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AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 02:51 PM
I am totally in love in with a muslim brother and would like to marry him. we were in a pre-marital relationhsip for 2 years and now we do not talk and i am scared he will marry someone else. I would really like to be his wife and do it properly but we do not talk anymore and i am scared he is with someone else.

im am prayin my heart and soul out that we can marry

Please do not tell me to move on :cry:
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Cabdullahi
09-10-2009, 03:03 PM
im afraid to tell you that if you want to be serene and achieve serenity you have to move on it was a haram relationship you must now run the opposite direction
Reply

Güven
09-10-2009, 03:04 PM
if you really want to marry him than why not speak with your family?
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:05 PM
yes but i want to marry him and do things islamically - so whats the harm in that :cry:

this is causin me severe depression :cry:
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AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:07 PM
because we argued so much towards the end and it broke off ..but i know allah can change a person's heart right if we are good for each other's deen Allah can Will it right???
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
09-10-2009, 03:07 PM
whoah...


mayb u shud just talk 2 ur parents about marryin him?
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
09-10-2009, 03:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
because we argued so much towards the end and it broke off ..but i know allah can change a person's heart right if we are good for each other's deen Allah can Will it right???
if he wants to marry u.. n u wanna marry him... wats the problem? i just dont see it.



just wait till your both ready (can afford a marriage/have a place to stay) n get married
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:09 PM
My Mum knows .. and she is willin to have his family come round and do it properly - the thing is me and him dont talk anymore and he is so cold he doesnt even talk to me :cry:

is it worth doin istikara?
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IbnAbdulHakim
09-10-2009, 03:11 PM
^ look i'll tell u this!

if his a good muslim brother the ONLY REASON he wont talk to you is coz it KILLS HIM inside to even try ! ( he thinks too much about being a good muslim/family etc etc) trust me about this !


get his family around - if he means that much to you give it a go !

you wont regret it trust me!



but you really should ask someone to ask him... just to get confirmation i guess
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Güven
09-10-2009, 03:13 PM
Does that brother have a sister or anything? you may wanna ask them about how he feels.
Reply

Muslim Woman
09-10-2009, 03:13 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
im am prayin my heart and soul out that we can marry

Firstly offer prayer of repentance for having a pre-marital relationship.

Then offer Istekhara salat and take a decision. May Allah help you.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:14 PM
I cant even get hold of him And he has been cold to me and told me not to ever ring him so ive respected his wishes :(
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AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:15 PM
I dont feel like he feels the same way anymore ..but i cant seem to move on .. makes no sense to me its driving me crazy :(

I have repented a lot and do regret it .. and now im willin to go the right path - but he doesnt want me to be his other half i guess what can i do :cry:
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
09-10-2009, 03:15 PM
^ hmm dont contact him.


just find out what he wants (via his family) - and act on that.

you can do that right?




i'll tell you not to read too much into him being cold because im pretty sure every sister whos not related out there thinks im pretty cold ( i wont even say hi/salam unless im forced to respond). lifes just easier that way
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AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:17 PM
No i dont know any of his family members ..

is there any dua i can pray or anything???:cry:
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IbnAbdulHakim
09-10-2009, 03:18 PM
heh... nah if u cant approach this practically then get through it patiently


thats my final advice...
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AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:22 PM
i cant go on with my life without him :cry:
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 03:24 PM
Allah is my only hope i will continue to pray and make dua - whatever Allah Wills - Allah knows best.

Remember me in your dua

W salaam
Reply

Cabdullahi
09-10-2009, 03:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
i cant go on with my life without him :cry:
that frankly speaking is hype you've reached this far without his companionship so what prevents you from going that bit longer and forgetting him at last
stay strong sister
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 04:19 PM
Yes ok i can live without him but i really dont want to. i will never give up on my dua for us to be together, i know allah will do what is best for us and our deen.
Reply

Cabdullahi
09-10-2009, 04:26 PM
if he has a cold personality what draws you to him
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 04:28 PM
hes being cold now...probs to push me away...but before he was very sweet and caring.
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IbnAbdulHakim
09-10-2009, 04:40 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
i cant go on with my life without him :cry:
lol wat the



of course u can ! lifes short trust me , just b happy


loves not the only amazing thing in life u kno :) no matta wat those sappy crappy songs n crap try to make u think :p
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cat eyes
09-10-2009, 06:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
hes being cold now...probs to push me away...but before he was very sweet and caring.
he is probably confused and wondering weather the two of yous are compatible or not because of the fact you guys argued alot during the end and he cut you off!

