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humbleheart
09-10-2009, 07:52 AM
Assalam alakum
InshaAllah you all are able to comment.
What do you women and men think about having a husband(as for the woman) and share marriage with another woman;or for the men , how is the idea having more than one wife?
of course we will discuss islamically way , see it as like the marriages of our Prophet sallalahou alayhi wassalam.
Im 20 years old, and consider polygamy because, I love a person who already has a wife ,if Allah grants me this wish , so we both (he and me) look to get married.
Seeing good answers inshaAllah.
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جوري
09-10-2009, 08:34 AM
so long as you and his wife are really in total agreement, then I don't see why the views of anyone else should matter?
It is an allowance not an injunction.. since it works for some and doesn't work for others..

I personally would rather be alone than share a husband, the thought of someone I love being with another woman would be upsetting.. and I think if my husband loves another woman then by all means he should be with her I wouldn't stand in their way, but there would be no need for me as a third person in that picture.. And I am self sufficient as a person not to rely on a husband for support.. in other words if I am married for emotional support not financial or physical support, and the man I am with is in love with another, then in all fairness I would extricate myself out of that situation rather than try to fix it.. ...

:w:
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aamirsaab
09-10-2009, 10:01 AM
:sl:
Women are expensive.
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Sampharo
09-10-2009, 10:59 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by aamirsaab
:sl:
Women are expensive.
^ ;D ;D ;D

Well my wife has already made it very clear that if I think of another wife I will wake up and will be missing major parts of my anatomy. :) Didn't want to tell her it is not allowed for the woman to deny God's allowances even in this because of two reasons:
(1) We were joking anyway and I didn't want this to be the response: "Are you serious? Are you telling me this because you're considering marrying someone else actually?!" Noooo I wasn't going there.
(2) She has a really big knife! :phew

Islamically speaking marrying more than one is an allowance, it has conditions of fairness that needs to be applied and the Quran and God tells us that we won't be fair, so it's best not to unless there is a reason, like children for example. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 mile pole anyway because frankly I am too much in love with my one wife to ever think I would be with another woman romantically and mentally in a similar way.

Also because the costs of holding up one household are high enough! ;D
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Snowflake
09-10-2009, 01:04 PM
lol@akhi Sampharo

Polygamy is a beautiful sunnah and if my imaginary husband wanted to marry another woman, I'd make sure she's a good one and even better a woman who genuinely needs support.

I'm 100% sure. But one day I was thinking how I'd really, really, really feel about it deep down if I loved him like crazy - as it's always easier said than done. I think there'd be the normal fears like would he forget me if he got another wife(s) etc? But my confidence outweighs the fears by miles. Anyhow, before I could actually dissect my feelings just for the sake of it, a thought popped up in my head saying I might as well get used to it as he will have more than one wife in Jannah anyway. :giggling:

Sisters, you can run but you can't hide. It's going to happen one way or another anyway! Make a sister happy. Enjoin polygamy! Lol ;D
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S_87
09-10-2009, 01:14 PM
if it was a case of him doing it behind my back and then telling me after (and this does happen) id hate him.

otherwise, its not opposed to it, it depends on how its done :)

so long as the guy can be fair to both you and his other wife then...and also, dont make her your enemy. you dont have to be best friends with her, but to have you both in some kind of mutual understanding will make both your lives easier inshaAllah. speak to her before you marry this guy and hear her out, does she mind? is she going to leave him if he marries again etc?
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humbleheart
09-10-2009, 04:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
I personally would rather be alone than share a husband, the thought of someone I love being with another woman would be upsetting..
:w:
At the beginning I was also really really upset when hearing that he got married; but the chance of marrying hie wife was better than me,because i had many disturbing things on my way, like my studies, age etc ( 4 years ago)
I was like in trance, i couldnt concentrate on anything , because what i was thinking all day was about him.
So he told me that he still wishes to be with me, too
and started to ask me the question if i want to marry him as his second wife.
I firstly said " nooo way" and told him also that this would destroy womans psyche...
But at the end i felt that actually NOT being with him would detroy my psyche.
I dont know if you all know, my dear brothers and sisters how much i evaluate this person in my heart...more than any other person living in this earth.
So i read alot about polygamy and get myself used to inform and to make myself ready to this life, and so as like I see and read it is not much different than the single-couple-life, except that he will also have sexual contact and has also to care for his other wife than just for me.
But i dont think that those things matter that much; I love him from what he is in his heart, which is so pure, and he wants tointimate our Prophet al salatu wa salam in all his deeds and behaviour towards us both women insha Allah, he wouldnt prefer someone more than the other and looks for to treat us both equal.
That is his aim and actually i am convinced that he can do that, because he is a wise man, and Allah knows best.
So we three would strive to work for al akhira seeing this world just as a passage and go through it with the blessing of Allah.
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humbleheart
09-10-2009, 04:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
if it was a case of him doing it behind my back and then telling me after (and this does happen) id hate him.

otherwise, its not opposed to it, it depends on how its done :)

so long as the guy can be fair to both you and his other wife then...and also, dont make her your enemy. you dont have to be best friends with her, but to have you both in some kind of mutual understanding will make both your lives easier inshaAllah. speak to her before you marry this guy and hear her out, does she mind? is she going to leave him if he marries again etc?
Yes i also strive to get along with her first wife as good as i can, even if we both will have a certain age difference, I want to be with her like she is my bigger sister and insha Allah will Allah help me to make myself comfortable to her and that she likes me.
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humbleheart
09-10-2009, 04:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sampharo
^ ;D ;D ;D

Well my wife has already made it very clear that if I think of another wife I will wake up and will be missing major parts of my anatomy. :)
I am just feared that she will think like this, too and will divorce when she heard her husand wants to marry another girl.
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humbleheart
09-10-2009, 04:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
if I am married for emotional support not financial or physical support, and the man I am with is in love with another, then in all fairness I would extricate myself out of that situation rather than try to fix it.. ...

