Advise needed please

[AnonymousPoster]

Salaam sisters and brothers

I am in a bit of dilemma i am happily married sister but for some time now this issue has been bothering me and cannot resolve the matter.

I have a friend she is a muslim but not practicing sister she has a 16 year old daughter who she is having trouble with as her daughter is chatting to guys hanging around with them and maybe commiting zina. imsad

Her 16 year old thinks she is jordan and god's gift to men she has said all this.

Problem is when i go over to her house her 16 year old who dress's inappropriate come's out and starts flirting and staring directly at my husband,who alhamdulillah lowers his gaze and doe's not look,but i find this very unsettling.

Her daughter starts talking about my husband but i try to avoid her to answer her questions i can't stand being around her but i don't want to lose my friend either.It's like when she come's to my house her daughter starts wondering around the house trying to find an opportunity to bump into my husband.:(

This has started to worry me alot can anyone please advise what i could do?

[glo]

Has your friend commented on her daughter's behaviour?
Is she troubled by it, or has not noticed it, or does not mind?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

you could stop mingling with that friend until she sorts out her daughter

i know i would

[crayon]

Can I just point out that " and maybe commiting zina" is a very very big statement to make, and shouldn't be said lightly at all. I'm not berating you, just a reminder to myself and all of us in mentioning things like this.

Why don't you just visit your friend alone, without your husband? Make it a girl thing, the men don't have to be there. That way you get to see your friend, and possibly be a positive influence on her and her daughter.

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[Cabdullahi]

''16 year old thinks she is jordan''

[AnonymousPoster]

Can I just point out that " and maybe commiting zina" is a very very big statement to make, and shouldn't be said lightly at all. I'm not berating you, just a reminder to myself and all of us in mentioning things like this.

Why don't you just visit your friend alone, without your husband? Make it a girl thing, the men don't have to be there. That way you get to see your friend, and possibly be a positive influence on her and her daughter.

My friend has said this about her own daughter she is the one who has said this about her,that she suspects her daughter has commited zina with her and finding it hard to control her,i do go alone my husband drops me of with my lil kids it's as soon as our car pulls up she quickly comes out.

[AnonymousPoster]

''16 year old thinks she is jordan''

yes as she keeps comenting about things a 16 year should not say i feel :embarrass

[cat eyes]

as much as it is annoying she is under 18 so really she is a child with no sense of what she is doing wrong so this is why it is of great importance to teach your child how to behave at a very young age.(something which she did not get) so if you feel this young one is a threat 2 your husband everytime yous go there to there home then i suggest you stop visiting eachothers home and you should meet with your friend elsewhere! If you cannot do that then i suggest you cut off all ties with this family! Something which is of great importance here is no girl adult or teen is not meant 2 be around non mahram. Men and women should be in separate rooms and not in same room when visitors come around. Lowering the gaze is not enough i am afraid 2say sister. Your husband can easily fall prey to her as long as shes in his presence. It dose happen.

[aadil77]

sounds like shes on her path to hoe'hood, tell her straight 'put on some clothes you filthy animal' and to give up trying seduce your husband

I'd take it quite seriously is shes creating fitna for your husband, dont give her the slightest oportunity to do that

[Ramadhan]

It is up to your friend's (her mother) responsibility to set her straight.
if you are a good friend, you really need to discuss seriously with her and give her support to find out ways enlighten the daughter before it's too late.

[Humbler_359]

''16 year old thinks she is jordan''

:sl:

I am not sure, what she mean "Jordan"? country? :exhausted


Yeah, you go talk with your friend's mother straight out and meet them only without Husband regularly.

[Ramadhan]

I think Jordan is this UK celebrity who loves to wear extremely little clothes (if any) in public

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
does this friend's daughter have some kind of father figure? she needs someone to talk to her to straighten up.

quite frankly, i'd slap the girl if she tried that. i couldnt care less who i offended. why dont you tell your husband to tell the girl to back off. i think that would be quite affective.

yes as she keeps comenting about things a 16 year should not say i feel

sounds like she needs to be hanging around the right crowd.