you see he probably has realised that he had done a major sin being in a haraam relation now looking over everything he probably believes you were wrong for him and all of this will only end up hurting him in the end because it started off haraam.

he probably feels that there is no blessing for the two of yous now and more then likely his mates will be guiding him also because he probably told them and they told him to finish it with you.

you see Allah forgives also thats probably what he is failing to realise also if the two of yous repent sincerely and get married. there will be a blessing inshallaah. Allah is all forgiving all merciful

if he loves you he will be back trust me. if he dosent come back then it means he no longer loves you sister and its something you will have to accept for putting yourself in a illegal relationship.

have patience inshallaah

but i think he might be confused right now. don't contact him and when he is ready he will come to you.
Reply

kwolney01
09-10-2009, 06:43 PM
Sister how old are you?

I'm sorry but from all the posts you've posted it seems like he doesn't want to be with you. You can't force someone to be with you. You can try to talk to your family and his, but if he doesn't want to talk to you, it's kind of hard to get him to agree to marrying you.

I wouldn't rush anything between the two of you either. Like the others said, he may just be confused and needs time to think about things.

Don't base your life on some guy in your life. Do things that will benefit yourself and please Allah. You can live without him sister.
Reply

zakirs
09-10-2009, 06:45 PM
make your parents talk to his family ?
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 07:15 PM
is our partner 'written' or 'chosen' for us?
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 07:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by zakirs
make your parents talk to his family ?
If he doesn't want to be with me there is no point :cry:

Cant Allah change his heart though? Anything is possible right?
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AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 07:33 PM
i am 25 sister.
Reply

cat eyes
09-10-2009, 07:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
is our partner 'written' or 'chosen' for us?
yes sister everything is chosen for us. Allah knows whats going to happen before we are even born and he makes decisions about humans later also but now that dosen mean to say that Allah chose this guy for you. he could be this guy out of millions:) you just don't know where your going to end up with and who with! if a couple gets married, that dosen mean to say that they will be with eachother forever dose it? only Allah knows where your life is going to turn sister. it would even surprise you but you cannot think straight now because you are in love
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AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 07:40 PM
I get really confused - as some say allah has chosen our partners for us - as we are made from a man's rib - correct me please if i am wrong some say we make our own choices on who we marry - But Allah obviosuly knows who we will marry as Allah knows everything.

But then again dua can change destiny right??
It may mean he aint the one - But theres a chance he is?
Reply

cat eyes
09-10-2009, 07:54 PM
yeah it can be possible he is the one but he has not spoken to you.

yeah your duas can be answered but Allah knows best. he knows whats good for you and he knows whats bad for you! if Allah knows this guy is bad for you, it could be that Allah will not answer your dua.

Just suspect that Allah has made his mind if your dua is not answered the way you would like
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 08:26 PM
But Allah can make things right for us correct?

I understand if it doesnt get answered it was for the best - however it maybe a test of patience .. i know this is a test for me so im gonna put all my trust in Allah.

thank you Sister - cat eyes
Reply

cat eyes
09-10-2009, 08:59 PM
inshallaah Allah will make things right for the two of you's again

have patience sis. take care
Reply

Snowflake
09-10-2009, 09:35 PM
I tried to say this in so many ways but due to the nature of my belief, it still comes across as a bit blunt. Please forgive me for that. I honestly think if you love someone then you would let them go. His happiness is somewhere else. And love requires that you allow him to find it. Anything else is selfishness as you are not thinking about what he wants/needs but what you want/need.

He has seen the arguments between you two as something that he would not like in his married life and hence he no longer sees you as a potential wife. Women are more emotional and these emotions are constantly changing, enabling them to forgive, forget and try again. But men think more with their heads than their hearts and once they have decided a woman is not right for them, it is almost impossible for them to change their mind.

Love is when you let the other person be free and pray they find happiness despite them not wanting to be with you. That is their choice and that is what they want. If you can't be happy in that, then you have to ask what is it you actually feel? I think love is greater than that. The sad thing is, lots of people 'learn' how to love someone from how love is portrayed in books and films. When love for someone is born from the heart, then it isn't hard to let them go, if that's where their happiness lies. No matter how much pain their loss brings to you. They come first.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 09:47 PM
I have faith and hope in Allah .. i will not let anyone destroy my hope. Whatever Allah decides it is for the best and ill accept that...at the end of the day Allah knows best and knows the whole situation.