:w:
No i dont think he wants to marry me because of this, I have good education, but still i dont work and i might want to study after finishing A-level insha Allah , that means i wouldnt be much supportive in financial issues, but i will make myself completey independent insha Allah that he doesnt need to care for my financial needs, the only thing i want from him is to love me, to love me much, not lesser than his other wife...
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cat eyes
09-10-2009, 05:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by humbleheart
Assalam alakum
InshaAllah you all are able to comment.
What do you women and men think about having a husband(as for the woman) and share marriage with another woman;or for the men , how is the idea having more than one wife?
of course we will discuss islamically way , see it as like the marriages of our Prophet sallalahou alayhi wassalam.
Im 20 years old, and consider polygamy because, I love a person who already has a wife ,if Allah grants me this wish , so we both (he and me) look to get married.
Seeing good answers inshaAllah.
salaam sister

is he good with his deen? did he meet you with a mahram before? mean did he do all the right things according to the sunnah? as far as i know its not stated anywhere that he has to ask permission from his first wife but he has to let his wife know he is seeking for another wife, did he do this before he found you? if he did everything on his wifes back and fell in love with you then its wrong..
if he is good like you say he is and you are confident he can do justice between the two of you. i just notice that your 20years old. you are still young and you will get other offers from other young good single men so just keep that in mind sister. keep your options open and be sure you know what your doing. if you love him and you sure he loves you then go through with the marriage but just be sure he is the right man for you.. id honestly prefer you get to know him first before making this big step.
I Honestly don't know if id be able to go through with something as big as this. i don't know how i would handle him sleeping with another woman and enjoying with her and then enjoying me afterwards.. it would be pretty tough.:D
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cat eyes
09-10-2009, 05:15 PM
the other side to it is the financial side. what about when the two of yous start having kids? marriage is not all roses all the time and spending time in the bedroom. imagine when the years go by, you have kids for him, he is in tension, he has to care for a big family. in anger he might say to either one of you, i don't know why i took you on as a second wife. it was just lust. now you are in a miserable position. your love turns to hate..
im probably thinking to far ahead but this is what Allah means by justice. he cannot divorce either one of you when the going gets tough because Allah will punish him so sister don't think that financial part of it is not a big thing, it really is! this is a test to see how greedy a man actually is when it comes to women
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humbleheart
09-10-2009, 07:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by cat eyes
salaam sister
if he is good like you say he is and you are confident he can do justice between the two of you. i just notice that your 20years old. you are still young and you will get other offers from other young good single men so just keep that in mind sister. keep your options open and be sure you know what your doing. if you love him and you sure he loves you then go through with the marriage but just be sure he is the right man for you.. id honestly prefer you get to know him first before making this big step.
I Honestly don't know if id be able to go through with something as big as this. i don't know how i would handle him sleeping with another woman and enjoying with her and then enjoying me afterwards.. it would be pretty tough.:D
Alhamdoullilah he is a very very pious man Masha Allah, and i really have confidence in him, i know him since 4 years , we used to say that the time Allaah gives us the chance to get married we will do so, but time passed by so quick and he needed to marry so he got introduced to another woman and she was also seeking a muslim who was steadfast in his deen, but this woman was able right away to afford marriage so they got married, but we both still have feelings to each other, and i believe him, when he described and often tells how pious his wife is and that we would like each other if she agreed to his second marriage.

I know that i am relatively young, and Allah knows best what other offers i will get; but i dont want any other offer, even the most intelligent or most good-looking or richest or any other famous attributes on other men do not attract me like him,it is also because i myself am a hater of people who are objective, who seek material gaining,or who want to boast with their husband.
I love him from my heart and for his heart, that is for what i am yearning so much, to someone who can beat the arrogance and ignorance of this world and is so pure in his heart, i just cant describe its beauty Masha Allahu Kaan
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S_87
09-10-2009, 07:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by humbleheart
Alhamdoullilah he is a very very pious man Masha Allah, and i really have confidence in him, i know him since 4 years , we used to say that the time Allaah gives us the chance to get married we will do so, but time passed by so quick and he needed to marry so he got introduced to another woman and she was also seeking a muslim who was steadfast in his deen, but this woman was able right away to afford marriage so they got married, but we both still have feelings to each other, and i believe him, when he described and often tells how pious his wife is and that we would like each other if she agreed to his second marriage.
SHE was able to afford marriage financially???
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humbleheart
09-10-2009, 07:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
SHE was able to afford marriage financially???
Yes she was more than him
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Al-Zaara
09-10-2009, 08:48 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by humbleheart
Yes i also strive to get along with her first wife as good as i can, even if we both will have a certain age difference, I want to be with her like she is my bigger sister and insha Allah will Allah help me to make myself comfortable to her and that she likes me.
I wouldn't go thinking to form that deep of a relationship, 'cause you'd be sleeping with one and the same man. (!!) It's good enough if she's not mean to you.

He should ask his wife first and if you two have any contact right now, better stop that. If she agrees, great for you. If not, he will be the one to decide either with her or with you. Don't keep contact during that time, he is married and is unlawful to you, it would be pretty much cheating. You cannot go speaking about eachothers' feelings like before he was married.
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cat eyes
09-10-2009, 08:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by humbleheart
Alhamdoullilah he is a very very pious man Masha Allah, and i really have confidence in him, i know him since 4 years , we used to say that the time Allaah gives us the chance to get married we will do so, but time passed by so quick and he needed to marry so he got introduced to another woman and she was also seeking a muslim who was steadfast in his deen, but this woman was able right away to afford marriage so they got married, but we both still have feelings to each other, and i believe him, when he described and often tells how pious his wife is and that we would like each other if she agreed to his second marriage.

I know that i am relatively young, and Allah knows best what other offers i will get; but i dont want any other offer, even the most intelligent or most good-looking or richest or any other famous attributes on other men do not attract me like him,it is also because i myself am a hater of people who are objective, who seek material gaining,or who want to boast with their husband.
I love him from my heart and for his heart, that is for what i am yearning so much, to someone who can beat the arrogance and ignorance of this world and is so pure in his heart, i just cant describe its beauty Masha Allahu Kaan
there is other men out there who are good with there deen.. they are everywhere sister.just don't rush into anything, you see when we are young we tend to run after every shining thing that we see. we get attached thats all i am saying. of course famous attributes dose not matter and no pious religious person wants to seek material gain but surely every girl wants that her husband should have a fairly good paying job to support the two of you innit?:><: and when the two of yous get pregnant.:-\ i mean the two of yous can work but when yous will be full time mothers, that will not be possible.
I am only about a year older then you but i have seen sisters making mistakes because they did not perform the istikhara prayer and having patience.. i believe you should do this prayer first sister and thats my final advice to you. however if you did do this prayer and Allah gave you answer that you should go through with the marriage then you should inshallaah.
But this prayer is really important for guidance you know especially when your young and naive
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jannat
09-10-2009, 10:08 PM
salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak:D
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.
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Aisha20
09-10-2009, 10:33 PM
Well if the man has a good financial situation that can maintain two at the same times then its ok for him. But he should talk with his first wife first and ask her what she thinks about it :S
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Humbler_359
09-10-2009, 11:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by jannat
salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak:D
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.
^ I agreed same thing. I still don't get it. It looks like this girl (20 years old) who know this guy four years (she was 16 year old) while his first wife didn't probably know. This girl refused to open other options because she already developed relationship deeply with this married man.

