:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by
hrm
:sl::statisfie
The above poem is a good effort alright but in my humble opinion the rhymes are not Synchronized. Here I have made some changes to the poem keeping the spirit of Ramadan in mind. I believe the rhymes should be in tune with the subject at hand. Let me know how you feel. Thanks :statisfie:
Read O little Qari
For there might not be another day
Quran recitation should be paramount
For there is no other way
Kind hearted, compassionate, sure of oneself,
This is what a believer should strive to be night and day
You and me would not live longer
A Day would soon come that would blight all days
PS: These days I am trying my hand at writing small poems at the spur of the moment and Alhumduallah it's working out fine :peace:
I don't know anything about poems but I think the original posters poem was better. It was short and sweet. While the first stanza was nice in your corrections, the rhyming seemed forced and the second stanza seemed to be completely lost to the gist of the poem which, to me, was "Read, O' little Qari", and the content/message in amount to the actual words of the poem was also lost.
And to Zircon: I like the poem very much, like I said earlier it is short and sweet. If I had to make a correction though, I would change the "makes up my gloomy day" to "make up my gloomy day/s."
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