Remember me in your duas

Jazakallah
Reply

Aisha20
09-10-2009, 10:20 PM
Everything is written, sis. Just Dua's can change your destiny.

I honestly think if you love someone then you would let them go. His happiness is somewhere else. And love requires that you allow him to find it. Anything else is selfishness as you are not thinking about what he wants/needs but what you want/need.
I also used to say that first, but now i realized that saying and doing has lots of difference. it isnt that simple. Maybe if he is not for you, with time you will forget abt him or InshaAllah Allah will put him on your way again as you desire.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 10:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Aisha20
Everything is written, sis. Just Dua's can change your destiny.

I also used to say that first, but now i realized that saying and doing has lots of difference. it isnt that simple. Maybe if he is not for you, with time you will forget abt him or InshaAllah Allah will put him on your way again as you desire.
Thank you thats so reassuring.

Remember me in ur duas please and everythin works out for the best
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
09-10-2009, 10:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
But men think more with their heads than their hearts and once they have decided a woman is not right for them, it is almost impossible for them to change their mind.
.

i am amazed sis... that sounds right.


mashAllah u always amaze me :ooh:
Reply

Snowflake
09-10-2009, 11:11 PM
lol Alhumdulillah bro :)
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-10-2009, 11:21 PM
People can try to destroy my hope - but no one will succeed as I trust Allah - and Allah knows best.

Jazakallah
Reply

farhan2
09-10-2009, 11:31 PM
Assalamualaykum

some good advice alhamdulillah, but many of you are forgetting a key factor that which you can use as a benefit sister AnonymousGender.

We are now in the last 10 days of Ramadan. The most blessed days of every year Allah allows us to be in.

So what does this mean?... it is time for you to sinsearly use and utilise this time to the best of your ability.

Pray istikhara as you have been, make pleanty of SINSEAR DUA. Humble yourself to show and present to Allah that you have understood and accept the mistakes that you may have made previously and ask Allah to forgive all. And make dua that not only to ask Allah that he may present to you this brother for marriage.... BUT better to ASK ALLAH to give you what he sees best fit for you.. that is most important.

many people tend to make dua saying I this, I that, I want, I need,...... etc... but also for one to be a little more wiser to what they are asking, (this is something you learn further as you study the deen further and become a student of knowledge) i.e. you ask Allah again to give you what he sees best fit.

YES DUA CAN CHANGE QADR to an extent, its only with your true sinserity that will help you with it. But also realise that its not good to over depress one self for too long. yes its only human..

HENCE why I remind you of these last 10 days.. use it wisely ..

also something I know that helps is that if you INCREASE IN YOUR IBADAH it really does help a lot inshALlah

please forgive me if I may have said anything wrong and inshAllah remain patient.
Reply

Rasema
09-10-2009, 11:44 PM
:sl:

Don't force him to marry you,then your marrage will be disaster.

Love blinds you, hon. If he doesn't want you look for someone with qualities of a true Muslim man.
Reply

GuestFellow
09-10-2009, 11:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I am totally in love in with a muslim brother and would like to marry him. we were in a pre-marital relationhsip for 2 years and now we do not talk and i am scared he will marry someone else. I would really like to be his wife and do it properly but we do not talk anymore and i am scared he is with someone else.

im am prayin my heart and soul out that we can marry

Please do not tell me to move on :cry:
Asslamu Aliakum.

First pre-martial relationship is haram. Second if he is not talking to you, he probably lost interest in you. So I suggest finding a better Muslim brother who you can marry and one who is responsible.

For an individual to indulge in pre-martial relationship does not sound responsible to me when it is explicitly clear in our religion, pre-martial relationship is haram!

You have the following options:

1. Get married to him.
2. Don't get married to him.

You have your whole life ahead of you. It is your choice. Keep in mind the partner you will choose will be with you for the rest of your entire life until either one of you die. I would recommend finding a better Muslim brother who is responsible, knowledgeable about Islam and is a proper practising Muslim.

Your free to choose.

Good luck...
Reply

Snowflake
09-11-2009, 12:00 AM
People can try to destroy my hope - but no one will succeed as I trust Allah - and Allah knows best.