I have to be honest, why not wife may have a second husband just in case? I know, it is not allowed in Islam but only husband allow up to 4 wives > (well, this world is different).

I give you example of this Lucky Man who married Twin Sisters ;D, click here He is lucky now.... Just wait when they both start demanding and ofcourse the nagging. Then he wouldn't feel so lucky, lol. Obviously lust.
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Rasema
09-10-2009, 11:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by jannat
salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak:D
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.
"Islam did not autlaw polygamy,but regalated and restricted it. It is neither required nor encouraged only permitted. Read (Edward Westernmark) In the history of human marrage.Because dozens of Muslims were martyred leaving behing widows and orphans."If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justify with the orphans,marry a woman of your choice,two or three or four: BUT IF YOU FEAR THAT YOU SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO DEAL JUSTLY WITH THEM WITH THEM , THEN MARRY ONLY ONE.

Polgamy was conceived by the Qur'an, was to be practiced for the BENEFIT OF WOMAN AND CHILDREN, AND NOT AS A MEANS OF SATIFYING MALES SENSUALITY AND WONTNNESS." (Islamic Fundamentalism).

Personally, I do think that it blocks the doors of the shaytan when it comes to commiting zina,in some cases.However, I don't think that it is outlawed for that reason. As stated above, I think it was outlawed for the benefit of woman and children.If the man wants another wife he is not allowed to if it's going to ruin the first marrage. It would also be helpful if the two helped eachother doing chores etc..


I have a colleague who has a father with two wives. Her family is very united and gets along very good. He father couldn't have children with his first wife so he marries another one. That way they can have their own child without having to pay thousands for some labs that people of today do to have their own child.
:sl:
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syilla
09-11-2009, 01:58 AM
salams...

well firstly i would be terrible jealous... but as long as he can be fair like having my own house and entertain my shopping needs :hiding: i guess i can control my jealousy...but i wouldn't know really know it untill the time really comes.

But truthfully, i will allow it...especially if it really makes him happy (but of course at the same time still loving me huhuhu :hiding) but in one condition - i will choose it for him. I can't trust his choices...lol :hiding: actually i think he need a pious muslimah to make him a better muslim not just anykind of girl.
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Rabi Mansur
09-11-2009, 02:07 AM
I can see how polygamy could work in certain situations. However, the Mormon experience with it was a disaster and still is very troublesome. It definitely is not for everyone.
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Rasema
09-11-2009, 02:26 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by rabimansur
I can see how polygamy could work in certain situations. However, the Mormon experience with it was a disaster and still is very troublesome. It definitely is not for everyone.
Well, it benefited in certain situations. For example, in communities of the past(there are still today) there were 40% man and 60% woman. So , what! those woman who got married are lucky and the rest have to stay single and starve. Especially during the time of warfare. When man died leaving woman for up to six children. Who would support them?

In poor areas, woman don't have time to think about jealousy or to what you're refearing to be "troublesome". Life and death situations, children ,necessities are way more important than our accomodates.
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alcurad
09-11-2009, 03:33 AM
hmm, don't do it, you're quite young, and there are so many muslim men out there who are good in their Islam and single, do you have to marry this guy?

it's not going to be so flowery after you do get married, being young means being naive in many ways, I don't mean to be harsh but the reality of this world is not so shiny.

I advise you to find another, it's not too hard, and it will be for the best.

now, any marriage can work but polygamy is not a woman's marriage, as in you'll never have him to yourself, not to mention it's supposed to be done under necessity not out of choice.
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arabianprincess
09-11-2009, 03:34 AM
personallyyyyyy i would never be okay with it.. n yes i know its halal and hes gonna have many wives in jennah i know but so wat .. in this world im a very jealous person.. n i wont be able to handle it.. n when i start thinkin i dont think it would be pretty :P :D so in my case i would just get a divorce if he really wants her then by all means good luck... ! there r plenty fishes in the sea LOL JK :D but its kinda true :) salamz
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syilla
09-11-2009, 03:40 AM
^^^ owh...i totally have overlooked that she is considering marrying a married man.

huhuhu.... well to be a second wife is not easy. Is easy to say than done...is easy to say than to feel. Is easy to say you're okay with it...but the truth is if you aren't sure whether he'll be fair, you probably going to suffer after that. and why take the risks of jealousy or being treated unfairly.

Does the wife know about it? and did she accepted you?

But anyway thats your choice...
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innocent
09-11-2009, 02:10 PM
Assalamalaikum sister.

I think you need to take some of the advice thats given to you here. I think you are thinking with your heart and not your head. You have been in love with this guy since you were 16 and he obviously wasnt as in love with you as you were with him otherwise he wouldn't have got married. You say he is a very pious man but if this is true then why is he seeing you behind his wifes back? That doesnt sound very pious to me. You say he wants to imitate the life of the prophet (pbuh) but the prophet(pbuh) married his wives for good reasons and neccessity. What neccessity is there that he needs to marry you. Can his first wife not have children? Even this would be a reason.

Also what if he marries you and then favours you over his first wife due to the reason that you were in love with each other for such a long time beforehand? That wont be very pious and will make things difficult for him as he wont be treating you equally.
There are so many things you have to think of sister not just what your heart feels. You must be sensible because it will not always be like this all hearts and roses.
There are so many brothers in the world who are pious very pious but you have fixated yourself on him. To me this sounds like an obsession that you have had for 4 years and that is not healthy.

Please take the advice you are given from the people on this site and please dont ruin your life. You need to let go of this obsession and move on. Get married to someone else and get on with your life. Whenyou get married to someone new the love will come as you get to know each other and you will forget about this other guy. It will be a different kind of love a much better love than the one you have for this guy. I really hope inshallah you will be sensible about this and as someone else mentioned do pray istikhara for this.
All this going on and his wife is not even aware.
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Tanya Khan
09-11-2009, 02:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by jannat
salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak:D
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.
I have to agree with you on this. Well said.
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Rebel
09-11-2009, 03:43 PM
God help this "very very pious" man's wife. I feel for her.

How the hell do you people define piety? Every other day there's a new thread about a very very pious man/woman cheating on their spouse n thinking it's perfectly fine! It's getting scary...

