Am I allowed to talk to my sister again?

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: A week ago i though that my older sister did something awful that i cannot even type in here, i though she hurt me and breached my trust. I swore on Allah swt name that I will never talk to her again. My parents obviously want me to talk to my sis but they understood my decision as they were horrified themselves of what i though she did to me.I now found out that not everything is black and white she did something to me not to hurt me but to look out for me. I am scared to be normal to her again because i said i will never talk to her again.Islamically i know that you are not meant to not talk to family but i did swear on Allah swt name. Is it halal for ever me to talk her again?

['Abd-al Latif]

You swore an oath of disobedience (i.e. breaking family ties) so your oath is invalid. So yes you must keep relations with her.

[Al Ansari]

You swore an oath of disobedience (i.e. breaking family ties) so your oath is invalid. So yes you must keep relations with her.

^
assalaamu 'alaikum

True indeed.

WAllaahu a'lam

[Humbler_359]

:sl: sister,

I want to remind you, please be careful using in name of Allah, if you said so, you will never see her again in the rest of life when she die tmw suddenly.

Never use in name of Allah in any personal families or friends whoever. Allah wouldn't accept it but want to see you how to solve problems in between you and family members in a polite manner.

Allah(Subhana Wa Taa'la) know it is not your intention to say that wrong words but you always should ask Him his forgiveness.

Insha'Allah, hope you will get better after that.

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[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: JazakaAllah khair for all of your replies. Humbler thank you for the advice, this if the first time I did this and regret it I hope Allah swt forgives me, I was very depressed and lost it. But i am glad to know that i can talk to her again and not gain sins for talking to her.

[Sampharo]

But i am glad to know that i can talk to her again and not gain sins for talking to her.

Indeed if you swear to make a disobedience you need to break the oath and perform the better more righteous deed, it is required actually since you swore an oath on a great sin which is to cut ties with a blood relative. So you break the oath, however you still have to make penance (kaffara) for your swear, This is as per the prophet's order: ((Whomever swears by God an oath, and found something else more righteous, he should do the more righteous, and make penance on his oath)).

The penance is feeding 10 people in need a square meal from what you would feed your own family, dressing 10 people in need, freeing a captive, or if you cannot find or afford that then it's 3 consecutive days fasting without breaking in between.

God knows best

[AnonymousPoster]

Indeed if you swear to make a disobedience you need to break the oath and perform the better more righteous deed, it is required actually since you swore an oath on a great sin which is to cut ties with a blood relative. So you break the oath, however you still have to make penance (kaffara) for your swear, This is as per the prophet's order: ((Whomever swears by God an oath, and found something else more righteous, he should do the more righteous, and make penance on his oath)).

The penance is feeding 10 people in need a square meal from what you would feed your own family, dressing 10 people in need, freeing a captive, or if you cannot find or afford that then it's 3 consecutive days fasting without breaking in between.

God knows best

Do I have to do one thing out of that list or all of them?I been planning to send money back home as on eid most people there dont have much to eat. Will that I be enough?

[Sampharo]

No you do one thing out of it, and most scholars say paying an equivelent amount to charity is not sufficient. It need to be given out in food or clothes. If you feed them just give them a square meal, or replace it with the equivalent of one and a half kilos of dates or the staple of your country for each person. Otherwise get them a full clothing set that covers them top and bottom (Full Thawb or two pieces for top and bottom each).

[AnonymousPoster]

No you do one thing out of it, and most scholars say paying an equivelent amount to charity is not sufficient. It need to be given out in food or clothes. If you feed them just give them a square meal, or replace it with the equivalent of one and a half kilos of dates or the staple of your country for each person. Otherwise get them a full clothing set that covers them top and bottom (Full Thawb or two pieces for top and bottom each).

Well i cant exactly send them cans of food there is many of them and they usually just buy their fresh ingredients and cook for the whole family. My family usually sends them money and with that money they buy their food and clothes.

[glo]

Anon, I certainly hope you will speak to your sister again.
If she has done something wrong, then now may be the time she needs your support and help the most!

I am interested to hear that there is such a specific penance for the sin that has been committed in this case (swearing on the name of Allah and breaking the oath)
Is this penance prescribed in Qu'ran or the hadiths?

