Non-Muslim admirer

[anonymous]

:sl:

I hope that you all can help me out. as the title says i'm in some weird situation. Well, across our street this polish Family lives there and they have a son about my age. Over the years I have heard that he has a crush on me but I never really gave it much thought. I mean how can I anyway, he's non-Muslim I'm Muslim theres no way anyway. I knew I wasn't responsible for how he feels I can only lower my gaze, which was always my focus.

As I pass the street, If he would say hi, I would just say hi and walk away, or sometimes according to my mood not even say hi at all. I bumped into him on my way home. I was carrying water those big bottles he offered to carry. I told him i'm fine, but he kept insisting. He basically demanded, carried the water and walked with me home. As we were walking, he didn't even look at me for once. He has a younger brother who comes over to play with my little brother, so he comes sometimes to get him. I really feel like he's into something, but now that I know I am starting to act weird about it and its starting to show. Like I literally look outside my window to see if he's anywhere near by or else if he is around I will stay in.

Not too long ago I got cut by a little glass on the road, my heal was bleeding I was limping home & who sees me? Him!

I tried to just pretend I didnt see him, he ran to his house got me a band aid, and some water, asks me if he can help? I was bleeding a lot so I gave in & accepted the offer. He ended up walking home with me, making sure I got home safe.

I usually have no problem telling guys to get lost, with him I become lost for words, silenced.

I know that we wont be moving from this street anytime soon nor will he. How long can I pretend like he doesn't exist?

[markislam]

How old are you sister if you dont mind me asking ?

Stay away from this guy if you can

The Quaran strictly forbids marrying non muslims if you are a women.

Again unless i know your age i cant really give good guidance.

[جوري]

seize the opportunity and offer him some da3wah books insha'Allah

:w:

[جوري]

I thought when he comes to pick up his little brother, surely he must meet with some adults, perhaps her dad can give it on her behalf or she in her father's presence? I think it would be definitive in two ways...
He'd see that if he further wants to pursue her that she has outlined limits.
or deter him all together if he is after something less wholesome...

but I see where you are coming from.. men are so un-trusting of other men's intentions :lol: and maybe rightfully so, maybe you know how the male mind works by virtue of being one..

:w:

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[Muezzin]

This would be very cute if the people in question were about five years old.

As it stands, it's tricky - if you give him attention, even if it's just to give him dawah books, he might take it the wrong way (i.e. he may think you're reciprocating). If you don't give him attention, he'll just try harder to win it, the puppy dog.

But dawah via a male intermediary as suggested in the posts above is a good idea.

[Rasema]

Assalamu Alikum

Arent you married?

Tell him " PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME"
If he says why, because I'm Muslim and proud.
He may seem kind but that can get you in a lot of trouble.

[anonymous]

How old are you sister if you dont mind me asking ?

Stay away from this guy if you can

The Quaran strictly forbids marrying non muslims if you are a women.

Again unless i know your age i cant really give good guidance.

I'm 17

[markislam]

Stay away from him , r u from UK.

You are still young do tell your mom or dad about this.

[Reticent]

The fact that you are questioning the situation means, alhamdulilah, that you understand that there is something not right with it. You are young, intelligent and have a long life ahead of you.

Disregard the advice of anyone who says "give him Dawah". Giving him 'dawah' is like doing something halal in a haram way - it must be avoided at all costs. Lets be blunt - we cannot talk about Islam whilst eying each other up.

Next, all these incidences where he has 'just appeared' are not to be thought of as something 'special' - something 'destined'. Allah does not destine haraam for you. Ignore them....

Think about it... you are young mashallah...and have your life ahead of you. If needs be...be firm and harsh with him. Avoid bumping into him. Explain to your parents that you feel uncomfortable in this situation. If needs be...move house (although that is the last resort). Your young, beautiful blessed innocence is worth every hardship. May Allah make it easy for you.


"Those who weep for anything other than Allah...it is a foolish waste of their time"

[cat eyes]

:sl:

I hope that you all can help me out. as the title says i'm in some weird situation. Well, across our street this polish Family lives there and they have a son about my age. Over the years I have heard that he has a crush on me but I never really gave it much thought. I mean how can I anyway, he's non-Muslim I'm Muslim theres no way anyway. I knew I wasn't responsible for how he feels I can only lower my gaze, which was always my focus.