OP, I think you should grow up first and then consider marriage. Now's obviously not the time.
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Muhaba
09-11-2009, 08:32 PM
Well, everybody has their own feelings about this matter. I personally don't want to marry a man who's already married because I don't want to infringe upon another woman's marriage. But if you love someone who's already married and he and his wife are okay with the second marriage, then go ahead. But do take into consideration the other wife's feelings.
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YusufNoor
09-12-2009, 11:33 AM
:sl:


this is one Mufti's personal view:

http://www.nazirakoob.com/menk/Tafseer2009.html

download the 2nd lecture entitled "Justice," it's in the 1st 10 minutes or so.

you MIGHT enjoy it!

:wa:
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Al Ansari
09-12-2009, 03:05 PM
Bismillah
assalaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullah,
audhu billah minash shaytaanir rajiim

To begin: To be just between one anothers wives is to be just according to what on is capable and under control of, i.e. material things, house, etc. It has nothing to do with the heart. Innately, a man will have a pull towards a certain wife. As long as the same amount of time is spent with all of his wives and the wives interests are his primary concern than it would be considered 'just'. If he has an attachment in his heart for a specific wife of his-that is natural; however, he must not display favorites. That would cause discord.

Since the brother Muslim that she is interested is married - there should be absolutely no contact between the two (esp. if his wife does not know about it).

As noted above in a previous post, as far as the brother Muslim's wife 'affording the marriage'. I say 'What's the problem?" Did not our mother Khadijah (radiallaahu anha) make a proposition to the beloved (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)? Was he (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) able to afford marriage when asked by Khadijah's (radiallaahu anha) mediator? He could not afford it. What is the big deal of a woman being financially able? Naam, I do agree that a man, should be financially capable to provide for his wife as this is better. WAllaahu a'lam.

The sister is 20. I would not generally say that we are naive at a young age. I mean look at Ali (radiallaahu anhu) he was young but was not naive, look at Usama (radiallaahu anhu) when he was given permission to control the army amongst a myriad of elders. Look at our mother 'Aisha (radiallaahu anha) who was very staunch in her position and possessed a lot of knowledge. I mean countless others. Age has nothing to do with gauging our maturity level. A 50 year old can be just as naive as a 25 year old WAllaahu a'lam.

Lastly, I THINK as was provided for you sister: Make sure that you are on top of your deen and making your prayers, insha'Allaah.

Allaah (ta'ala) says in an interpretation of the meaning:

“And seek help in patience and prayer…” [al-Baqarah; 45]



Be sincere with Allaah (ta'ala) and He will be sincere with you, insh'Allaah.

I advise you to also keep your eyes wide open to the opportunities of other prospective Muslim brothers who you may come across. Remember there is a reason for everything and you may love something that is bad for you and hate something in which there is much good. Do not close yourself off to the blessings of Allaah (ta'ala).

"Therefore remember Me. I will remember you. Be grateful to Me and never show Me ingratitude." [al-Baqarah; 152]


Make istikhara and seek more counsel in the matter. Do not be hasty sister. May Allaah (ta'ala) guide you and bless you.

Jazakumullah Khayran brothers and sisters for all the replies in order to help our sister.




ma'salaama
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Somaiyah
09-12-2009, 10:42 PM
Salam,
I find it no wrong with polygami at all, I would feel weird to call myself a Muslim and be against it since Islam permits it. But for me I don't think I would be able to handle it, to know that my future husband has another woman he is with from time to time too. That he hasn't all his time only for me, that he isn't only for me. It's very egoistic thoughts, I know. But it's something I can't help and I am very amazed about you who find it not troubling at all sister :)
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Rasema
09-12-2009, 10:57 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by J Aaliyah
Salam,
I find it no wrong with polygami at all, I would feel weird to call myself a Muslim and be against it since Islam permits it. But for me I don't think I would be able to handle it, to know that my future husband has another woman he is with from time to time too. That he hasn't all his time only for me, that he isn't only for me. It's very egoistic thoughts, I know. But it's something I can't help and I am very amazed about you who find it not troubling at all sister :)
:wa:
I know that your post was not directed at me but read what I've written.

Well, it benefited in certain situations. For example, in communities of the past(there are still today) there were 40% man and 60% woman. So , what! those woman who got married are lucky and the rest have to stay single and starve. Especially during the time of warfare. When man died leaving woman for up to six children. Who would support them?

In poor areas, woman don't have time to think about jealousy or to what you're refearing to be "troublesome". Life and death situations, children ,necessities are way more important than our accomodates.
__________________
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humbleheart
09-13-2009, 07:13 AM
I know that I am young my dear brothers and sisters, but at this moment it doesnt matter how young you are , and i am confident that life would work if all three would be a helping hand.
I dont say that I dont care if he loves someone else, too
I just igonre that and take his wife as my best friend to make our life easier.
And i think by this way of living we get a lot of wisdom and gain prestige infront of Allah.
I proably would be jealous too, when we got married insha Allah and he cares for his other wife, too than just for me, but it is his love to me and how he is in his heart thta i do love, and as long as he shows me that he loves me like i need i think i can handle with himhaving another wife, too
If I didnt love this person this much I do, I guess I either wouldnt accept him having another wife and leave him right away.
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humbleheart
09-13-2009, 07:16 AM
I know, i definteley know that someday, even if i am married to someone other, i will always think of , why i couldnt marry him, or why i refused his life-living with his other wife. I will always think of this person, what wont make life easy for my husband and for me
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جوري
09-13-2009, 08:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by dipdown80
We have been so blinded by our faith that we cannot see the truth in front of our eyes. Polygamy is a trouble for both the husband and the wives. It takes the peace out of the smallest hole that you may have in your house. I always believe, Islam has unfairly tilted the norms towards men. if polygamy is allowed, why ain't polyandry also made legal. Pls comment.


This isn't your faith, thus there is no need for false pretenses.
Take care of the B****** children that are born in your society firstly, and then question the logic behind polygamy.

Sir Michael, who plays Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore, had the child with his MISTRESS.
His WIFE knows he is raising a second family and he splits his time between their two homes .
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...ond-child.html


but let me pose a rather crass Q to you.
If a woman takes on four husbands and gets her period, or pregnant or six weeks post pregnancy and one or all four have needs and would like to get amorous, but she isn't in the mood to satisfy one or any, what do you propose then? Also should there be a paternity test for which of them fathered the child with each pregnancy?

