:( will I go to hell?

[anonymous]

:sl:

I dont think that I have ever felt this worse, thus I came here to seek advice, maybe some help. I consider myself someone who truly understands the value of my parents. I have always respected them, given them their right, lowered that wing of mercy that ALlah speaks of in the Quraan, never have I uttered a harsh word to either of them. I love both of them alot but my mother and me had a fight today about the way I dress, which resulted into my mother saying 'you will go to hell'. I dont know what got my mother that much in rage that she thinks she can destine me to hell?. I will briefly describe the way I dress,I usually wear knee'length dress'es with jeans, or pants, linen, I keep it loose.

I don't understand why my mother is being so judgemental & even going so far to declare me as a future hell resident. My mother usually gets touchy when me & her go out together. She shows me all the love in the world, but as soon as it comes to stepping out that door all hell breaks loose. I am a Muslim, I know that I am not perfect but I am trying,.imsad

I dont want to be someone I am not, I am NOT a niqaabie, nor am I a jilbabie, maybe one day when my Imaan flourishes I will wear clothes according to my Imaan until then I am not going to put on a show for our next neighbours or people i dont even know just because so & so's daughter wears a nIqaab or Abayah! Why must I please people, this is who I am! I am obviously not ready to wear such clothes for Allahs sake, why must I wear it for people?!

Must I become a munafiq? a pretender? I am in a lot of pain, my own mother has said such things to me. How is that suppose to help me? Isn't it enough for her that I am a good daughter other'wise? I try to do so much for her, even put body lotion on her every time she comes out the shower, massage her feet. Kiss her every day! I try to do everything she asks me, everything and even beyond. When she tells me no I accept it without questioning her. I am not saying that I can ever repay my mother, but I try as hard as I can. I know shes right.:cry: I am heading towards that path, where is the patience? Why can't she wait for me to develop, slowly inshaAllah I will get there, I know I will but for now this is who I am.

Please advice me...imsad
jazaks

[IslamicRevival]

Salaam. Some times people say things which they do not mean in the heat of the moment.

I too and i'm sure many other people have regrettably argued with their parents and the next day everything turned out fine and all is forgiven

You can do the most horrible thing to your mother yet she will always come back and forgive

Sister do not worry, Its a good thing you feel sad as it shows you have a heart. If your mother says you need to dress in such a such way...then its best to act upon it for your mother knows whats best for you.

I will leave you with Hadith:

O Messenger of Allah Almighty , who among the people is the most worthy of my good company? The Holy Prophet said, Your mother. The man said then who else: The Holy Prophet said, Your mother. The man asked, Then who else? Only then did the Holy Prophet say, Your father. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

A man came to the Holy Prophet and asked him for permission to join a military expedition. The Holy Prophet asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet." (Musnad Ahmad)

Allah SWT Knows Best

[alcurad]

only Allah decides who goes where in the hereafter sister, so don't over think it.

good relations are good, but people are not angels, so you have to act accordingly. I mean to say not every situation we're in fits our ideals, hence the need for compromise-discussion etc.

be calm and collected, and explain your points with strong arguments first, and as already mentioned it is ordained that both men and women dress modestly and so on. rushing it means you'll leave it after a while, that doesn't mean wait until it mysteriously happens though.
also, there is some dispute as to what hijaab means, for example is the face included or not etc.

[Hayaa]

:sl: sis,

As the bro stated, anger can cause people to say things that they wouldn't normally say. I'm sure she was just trying to let you know that it's better for you to dress a certain way, but out of worry/anger, she just phrased it differently. Try talking to her when you're on good terms with each other. Tell her why you feel uncomfortable to make this commitment suddenly, and that you need to take this one step at a time (you could start by wearing the jilbab to the masjid/islamic gatherings etc to get used to it, and take it from there). She obviously wishes the best for you, despite of her comment/s. Put in some effort from your side and inshaAllah, Allah (swt) will assist you and make this seemingly difficult step surprisingly easy!

:)

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[cat eyes]

:sl:

I dont think that I have ever felt this worse, thus I came here to seek advice, maybe some help. I consider myself someone who truly understands the value of my parents. I have always respected them, given them their right, lowered that wing of mercy that ALlah speaks of in the Quraan, never have I uttered a harsh word to either of them. I love both of them alot but my mother and me had a fight today about the way I dress, which resulted into my mother saying 'you will go to hell'. I dont know what got my mother that much in rage that she thinks she can destine me to hell?. I will briefly describe the way I dress,I usually wear knee'length dress'es with jeans, or pants, linen, I keep it loose.

