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AnonymousPoster
08-14-2009, 10:54 PM
:sl:I pray that all of my brothers and sisters are good in health and iman. I been having some problems with my mother. I have always been the good daughter. Always there for her, tried to make her happy.

I know that Jannah lies under your mother feet so i always try my best. The problem is that my mother is breaking my family up. She always humiliates my father (they are no longer together). She also humiliates me and told my little sister that she hates me. She puts me down all the time. Now i personally find it hard to cope as i also suffer from severe depression, which gets worse thanks to her.
I am staying with my dad right now because he is worried about my mental health and told me is best for me to stay away from the constant put down and humiliations.

I cant stay with my dad forever and have to go back when school starts. How do you deal with a parent who is treats you bad? Who abuses you emotionally? You might say that a mother will always love her child. But if thats the case then why does she throw me out the house? Why does she hurt me when she knows that i have previously had a nervous breakdown.
I love my mother but i dont like her as a person if that makes sense.
What can i do?
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Snowflake
08-14-2009, 11:05 PM
Assalamu alaykum,

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles sis. Please don't get me wrong, but could your mother herself be suffering from emotional/mental problems? If she is treating your father in the same way, then it could be more than just her being unkind? Is there anyway to ask her without it causing a scene what is it that angers her? It's really hard knowing what to say, without knowing the full extent of the problem hun. Maybe you can also ask your dad why he thinks your mother behaves like this?

Also why can't you live with your dad when school starts? I'm sorry, I couldn't be of more help sweety. I'm sure the brothers and ssiters here will give you better advice inshaAllah. Make dua and I too will surely make dua for hun. (((hugs))) :)
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touba
08-14-2009, 11:11 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:I pray that all of my brothers and sisters are good in health and iman. I been having some problems with my mother. I have always been the good daughter. Always there for her, tried to make her happy.

I know that Jannah lies under your mother feet so i always try my best. The problem is that my mother is breaking my family up. She always humiliates my father (they are no longer together). She also humiliates me and told my little sister that she hates me. She puts me down all the time. Now i personally find it hard to cope as i also suffer from severe depression, which gets worse thanks to her.
I am staying with my dad right now because he is worried about my mental health and told me is best for me to stay away from the constant put down and humiliations.

I cant stay with my dad forever and have to go back when school starts. How do you deal with a parent who is treats you bad? Who abuses you emotionally? You might say that a mother will always love her child. But if thats the case then why does she throw me out the house? Why does she hurt me when she knows that i have previously had a nervous breakdown.
I love my mother but i dont like her as a person if that makes sense.
What can i do?
Sister yes thats true that jannah under parents feet especially the mother Our Prophet Mohammed Salla Allah Alayhi Wassallam said ommoka ommoka ommoka thouma abouka that mean he said 3 times the mother and 1 time the father and that can shows you how importance is the mother and even if your mother is crazy shes still your mother and you have to accept her as she is, She gave you birth she make you growing may be shes suffer from your father , try to be close to her as a friends and show her your love understand and ask her why she treated you like that and inshallah it will work sister , your mother can beat you up but never let somebody beat you up , one day you will know your mother value but it will be late i sufferd from that as well, dont trust your father he can get marry anytime and kick you out but the mother never do that, I understand her situation and suffer from your father , i make duaa for you and her together ameen

your sister in islam

btissam
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Tony
08-14-2009, 11:20 PM
I know exactly what ur going thru. Firstly I am sorry to hear you are going thru it. I have been humiliated, my life has been punctuated by my Mums putdowns, sly backstabbing and emotional sabotage to the extent of relationship breakdowns and the result is I dont trust her with my kids, may Allah forgive me. I recognise what you are going thru and this is the only subject I will give advice on that may be considered potentially biased against belief. You have to become independant as soon as possible or live with your dad, if you gain independance financially and emotionally, then the relationship with your mum will be on your terms, you will be able to forgive her at arms length when nescessary. In short look after you, and by doing so you will probably save your relationship with your mum. Sorry to be blunt but its true. May Allah guide you and bring your mum to Islam, Ameen
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ryaan
08-14-2009, 11:56 PM
salam sis

im sorry to hear about what you going through personally i would do dua after every prayer untill everything impoves, and maybe you should write how you feel and send it to your mum rather than trying to tel her as it can be quite difficult as you might start arguing etc. i hope that help and im sure some of the guys on here will be able to offer better advice

hang in there and be strong allah will always be with you
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AnonymousPoster
08-15-2009, 01:28 AM
:sl: I just realise that people might misunderstand the name of the topic. My mother is not making me sick physically or in any nasty way. Just mentally.