It is simple biology.. but from my understanding, in the west a woman can be as promiscuous with as many males as she wants, she can have as many ******* children as her womb can accommodate, and fathers are exempt from their paternal roles...


all the best
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IslamicRevival
09-13-2009, 09:25 AM
In this day and age most people forget the true meaning of polygamy and think its all about men satisfying their desires. No this isn't why polygamy is allowed, Its to cater those poor, unfortunate women who cannot cope by themselves
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Muslim Woman
09-13-2009, 09:34 AM
:wa:

format_quote Originally Posted by humbleheart
Assalam alakum

.. I love a person who already has a wife .
A man is allowed to take wife wife some conditions . But having any secret affair is haram .

How come u fall in love with a married man ? If he wants to take another wife , tell him to go in a halal way .

Don't meet him in private ever . Also , try to think that after ur marriage , if u find out that your husband is having any affair with other women , how would u feel ? :hmm:
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Muslim Woman
09-13-2009, 09:37 AM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by dipdown80
..if polygamy is allowed, why ain't polyandry also made legal. .

lol . All 4 husbands will go for DNA test to find out who is the real daddy ..u think it's an honourable job to do ? :heated:

I'ts husband's duty to take care of his pregnant wife . If all husbands deny that it's not my child so I can't spend for her now , how to decide all these ?

Moreover , we must not challange God Almighty . Polygamy is NOT a must ; it's allowed when necessary with fulfilling conditions .
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Somaiyah
09-13-2009, 12:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rasema
:wa:
I know that your post was not directed at me but read what I've written.

Well, it benefited in certain situations. For example, in communities of the past(there are still today) there were 40% man and 60% woman. So , what! those woman who got married are lucky and the rest have to stay single and starve. Especially during the time of warfare. When man died leaving woman for up to six children. Who would support them?

In poor areas, woman don't have time to think about jealousy or to what you're refearing to be "troublesome". Life and death situations, children ,necessities are way more important than our accomodates.
__________________
Yes, I didn't really read everyone else's answers because I didn't have much time by then... But yes I know that before there were more women than men and that they of course couldn't be jealous etc, but at the same time more people in the past married not from love but just from the security and company. How can a person logically be jealous of a man she doesn't even love? It doesn't happen, you're happy and satisfied as long as he cares about you and take care of you in a good way. But if you don't love him, you don't really mind if he's suddenly with the other wife. Instead you might find it relaxing with a night on your own. But a wife who loves her husband, for her I really believe it's hard to know there is a second wife too. Or for the second wife to know there is a first wife too. So I am really amazed of the women who love their husband and still can agree the husband to marry another wife, or a woman who loves a man who already has a husband and can agree to become a second wife still. Because I don't think I would be able to handle it at all. So it's very personal now, that I am just simply amazed of these women.
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blazingflames17
09-13-2009, 12:57 PM
I'm a guy, so easy for me to say.

But I will say this: I have no problem with polygamy in Islam, AS LONG as the man can treat all the wives exactly the same with fairness and respect!
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cat eyes
09-13-2009, 05:22 PM
i know this is quite personal but that justice comes in with pleasing the woman also so isen it important that the man should have a high sex drive? because if not it is going to be hell boring life she will be living waiting to get pleasure:hiding:
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Rasema
09-13-2009, 10:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by J Aaliyah
Yes, I didn't really read everyone else's answers because I didn't have much time by then... But yes I know that before there were more women than men and that they of course couldn't be jealous etc, but at the same time more people in the past married not from love but just from the security and company. How can a person logically be jealous of a man she doesn't even love? It doesn't happen, you're happy and satisfied as long as he cares about you and take care of you in a good way. But if you don't love him, you don't really mind if he's suddenly with the other wife. Instead you might find it relaxing with a night on your own. But a wife who loves her husband, for her I really believe it's hard to know there is a second wife too. Or for the second wife to know there is a first wife too. So I am really amazed of the women who love their husband and still can agree the husband to marry another wife, or a woman who loves a man who already has a husband and can agree to become a second wife still. Because I don't think I would be able to handle it at all. So it's very personal now, that I am just simply amazed of these women.

:sl:
The reason I replied to you is because I don't want you to think that woman who have husbands that aren't married only to them are living a dull life. As I've said, the Qur'an doesn't encourage polygamy for our generation rather it restricted it. There are woman who don't dream about romance and to have a happy ever after life. Personally, I would marry someone who I respect and not love because how would you know it that feeling isn't sexual attraction only,which eventually fades. I'm not asking a question. I'm just saying that those who practice poygamy are not miserable. I know an American convert who has a husband with onother wife and they are a very good example,alhamdulillah.
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humbleheart
09-14-2009, 06:07 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Troubled Soul
In this day and age most people forget the true meaning of polygamy and think its all about men satisfying their desires. No this isn't why polygamy is allowed, Its to cater those poor, unfortunate women who cannot cope by themselves
But i think all your justices here are unfair towards the man i want to marry, because, i dont think that he just was about to marry me because of satisfying his sexual desires, we love each other really much and since he is allowed to marry someone else too as his second wife , we chose this way to satisfy our strong love to each other.
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humbleheart
09-14-2009, 06:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
but let me pose a rather crass Q to you.
If a woman takes on four husbands and gets her period, or pregnant or six weeks post pregnancy and one or all four have needs and would like to get amorous, but she isn't in the mood to satisfy one or any, what do you propose then? Also should there be a paternity test for which of them fathered the child with each pregnancy?
Thank you my dear sis, great response Masha Allah
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syilla
09-15-2009, 01:18 AM
ukhtee...you're both in love before marriage? does the wife knows about this? If she doesn't know... i would probably be sad for her :(
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humbleheart
09-15-2009, 04:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by syilla
ukhtee...you're both in love before marriage? does the wife knows about this? If she doesn't know... i would probably be sad for her :(
yes sister
she doesnt know.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
09-15-2009, 04:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
lol@akhi Sampharo

Polygamy is a beautiful sunnah and if my imaginary husband wanted to marry another woman, I'd make sure she's a good one and even better a woman who genuinely needs support.

I'm 100% sure. But one day I was thinking how I'd really, really, really feel about it deep down if I loved him like crazy - as it's always easier said than done. I think there'd be the normal fears like would he forget me if he got another wife(s) etc? But my confidence outweighs the fears by miles. Anyhow, before I could actually dissect my feelings just for the sake of it, a thought popped up in my head saying I might as well get used to it as he will have more than one wife in Jannah anyway. :giggling:

Sisters, you can run but you can't hide. It's going to happen one way or another anyway! Make a sister happy. Enjoin polygamy! Lol ;D
:sl:

I'm with sis Scents on this.