As I pass the street, If he would say hi, I would just say hi and walk away, or sometimes according to my mood not even say hi at all. I bumped into him on my way home. I was carrying water those big bottles he offered to carry. I told him i'm fine, but he kept insisting. He basically demanded, carried the water and walked with me home. As we were walking, he didn't even look at me for once. He has a younger brother who comes over to play with my little brother, so he comes sometimes to get him. I really feel like he's into something, but now that I know I am starting to act weird about it and its starting to show. Like I literally look outside my window to see if he's anywhere near by or else if he is around I will stay in.

Not too long ago I got cut by a little glass on the road, my heal was bleeding I was limping home & who sees me? Him!

I tried to just pretend I didnt see him, he ran to his house got me a band aid, and some water, asks me if he can help? I was bleeding a lot so I gave in & accepted the offer. He ended up walking home with me, making sure I got home safe.

I usually have no problem telling guys to get lost, with him I become lost for words, silenced.

I know that we wont be moving from this street anytime soon nor will he. How long can I pretend like he doesn't exist?

SISTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT SAVE AT ALL. this story sounds all to familiar to me, offering you to do all these things for you, a girl whom lives in my town got raped by a guy like this.. he gained her trust through this type of behaviour such as offering to walk her home and carrying her bags etc she knew him for months and months b4 the rape took place.. Allah forbid it should not happen to you.. look he is non muslim and you are muslim! its totally haram

[Emperor000]

SISTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT SAVE AT ALL. this story sounds all to familiar to me, offering you to do all these things for you, a girl whom lives in my town got raped by a guy like this.. he gained her trust through this type of behaviour such as offering to walk her home and carrying her bags etc she knew him for months and months b4 the rape took place.. Allah forbid it should not happen to you.. look he is non muslim and you are muslim! its totally haram

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH CAT EYES, BTW SRRY I CANT GIVE REPS:shade::p

[Al-Zaara]

Don't want to sound noisey and you don't have to answer. Do you observe the hijab? Sometimes it helps.
Some guys are persistent though, it's really difficult at times to make a clear line of when you think it's OK for the guy to be helpful and when you think this is too much. Be it Muslim or non-Muslim. In the end, from experience, you just gotta be firm. Best thing would be ignoring as much as you can and be firm when you speak to him. Also, do sometimes point out to your mother/father/both parents that you see him awfully a lot and think it's odd, so that they know to keep an eye on you when they otherwise wouldn't. Just in case.

[Salahudeen]

If I had a creep like this round my sister I'd flip, don't you have any brothers that can tell him to back away??? or even your dad can have a friendly chat with him.

serious what's he doing harassing you?? tell him it's against your beliefs to mingle with opposite gender, if he still persists and your dad's chatted with him telling him to back off, then call the police and tell them he's stalking you and your afraid.

are you afraid??, I would be in your shoes some creepy guy popping up all the time out of no where.

get a restraining order against him lol have him done for stalking you and harassment lol

this is if telling him nicely to go away and then getting angry with him don't work.

are your parents really leaniant or westernised??? cos alot of family's would flip if this was happening to their daughter and they knew about it. tell them to sort it out for you.

You have the right to walk around and not be harassed by some creepy guy/stalker.

When he does the demanding thing, tell him to get lost and you don't need a slave or a little doggy to do your jobs for you. Try being mean to him, if your nice or not nasty, he's just gonna get encouraged.

Don't give into him when he demands cos that will just encourage him more, tell him to go do something productive instead of harrassing you like a little doggie.

[cat eyes]

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH CAT EYES, BTW SRRY I CANT GIVE REPS:shade::p

thanks emperor brother :statisfie

wishing you 1month of ramadhan,4 weeks of barkat,30 days of forgiveness,720hours of guidance,43200 minutes of purity 2592000 seconds of noor.......! please remember me in your duas and everybody else.

have a blessful ramadhan:statisfie

sister maryam:D

[Alphadude]

seize the opportunity and offer him some da3wah books insha'Allah

:w:

no no they are young and anything can happen they will have more chance by seeing each other the boy could just pretend that he wants to learn more about the religion but he may have something else in mind i have ben there i know how the brain thinks lol

:sl:

I hope that you all can help me out. as the title says i'm in some weird situation. Well, across our street this polish Family lives there and they have a son about my age. Over the years I have heard that he has a crush on me but I never really gave it much thought. I mean how can I anyway, he's non-Muslim I'm Muslim theres no way anyway. I knew I wasn't responsible for how he feels I can only lower my gaze, which was always my focus.