Jazakallah

What will anyone achieve by doing that? No one is trying to destroy your hope sis. Do you think only the people who say what you want, are the ones who care? And the ones who say anything else don't? Sis, it's a lot easier to say something someone wants to hear than to say something they don't and risk being hated for it - and that for their benefit too. I just don't want you wasting your life on something that may never be.

If this bro wanted to marry you, but there were other difficulties hindering marriage, I'd encourage you to make dua. But he doesn't. And, if it was good for you then why didn't marriage take place when both were willing? Rather Allah turned you away from each other. Isn't that something to dwell on? If Allah has turned you away from each other then you should accept that He did so because He knows best.


At the end of the day sis, only you can decide what you want to do. But it doesn't seem right to me to make dua for a person to love you when they've already made it clear they don't. What about their choice? Yes, Allah has given us duaa as a weapon. But using it to take away someone'e choice? I thought love was about respecting the choices of the other. I'm sorry sis, I pray Allah gives you more happiness than you could imagine. Ameen.But astaghfirullah, I don't think I'll ever understand love that thinks of itself.
Reply

cat eyes
09-11-2009, 12:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
What will anyone achieve by doing that? No one is trying to destroy your hope sis. Do you think only the people who say what you want, are the ones who care? And the ones who say anything else don't? Sis, it's a lot easier to say something someone wants to hear than to say something they don't and risk being hated for it - and that for their benefit too. I just don't want you wasting your life on something that may never be.

If this bro wanted to marry you, but there were other difficulties hindering marriage, I'd encourage you to make dua. But he doesn't. And, if it was good for you then why didn't marriage take place when both were willing? Rather Allah turned you away from each other. Isn't that something to dwell on? If Allah has turned you away from each other then you should accept that He did so because He knows best.


At the end of the day sis, only you can decide what you want to do. But it doesn't seem right to me to make dua for a person to love you when they've already made it clear they don't. What about their choice? Yes, Allah has given us duaa as a weapon. But using it to take away someone'e choice? I thought love was about respecting the choices of the other. I'm sorry sis, I pray Allah gives you more happiness than you could imagine. Ameen.But astaghfirullah, I don't think I'll ever understand love that thinks of itself.
sis sometimes when i read the stories on this forum or even from people in my community i think people lost the true meaning of love imsad
If you love some one why would you Attempt to turn them from the path of Allah and make them do haraam things for there pure desire and enjoyment. why risk putting them in the helfire? is that love. i don't really know! i doubt that love.. then if thats love that love is evil in my eyes. even if i was tempted to do such things, i would even question my OWN feelings about this guy. sis you always give good advice mashallaah.

and to the anonymous sister we only want the best for you in the end. we don't set out to ruin anybodies hope but listen to the advice we are giving you and inshallaah you will come to know
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
09-11-2009, 12:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by cat eyes
sis sometimes when i read the stories on this forum or even from people in my community i think people lost the true meaning of love imsad
If you love some one why would you Attempt to turn them from the path of Allah and make them do haraam things for there pure desire and enjoyment. why risk putting them in the helfire? is that love. i don't really know! i doubt that love.. then if thats love that love is evil in my eyes. even if i was tempted to do such things, i would even question my OWN feelings about this guy. sis you always give good advice mashallaah.

and to the anonymous sister we only want the best for you in the end. we don't set out to ruin anybodies hope but listen to the advice we are giving you and inshallaah you will come to know



agreed


pre-marital relations is one of the most seductive temptations of shaytan. If its meant to be - it will be no matter how far you remove yourself

believe in that. Trust in that


and live halal...
Reply

Intisar
09-11-2009, 12:52 AM
:sl: Sis, there's really no point in trying to change his mind. He doesn't want to talk to you, and you don't really choose who you love. So make du'a, make use of your time and use it more efficiently. Like someone already said in this thread, we are in the last 10 days of Ramadan alhamdulilah. We should be grateful that we've been blessed enough to even reach this.

Move on. That's the best advice I can give. And don't bother trying to get through to him because it will most likely lead to haraam. And maybe the brother told you not to call him in order to prevent that from happening inshaAllaah?

If you really wanna get married, then do so. Just remember that it doesn't have to be with him! You don't even necessarily have to be married in this life, love isn't the end all be all. Besides, if you do keep yourself busy with trying to engage in good acts (and attain more good deeds), Allaah might just grant you jannah. Then you'd probably think of how petty this was. Seriously. A lot of people go through worse.

