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Laila01x
08-23-2009, 05:21 PM
Assalam u alaikum,

I have a huge problem i need to get off my chest. Please dont slate me and i know it was Haraam, i was in a pre-marital relationship for 8 months, with the intention of getting married from day one. I did let my insecurities get in the way and i felt i did push my partner away to a certain extent. He is a practicing muslim and i gained a lot of knowledge from him about Islam. I feel we are good for each other islamically..and when it came to marriage he didnt want to as he felt he was not ready financially and did not want to stay in a 'relationship' as he felt it was unfair on me if he didnt want to get married in the end. He said he will do istikara in Ramazan to ask Allah for guidence and see where it takes us. Two months ago he started bein rude and we stopped talking and now he just ignores me. I dont know what has happened but i found out he is looking for a wife - which really hurts as we have been talking about marriage since day one. I want him to be my husband but now we dont talk. Is there any dua i can make to make my pain go away or for him to come back? I love him sincerly and do feel he is a good partner for me.
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cat eyes
08-23-2009, 06:25 PM
Assalaamualikum

sister can i ask you are you a convert or were you born muslim? i am not here to judge you but obviously i am highly concerned that you did do illegal fornication before marriage with this man for 8months? i think what you need to do is ask forgiveness from Allah every night since its the month of ramadhan. i know you love this man but are you sure he is right for you? i think the two of yous did a huge sin and now you didn't got the blessing from Allah due to all the problems between you two or mabe it could be that he just played you for all this time because now he is looking for another wife as you have stated. since he is no longer talking to you, i would also not bother him and give him time. keep yourself busy with more useful things and trust on Allah. mabe he might not be the right man for you sister. mabe realise that you did a huge mistake and move on.. it could be that you deserve alot better. i have heard of alot of girls on your place and they usaully realised at the end it was the bigest mistake of there life and they are thankful they did not marry a man like this
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Laila01x
08-23-2009, 06:36 PM
I was born a muslim. I know we both did wrong and i know im repenting for it now. I feel that we are good together but i am really confused in why we dont speak now. Yes it has affected me severly at home and at work .. but i have been prayin loads that Allah gives me the strength to move on and asking for forgiveness... we both did not commit zina either. I am trying to move but i do feel that he is the one for me. I do pray that obviously if we are good for each other we can get married - and do it properly without doing anymore Haraam. I am just finding it hard to move on thats all.
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zakirs
08-23-2009, 06:50 PM
:sl:

Sis ,

May be he is trying to avoid you since he realized what he did was a sin ? All the best anyway sis.

May Allah accept your repentance :)
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Laila01x
08-23-2009, 06:57 PM
I dont think that is the case. I know i should let go and move on...but Allah knows best i guess i should pray and whatever happens should happen for the best.
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zakirs
08-23-2009, 07:00 PM
know i should let go and move on...but Allah knows best i guess i should pray and whatever happens should happen for the best.
Some people say the more you want a thing , the more far it goes.Just concentrate on ramadan and your work and may be allah will guide you to the right path.Also take the help of elderly in your house.May be they can help you ?

:sl:
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Rasema
08-23-2009, 07:06 PM
Assalamu Alikum

My dear sister,it's Ramadhan ,focus on your soul.

I don't know how can you like him after he has egnored you like that.

Be straight forwoard with him. I'd say to let him go If it's clear that he doesn't want you anymore. But love is blind and maybe you can't see that, so let him go.

You,after that,do what Allah ordained us in the Qur'an and the Prophet,saws. If you do, then Allah,spw, will open more doors for you.

It's all in the fate.

May Allah inbreath you with patience and endurance.
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GuestFellow
08-23-2009, 07:08 PM
I agree with the sister above.

I think it is best to move on. You will find someone better than him.
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Rebel
08-23-2009, 07:15 PM
He is a practicing muslim
Yeah, obviously...

As far as I know, practicing Muslims don't treat women like dirt. They don't hang onto them till they get bored n then move on to their next victims. They don't stay in relationships for 8 months n then make pathetic excuses not to take it to the next level.

And they certainly don't end a relationship the way this "practicing Muslim" did. Only cowards behave this way.
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Rasema
08-23-2009, 07:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rebel
Yeah, obviously...

As far as I know, practicing Muslims don't treat women like dirt. They don't hang onto them till they get bored n then move on to their next victims. They don't stay in relationships for 8 months n then make pathetic excuses not to take it to the next level.