Jealousy would be natural...I mean it's not something that could ever completely go away, no matter how you want to sugarcoat it lol. But what's enough for me is Allah(swt) allowed it. But the guy better have a darn good reason to take one. For the sake of another sister, I'd do it and because Allah(swt) has allowed the man to do it, so who am I to say no? If I'm going to claim to love Allah and this deen...then I sure as heck don't have the authority to deny it. But again, I hope I could handle it lol inshaAllah if it ever came to it.

If you were a sister who had trouble finding a husband and found one married and you could marry him, wouldn't you want to be accepted? Seriously. I'd hate to be rejected...everyone has the right to a spouse. Just for the sake of Allah, I'm ok with it, otherwise I'd have the same feelings just as much as the next woman.

I would surely like to be the only one...but only Allah knows best if it would stay that way. I'd rather he marry than to fall into sin outside of marriage..
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Ansariyah
09-15-2009, 04:55 PM
I'm against it.

I think u shud respect the sister this mans married to n consider her feelings, cause rememba wat rasululah (saw) said about loving for your fellow muslim that which u love for urself.

Polygamy is not to be taken lightly, during the time of rasululah (saw) n the sahabas (ra) they use to marry widowed women to help n protect them. How many Muslims marry widowed women nowadays?

I feel for the sista whos bein kept in the dark, as u two are declaring ur love for one another. I wonder how she'd feel?
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convert
09-15-2009, 05:00 PM
It is permissible.

Don't see why people do it though, considering there are many unmarried, practicing brothers.
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Rebel
09-15-2009, 06:19 PM
she doesnt know.
How disgraceful of you both. How can you live with yourselves?
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MSalman
09-15-2009, 07:25 PM
as-salamu alaykum

not a personal attack on anyone but quite surprised to see lots of comments from sisters something like "I know it is halal and all that but I personally do not want it" --- just subhaanAllah. Keeping aside the issue of mistreatment, etc. how can you not like something or not want it which Allah has made permissible? Do you think Allah revealed it without considering your women nature? Do you think the sahabiyyaat (may Allah be pleased with them) and those who followed their footsteps would say such a thing? Why didn't the mothers of the believers think of this despite the fact they knew the financial position of the Prophet (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam)? And we find many similar examples when we dig the history of the Salaf. What if you cannot find a righteous single brother or the type of brother you are looking for? Would you then prefer to be alone and may commit sins over marrying a married brother?

To the married sisters, what is big fuss about not sharing your husband with another sister. Why are you so selfish? Is following Islam and the footsteps of the sahabiyyat (may Allah be pleased with them) only a lip service? If you have a nice, loving, caring, righteous husband, why would you not want to share with another sister so that she can also benefit from him? Is the claim that you love your fellow sisters and care about them only a lip service? The Messenger of Allah (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam) said that chose that for your brother which you like for yourself. So if a sister in your town cannot find a righteous husband and your husband fits that category then why would you not want her to share your husband given that your truly care about her!? What if your husband has strong desires? Would you prefer him to overburden you or worst fall into a sin? What if you are not too good looking and due to huge amount of fitnah outside, specially in the west, the brother falls into sins!? Remember that marriage is earning reward given that followed Islamically; so, why would you not want your husband to please Allah more? And same for your fellow sister in Islam?

Ever wondered, why so many sisters are now days facing the mistreatment etc. issues? Maybe because polygamy among the large Muslims have become some sort of taboo. The lifestyle demands are too high and too much for brothers handle hence the good brothers are stuck to affording only one wife. Remember the story of the sahabi who married a sahabiyah (may Allah be pleased with them both) and gave her surah of the Qur'an as a mahr. The financial part is definitely important but to me we just have made a big deal.

Again, not a personal attack on anyone but I am looking at it from a biger picture: unity, being compassionate and merciful to other believers and pleasing Allah. Obviousally, we all think differently and have personal choice but think about it from a bigger picture and permissiblty of this in Islam and the sunnah of early Muslims.
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Rebel
09-15-2009, 09:14 PM
islamiclife (!),

Do a bit of research before ranting like that next time.

Can a Wife Stipulate that Her Husband Must Not Marry a Second Wife?

^ That shows that Islamically, if a woman isn't willing to be in a polygamous marriage, you can't force her to. Your argument was pathetic.

Who are you to condemn women for their jealousy? Even the sahabiyyat got jealous. You never read about Aisha's (RA) jealousy and what she and the Prophet's other wives sometimes did out of pure jealousy?

If they never got condemned for their jealousy, why should we condemn any other woman for it?

Why are you so selfish? Is following Islam and the footsteps of the sahabiyyat (may Allah be pleased with them) only a lip service?
How can you judge people like that? Have you ever lived with these people or at least known them to assume that they're not following in the footsteps of the sahabiyyat?

Not wanting to share your spouse with another person has nothing to do with selfishness.

Lemme ask you this, do you think the Prophet (PBUH) would react the way you just did? I don't.

Read this:

Aisha (RA) once said to the Prophet: “Messenger of God! If you were to stop at a valley where there are two trees: one has had much of its fruit eaten by others, and one still has its full load: from which would you eat?” The Prophet said that he would eat from the one bearing its full load. She said: “That is me!” (Related by Al-Bukhari). In this she was alluding to the fact that she was the only woman who was a virgin and had not been married to another man before marrying the Prophet.

The Prophet understood her meaning, but did not allow her to go beyond that. Hence, she repeated this, speaking clearly without analogies or figures of speech. She said to him: “Messenger of God! I am unlike your other wives. Each one of them had her former husband, except me.” The Prophet only smiled and did not reply.
...When he heard that Ali wanted to marry another woman, which is perfectly allowed in Islam and common in the Arabian society, the Prophet declared his opposition to this marriage, saying: “Fatimah is a part of me. What hurts her hurts me.” He made it clear that the only way Ali could marry another woman was by first divorcing Fatimah. Ali never entertained any thought of divorcing her. The couple continued to live happily until Fatimah died, six months after her father had passed away. Ali married other women after that.
http://islamonline.com/news/articles...Daughters.html

See the huge difference between your reaction and that of the Prophet's (PBUH)?

And there are many, many similar stories detailing the jealousy of the Prophet's wives and how he (PBUH) dealt with it.

Before you demand that women follow in the footsteps of the sahabiyyat, you might wanna consider following in the footsteps of the Prophet (PBUH) yourself first.

Islam is much easier than you think, mate.
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Ansariyah
09-15-2009, 10:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by islamiclife
as-salamu alaykum

What if you cannot find a righteous single brother or the type of brother you are looking for? Would you then prefer to be alone and may commit sins over marrying a married brother?
no need to if about it there are plenty of righteous bros to go around who btw consider one enuff.