I don't understand why my mother is being so judgemental & even going so far to declare me as a future hell resident. My mother usually gets touchy when me & her go out together. She shows me all the love in the world, but as soon as it comes to stepping out that door all hell breaks loose. I am a Muslim, I know that I am not perfect but I am trying,.imsad

I dont want to be someone I am not, I am NOT a niqaabie, nor am I a jilbabie, maybe one day when my Imaan flourishes I will wear clothes according to my Imaan until then I am not going to put on a show for our next neighbours or people i dont even know just because so & so's daughter wears a nIqaab or Abayah! Why must I please people, this is who I am! I am obviously not ready to wear such clothes for Allahs sake, why must I wear it for people?!

Must I become a munafiq? a pretender? I am in a lot of pain, my own mother has said such things to me. How is that suppose to help me? Isn't it enough for her that I am a good daughter other'wise? I try to do so much for her, even put body lotion on her every time she comes out the shower, massage her feet. Kiss her every day! I try to do everything she asks me, everything and even beyond. When she tells me no I accept it without questioning her. I am not saying that I can ever repay my mother, but I try as hard as I can. I know shes right.:cry: I am heading towards that path, where is the patience? Why can't she wait for me to develop, slowly inshaAllah I will get there, I know I will but for now this is who I am.

Please advice me...imsad
jazaks

the reason for your mum getting angry is because she must have told you many times before also so this time it went to the extreme of telling you will go to hell. obviously nobody and not even your mother cannot make that judgement sister. it might have been a sin for her to say that about her own child as Allah swt takes these things very seriously when somebody takes that right away from Allah to judge a human. we will all have to speak for ourselves on judgement day.

a mother will not care about her children on that day. we will have to answer our own questions in the grave. i am not going to comment on your mothers parenting but all i know is its not your fault if you feel this way and have been feeling this for most of your life. it all comes down to how you are raised at the end of the day. anger is not going to help you with your deen.

i would just like to mention another issue with you about that also. you said that you are not ready yet. everybody always says this and i will tell you now sister Allah don't care weather a person is ready or not. thats just the same thing as saying no i won't pray now, i will leave it until tomorrow! what if there is no tomorrow sister?? what if you never got the chance to change? mabe thats why your mother is coming down hard on you now.

sister every muslim has to fulfil there obligations weather you like it or weather you don't like it! when we die, we cannot come back to this world! we like to think that we will live for a long! what makes you so sure? fear dead sis! fear Allah and know you are doing a sin and displeasing him and making your mother to argue with you:heated:

[AnonymousPoster]

The worst thing of all this is that my mom is acting like she didnt say that. Its not like her to make such comments at me, I couldnt believe it when i heard her say it. I dont know if i want to confront her about it, or ask her why she said that. Its probably because of the pressure she gets from some women in our community who know not better but to gossip for a living.

[AnonymousPoster]

i would just like to mention another issue with you about that also. you said that you are not ready yet. everybody always says this and i will tell you now sister Allah don't care weather a person is ready or not. thats just the same thing as saying no i won't pray now, i will leave it until tomorrow! what if there is no tomorrow sister?? what if you never got the chance to change? mabe thats why your mother is coming down hard on you now.

sister every muslim has to fulfil there obligations weather you like it or weather you don't like it! when we die, we cannot come back to this world! we like to think that we will live for a long! what makes you so sure? fear dead sis! fear Allah and know you are doing a sin and displeasing him and making your mother to argue with you:heated:

I do pray hamdulilah.

thats the thing i dont believe that im dressed immodestly. Who says just because a woman is dressed under a cloak that she has a good heart or that she truly fears ALlah? Don't they sin ever? Lie, cheat, backbite? Allah knows best?

I do actually want to better myself, but how? Step by step!

[Sari]

She said it in the heat of the moment because she fears for you, because she loves you. She seems to have forgotten all about it herself, move on from it and try to learn from it so that you both communicate better next time. Loved ones need to let off steam to eachother sometimes, the next day it usually means nothing.

Cat Eyes - I love your sig

[The Ruler]

Why don't you wear it? Not because you want to twirl in your nice, long, black frock, but because by wearing it, your mum's happy.

Obeying your mother is not going to bring you any harm. When you wear it, your intention is not to please your next door neighbor. Or the bearded man two flats away... But rather, your mother. Your mother who wants you to dress that way. Is it that difficult? Gradually, you might even come wear it for the right reasons.

[cat eyes]

I do pray hamdulilah.

thats the thing i dont believe that im dressed immodestly. Who says just because a woman is dressed under a cloak that she has a good heart or that she truly fears ALlah? Don't they sin ever? Lie, cheat, backbite? Allah knows best?