And they certainly don't end a relationship the way this "practicing Muslim" did. Only cowards behave this way.
Please don't change the topic.
Your responce was so disrespectful and ignorant, that is like saying that all Muslims terrorists.

Ha ha ha at least he didn't empragnant her like many of yours do. Your men just sleep with their wives for a while,once she gives him the first child, they vanish. Maybe the brother didn't want to do the same to her, so he looked for another one he would love.

To teach you a lesson. You must hear the both sides to judge any of the two. Young minds!
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Rebel
08-23-2009, 07:29 PM
That's got to be the funniest post I've ever read :D

I'm a Muslim, my sister. One who's had it up to here with Muslims who claim they are "practicing" yet behave like animals.

I was completely on topic. Was just hoping that she'd realise that this isn't exactly the type of person you'd want to marry.

If he didn't want her, he shouldn't have strung her along for 8 bloody months. "Practicing Muslims" don't behave this way.
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Rasema
08-23-2009, 07:44 PM
My apologies.
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Laila01x
08-23-2009, 07:52 PM
Thank you very much for your responses and many thanks to Rasema.It has put things into perspective. I should focus now and Ramadan.. Allah knows best :)
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Laila01x
08-23-2009, 07:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by zakirs
Some people say the more you want a thing , the more far it goes.

:sl:
Yes u definatley are right there Zakirs
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cat eyes
08-23-2009, 11:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rebel
That's got to be the funniest post I've ever read :D

I'm a Muslim, my sister. One who's had it up to here with Muslims who claim they are "practicing" yet behave like animals.

I was completely on topic. Was just hoping that she'd realise that this isn't exactly the type of person you'd want to marry.

If he didn't want her, he shouldn't have strung her along for 8 bloody months. "Practicing Muslims" don't behave this way.
i agree the man strung her along for sure. its clear to see.. giving somebody false hopes is more evil then having illegal fornication and getting the girl pregnant! at least i know many brothers who stuck by the girl after getting some one pregnant and married the girl after! and these muslims are not cowards like this guy sounds like! this guy dose not sound like a muslim at all! he made her fall in love with him knowing exactly what he was doing! now he will move on to his next victim mabe this time the next girl will not be so lucky and will even contemplate suicide! i hope for your sake sister you will move on and see this guy is not good at all!

ramadhan mubarek sister
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syilla
08-24-2009, 05:46 AM
Just ignore him ukhtee... he is not a man enuff...huhuhu
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- IqRa -
08-24-2009, 08:00 AM
Everyone is jumping down the brother's throat - but have you ever realised that because the Thraed Starter was in a per-marital relationship, the brother probably thought she was not serious, and was just joking about marriage. He probably want's a wife who has not had any pre-marital relationships before. Don't slander the brother, you don't know his side of the story.
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Rebel
08-24-2009, 11:11 AM
Ah, so it's perfectly fine for him to engage in premarital relationships but it isn't for her (because y'know... he's a man, and she's just a woman)? If I'm not mistaken, he was in a premarital relationship too. With the very woman he looks down upon for... wait for it, having a premarital relationship!

It takes two to tango, my sister, and if this isn't hypocrisy, I wonder what is. I always find it funny when players demand their future wives to be pure n chaste n pious n blah blah n expect them not to have had any contact with any man before marriage whatsoever, when they're not exactly saints themselves.

It's just... baffling.

Oh, and usually... if you don't think someone's serious about something, you won't feel the need to come up with excuses.
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- IqRa -
08-24-2009, 11:18 AM
Ah, so it's perfectly fine for him to engage in premarital relationships but it isn't for her (because y'know... he's a man, and she's just a woman)?
Yes, in sad Asian culture, it is.
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Laila01x
08-24-2009, 04:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by T.I.A
Everyone is jumping down the brother's throat - but have you ever realised that because the Thraed Starter was in a per-marital relationship, the brother probably thought she was not serious, and was just joking about marriage. He probably want's a wife who has not had any pre-marital relationships before. Don't slander the brother, you don't know his side of the story.
No for your information I was more serious about marriage than he was. As soon as the pre-marital relationship started I was the intended to tell my parents and do it properly but he was not ready but was always talking about us getting married and being married. So again I asked him few months into it when he had finished his studies and when he got a job that we should tell our parents ... and in response all I got was that I was putting pressure on him. All he has been doin is talking about marriage and how 'in love he is' from day one and giving me the hope it will happen!!