As I pass the street, If he would say hi, I would just say hi and walk away, or sometimes according to my mood not even say hi at all. I bumped into him on my way home. I was carrying water those big bottles he offered to carry. I told him i'm fine, but he kept insisting. He basically demanded, carried the water and walked with me home. As we were walking, he didn't even look at me for once. He has a younger brother who comes over to play with my little brother, so he comes sometimes to get him. I really feel like he's into something, but now that I know I am starting to act weird about it and its starting to show. Like I literally look outside my window to see if he's anywhere near by or else if he is around I will stay in.

Not too long ago I got cut by a little glass on the road, my heal was bleeding I was limping home & who sees me? Him!

I tried to just pretend I didnt see him, he ran to his house got me a band aid, and some water, asks me if he can help? I was bleeding a lot so I gave in & accepted the offer. He ended up walking home with me, making sure I got home safe.

I usually have no problem telling guys to get lost, with him I become lost for words, silenced.

I know that we wont be moving from this street anytime soon nor will he. How long can I pretend like he doesn't exist?

just tell him to stay away from u and give him a good reason if still he didnt lisson tell ur dad or mom or ur brother ur still at very young age and he is and one mistake u made is when he said hi u said hi back and walked this wasnt a good thing.

[AnonymousPoster]

Don't want to sound noisey and you don't have to answer. Do you observe the hijab? Sometimes it helps.
Some guys are persistent though, it's really difficult at times to make a clear line of when you think it's OK for the guy to be helpful and when you think this is too much. Be it Muslim or non-Muslim. In the end, from experience, you just gotta be firm. Best thing would be ignoring as much as you can and be firm when you speak to him. Also, do sometimes point out to your mother/father/both parents that you see him awfully a lot and think it's odd, so that they know to keep an eye on you when they otherwise wouldn't. Just in case.

I do observe Hijab.

[Salahudeen]

As khalid said sis, you should've not said "hi" back to him, lol that probably made him think your interested and then you let him carry your bags and then you let him help with your foot. he probably thinks he's defo got a chance with you now :(

he was persistant I understand but you have to be persistant in saying "no" also, don't let men walk over you and do what they want. Stand up for yourself and say

"NO, just get the hell away from me"

you have to act hard hearted if you've tried telling him nicely, tell him like a hard hearted person who's got attitude problem and your really anoyed :) lol

don't make your voice sweet and nice lol

but if you can't be bothered to do that, just tell your dad man.

the men in your family are there for a reason, use them in akward matters like this that you don't like dealing with :)

this is something that comes natural to men lol dealing with creepy stalkers

[Bub]

Oh mashaAllah ur young, if i was in ur shoe, i would tell him, i made a mistake of talking to you in 1st place. Leave me alone, its haram in my religious etc. Prayer to Allah to guide u from haram inshaAllah

[Alphadude]

As khalid said sis, you should've not said "hi" back to him, lol that probably made him think your interested and then you let him carry your bags and then you let him help with your foot. he probably thinks he's defo got a chance with you now :(

he was persistant I understand but you have to be persistant in saying "no" also, don't let men walk over you and do what they want. Stand up for yourself and say

"NO, just get the hell away from me"

you have to act hard hearted if you've tried telling him nicely, tell him like a hard hearted person who's got attitude problem and your really anoyed :) lol

don't make your voice sweet and nice lol

but if you can't be bothered to do that, just tell your dad man.

the men in your family are there for a reason, use them in akward matters like this that you don't like dealing with :)

this is something that comes natural to men lol dealing with creepy stalkers

brother squiggle
i agree with u but if the sister says no to him tht will make him a nightmare i mean he wont sstop bcoz of experiece im talking and think as u were 17 and this happend with u what would u do? just ignore him and he will understand and as the sister said she looks from the window and see if he is around and that is realy bad and the sister should stop that iswell tottaly forget like nothing ever happen

[zakirs]

i would suggest your big bro (if any) to talk for you kindly.Not in a bashing way like in movie.But ask him to explain that mingling with opposite gender is haram in islam :).i guess he would understand.If not Ask your dad to talk to him kindly.

[anonymous]

He came over yesterday to get his little brother my father asked him to come inside and eat iftar with us. He ate with us, and watched them pray.

Some of u said be mean to him. how? he's been always nice to me. The only thing i know i can do is lower my gaze and try not to seduce him in anyway to make him think i like him any more than im suppose to.

[IslamicRevival]

He came over yesterday to get his little brother my father asked him to come inside and eat iftar with us. He ate with us, and watched them pray.