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles sis. Please don't get me wrong, but could your mother herself be suffering from emotional/mental problems? If she is treating your father in the same way, then it could be more than just her being unkind? Is there anyway to ask her without it causing a scene what is it that angers her? It's really hard knowing what to say, without knowing the full extent of the problem hun. Maybe you can also ask your dad why he thinks your mother behaves like this?

Also why can't you live with your dad when school starts? I'm sorry, I couldn't be of more help sweety. I'm sure the brothers and ssiters here will give you better advice inshaAllah. Make dua and I too will surely make dua for hun.
Maybe she is suffering, like i said i have always been there but right now is getting too much. I am very weak emotionally unlike my siblings and things can easily push me off the edge. I am staying with my dad for now but his flat is quite small i dont want to take over.

Sister yes thats true that jannah under parents feet especially the mother Our Prophet Mohammed Salla Allah Alayhi Wassallam said ommoka ommoka ommoka thouma abouka that mean he said 3 times the mother and 1 time the father and that can shows you how importance is the mother and even if your mother is crazy shes still your mother and you have to accept her as she is, She gave you birth she make you growing may be shes suffer from your father , try to be close to her as a friends and show her your love understand and ask her why she treated you like that and inshallah it will work sister , your mother can beat you up but never let somebody beat you up , one day you will know your mother value but it will be late i sufferd from that as well, dont trust your father he can get marry anytime and kick you out but the mother never do that, I understand her situation and suffer from your father , i make duaa for you and her together ameen
your sister in islam
JazakAllah khair for replying. I am trying but she is pushing me away but i will continue anyways. I trust my dad very much and unlike my mother he has been there for me emotionally. My dad is not married and he is not planning, he was married before and he always put his children first. There are good men out there. May Allah swt bless him. My dad never kicked me out, my mother has.
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AnonymousPoster
08-15-2009, 01:36 AM
Originally Posted by Tony
I know exactly what ur going thru. Firstly I am sorry to hear you are going thru it. I have been humiliated, my life has been punctuated by my Mums putdowns, sly backstabbing and emotional sabotage to the extent of relationship breakdowns and the result is I dont trust her with my kids, may Allah forgive me. I recognise what you are going thru and this is the only subject I will give advice on that may be considered potentially biased against belief. You have to become independant as soon as possible or live with your dad, if you gain independance financially and emotionally, then the relationship with your mum will be on your terms, you will be able to forgive her at arms length when nescessary. In short look after you, and by doing so you will probably save your relationship with your mum. Sorry to be blunt but its true. May Allah guide you and bring your mum to Islam, Ameen
I am sorry to read this. May Allah swt make everything easy for you. I am buying a house and starting work once i finish uni. My little sister might move in with me as she be starting Uni. I know a woman shouldnt live alone but i dont feel that i am at a stage where i am ready for marriage. I just want to get out of this depression first and work on my career. Staying busy will hopefully make me forget the pain that i sometime go through.
I am trying to look out for myself now. As a muslim i have to look out for my mother and will forever do so but i need to look after myself.
Ameen to the dua. jzakallah khair

salam sis

im sorry to hear about what you going through personally i would do dua after every prayer untill everything impoves, and maybe you should write how you feel and send it to your mum rather than trying to tel her as it can be quite difficult as you might start arguing etc. i hope that help and im sure some of the guys on here will be able to offer better advice

hang in there and be strong allah will always be with you
Thank you brother may Allah swt bless you. I tried to talk to my mother so many times but is not going in. But only Allah swt can change my situation and i hope he does
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