Bottom line is maybe he probably didn't think we were compatible enough - But he was really good to me and i know i made the mistake of being in a pre-marital relationship - but i admit my fault and i am repenting for it and finding it really hard to let go. I don't know hes a coward doesn't explain himself. But I would of preferred him to atleast do Istikahara and seek guidance properly from Allah. But i do make dua that we can marry each other if the marriage will be successful.

You can ask me more about it rather than assuming I wasn't serious! How can u assume he would think that as from the start ive always told him i was serious and had the intention for marriage?! And secondly this 'brother' it wasn't his first pre-martial relationship, before me he has had many pre-marital relationships and I emphasise MANY and has committed zinner not with me but with other pre-marital relationships he has had! And i know ur probably gonna ask so why do you want to be with him so much - because people can change for the better and i do believe he is a nice guy even tho he does not want to marry me .Maybe love is blinding.
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Snowflake
08-24-2009, 04:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rebel
Yeah, obviously...

As far as I know, practicing Muslims don't treat women like dirt. They don't hang onto them till they get bored n then move on to their next victims. They don't stay in relationships for 8 months n then make pathetic excuses not to take it to the next level.

And they certainly don't end a relationship the way this "practicing Muslim" did. Only cowards behave this way.
:bravo:

So true!
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Snowflake
08-24-2009, 04:51 PM
Oh stop defending him people! It doesnt take eight months for a man to wake up and realise he is in a haram relationship or to realise that the sister wasn't right for him.

It's gullibility like this that leads to lots of sisters falling traps in the first place. The man's a loser. Full stop!
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Cabdullahi
08-24-2009, 05:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
Oh stop defending him people! It doesnt take eight months for a man to wake up and realise he is in a haram relationship or to realise that the sister wasn't right for him.

It's gullibility like this that leads to lots of sisters falling traps in the first place. The man's a loser. Full stop!
Yes you are right it doesnt take 8 months to realise but what we shouldnt do is stoop to a low level of calling a person 'loser'

if he has realised what he was doing was wrong and decided to go the halal way then alhamdulilah fair play

but if its what people are saying that he is a person who implements ''use and abuse'' then may allah guide him

just to add this to the discussion that there is another thread from a male's perspective, a brother wanting to marry some would say a crafty woman who loved or still loves another man

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ry-me-not.html
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Laila01x
08-24-2009, 06:14 PM
Hes not looking to do things Halaal - he will still have a pre-marital relationship maybe kept as halaal as possible but there still will be the whole seein each other.
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cat eyes
08-24-2009, 06:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Laila01x
No for your information I was more serious about marriage than he was. As soon as the pre-marital relationship started I was the intended to tell my parents and do it properly but he was not ready but was always talking about us getting married and being married. So again I asked him few months into it when he had finished his studies and when he got a job that we should tell our parents ... and in response all I got was that I was putting pressure on him. All he has been doin is talking about marriage and how 'in love he is' from day one and giving me the hope it will happen!!

Bottom line is maybe he probably didn't think we were compatible enough - But he was really good to me and i know i made the mistake of being in a pre-marital relationship - but i admit my fault and i am repenting for it and finding it really hard to let go. I don't know hes a coward doesn't explain himself. But I would of preferred him to atleast do Istikahara and seek guidance properly from Allah. But i do make dua that we can marry each other if the marriage will be successful.

You can ask me more about it rather than assuming I wasn't serious! How can u assume he would think that as from the start ive always told him i was serious and had the intention for marriage?! And secondly this 'brother' it wasn't his first pre-martial relationship, before me he has had many pre-marital relationships and I emphasise MANY and has committed zinner not with me but with other pre-marital relationships he has had! And i know ur probably gonna ask so why do you want to be with him so much - because people can change for the better and i do believe he is a nice guy even tho he does not want to marry me .Maybe love is blinding.
its says it all.. the guy is a player claiming to be a good muslim! doing time pass with the girls and probably everything he told you was lies, he probably told other girls the same thing as you also! and we always fall into that trap because they are such big sweet talkers. yeah i do believe marriage can change a man but players don't settle down until there 40
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Snowflake
08-24-2009, 06:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abdullahii
Yes you are right it doesnt take 8 months to realise but what we shouldnt do is stoop to a low level of calling a person 'loser'

if he has realised what he was doing was wrong and decided to go the halal way then alhamdulilah fair play

but if its what people are saying that he is a person who implements ''use and abuse'' then may allah guide him

just to add this to the discussion that there is another thread from a male's perspective, a brother wanting to marry some would say a crafty woman who loved or still loves another man