To the married sisters, what is big fuss about not sharing your husband with another sister. Why are you so selfish?
everything is not up for charity.

Is following Islam and the footsteps of the sahabiyyat (may Allah be pleased with them) only a lip service? If you have a nice, loving, caring, righteous husband, why would you not want to share with another sister so that she can also benefit from him?
Look I understand that people dont know wat love is, but someone who believes in it or has experienced it cannot share it. Did the thought ever occur to u that maybe people love each other so much that they dont need a third person in the pic.

Besides there are plenty of men in this world women can choose from, why go after the one that a sister has?

Thats actually real selfishness...not that u dont want to share.

Is the claim that you love your fellow sisters and care about them only a lip service? The Messenger of Allah (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam) said that chose that for your brother which you like for yourself.
Indeed...Sometimes u have to leave peoples happiness alone, n maybe find ur own...love for u fellow muslim that which u love for urself..right?


So if a sister in your town cannot find a righteous husband and your husband fits that category then why would you not want her to share your husband given that your truly care about her!?
If a woman wants to share her husband thats all fine wit me *mashaAllah*, but if a sister doesnt want to share thats fine too mashaAllah.

What if your husband has strong desires? Would you prefer him to overburden you or worst fall into a sin?
Wat u gettin at?.. That polygamy is an escape route to adultery? It isn't...wat strong desires?...he shud restrain himself n strengthen his imaan. Men are not Animals..!

What if you are not too good looking and due to huge amount of fitnah outside, specially in the west, the brother falls into sins!?
LOL.....some men can have the prettiest wives but still stray! so thats a weak argument!

Remember that marriage is earning reward given that followed Islamically; so, why would you not want your husband to please Allah more? And same for your fellow sister in Islam?
?

Can he not please Allah more in other ways except to find another woman that he can marry?

The lifestyle demands are too high and too much for brothers handle hence the good brothers are stuck to affording only one wife.
I dont blame them..not everythings up for sharing.

Remember the story of the sahabi who married a sahabiyah (may Allah be pleased with them both) and gave her surah of the Qur'an as a mahr. The financial part is definitely important but to me we just have made a big deal.

Again, not a personal attack on anyone but I am looking at it from a biger picture: unity, being compassionate and merciful to other believers and pleasing Allah. Obviousally, we all think differently and have personal choice but think about it from a bigger picture and permissiblty of this in Islam and the sunnah of early Muslims.
jazakAlahkhayr.
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Rasema
09-15-2009, 11:07 PM
:sl:

I don't know how would I feel. But I do have girlfriends that I would share the rest of my life with.

Sister, I'd say that you meet his wify first. This is a taugh decision. If she doesn't like you then the husband will be pissed at her.

And you, sisters above, need to cool down.

But at the same time, If the brother wishes the sister so much. It would be nice to marry her. Or maybe, he lost interest in his first wife. If he doesn't marry this sister he might look for another one.

Man are man, they're not animals but they're unsensative. And I think sisters believe too much in love. It fades so fast. I can tell from observing married,used to be in love, people.

I think that the solution to this is iman. Would this marrage increase or decrease his, yours and her iman?

We should refear to the Prophet and the Qur'an, simple as that. This is my uneducated judgement: It's all about intention so why do you want to marry him?

Please don't tell me "becasue I love him" it's all about Islam. Something that is more iomportant than yourself and others. Would your family be okay with this?

Would this create disputed between him, your family and others?

I'd say If his wife likes you and you get along,marry him.
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cat eyes
09-16-2009, 01:11 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Yanoorah
I'm against it.

I think u shud respect the sister this mans married to n consider her feelings, cause rememba wat rasululah (saw) said about loving for your fellow muslim that which u love for urself.

Polygamy is not to be taken lightly, during the time of rasululah (saw) n the sahabas (ra) they use to marry widowed women to help n protect them. How many Muslims marry widowed women nowadays?

I feel for the sista whos bein kept in the dark, as u two are declaring ur love for one another. I wonder how she'd feel?
i agree with this! if the other wife did not know any of this was going on and all these plans were being made on the wifes back before hand its complete and utter evil and ignorance the punishment for adultery is death so that can give you a clear indication talking with a married man is evil in the sight of Allah also and sister i honestly would not know how you cannot feel a bit shame for this lewd behaviour. their is two types of love, haraam love and halal love. don't even consider this man for marriage. hes far from the deen and needs to gain knowledge. doing haraam stuff before marriage you honestly believe you will get your blessings? not thinking of Allah before and making up your own rules! of course polygamy is right if you do everything right according to the scriptures!! speak with a scholar
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Rasema
09-16-2009, 01:46 AM
:sl:
Sister Rebel, what did you mean when you said"Islam is easier than you think mate"
Do you really think that God created you so life is easy on you??

And after checking yours and Yanooras posts, you two seem to be on the females side always!!!!
I know that one of you is a student of Islam and I have never disrespected a student by intention. I'm just worried about you two.:heated:

I kind of angers me for some reason.

With love
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Humbler_359
09-16-2009, 02:22 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by humbleheart
yes sister
she doesnt know.

:sl: humbleheart,

Excuse me, how long she doesn't know behind you and him? four years? :phew
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Intisar
09-16-2009, 02:36 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by islamiclife
as-salamu alaykum

not a personal attack on anyone but quite surprised to see lots of comments from sisters something like "I know it is halal and all that but I personally do not want it" --- just subhaanAllah. Keeping aside the issue of mistreatment, etc. how can you not like something or not want it which Allah has made permissible?
He made it permissible, but it does not stipulate anywhere in the Quran that a believing woman MUST be apart of a polygamous marriage.

Do you think Allah revealed it without considering your women nature? Do you think the sahabiyyaat (may Allah be pleased with them) and those who followed their footsteps would say such a thing?
Which is why it isn't compulsory...

Why didn't the mothers of the believers think of this despite the fact they knew the financial position of the Prophet (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam)?
Actually, our mother 'Aisha (RA) had quite the jealous streak. You might wanna read up on that. She actually used to compete with the other wives, even though she was quite obviously the most loved.

And we find many similar examples when we dig the history of the Salaf. What if you cannot find a righteous single brother or the type of brother you are looking for? Would you then prefer to be alone and may commit sins over marrying a married brother?
Why are you getting personal? If a person does not get married...not even a person, if a sister does not get married why do you automatically assume that she will commit sins? Why are you making it out to be an ultimatum? Commit sins, or marry an already married brother.