[ahmed_indian]

Anon, I certainly hope you will speak to your sister again.
If she has done something wrong, then now may be the time she needs your support and help the most!

I am interested to hear that there is such a specific penance for the sin that has been committed in this case (swearing on the name of Allah and breaking the oath)
Is this penance prescribed in Qu'ran or the hadiths?

“Its atonement is the feeding of ten poor (masakin) persons with the middle sort…(Quran 6:89)

The expiation of an oath is:

Freeing a slave. There suffices for it that which suffices in [the expiation of zihar]. [Or]
If one wishes, he may clothe ten destitute people, [giving] each of them one garment or more, the minimum of [each] being that in which salah is valid, [or]
If one wishes, he may feed ten destitute people, like the feeding in the expiation of zihar.
2. If one is not capable of any of these three things, one fasts three consecutive days.

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...ID=469&CATE=12

[Sampharo]

Well i cant exactly send them cans of food there is many of them and they usually just buy their fresh ingredients and cook for the whole family. My family usually sends them money and with that money they buy their food and clothes.

You asked a question, and I gave you the answer. To achieve penance of your oath you need to give food or clothes to ten destitute or poor people, not money. If you give money the consensus of scholars say that it doesn't count and you will still have this oath on your neck. So I suggest you buy the food and send it, or find other poor people near you to give them the food and clothes. It's not voluntary charity where you decide what is more convenient for you and them, it is a penance you need to make.

You may fast 3 days if you cannot afford to feed others, which is obviously not the case here, so you'll need to feed or clothe ten people (or if you know of a slave to free?). :) Look, you may be feeling awkward about this but you need to do it this way to atone for it.

May God grant you help and guidance.

[AnonymousPoster]

You asked a question, and I gave you the answer. To achieve penance of your oath you need to give food or clothes to ten destitute or poor people, not money. If you give money the consensus of scholars say that it doesn't count and you will still have this oath on your neck. So I suggest you buy the food and send it, or find other poor people near you to give them the food and clothes. It's not voluntary charity where you decide what is more convenient for you and them, it is a penance you need to make.

You may fast 3 days if you cannot afford to feed others, which is obviously not the case here, so you'll need to feed or clothe ten people (or if you know of a slave to free?). :) Look, you may be feeling awkward about this but you need to do it this way to atone for it.

May God grant you help and guidance.

:sl: Ops sorry if i came across rude there. I appreciate your advice, is difficult for me to send actual food back home is not just ackward my family would have to know and i dont want them to know what i said. So fasting is out of the way? Also can i buy food for homeless people i see on the street even if they are not muslim would that still be valid? Jazakallah khair

[Sampharo]

:sl: Ops sorry if i came across rude there. I appreciate your advice, is difficult for me to send actual food back home is not just ackward my family would have to know and i dont want them to know what i said. So fasting is out of the way? Also can i buy food for homeless people i see on the street even if they are not muslim would that still be valid? Jazakallah khair

Don't worry, did not take offense. Just felt you might be giving excuses for yourself to not make the proper atonement and wanted to clarify the necessity in it.

Zakat and atonement in food and clothes needs to be to muslims always. You don't have to tell your family what you swore upon, just tell them you swore on something personal and need their help in distributing the food or clothes. No matter where you are though it shouldn't be that hard to stand in front of a masjed and see people in need, or ask the imam for two families that you may buy dinner for.

Easier still, just bag ten portions of 1.5 kg of dates or rice, or 1 kg of flour, each. So you have 10 kg of flour or 15 kgs of dates or rice in 10 separate bags, and give them to the prayer leader of your masjed and tell him to hand out to whomever is in need.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: Jazakkallahkhair for your help. May ALLAH SWT reward you.

[Salahudeen]

mashallah, good advice brother I never kenw that, :) what if you give it to the local imam and he doesn't give it out to people who are in need, for example he just puts it out for people who are opening the fast would it still count?

[syriana]

of course speak to her. Silat arrahm is extremely important.. Family in general is extremely important. Repent to god, and I am sure he knows you swore out of anger and did not know the full extent of her intent.