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ry-me-not.html
Sorry, but I don't feel I'm stooping to a low level by calling him a loser. It came fom my heart so I said it. He acted like one hence I can't pretend that's not how I think of him. I did scrutinize and fail to see how any of his actions are just. Bro, you probably don't get to hear how many sisters fall victim to this kind of man. I've heard stories like this so often, I am beginning to recognise the pattern of behavior.
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Salahudeen
08-24-2009, 06:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Laila01x
No for your information I was more serious about marriage than he was. As soon as the pre-marital relationship started I was the intended to tell my parents and do it properly but he was not ready but was always talking about us getting married and being married. So again I asked him few months into it when he had finished his studies and when he got a job that we should tell our parents ... and in response all I got was that I was putting pressure on him. All he has been doin is talking about marriage and how 'in love he is' from day one and giving me the hope it will happen!!

Bottom line is maybe he probably didn't think we were compatible enough - But he was really good to me and i know i made the mistake of being in a pre-marital relationship - but i admit my fault and i am repenting for it and finding it really hard to let go. I don't know hes a coward doesn't explain himself. But I would of preferred him to atleast do Istikahara and seek guidance properly from Allah. But i do make dua that we can marry each other if the marriage will be successful.

You can ask me more about it rather than assuming I wasn't serious! How can u assume he would think that as from the start ive always told him i was serious and had the intention for marriage?! And secondly this 'brother' it wasn't his first pre-martial relationship, before me he has had many pre-marital relationships and I emphasise MANY and has committed zinner not with me but with other pre-marital relationships he has had! And i know ur probably gonna ask so why do you want to be with him so much - because people can change for the better and i do believe he is a nice guy even tho he does not want to marry me .Maybe love is blinding.
whaaat, he's had many pre marital relationships before you and he's committed zina with the women??? +o( sounds like you got played by a player and when you didn't give in to what he wanted "zina" he loss interest and walked away. Yes he was really good to you, but is he good to you now when you've refused to give in to his haraam demands???

Alhamdulilah you didn't commit zina with him be so thankful to Allah for that, your too good for this man if you ask me. Think your self saved from a great evil.

Think about the following hadith,

"If you guarantee me the safety of the two openings I'll guarantee you jannah"

the two openings are mouth and private parts, also how can you want to be with him when you know about all his relationships in the past and the fact he's committed zinna with those ladies. Doesn't that tell you everything you need to know regarding him, he was only after that one thing, once he got it he left those ladies.

This probably would've happened with you also, once he'd committed zina with you he probably would've left you like the other girls before you.

Past trends are alot to go by, he doesn't sound sincere, no sincere man sleeps around with different women.

also consider the following, maybe Allah has prevented you from marrying him on purpose because of the following

{The fornicator "weds" none but a fornicatress or an polytheist and the fornicatress is "wed" by none but a fornicator or an polytheist such a thing has been forbideen to the believers.} An-Noor:3

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
This clearly points to the abhorrent nature of zina, and that is tarnishes the honour of the one who does it in a way that other sins do not.

Allaah tells us that no woman would marry a fornicator but a woman who is also a fornicatress, who is like him, or a mushrik woman who associates others with Allaah and does not believe in the Resurrection or in reward and punishment (in the Hereafter), and who does not adhere to the commands of Allaah.

And similarly, no one would marry a fornicatress except a fornicator or a mushrik. “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” means, it is haraam for them to marry fornicators or fornicatresses.

isn't this man a fornicator??

What the verse means is that if a person wants to marry the man or woman who commits zina and has not repented from that, despite the fact that Allaah has prohibited that, then he is either not adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger, in which case he cannot be anything but a mushrik, or he is adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger but he agrees to this marriage despite knowing that this person has committed zina, in which case this marriage is also zina, and he is an immoral zaani. If he truly believed in Allaah, he would not do that. This clearly indicates that it is haraam to marry a zaaniyah unless she repents, or to marry a zaani unless he repents, because marriage is the strongest type of companionship,

and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Assemble those who did wrong, together with their companions” [al-Saaffaat 37:22]. Allaah has forbidden that because of what it involves of great evil, and lack of protective jealousy, and attribution of children who are not his to the husband, and the zaani failing to keep her chaste because he is distracted elsewhere, any one of which is sufficient reason for the prohibition. End quote.
Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 561).