You can live without him. It's possible. Check your pulse. If your heart's still pumping then mission accomplished.

Turn to Allaah. Make him your bestfriend. Cause at the end of the day you should only be relying on Allaah.

:wa:
Reply

cat eyes
09-11-2009, 01:04 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
agreed


pre-marital relations is one of the most seductive temptations of shaytan. If its meant to be - it will be no matter how far you remove yourself

believe in that. Trust in that


and live halal...
inshallaah.

it dose sicken me thinking about it and imagining Allah taking your soul when you are doing haraam. we are blessed we came this far. :phew
Reply

Alphadude
09-11-2009, 01:16 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I am totally in love in with a muslim brother and would like to marry him. we were in a pre-marital relationhsip for 2 years and now we do not talk and i am scared he will marry someone else. I would really like to be his wife and do it properly but we do not talk anymore and i am scared he is with someone else.

im am prayin my heart and soul out that we can marry

Please do not tell me to move on :cry:
:sl:

first your in haraam relationship i mean was for 2 years right?

i dont understand some people they are muslims and still they go for the haraam relationship then when they broke up they come to islamic forums or websites asking for help, if this was a proper islamic relationship this wouldnt be happing.
and why didnt you got married instead of BF ?

if he does not want you then u better leave him alone sorry but this is how it works even if you talk to the family but the person does not want then there is no way of working it out.
Reply

zakirs
09-11-2009, 01:17 AM
:sl: sis ..

since you seem to be so impatient first take a deep breath..

there is a saying that more you wish for a thing the more it goes away.So stop longing for him.You have two options right ?

1) ask for him using your parents
2)forget him and MOVE ON


you try the option one and if he is uninterested all you can do is pray that he change his mind.And you have to *eventually* move on.There are more things important in life other than love ;like imaan , parents , career , fun , food.Love these things and enjoy them (which i assume you havent been doing since you are missing him).Pray to Allah and leave the rest.

So take a deep breath and enjoy other things in life Allah has blessed upon us :).
Reply

syilla
09-11-2009, 07:09 AM
ukhtee...try writing down 30 bad things about him. Probably that can help you out.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-11-2009, 08:02 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by khalid84
:sl:

first your in haraam relationship i mean was for 2 years right?

i dont understand some people they are muslims and still they go for the haraam relationship then when they broke up they come to islamic forums or websites asking for help, if this was a proper islamic relationship this wouldnt be happing.
and why didnt you got married instead of BF ?

if he does not want you then u better leave him alone sorry but this is how it works even if you talk to the family but the person does not want then there is no way of working it out.
Firstly YES it was a Haraam Relationship - I know that - and i have severly repented and I have learnt my lesson. I dont know why you are being so **** critical - if you dont want to help then dont. I came onto this forum, not to be criticised by the likes of you.

ONLY Allah can judge me NOT YOU and ONLY Allah knows everything and Allah will do what is best for me.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
09-11-2009, 08:32 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by farhan
Assalamualaykum

some good advice alhamdulillah, but many of you are forgetting a key factor that which you can use as a benefit sister AnonymousGender.

We are now in the last 10 days of Ramadan. The most blessed days of every year Allah allows us to be in.

So what does this mean?... it is time for you to sinsearly use and utilise this time to the best of your ability.

Pray istikhara as you have been, make pleanty of SINSEAR DUA. Humble yourself to show and present to Allah that you have understood and accept the mistakes that you may have made previously and ask Allah to forgive all. And make dua that not only to ask Allah that he may present to you this brother for marriage.... BUT better to ASK ALLAH to give you what he sees best fit for you.. that is most important.

many people tend to make dua saying I this, I that, I want, I need,...... etc... but also for one to be a little more wiser to what they are asking, (this is something you learn further as you study the deen further and become a student of knowledge) i.e. you ask Allah again to give you what he sees best fit.

YES DUA CAN CHANGE QADR to an extent, its only with your true sinserity that will help you with it. But also realise that its not good to over depress one self for too long. yes its only human..

HENCE why I remind you of these last 10 days.. use it wisely ..

also something I know that helps is that if you INCREASE IN YOUR IBADAH it really does help a lot inshALlah

please forgive me if I may have said anything wrong and inshAllah remain patient.


This is the best advice given. thank you so much.

Please can i request this thread to be closed by a moderator. Thank you

JazakAllah
Reply

crayon
09-11-2009, 09:04 AM
Thread closed.
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