Problems with the mother

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: all,

I am having problems with my mother... :exhausted

Before I write anything let me say that I always try to have utmost respect for my parents, as Islam teaches us: "Heaven lies beneath the feet of your mother", etc, etc.

Until a few weeks ago I was planning to move out and live independently away from home. Part of the reason was my parents argue alot and there is not a lot of deen in our house (even though my father is a revert). Alhamdulillah since then I have become stronger in emaan and decided that for the sake of Allah I should stay at home, as it just me and my sister. Also my mother and I reconciled a lot of our differences.

However since then my mother and I have fallen out again. She is constantly second-guessing my faith it seems, asking me 'why do you look worried' and 'why don't we ever talk (about Islam)?' Whatever answer I give is not sufficient and she keeps prodding until I actually feel tense and it is true! I feel closer to Allah swt than ever before, and as a family we have progressed a lot, to doing jamaat in the house and talking about things, but she doesn't realise it is for Allah, not for her, and she continues to expect me to be answerable to her. Her Islam is very cultural where it is always about what 'other people' do and not what we should be doing.

I'm not saying she doesn't have reason to worry about me, as in the past I was not the ideal son. However since becoming stronger in emaan I wish she would not try and find something that's not there, because it makes me angry and distracted, and I know this is from shaytaan trying to pull me back.

I would also wish to clarify something from the knowledgable members: Are your parents directly accountable for your actions after you hit maturity? Because my mother seems to believe her Hereafter depends on my actions and that Allah swt will call her to account for my actions as an adult (which I am).

My actions are alhamdulillah becoming purer in intention but that does not stop her from interrogating me. It is as if I am not allowed to look worried (if I am contemplating how to improve myself constantly I can hardly be smiling 24/7 can I?). :hmm:

I am unfortunately reconsidering moving out again just to give myself room to breathe and purify my intentions away from the 'cultural' influences of my home, but I fear that I will anger Allah for promising my mother one thing (staying) and then doing another. Any advice?

:w:

Also does anyone know a good way to get rid of anger, particularly directed at parents?

[جوري]

I have just read this thread today, Insha'Allah, you'll find it as useful as I have, even if not particularly pertinent to your problem:

http://www.islamicboard.com/new-musl...mdulillah.html

and Allah swt knows best..

:w:

[cat eyes]

if living in that type of household is effecting your deen then you should move out and you should tell your mum in a kind way she cannot not make judgments who will enter jannah and who will not. taking that right away from Allah to judge her child is a bigger sin then losing your anger to her. it makes me physically sick when people do that+o( when a person is not doing anything wrong you know and has to walk around on eggshells. a mother who is really getting terribly oppressed from her son she will not even say such things that you might not enter jannah and she will be held to account whaaa? what a mother can do in the anger is she can curse her child and Allah listens to that person especially a mother. it dose not sound like your doing anything wrong. it seems like she is judging you alot which i really hate so i would suggest you move out to keep yourself sane and prevent any quarrels

[AnonymousPoster]

Thanks sr. Gossamer: i read the article and saved it to my documents, it is really beneficial jzk!

Also jzk sr. cat eyes, your advice is v. much appreciated.

Well, it's even just nice to know i'm not the only one with these problems!

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[Sampharo]

Are your parents directly accountable for your actions after you hit maturity? Because my mother seems to believe her Hereafter depends on my actions and that Allah swt will call her to account for my actions as an adult (which I am).

Short answer is sort of. She's not responsible or accountable for what you do, but she is accountable for not trying to find out what you do and not telling you what is right.

Be a bit more patient with your mother and try to stay put. You said it yourself: "Heaven lies beneath the feet of your mother." It is better than Jihad for God's sake.

So you think that praying in peace while your mother misses your presence is actually better for your Islam and deen? It is not! Just being there and looking kindly at her while listening to whatever it is she is talking about, even if she's just releasing pressure or making senile talk, amounts to making an entire pilgrimage!

God says: "He who is kind to his mother can do whatever he wants, he is forgiven, and he who is unkind to his mother can also do whatever he wants, he will not be forgiven."

If you want to make your Islam stronger, stay by your mother and be kind. If you want endless amounts of deeds, stay by your mother and be kind. If you want your supplications to be answered without delay and your sins to be forgiven without question, stay by your mother and be kind.If you want to be blessed with memorizing Quran faster and learning more about Islam religion and gaining scholarly knowledge, you know what you have to do? Yes, that's right, STAY with your mother and be kind.

When the mother dies, a caller says to the son: "The woman for whom you were being blessed for has died, now you need to do the deeds for which you can be blessed for."

God may grant us our mother's satisfaction with us.

[Muhaba]

She is just worried about you and may have reason to be so too, since you weren't practicing before. Just be nice to her, smile when you're around her, reassure her by telling her what's happening in your life, how you've going to the masjid, lectures you've attended, what you've learnt, etc. Telling her about the islamic lectures will help her learn something to so it will benefit her as well. i don't think you have reason to move out. moving out will only increase her agony which you don't want, so best not to move out.

[AnonymousPoster]

Do istikara and see if u shud move out or not

Jazakallah