I'd urge you dear sister not to go to your grave having incurred your mother's anger..
pls you must find whatever means, get an imam involved or whatever you must do. I will not judge your actions. .. what is done is done.. but read this, please every word.. and then try to find the means to get your mother to be pleased with you..
Good Treatment of Parents
Good Treatment of Parents
� Sister Umm Ali
The most important aspect in Islam is
tauheed; that is, we worship none except Allah. In numerous places in our holy book, Allah (swt) commands us:
"Worship Allah and join none with him in worship)...."
(Qur'an, an-Nisa 4:36)
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him...."
(Qur�an, al-Isra 17:23)
Then to emphasise the importance of being dutiful to parents, Allah (swt) commands us to do so immediately after worshipping Him Alone:
"....and do good to parents...."
(Qur'an, an-Nisa 4:36)
"....And that you be dutiful to your parents...."
(Qur'an, al-Isra 17:23)
Thus, parents are firmly and highly placed in Islam. They should, therefore, be treated accordingly.
There are many sayings from the Prophet (s) that confirm this:
Abu Huraira (r) related that a man came to Allah's Messenger (s) and asked him, "Who is the most worthy of my kindness, Messenger of Allah?" He answered, "Your mother." The man asked again, "Then who?" He answered, "Then your mother." Still the man asked, "And who?" He said again, "Then your mother." The man asked further, "Then who?" He answered, "Then your father."
(Agreed Upon)
This
hadeeth is not about comparing the mother to the father. What it is telling us is that the mother is three times the most worthy of receiving our kindness, then the father and then the rest of the people. This places our parents above all people, including our children, who deserve to be treated with the most kindness.
Preference of Parents over Children
Parents often love their children more than they love their parents. But in Islam, more emphasis is given to parents. If there has to be a choice then preference should be given to parents. Below is part of a story told by the Prophet (s) as narrated by Ibn Umar (r) that demonstrates to what extent should parents be preferred over children:
"While three persons were travelling, they were overtaken by rain and they took shelter in a cave in a mountain. A big rock fell from the mountain over the mouth of the cave and blocked it. They said to each other, "Think of good righteous deeds which you did for Allah's sake only, and invoke Allah by giving reference to those deeds so that Allah may relieve you from your difficulty."
One of them said, "O Allah! I had my parents who were very old and I had small children for whose sake I used to work as a shepherd. When I returned to them at night and milked (the sheep), I used to start giving my parents first before giving my children. And one day I went far away in search of a grazing place (for my sheep) and didn't return home till late at night and found that my parents had slept. I milked (my livestock) as usual and brought the milk vessel and stood at their heads, and I disliked to wake them up from their sleep, and I also disliked to give the milk to my children before my parents though my children were crying (from hunger) at my feet. So this state of theirs and mine continued till the day dawned. (O Allah!) If you considered that I had done that only for seeking Your pleasure, then please let there be an opening through which we can see the sky."
So Allah made for them an opening through which they could see the sky...."
(Bukhari 8/5)
The state of the
ummah (community) today is the reverse of this. Children are given the best of our love, treatment and care. They are lavished with our attention. They receive an unending supply of clothing, toys and gifts. They are served food and drinks first. Whatever remains after giving all to children is then given to parents. Sometimes there is nothing left and so parents go without. However, the fact is, if we want Allah (swt) to accept our supplications then we must be dutiful to our parents and give them the kindness that Allah had ordained that they should receive.
Being Dutiful to Parents above Jihad
Being dutiful to parents is of such importance that it is placed above fighting in
jihad (struggle for Allah's Cause):
Abu Abdur-Rahman, Abdullah ibn Maqsood (r) said, "I have asked Allah's Messenger (s): which of the deeds is most favourable to Allah? He answered: perform prayer at its appointed time. I asked again: And then? He said: Being dutiful to parents! I asked further: And then? He answered: Struggle for the Cause of Allah."
(Agreed Upon)
Abdullah, son of 'Amr ibn al-As (r) related that a man came to the Prophet (s) and said, "I swear allegiance to you for migration and struggle, seeking reward from Allah, the Exalted." The Prophet asked him, "Are any of your parents alive?" The man said, "Yes, both of them." Then the Prophet asked again, "And you seek Allah's reward?" The man said, "Yes." He said to him, "Then return to your parents and keep good company towards them."
(Agreed Upon)
The commentary given of the above
ahadeeth is that we should serve our parents well and do our best to satisfy their needs since this will be substituted for fighting in Allah's Cause. Generally, however, when we wish to go for
jihad we should take permission from our parents but when an enemy of Islam attacks the Muslims' rights in their own lands then it does not need the permission of parents.
What is 'Kind Treatment'?
