'Desires'

[mozza]

Salam.

I have recently started following Islam. I pray 5 times a day, read the Quran. Keep away from all the bad sins and make sure I stay on the right path.

Im 21 and recently found a girl and engaged. However, I keep getting 'sexual desires' from time to time. I dont watch porn and I dont perve on girls or anything like that.
I seem to end up self pleasuring myself as a result. This is a sin and forbidden in Islam. But for some reason I seem to always commit this sin and cant control myself.

Can anyone help me on this matter? Thankyou.

['Abd-al Latif]

Don't be alone with her and try to keep as little contact with her as possible. If anything, speak to her brother or father but not the females of her family and try to get the marriage done as soon as because the longer you wait the more you will suffer.

[cat eyes]

this is a sin to be waiting around and what its making you do is a sin you get engaged you get married thats it. what excuse are you going to tell Allah on the day of judgement that all the imaams were fully booked to marry you two? if the two of yous do sin before marriage it would be such a shame and by the sounds of it you will end up sleeping together

[Salahudeen]

Avoid anything that will stimulate your desire like T.V and looking at non mehram women. When you're out force yourself not to look at women, every time you do say astaghfirullah, I don't know what to tell you many men suffer from this problem, you just have to avoid looking at women. Fix your eyes on the ground :D

this video might help you, it sends chills down your spine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxC0XsAj1Ho

brother your lucky it's nearly time for you get married and then this won't be a problem for you then inshallah.

What helps is to be concious of Allah all the time, then when you look at women you feel ashamed like "how can I do this infront of my lord" remember he's watching you all the time especially when you desire to commit the sin and inshallah you'll feel humility come over you that you're being watched.

remember the angels watching you :)

just think I wouldn't do this if my mum was in the room or dad, I'd feel ashamed that they'd see me, then don't you think Allah is more deserving of your shame and humility. feel ashamed that Allah is watching you.

that will help inshallah.

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[syriana]

I agree, i was in your boat, however I am not engaged anymore. It was really hard... trying having an early kitab, and fast. Keep yourself busy with other things.

[khadija20]

try to focus your mind on something else like reading an interesting islamic book and try to watch less t.v being young we find it hard to leave the t.v something that you think is innocent programme might in fact have this effect on you. for example watching dr. phil the topic of sex might come up and after that programme is long over your brain will still be recalling that topic so it dose have an effect on you just these things that you think is little have a huge effect resulting in strong sexual feelings

[Cabdullahi]

cut off entertainment and marry asap

[Ramadhan]

Try to fast monday-thursday.
Rasulullah said that if you cannot marry yet, then fast.

[Salahudeen]

^ does it mean if you can't marry fast every day???

or just monday or thursdays?

[zakirs]

monday to thursday.. i.e fast if you cant control your desires because during fasting controlling ur desires is easy.I myself feel that :)

[Ramadhan]

How to control urges through fasting
My question is about fasting. But it is not concerning The Holy month Ramadan. I mean fasting when one wants to marry but has not the ability to do this at the moment. I know that in Islam it is prescribed for this purpose, but I do not what is the right ruling on this. I would like to learn the exact time for iftar and sahur, how many days in month one should fast, exactly which day of the week it supposed to be as well.Please provide me with as much as you can details about that. And Allah knows best. May the peace and blessings of Him be upon all you.

Praise be to Allaah.

This pure monotheistic religion came to teach people how to control urges so that the Muslim individual who is distinguished by his character and behaviour would not remain a prisoner to his desires like an animal. Islam prescribes rulings, both obligatory and mustahabb, to protect him against the bad effects of being driven by his desires. Among these rulings is the prescription of fasting for those who cannot find the natural outlet for these desires in marriage, as ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated, “We were young men with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and we did not have anything (i.e., we could not afford to get married). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to us, ‘O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, then let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And whoever is not able to do that, then let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.’” (al-Bukhaari, 5066; Muslim, 1400). Fasting reduces the effects that desires have on young people.

Although this ruling is addressed to young men, it may become more essential when there is more temptation and the means and motives for committing evil increase, especially for those who live in societies in which there is a great deal of wanton display and promiscuity. So they should be keen to do this act of worship in order to protect their chastity and religious commitment. As well as fasting, a person may seek help though praying to Allaah to protect his religious commitment and honour, and to make it easy for him to get married, as marriage protects one's chastity. He may also help himself by remembering the reward in Paradise that Allaah has prepared for those who steadfastly obey His commands and guard their chastity, namely al-hoor al-‘iyn.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid


Also from http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/21979/marry%20fast

The first type is fasts which are specific to a type of person, such as young men who cannot get married, as mentioned in the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him): “We were young men with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and we did not have anything (i.e., we could not afford to get married). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to us, ‘O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, then let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And whoever is not able to do that, then let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.’” (al-Bukhaari, 5066; Muslim, 1400).

This kind of fasting is more emphasized so long as a person is single, and this prescription is more emphatic the more provocation there is. There is no mention of any specific number of days in this case.