I do actually want to better myself, but how? Step by step!

sister i do not know whats inside the heart of other young sister's who wear the niqaab and the long cloak. only Allah knows. 2 me these women are good examples for those young reverts! when i see a sister who is fully covered you should always say mashallaah Allah should increase her in imaan and make her heart more pure and you should never hold a suspicious thought in your mind about your sisters.. you cannot know only Allah. weather these women backbite of cheat or lie. sister it dosen mean to say that just because a girl is covered that she is an angel! nobody is perfect and everybody sins. Allah loves those who repent. sister what you need to understand also that this is causing conflict between you and your mother.. she is afraid for you. you know there is alot of bad people out there and they could mess with you or harm you because of how you are dressed. you might attract unwanted attention and no girl wants that. if not do it for yourself then do it for other revert sisters that when they see you so you are a big influence for them

[cat eyes]

She said it in the heat of the moment because she fears for you, because she loves you. She seems to have forgotten all about it herself, move on from it and try to learn from it so that you both communicate better next time. Loved ones need to let off steam to eachother sometimes, the next day it usually means nothing.

Cat Eyes - I love your sig

thank you sari:statisfie

[transition?]

Aww Sister. :hug:
:sl:
This is how I try to approach hijab....
Forget what people say...blah. Unless you benefit from it, leave compliments and criticisms of the others.
Despite what people say or do, what your mothers says, what does Allah (swt) say in the Quran?
We do not obey anyone first but our Lord.
He has ordained that Muslimah cover themselves.
Unpreparedness is not an excuse to a certain extent. Death can come at any time
Youre going to be asked about hijab on the Day of Judgement? are you doing something to slowly prepare yourself for hijab?...

I'm struggling too. except in the opposite situation. My mom is too afraid for me to let me wear it.
You have no idea how blessed you are to have parents who are concerned not just about your health, food in your tummy, comfort in a house, but your faith.

[Snowflake]

Aha! Awesome reply mashaAllah sis Transition. :)

Despite what people say or do, what your mothers says, what does Allah (swt) say in the Quran?
We do not obey anyone first but our Lord.

If these two sentences are contemplated upon. Nothing else that has been said is more beneficial. Do it for the sake of Allah sis. Your mother loves you no matter what she says. But we have nothing until Allah loves us. Do it for Him. :)

[IbnAbdulHakim]

if u love your mum so much listen to her.


not being able to dress islamically is usually a case of low imaan or bad influence.


try to address those inshAllaah

[cat eyes]

if u love your mum so much listen to her.


not being able to dress islamically is usually a case of low imaan or bad influence.


try to address those inshAllaah

exactly this post makes more sense to me... its your inner faith you have to work on sis.

[Alphadude]

this is for your own good u may not know it know but u will when u get into her age and have your own kids you will see what she ment and do what ever she says she is your mom and she knows better and seen the world.
Rasulullah S.A.W. said, 'Jannat lies under the feet of your mother

[anonymous]

I wore it couple of times for my mother, but i cant keep this act up for long...

i will be ready one day but its not now.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

why dont u wanna wear hijaab?

what kind of company do you keep?

how does your day to day life go?

how many of your activities comply with islaam?



you dont need to answer me, just think about this

[cat eyes]

I wore it couple of times for my mother, but i cant keep this act up for long...

i will be ready one day but its not now.

sister this is scary what you just mentioned.. cant keep this act up for long?:hmm: i really think you need to work on your deen... learn and seek as much knowledge as you can and hang out with the right kind of people who do not dress like kafir. Allah should protect me and all the young brothers and sisters from ignorance. Ameen. sister you are walking on dangerous ground and shaytaan wants to drag us all down dont you see that, Allah dose not see whether a person is young or old. we were given a brain to use and we were all put on this earth to worship Allah and obey but you are going down a rebellious path.

[tetsujin]

I can't be of much comfort. Your parents will love you simply because you are their child and when they have certain expectations they will follow a very common course to try to make you do what they think is best. This is normal.

I'm not saying you should ignore your parents, and I'm not saying that you should obey every command. However, you must realise that not meeting expectations will be a source of pain and discomfort. How long that lasts depends on you, your parents, and your relationship with them.

Think about where you want to go with your life, who you want to be, and talk to them.

I know it's difficult. Keep in mind that they are who they are after 30-40-50-60 years of experiences in a world which was different. You may not agree with each other but you can try to understand.


All the best,

Faysal

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

... When you wear it, your intention is not to please your next door neighbor. Or the bearded man two flats away... But rather, your mother.

The important point here is our ultimate goal is to please Allah. So , we must not wear anything that can please mom but not Allah.

To the OP : as already suggested , mom did not mean it . She loves u , she cares for u . Don't be upset what she told u in anger . Try to help her in kitchen and in household works , pray for her , make her happy. InshaAllah u will get many rewards in this world and hereafter :statisfie

[DigitalStorm82]

:sl:

maybe one day when my Imaan flourishes

What guarantees you tomorrow?