Allah (swt) had ordered us: "We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents." (Qur'an, al-Ankabut 29:8 and al-Ahq'af 46:15) What then constitute this kind treatment?
Allah (swt) tells us:
"If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower to them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: 'My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.'"
(Qur'an, al-Isra 17:23-24)
The original word "ouf" was translated into "a word of disrespect." This word, in fact, is lower than disrespect because it also expresses impatience and contempt. Ali ibn Abu Taleb (r) said, "If Allah knew any word of filial ingratitude less than 'ouf' He would have forbidden it too. So let the ungrateful son do whatever good he can and he will not be admitted into
Jannah (Heaven), and let the grateful son do whatever good he likes and he will not go to
Narr (Hellfire)." This shows that we cannot even use a simple word such as 'ouf' to our parents. Instead, we should speak nicely and be humble to them.
Allah (swt) makes us realise that when we were little it was our parents who loved us and took care of us. Just as we now look at our own children with love and tenderness, our parents once looked upon us in the same way. This is why we should in return be kind and tender to them and say the
du'ah (supplication) above to ask Allah (swt) to have mercy on them.
There are two exemplary examples of being kind and dutiful to parents. These were Prophet Yahyah (a): "And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither arrogant nor disobedient (to Allah or to his parents)." (Qur'an, Maryam 19:14), and Prophet Isa (a), who said: "And dutiful to my mother, and made me not arrogant, unblessed." (Qur'an, Maryam 19:32). In both cases, they were both kind and compassionate.
In this materialistic world where money is equated with love or duty, we see children giving money to their parents as if that was enough to repay all their love and hardship. Even if we were to carry them on our backs for the rest of their lives that would not be enough:
'Abdullah ibn Umar Al-Khattab (r) once saw a man carrying an old woman on his back turning around the
Ka'kaah (Sacred House in Makkah). He asked him who it was. The man answered, "She is my mother. Do you think I have paid in full my duty to her?" Abdullah answered, "By Allah, whatsoever you do for her would not be equal to one shriek she suffered when giving birth to you."
Allah (swt) said:
"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years - give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is the final destination."
(Qur'an, Luqman 31:14)
There are many examples from among the
Sahabah (Companions) and the early Muslims. Their stories illustrate that kindness and duty to parents are more than just shoving money into their hands or tolerating their presence. It consists of doing the most simple of things but with great humility, love and self-sacrifice.
Disobedience to Parents
Kindness and duty to parents are, without doubt, extremely important. Needless to say, disobedience is a great sin. According to 'Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Al-'Aas (r) the Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Greater sins include ascribing partners to Allah, ingratitude to parents, homicide and perjury." (Bukhari)
Committing any of these sins leads to Hellfire. In the case of unkindness and disobedience to parents, it will prevent us from even declaring the
shahadah (declaration of faith) and thereby preventing us from entering
Jannah (Paradise):
Good Treatment of Parents
'Abdullah ibn Auf (r) narrated: We were with the Messenger of Allah (s) when someone came to him and was told that there was a young man giving his last breaths. He was asked to say: There is no god but Allah, but he couldn't. The Messenger asked, "Did he establish worship?" The man said, "Yes." The Messenger of Allah (s) stood up and we followed suit. He came to the young man and said to him, "Say: There is no god but Allah." The young man said, "I can't." The Messenger of Allah asked him, "And why not?" Someone said, "He was unkind to his mother." The Messenger of Allah asked him, "Is his mother alive?" They said, "Yes." He said, "Tell her to come in." Then he asked her, "Is this your son?" She said, "Yes." He said, "Tell me if a huge fire was made and you were told if you intercede we will let him go or else we will burn him with this fire, would you have interceded for him?" She said, "O Messenger of Allah! I would have interceded for him then." He said, "Then testify to Allah and let me bear witness that you are pleased with him." She said, "O Allah! I declare to You and Your Messenger as witnesses that I am pleased with my son." Then the Messenger of Allah turned to the young man and asked him to say, "There is no god but Allah without a partner and I testify that Muhammad is His slave and messenger." The boy finally managed to repeat the testimony and the Messenger of Allah said, "Praise and Glory to Allah who have saved him from the Fire." (Ahmad, Tabarani)
This
hadeeth also shows that even when a parent is displeased with his or her child, he or she will never want for the child to go to Hell and burn in the Fire. A parent's love for his/her child is a mercy from Allah (swt). A child, therefore, should return that love and be obedient to Allah and his/her parents. Remember what Allah (swt) said of Prophet Yahyah (a): "And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither arrogant nor disobedient (to Allah or to his parents)." This is what we should aim for.
References
Abudawood, A. I. (1997).
Daleel al-sayleen.
Badawi, J. (!9**).
The rights of parents. (Videotape).
http://members.optusnet.com.au/umm_pub/goodTrPar.html
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