format_quote Originally Posted by
Laila01x
No for your information I was more serious about marriage than he was. As soon as the pre-marital relationship started I was the intended to tell my parents and do it properly but he was not ready but was always talking about us getting married and being married. So again I asked him few months into it when he had finished his studies and when he got a job that we should tell our parents ... and in response all I got was that I was putting pressure on him. All he has been doin is talking about marriage and how 'in love he is' from day one and giving me the hope it will happen!!
Bottom line is maybe he probably didn't think we were compatible enough - But he was really good to me and i know i made the mistake of being in a pre-marital relationship - but i admit my fault and i am repenting for it and finding it really hard to let go. I don't know hes a coward doesn't explain himself. But I would of preferred him to atleast do Istikahara and seek guidance properly from Allah. But i do make dua that we can marry each other if the marriage will be successful.
You can ask me more about it rather than assuming I wasn't serious! How can u assume he would think that as from the start ive always told him i was serious and had the intention for marriage?! And secondly this 'brother' it wasn't his first pre-martial relationship, before me he has had many pre-marital relationships and I emphasise MANY and has committed zinner not with me but with other pre-marital relationships he has had! And i know ur probably gonna ask so why do you want to be with him so much - because people can change for the better and i do believe he is a nice guy even tho he does not want to marry me .Maybe love is blinding.
whaaat, he's had many pre marital relationships before you and he's committed zina with the women??? +o( sounds like you got played by a player and when you didn't give in to what he wanted "zina" he loss interest and walked away. Yes he was really good to you, but is he good to you now when you've refused to give in to his haraam demands???
Alhamdulilah you didn't commit zina with him be so thankful to Allah for that, your too good for this man if you ask me. Think your self saved from a great evil.
Think about the following hadith,
"If you guarantee me the safety of the two openings I'll guarantee you jannah"
the two openings are mouth and private parts, also how can you want to be with him when you know about all his relationships in the past and the fact he's committed zinna with those ladies. Doesn't that tell you everything you need to know regarding him, he was only after that one thing, once he got it he left those ladies.
This probably would've happened with you also, once he'd committed zina with you he probably would've left you like the other girls before you.
Past trends are alot to go by, he doesn't sound sincere, no sincere man sleeps around with different women.
also consider the following, maybe Allah has prevented you from marrying him on purpose because of the following
{The fornicator "weds" none but a fornicatress or an polytheist and the fornicatress is "wed" by none but a fornicator or an polytheist such a thing has been forbideen to the believers.} An-Noor:3
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
This clearly points to the abhorrent nature of zina, and that is tarnishes the honour of the one who does it in a way that other sins do not.
Allaah tells us that no woman would marry a fornicator but a woman who is also a fornicatress, who is like him, or a mushrik woman who associates others with Allaah and does not believe in the Resurrection or in reward and punishment (in the Hereafter), and who does not adhere to the commands of Allaah.
And similarly, no one would marry a fornicatress except a fornicator or a mushrik. “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” means, it is haraam for them to marry fornicators or fornicatresses.
isn't this man a fornicator??
What the verse means is that if a person wants to marry the man or woman who commits zina and has not repented from that, despite the fact that Allaah has prohibited that, then he is either not adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger, in which case he cannot be anything but a mushrik, or he is adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger but he agrees to this marriage despite knowing that this person has committed zina, in which case this marriage is also zina, and he is an immoral zaani. If he truly believed in Allaah, he would not do that. This clearly indicates that it is haraam to marry a zaaniyah unless she repents, or to marry a zaani unless he repents, because marriage is the strongest type of companionship,
and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Assemble those who did wrong, together with their companions” [al-Saaffaat 37:22]. Allaah has forbidden that because of what it involves of great evil, and lack of protective jealousy, and attribution of children who are not his to the husband, and the zaani failing to keep her chaste because he is distracted elsewhere, any one of which is sufficient reason for the prohibition. End quote.
Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 561).
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
A man committed zina with a virgin and wants to marry her. Is it permissible for him to do that?
They replied:
If the matter is as described, each of them must repent to Allaah and give up this sin, and regret what has happened of immoral actions, and resolve not to do it again, and do a lot of good deeds, in the hope that Allaah will accept their repentance and turn their bad deeds into good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse ___ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful
71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]
If he wants to marry her, then he must wait for one menstrual cycle to establish whether her womb is empty before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to do the marriage contract with her until after she gives birth, in accordance with the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a man to water the crop of another with his own water. End quote.
Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/247).
So repent to Allaah and set your affairs straight, and do a lot of good deeds, and after that it will be permissible for you to get married. We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and to forgive you, by His grace and mercy.
See also question no. 85335.
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/85335
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/87894