Some of u said be mean to him. how? he's been always nice to me. The only thing i know i can do is lower my gaze and try not to seduce him in anyway to make him think i like him any more than im suppose to.

Salaam. Be careful sister and try to keep away from him

You are MashAllah only 17 years old...so you are in a way vulnerable. (I Apologise If This May Offend) Please be wary and cautious. I would advise you to have a word with one of the elders in your family to have a polite talk with him. An issue such as this can be distracting when you are young and if is affecting you in anyway then act upon my advice. The sooner you sort this problem out.... the sooner your heart will be at ease InshAllah

[Salahudeen]

just tell your fathe to tell him that it's against their believes to let their daughters mix with men and he'd appreciate it if he stayed away from mixing with you.

[Anafam]

hey Im a guy and when I was in first grade there was a girl in my class who had a crush on me.My mom explained to the girls mom that we were muslim , etc. The non muslim girl's mom explained to her daughter and the girl understood.

After that were just friends nothing more nothing less.Obviously I don't have to marry her to be my friend, do I ?

So whats the big deal of having a FRIEND who is a boy or a girl.

ISLAM DOES NOT STOP YOU FROM HAVING A "FRIEND"

[aadil77]

hey Im a guy and when I was in first grade there was a girl in my class who had a crush on me.My mom explained to the girls mom that we were muslim , etc. The non muslim girl's mom explained to her daughter and the girl understood.

After that were just friends nothing more nothing less.Obviously I don't have to marry her to be my friend, do I ?

So whats the big deal of having a FRIEND who is a boy or a girl.

ISLAM DOES NOT STOP YOU FROM HAVING A "FRIEND"

Have you ever read the hadith; if you've got nothing good to say remain quiet?

You might have forgotten this is an islamic forum or because of you're limited knowledge you think its acceptable to spread false beliefs and make stupid statements like that.

[rpwelton]

ISLAM DOES NOT STOP YOU FROM HAVING A "FRIEND"

This is not true. It does prohibit friendships between men and women who are not mahrams to one another.

[Anafam]

This is not true. It does prohibit who are not mahrams to one another.

yes, ok, I aplogize for the wrong knowledge, "I forgot to metion about friendships between men and women"

excuse me im still learning, not an adult yet and "aadil77" who are you to judge my knowledge over the internet. you can't judge my knowledge only Allah can.

[convert]

He came over yesterday to get his little brother my father asked him to come inside and eat iftar with us. He ate with us, and watched them pray.

Some of u said be mean to him. how? he's been always nice to me. The only thing i know i can do is lower my gaze and try not to seduce him in anyway to make him think i like him any more than im suppose to.

You are playing with fire.

[Danah]

He came over yesterday to get his little brother my father asked him to come inside and eat iftar with us. He ate with us, and watched them pray.

Some of u said be mean to him. how? he's been always nice to me. The only thing i know i can do is lower my gaze and try not to seduce him in anyway to make him think i like him any more than im suppose to.

I think you MUST tell your father NOW about everything because any disaster happen.....he came to your house and eat with your family, what next? he will try to be very nice with your dad after that visit just to gain the trust of you dad.

sis, be careful....the time is running, and I dont want you to regret it when its too late. tell your father about it and let him talk to the boy!!

May Allah protect you from all evils

You are playing with fire.

That's right!!

[Salahudeen]

You are playing with fire.

3x that

[Al-Zaara]

Some of u said be mean to him. how? he's been always nice to me. The only thing i know i can do is lower my gaze and try not to seduce him in anyway to make him think i like him any more than im suppose to.

Don't be MEAN to him, like being offensive and whatnot. It's NOT the Islamic thing to do, we Muslims are suppoused to have great manners and appreciate kindness and share it too. :skeleton:
He might just be a decent guy, but still, all you can do for now is tell your Mum for example, so she's aware you're not comfortable with him being around because of several reasons and be short in speech with him and be very firm, even though he offers help. Just be brief, polite but cold.

[anonymous]

I just dont need to be the centre of attention at the moment. My focus is ramadan. My father knows that he hlped me a couple of times, he knows that he doesnt have bad intentions. Its kind of weird for me to go up to my dad and discuss this with him, whats to discuss exactly?.. My mom knows that he helped me too, she thought it was nice.

[anonymous]

Don't be MEAN to him, like being offensive and whatnot. It's NOT the Islamic thing to do, we Muslims are suppoused to have great manners and appreciate kindness and share it too. :skeleton:
He might just be a decent guy, but still, all you can do for now is tell your Mum for example, so she's aware you're not comfortable with him being around because of several reasons and be short in speech with him and be very firm, even though he offers help. Just be brief, polite but cold.