[AnonymousPoster]

as much as it is annoying she is under 18 so really she is a child with no sense of what she is doing wrong so this is why it is of great importance to teach your child how to behave at a very young age.(something which she did not get) so if you feel this young one is a threat 2 your husband everytime yous go there to there home then i suggest you stop visiting eachothers home and you should meet with your friend elsewhere! If you cannot do that then i suggest you cut off all ties with this family! Something which is of great importance here is no girl adult or teen is not meant 2 be around non mahram. Men and women should be in separate rooms and not in same room when visitors come around. Lowering the gaze is not enough i am afraid 2say sister. Your husband can easily fall prey to her as long as shes in his presence. It dose happen.

Thank you for your reply sister my husband does not go inside he drops me of outside and goes pretty much straight away it's her gal who runs out as soon as she see's car pull up.

[AnonymousPoster]

It is up to your friend's (her mother) responsibility to set her straight.
if you are a good friend, you really need to discuss seriously with her and give her support to find out ways enlighten the daughter before it's too late.

:sl:
does this friend's daughter have some kind of father figure? she needs someone to talk to her to straighten up.

quite frankly, i'd slap the girl if she tried that. i couldnt care less who i offended. why dont you tell your husband to tell the girl to back off. i think that would be quite affective.


sounds like she needs to be hanging around the right crowd.

Thank you for replys i have advised my friend when she talks to me about her daughter but my friend does not seem to put her words into action with her daughter,i don't wana get my husband involved in this my friend does have a husband who quiet frankly is no father figure to her daughter.
May Allah guide my friend and her daughter onto the right path,i have tried to talk about deen to them but my friend does not realy wana know.imsad

[DigitalStorm82]

You need to remove her environment... move if you can.

Get her to be friends with practicing muslims... nothing else will change her. Unless Allah performs some kind of miracle.

I know a lot of people that changed from bad to good just because they surrounded themselves with good friends.

Parent child talk at this stage is almost pointless. You gotta find her a good practicing muslim friend(s).

[Muhaba]

Your friend's daughter acts quite immature imo. Does she have mental problems? lol sorry but that kind of behavior (coming out as soon as your car pulls up in front of her house, ogling your husband, etc) seems wierd to me.

Your friend should strictly tell her that such behavior is unacceptable. (If she's got some mental problem she should be taken to doctor. I've seen a couple of retarded teenage girls who just stared at ppl in a wierd sort of way, even commented at men in public places.)

Maybe you can visit when the girl is at school or maybe ur husband can drop you off a block away.

If nothing else works, then give up ur friendship, especially if your friend isn't interested in learning Deen.

[Cabdullahi]

teenagers are going crazy these days and i blame television shows
there is an aim to set a trend it might be that this poor girl has fallen for that

[megatron5228]

Walikum Assalaam Sister

I truly think you should directly tell your friend. It seems like you and your friend are close, so it would not be difficult to express yourself.

If you are going to discuss matters, just simply tell her that what she is doing is unislamic and is disrectful morally and socially. In your case if you are going to tell her, you can express how you are offended whereas you are. You do not have to hold anything back. If you tell your friend, she probably will consider what you have to say and how you feel.

First off, just discuss the problem about your husband and your friend's daughter. After that, teach her about the matter Islamically speaking (e.g. how flirting may lead to acts of Zina, makes her vulnerable, etc). When you do this, you dont want to go overboard and come at her all at once. Since you said she is not religious, she will not take this matter lightly, so you want to pace yourself when teaching her about this on an Islamic level. As you teach her, do not be harsh either but come across as being constructive.

The issue about your husband can be fixed easily and readily, but the issue about your friend's daughter acting like a tramp will not be fixed overnight. Nonetheless, be persistent in your efforts and may Allah reward you for them.

In the meantime, make Dua'a and may Allah help us all insha'Allah.

Good luck.

[megatron5228]

You need to remove her environment... move if you can.

Get her to be friends with practicing muslims... nothing else will change her. Unless Allah performs some kind of miracle.

I know a lot of people that changed from bad to good just because they surrounded themselves with good friends.

Parent child talk at this stage is almost pointless. You gotta find her a good practicing muslim friend(s).

I agree. This crazy girl's mother cannot do much. She has already allowed too much at this point for her daughter to even turn things around. Also at this point the little girl takes her mother for granted. If anything, this girl needs another perspective or some kind of reenforcement to even change.

[syilla]

If i were you i told my hubby to scare her all the way by looking fierce and angry man :X (as if y are you talking to me huh!!!)