1) Polygyny is not a right, it is a privilege. Allaah allowed it, he made it permissible but he did not make it incumbent upon believing men to marry them and believing women to oblige.

2) Marriage is sunnah, it's not obligatory either.

To the married sisters, what is big fuss about not sharing your husband with another sister. Why are you so selfish? Is following Islam and the footsteps of the sahabiyyat (may Allah be pleased with them) only a lip service? If you have a nice, loving, caring, righteous husband, why would you not want to share with another sister so that she can also benefit from him?
...

format_quote Originally Posted by convert
It is permissible.

Don't see why people do it though, considering there are many unmarried, practicing brothers.
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جوري
09-16-2009, 02:57 AM
^^ great post..

I really don't like the implications that single folks will fornicate, commit sin or that every single woman is a weak poor thing, or will starve and needs to be taken care or must be **** ugly or loosely moraled and awaits the day some gallant knight in a shinning armor even if he is completely unsuitable for her or has another wife to come save the day. Believe it or not, some sisters are far better educated and more religious than the men who proposition them and they are too refined to go advertise themselves. They end up 'alone' because to marry would be to go a lesser place than where they actually started from.

I have one aunt who during her entire marriage supported her husband, had a better education than him as well even the house they live in, she purchased from her own money.. sob7an Allah, even though my uncle (her husband) is a great guy, I know she could have done a million times better if she didn't feel she was getting on in years and had a desperate need for motherhood (and although I totally digress to mention this) but sob7an Allah, she lost three of her sons in childbirth and ended in the ICU herself because the doctor left a for foreign object in her during her c/section.

We are tried in many ways, and we make sacrifices and may even be tried for the reasons we have made sacrifices, but it isn't up to anyone to sit there and question people's motives or reasons for not accepting or accepting a marriage or to pass judgment on them and further alienate them .. you should grant pardon to people if you want to be pardoned during your difficult hours..

and Allah swt knows best

:w:
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Rebel
09-16-2009, 01:59 PM
Sister Rebel, what did you mean when you said"Islam is easier than you think mate"
Do you really think that God created you so life is easy on you??

And after checking yours and Yanooras posts, you two seem to be on the females side always!!!!
I know that one of you is a student of Islam and I have never disrespected a student by intention. I'm just worried about you two.

I kind of angers me for some reason.

With love
This is funny :D Sister, eh?

If you checked my posts properly, you'd realise I'm not always on women's side. I side by what I believe is right. I don't give a crap if the person being wronged was a man or a woman.

No need to worry about me, I'm perfectly fine... thanks for your concern.

If my posts anger you then so be it. It was never my intention to please anyone with my posts... I couldn't care less how people react to them.

And I apologise, that came out wrong. I meant that Islam isn't as complicated as some people make it out to be.
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Rasema
09-16-2009, 03:40 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rebel
This is funny :D Sister, eh?

If you checked my posts properly, you'd realise I'm not always on women's side. I side by what I believe is right. I don't give a crap if the person being wronged was a man or a woman.

No need to worry about me, I'm perfectly fine... thanks for your concern.

If my posts anger you then so be it. It was never my intention to please anyone with my posts... I couldn't care less how people react to them.

And I apologise, that came out wrong. I meant that Islam isn't as complicated as some people make it out to be.
:sl:
Sorry about my misconception. I thaught, for a moment, that you think with your gender rather than brain. Islam gives her all the right to marry this brother. Aldough,as you know, she doesn't have to worry about much but the husband does. It's not that your posts anger me. I just don't like feminists.' Women's righs conflict with Islam, in my opinion.
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Rebel
09-16-2009, 03:50 PM
Islam gives her the right to marry him but it doesn't give her the right to have a premarital relationship with him and encourage him to cheat on his wife... which is exactly what this woman is doing.

I'm not the one who isn't thinking with his brain here.

Women's righs conflict with Islam
In what way?

BTW, I'm a brother.
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Rasema
09-16-2009, 07:28 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rebel
Islam gives her the right to marry him but it doesn't give her the right to have a premarital relationship with him and encourage him to cheat on his wife... which is exactly what this woman is doing.

I'm not the one who isn't thinking with his brain here.


In what way?

BTW, I'm a brother.
Brother/sister, you don't know the brother. He might be pious.

If the sister wants to marry him or likes this person then in some way she would have to get in contact with him. It doesn't mean that she is encouraging him to cheat on his wife.

I think that it's all about intention. I would like to know the intention of this brother, to why he wants to get married again.
Maybe his wife can't have children, you never know.

In waht way does feminism interfear with Islam?
It depends of which were speaking about. If it is the rights Islam gives to woman ,then, of course, it doesn't. I just think it does in a different way. For example, I thinK that Islam teaches woman to stay home,in the kitchen,yes.

Do you agree to this?
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Rebel
09-16-2009, 07:44 PM
Pious men don't cheat on their wives. Full stop.

For example, I thinK that Islam teaches woman to stay home,in the kitchen,yes.
Oh, it does? Seriously, what version of Islam are you following?

First of all, according to Islamic teachings, it is not a legal obligation of a wife to cook the meals or take care of the house, and if a woman chooses to refuse to undertake such work, the husband cannot compel her to do so.

...

In short, a wife is not legally bound to render the household services, however, it is advisable that she performs these functions as a means of cooperation with her family and an honorary service to the society as a whole, for which she deserves great reward in the Hereafter.

At the same time, the husband should always remember that the housework undertaken by his wife is not a legal duty obliged on her; rather, it is a voluntary service she is rendering for the benefit of the family. Therefore, a husband must always appreciate the goodwill of his wife and should not treat it as a legal claim against her. Moreover, he should not leave all the housework to her alone. The husband should provide her with servants wherever possible, and should himself assist her in performing these functions. It is reported in a number of authentic hadiths that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), despite his great responsibilities, used to render many domestic services with his own hands, like milking goats and washing his clothes. We do not find anywhere in his Sunnah that he ever ordered any of his wives to do such work. However, his noble wives used to do these services voluntarily without any specific command from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...EAskTheScholar

Don't confuse backward cultural practices with Islam.

You're very rude, BTW, do you realise that? Did you read the last line of my previous post?
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S_87
09-16-2009, 08:08 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by humbleheart
yes sister
she doesnt know.
Then think about how youd feel if you married a man and hes carrying on with someone else when youre trying to build love and trust with him :'(
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جوري
09-16-2009, 09:37 PM
Maybe it is best if this thread is closed!

:w:
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S_87
09-16-2009, 09:46 PM
thanks for the reminder lisa, i apologise if i was rude rasema
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