I tried to tell my mom but she thinks hes a good person. Ofcourse thats true. I wish I didnt know what I know, everything would be a lot less awkward for me.

I'm cold, Ice.

[cat eyes]

i don't know what your dad was thinking bringing this boy in to the house especially a non muslim or whatever, this is not right anyway for starters weather your dad knows the story or not even i was not born into a muslim family and my dad was not even allowing any boy off the road to come in and not even my brothers friends... like don't mind me saying your dad should know better especially knowing boys mentality.

[Salahudeen]

^ x2

[Chuck]

For dawah invite him to this forum.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

sis i sincerely advise you to stay away from him.

Some of u said be mean to him. how? he's been always nice to me. The only thing i know i can do is lower my gaze and try not to seduce him in anyway to make him think i like him any more than im suppose to.

even if he tries talking to you, just completely ignore him. i mean you cant force someone to talk to you. if you dont want to talk to him, you shouldn't feel obliged to, no matter how nice he is. make it clear to him where you stand, even if it means being being mean :P<---if thats what will work, do it!!! if you don't want help carrying anything, hes got no right insisting. do NOT cave in and just be firm about it so that he knows where you stand cos if you dont, in all honesty, i think you being nice to him may send out the wrong signals to him --->the more he sees you being lenient, the more he will be lead on, which isn't your intention (but that's how he will take it). so the matter is in your hands :)

if your parents aren't going to help you out, you have to take the initiative and help yourself out :) fear Allah as much as you can. this guy sounds like bad news :(stay completely away from him...when he comes over, go to your room and lock your self in :p oh and if you're already wearing the hijaab, maybe you should consider covering your face! surely that would scare him off for good ;D:exhausted

[Ali_008]

You are playing with fire.

:sl:
EXACTLY

:sl:

if your parents aren't going to help you out, you have to take the initiative and help yourself out :) fear Allah as much as you can. this guy sounds like bad news :(stay completely away from him...when he comes over, go to your room and lock your self in :p oh and if you're already wearing the hijaab, maybe you should consider covering your face! surely that would scare him off for good ;D:exhausted

^That's some very nice advice, MashAllah :)

STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH. By his behavior, it is very clear that he wants to be your friend or maybe a "special" friend. Its good that his behavior has been good with you so if you go firm over this you may not be able to take it step-by-step and you don't wanna hurt him either, right? So considering the courtesy you both hold for each other, tell him nicely what you've told us here. Tell him that it can't work, just can't because it is not allowed in Islam and you're a Muslim. Tell him that you can't be his friend because you fear the greater dangers this company could bring to you in the future. You have to lay it down. Make it clear that you really appreciate the things he's done for you so far but you can't be his friend and just walk away. Don't wait for his response because he will try to persuade you and say "I just wanna be friends" et al. And then start covering your face at least around the areas where he bumped into you earlier (your neighborhood). And if there are still any attempts from his side to get in touch with you then tell him that if he wants anything serious (marriage) with you then he'll have to become a Muslim and ask him to get in touch with your dad, firstly, to learn Islam and secondly, ....... :statisfie

Communication is the key.

May Allah guide you and those wandering in darkness.
:w:

[Salahudeen]

:sl:
EXACTLY



^That's some very nice advice, MashAllah :)

STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH. By his behavior, it is very clear that he wants to be your friend or maybe a "special" friend. Its good that his behavior has been good with you so if you go firm over this you may not be able to take it step-by-step and you don't wanna hurt him either, right? So considering the courtesy you both hold for each other, tell him nicely what you've told us here. Tell him that it can't work, just can't because it is not allowed in Islam and you're a Muslim. Tell him that you can't be his friend because you fear the greater dangers this company could bring to you in the future. You have to lay it down. Make it clear that you really appreciate the things he's done for you so far but you can't be his friend and just walk away. Don't wait for his response because he will try to persuade you and say "I just wanna be friends" et al. And then start covering your face at least around the areas where he bumped into you earlier (your neighborhood). And if there are still any attempts from his side to get in touch with you then tell him that if he wants anything serious (marriage) with you then he'll have to become a Muslim and ask him to get in touch with your dad, firstly, to learn Islam and secondly, ....... :statisfie

Communication is the key.

May Allah guide you and those wandering in darkness.
:w:

^ :thumbs_up