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
A man committed zina with a virgin and wants to marry her. Is it permissible for him to do that?
They replied:
If the matter is as described, each of them must repent to Allaah and give up this sin, and regret what has happened of immoral actions, and resolve not to do it again, and do a lot of good deeds, in the hope that Allaah will accept their repentance and turn their bad deeds into good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse ___ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful
71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]
If he wants to marry her, then he must wait for one menstrual cycle to establish whether her womb is empty before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to do the marriage contract with her until after she gives birth, in accordance with the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a man to water the crop of another with his own water. End quote.
Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/247).
So repent to Allaah and set your affairs straight, and do a lot of good deeds, and after that it will be permissible for you to get married. We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and to forgive you, by His grace and mercy.
See also question no. 85335. http://islamqa.com/en/ref/85335
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/87894
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Laila01x
08-24-2009, 06:54 PM
Thnak you sisters. I just hope u know what i am going through. It has really helped discussing this here.
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Salahudeen
08-24-2009, 06:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Laila01x
Thnak you sisters. I just hope u know what i am going through. It has really helped discussing this here.

have you read that long post that I done??? key points

Allaah tells us that no woman would marry a fornicator but a woman who is also a fornicatress, who is like him, or a mushrik woman who associates others with Allaah and does not believe in the Resurrection or in reward and punishment (in the Hereafter), and who does not adhere to the commands of Allaah.

And similarly, no one would marry a fornicatress except a fornicator or a mushrik. “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” means, it is haraam for them to marry fornicators or fornicatresses.

isn't this man a fornicator??
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Cabdullahi
08-24-2009, 07:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
Sorry, but I don't feel I'm stooping to a low level by calling him a loser. It came fom my heart so I said it. He acted like one hence I can't pretend that's not how I think of him. I did scrutinize and fail to see how any of his actions are just. Bro, you probably don't get to hear how many sisters fall victim to this kind of man. I've heard stories like this so often, I am beginning to recognise the pattern of behavior.
ok maybe i dont know anything because im not too involved in the muslim community to see the happenings.....i just know two places my home and my university class room

may allah help our brothers specifically (in this fitna infested world) and our sisters also ameen
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Salahudeen
08-24-2009, 07:16 PM
^ameen, may Allah also help all the brothers who go around seeking to entice the believing women into fornication and then only want to marry a pure virgin, to see the error of their ways and make a sincere repentance from seeking/doing this.
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Laila01x
08-24-2009, 08:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by squiggle
^ameen, may Allah also help all the brothers who go around seeking to entice the believing women into fornication and then only want to marry a pure virgin, to see the error of their ways and make a sincere repentance from seeking/doing this.
Thank you brother for your previous quote:)

Sister Khalisah - I hope u read this - i shall pvt message you when i reach 50 posts LOL as i cannot pvt message yet - Sorry i am not ignoring you in anyway :)
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Snowflake
08-24-2009, 08:15 PM
Ameen!


format_quote Originally Posted by Abdullahii
ok maybe i dont know anything because im not too involved in the muslim communitee to see the happenings.....i just know two places my home and my university class room

may allah help our brothers specifically (in this fitna infested world) and our sisters also ameen
MashaAllah! sadly there are worst stories than this. May Allah keep you away from hearing them and such people and guide us all. Ameen to all the duaas.
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Laila01x
08-24-2009, 08:20 PM
Ameen!!
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Salahudeen
08-24-2009, 08:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Laila01x
Thank you brother for your previous quote:)

Sister Khalisah - I hope u read this - i shall pvt message you when i reach 50 posts LOL as i cannot pvt message yet - Sorry i am not ignoring you in anyway :)
Your welcome sister, don't be fooled by men, they'd hate it if a man had a haraam relationship with their blood sister outside of marriage yet they have no problem with doing it to other people's sisters.

If any man asks you to do haraam stuff with him, ask him how he would feel if another man did that with his sister. And to treat you with the same respect.

that 1 always anoys them cos it hits them hard and they start saying stuff like "don't bring my sister into this ok" hypocrites
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Laila01x
08-24-2009, 08:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by squiggle

If any man asks you to do haraam stuff with him, ask him how he would feel if another man did that with his sister. And to treat you with the same respect.
Yes no other man would like a guy doing haraam with their sister. I have done wrong and i am fully repenting for it.. Inshallah the pain goes away and Allah forgives me! Ameen.
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Salahudeen
08-24-2009, 08:34 PM
ameen
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zakirs
08-25-2009, 04:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Laila01x
Yes u definatley are right there Zakirs
Thank you Sis :sl:

Thank you very much for your responses and many thanks to Rasema.It has put things into perspective. I should focus now and Ramadan.. Allah knows best
nice decision and May Allah help you during ramadan to find the right path. :) Ameen
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Thinker
08-25-2009, 05:48 PM
I think the 'practicing Muslim' part is irrelevant, it sounds like he's taken advantage of you and that is wrong whether it's Muslim or not.

