Dilemma about mother's request

[anonymous]

:sl:

My mum is sitting a 3 day itkaaf and sent me a note saying she wants us to ask the local mosque to make and announcement to welcome her 'back' from itkaaf (by her name) when Eid is announced. It's made me feel sad that she wants people to know. Can I disobey her in this matter? What should I do? imsad

[جوري]

can you go to the mosque and ask her for her reasons for such a thing?
also tell her that it is better to do things for the love of Allah swt rather than for the sake of people..that she might in fact be undoing the acquisition of good deeds by seeking the approval of other than Allah swt..

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

[peaceandlove]

:sl:

My mum is sitting a 3 day itkaaf and sent me a note saying she wants us to ask the local mosque to make and announcement to welcome her 'back' from itkaaf (by her name) when Eid is announced. It's made me feel sad that she wants people to know. Can I disobey her in this matter? What should I do? imsad

Well , why did you feel that your mother wants fame etc (sorry if i am wrong , as i feel this from your message) , did you know the inner feeling of your mom.

My advice to you is to stop such thinking , might be by doing this your mom wants to convey the message of itkaaf to others sister, as people see if your mother can do why not they cannot also do itkaaf.

So think Positvie:statisfie and ignor any negative :raging: thinking , and be happy.

[anonymous]

Sr. Gossamer Skye, thank you for your reply. Where we come from (pak) all sorts of things are announced in mosques including this. I wanted to explain that it is better to keep it between her and Allah but I know she won't like it. I will try to as gently as I can. But I do know the gentleness will be ignored and all the focus will fall on the fact that I imparted something that went against her wishes. :(


Peaceandlove, you feel right. I do think my mum wants praise and it hurts me because I don't want her reward to diminish because of it. In the past when I have done something for others my mother told them she was the one who had told me to do it, yet she hadn't. I also don't see how telling others at this point is of any benefit to them. And doesn't charity begin at home?

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[IbnAbdulHakim]

dont judge her intentions

do as she says

[aadil77]

Bro as awkward and as unislamic things can be, its better to do what your parents tell you cause its not worth the argument and disrespect with them, unless its clearly sinfull and conflicting with our beliefs
If its a paki mosque then its probly the norm to announce such things even though I've never heard of it before, so dont feel embarassed or ashamed and just do it

tbh things like this make me cringe

[جوري]

:sl:

I am just curious if a person can't reason with their parents without disobeying them. In other words, can he ask her for her reasons first and if she is adamant about it, then he can go ahead with her wishes? I am not familiar with Pakistani customs and for all I know this could be the norm.. But say if your parents gave a large sum to charity, would it be ok to announce said sum to the entire congregation. It isn't Haram per se but aren't you undoing your good deeds by parading them to everyone?

[Pickthal 2:264] O ye who believe! Render not vain your almsgiving by reproach and injury, like him who spendeth his wealth only to be seen of men and believeth not in Allah and the Last Day. His likeness is as the likeness of a rock whereon is dust of earth; a rainstorm smiteth it, leaving it smooth and bare. They have no control of aught of that which they have gained. Allah guideth not the disbelieving folk.


I am not a scholar.. I am just curious because it feels very uncomfortable to me...

:w:

[cat eyes]

tell your mum gently and nice that it really isn't a good thing to make known to others of what she did for Allah. we were all warned from our beloved prophet mohammad pbuh to fear Allah


on the authority of Abu hurayrah(may Allah be pleased with him), who said; i heard the messenger of Allah(pbuh) say

''The first of people against whom judgement will be pronounced on the day of resurrection will be a man who died a martyr. he will be brought and Allah will make known to him his favours and he will recognize them[the Almighty] will say; 'And what did you do about them?'he will say:' i fought for you until i died a martyr.' he will say:you have lied -you did but fight that it might be said [of you]:'he is courageous.'' And so it was said. then will be ordered to be dragged along on his face until he is cast unto helfire.