Laila – I think you are being too hard on yourself, stop whipping yourself. I don't know what you did for which you now pray for forgiveness but if whatever you did was done in the belief that you were life partners the fact that you had both gone through a ceremony does not detract from the commitment you made to each other and that (IMHO) exonerates you from blame. If he did (whatever it is you did) purely to satisfy his own carnal desires without committing to you, he is to blame and you need to pray for him because if there is a God, he’ll punish him.
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Khalisah
08-25-2009, 07:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Laila01x
Thank you brother for your previous quote:)

Sister Khalisah - I hope u read this - i shall pvt message you when i reach 50 posts LOL as i cannot pvt message yet - Sorry i am not ignoring you in anyway :)
:sl:
Lol, you had better hurry with your posts sis!
JazakAllah for letting me know.
I pray that Allah, protects you any harm sis! And grants you the knowledge of this dunya!
:statisfie
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true believer
08-25-2009, 11:17 PM
i think he used you sister, im sorry but that is what i believe. i think you both used each other for like, physical purposes and for you emotional. i think when he noticed you were serious about marriage, he woke up n reliased that he was never going to marry someone he'd "dated". and preferably opted for a more serious deenwise sister who he never commited finah with. i may be wrong but thats my take on it. i think you shoud move on and next time, keep a man who you want to spend your life with at arms length until your married, and inshalla you'll finally find a man who respects you. but you have to respect yourself n not be so naive and gulliable. i think you know you give more then your given. i guess now you know to think twice. any unhalal relationship is doomed from the start so i dont know what you expected. salams
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Thinker
08-26-2009, 09:59 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by true believer
someone he'd "dated". and preferably opted for a more serious deenwise sister who he never commited finah with.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone
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Laila01x
08-26-2009, 10:35 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by true believer
i think he used you sister, im sorry but that is what i believe. i think you both used each other for like, physical purposes and for you emotional. i think when he noticed you were serious about marriage, he woke up n reliased that he was never going to marry someone he'd "dated". and preferably opted for a more serious deenwise sister who he never commited finah with. i may be wrong but thats my take on it. i think you shoud move on and next time, keep a man who you want to spend your life with at arms length until your married, and inshalla you'll finally find a man who respects you. but you have to respect yourself n not be so naive and gulliable. i think you know you give more then your given. i guess now you know to think twice. any unhalal relationship is doomed from the start so i dont know what you expected. salams
I do believe deep down that he didnt 'use me' for any phsyical / emotional purpose because there was no physical aspect to the relationship. yes it was a pre-marital relationship which is strictly haraam..but i think he realised when it came down to marriage that i was not the one for him as we ended up arguin a lot towards the end of it. This however does not make it any easier obviosuly to move on.:cry:

JazakAllah
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- IqRa -
08-26-2009, 10:37 AM
Time is a healer sister.
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Laila01x
08-26-2009, 10:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by T.I.A
Time is a healer sister.
Thank you - I know it is :)
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Laila01x
08-26-2009, 10:45 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Khalisah
:sl:
Lol, you had better hurry with your posts sis!
JazakAllah for letting me know.
I pray that Allah, protects you any harm sis! And grants you the knowledge of this dunya!
:statisfie
LOL im gettin there slowly but surely :)

W Salaam
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AnonymousPoster
08-26-2009, 10:53 AM
:sl:

i've been through something similar.. the only difference is that the guy was not a jerk but he had to call it off because he realised it was haram.. it took a long time but i got over it eventually and inshaallah you will too!
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Muslim Woman
08-26-2009, 11:21 AM
:wa:

format_quote Originally Posted by Laila01x
Assalam u alaikum,

... He is a practicing muslim ?
then how come he was involved in a major sin for several months ?? If you really repented for you sin , InshaAllah you are forgiven already but what about him ? Is he repented ? If yes , that's good for him , if not , then no practising Muslimah should marry him .

&&

Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him said : Do not accuse people of sins, because you do not know if they have already repented and God has already forgiven them.
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Laila01x
08-26-2009, 11:46 AM
Allah Knows best and maybe whatever has happened has happened for the best :)
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