[Another] will be a man who has studied religious knowledge and has taught it and who use to recite the holy Qur'an. he will be brought and Allah will make known to him his favours and he will recognize them.
[The Almighty] will say: 'And what did you do about them?'he will say i studied religious knowledge and i taught it and recited the Qur'an for your sake.'he will say:' you have lied-you did but study religious knowledge that it might be said [of you]:'he is learned.''And you recited the Qur'an that it might be said of you 'he is learned.'' And it might be said of you he is a reciter.'And so it was said. then he will be ordered to be dragged along on his face until he is cast on to helfire.


[Another] will be a man who Allah has made rich and to whom he had given all kinds of wealth. he will be brought and Allah will make known to him his favours and he will recognize them [the Almighty]will say:' And what did you do about them?' he will say: 'i left no path [un-trodden] in which you like money to be spent without spending in it for your sake.' he will say:'you have lied- you did but do so that it might be said [of you]:'he is open-handed.'' And it was said. then he will be ordered to be dragged along on his face until he is cast into helfire

it was related by muslim(also by at-tirmidhi and an nasa'i)

During ramadan i had downloaded a load of hadiths into my fone and i came across this one. this hadith is very clear to understand but when i had gotton the interpretation anyway i wanted to curl up and hide somewhere and i started to sweat.. telling people of what you had done and showing off which thats what your mum intends to do obviously because she wants to be seen afterwards is a sin to me and she should fear Allah

[Ayesha_Hanif]

talk to your mother about how you feel of the situation you are in.

Maybe her intentions arent how you think, and if you convinced she is doing it for the wrong reasons, explain why this is not the right thing to do.

[anonymous]

Thank you for your replies everyone.

As for those who think I'm judging my mum's intentions, I think you have misjudged mine. I didn't want my mother to do this for her own good and you can see from Sr. Gossamer's and Sr. Cat's posts that it isn't good to flaunt your good deeds. I knew she'd be hurt no matter how gently I told her. I hoped Allah would provide me with an answer as I didn't want to ruin her itkaaf or her mood. At the end I felt I should ring the mosque and ask for their opinion. I was met by an answering machine as the office was closed. Alhumdulillah, there wasn't going to be an announcement and I didn't have to give my mum the news that would've upset her. I just told her I rang the mosque but their office was closed until after maghrib. I took flower garlands and fresh flowers to welcome her out of itkaaf with the whole family and a traditional dress and jewellery as eid prezzies for her. She was very happy. Allah had saved the day. :)

[جوري]

al7mdlillah, I am really glad it worked out for you sis.. whomever trusts in Allah swt, surely Allah will find him/her a way out..

:w:

[Rasema]

:sl:

My mum is sitting a 3 day itkaaf and sent me a note saying she wants us to ask the local mosque to make and announcement to welcome her 'back' from itkaaf (by her name) when Eid is announced. It's made me feel sad that she wants people to know. Can I disobey her in this matter? What should I do? imsad

:wa:

May Allah,subhana wa ta'ala, unite us.

Your mother is someone who has completed the fifth obligation(I think). I highly respect such an individual.

Tell me more about your mother. Is she friendly, strict,serious....

Is she married, divorced, single...

Does she contribute a lot to the mesjid?

[cat eyes]

Thank you for your replies everyone.

As for those who think I'm judging my mum's intentions, I think you have misjudged mine. I didn't want my mother to do this for her own good and you can see from Sr. Gossamer's and Sr. Cat's posts that it isn't good to flaunt your good deeds. I knew she'd be hurt no matter how gently I told her. I hoped Allah would provide me with an answer as I didn't want to ruin her itkaaf or her mood. At the end I felt I should ring the mosque and ask for their opinion. I was met by an answering machine as the office was closed. Alhumdulillah, there wasn't going to be an announcement and I didn't have to give my mum the news that would've upset her. I just told her I rang the mosque but their office was closed until after maghrib. I took flower garlands and fresh flowers to welcome her out of itkaaf with the whole family and a traditional dress and jewellery as eid prezzies for her. She was very happy. Allah had saved the day. :)

Awww thats great sis Alhamdulilah your mum will be rewarded inshallaah:)
Eid mubarek to you and family