GirlCrush and confession, need help

[megatron5228]

Assalaamu Alaikum everyone

This past summer I did something horrible (or at least somewhat?!?!?) I had this female friend that I have a crush on. I liked her so much that I went overboard. I have been friends with this girl for almost two years but I have felt extra for her for almost about a year. This girl I have never hung out with formally, but have hung out spontaneously. What I mean is that I would bump into her on campus and we sat and talked and talked. If not that, then we would talk online. She is extremely tough to get a hold of, so that is why it's hard to set up something. She never picks up the phone or answers back e-mails/myspace msgs. If it is not meant to be with her, I at least wanted to spend more time with her in the company of our other friends and get to know her; that way I know what I am getting myself into. I am definitely not close to her. Our families are friends, but not close friends. I guess our families are on a level of getting to know each other as well.

When we first became friends, she would always write me sweet messages on the internet, praise anything and everything I said. Supposedly I would hear through other people that she would even be asking about me, my information.

I started to feel for her a year after our slight friendship because she is one of the best people I could simply talk to and have a conversation with for the longest time. We would talk for the longest time about anything and everything. She is insanely friendly, frank voice, great personality, patience, hard-working, and I do find her attractive. She is also very smart and knowledgable about Islam. Her parents are also well-rounded as she is and are respectable towards all people. She possessed a lot of qualities I could ever ask for in a girl.

She used to be friends mostly with Muslims and/or well rounded students who never get into trouble. But now surrounds herself mostly with non-Muslims since the Muslims in the school let her down. When I said she is religious, I meant it in the sense that it is strong in her heart and incorporates into her daily life and is always learning about Islam; however, I am pretty sure she does not pray consistently (Allah knows best). So is she considered religious or what? I happen to be on all my places and ques, praying 5x a day, going to the masjid once a day, and reading Quran, etc. I do have my downsides such as cursing, making dirty jokes, but nothing more than that.

Here is the story:
The girl I like, it seems like she got into some trouble. She has/had this male friend, non-muslim, which she had just become friends with at the time. They were friends for 7 months that I was aware of (if not more, don’t know if things ended, if theyre still friends???). This girl never has any bad habits, but she was hanging around some bad people, which obviously led to some terrible things. I found these pictures of her online doing some very bad stuff. I found her drinking alcohol, smoking, then she was making out with this non-Muslim friend (3rd month of their friendship). When I discovered this (5th month of their friendship), it made me very upset and I simply was hurt for the longest time. I was so sad. I always envisioned as her being a better person than I was, and then she did all THAT! I don’t even get into that kind of trouble. These pictures were up for 3 months, and were taken down. I happened to discover them in that 3rd month.

As time went on, I happened to discover more pictures of her and this other man. There was a few pictures of them hugging or holding each other, going places, and simply being buddy buddy. It just made me burn so badly inside. I happened to find out information about this guy by looking at his Facebook and Myspace. Evidently he is not a good man. He is an alcoholic, druggie, and even has a DUI. I was scared that my female friend (crush) is going to get hurt emotionally and physically. I wanted her to be safe. I also care a lot for her family’s sake since she happens to be the oldest to three other siblings, and it wouldn’t be desirable if the siblings ever found out her shenanigans.

During these 7 months, I would closely watch her Facebook wall and see when that male friend of her’s would write on her wall and what he would write. At times, he wouldnt write for the longest time, but then he would strike. The way he would talk to her and be friendly (seemed a little TOO friendly at times) would also make me burn.

I asked one of her good friends (who also happens to be my friend as well) if she is in relationship with that guy, and the answer was no. Her friend said that she (my crush) would have told her. My crush advertised it on the internet and I once asked her about it, but she said it was just a joke. At times I had my doubts and still do.

THIS IS WHAT I DID:
I collected all the pictures I could of her and this other man. I even collected pictures of this dirty man from previous years of him smoking, partying, anything disturbing, etc. I wrote a nasty letter expressing all these bad things of this man and how he is a failure and anything that is bad about him. This letter also talked about what my crush and this man did together. I was able to get all the pictures except the one of her drinking and kissing this man. I put all this together and mailed it 3-4x to her family’s house. Each time I sent it, it had different pics and messages. The first I sent it was the worst of them all. Not only did I send it to her house, but I sent it to their family friend’s house as well who has the same last name as her family, all 3-4x. This would assure that her parents found out about this. The first time I sent it, she immediately deactivated her Facebook as did that other man.

A week after it happened, I e-mailed her telling her how my summer was going and what I was up to. She e-mailed me back telling how things were going with her and seemed fine, but she never mentioned anything bad that was happening. So she has no idea I did all of this. I did all of this in the 8th month since they became friends. Since that e-mail when she wrote back, I would try all means of contacting her with e-mail, calling, text but she never got back to me. If she knew I did it, she would have called me out or her parents would have.

Since then:
Until this day, I don’t know what else happened or what has taken place ever since I mailed out the nasty package. I don’t know if my crush and that dirty man are still friends. If I did something, her or her family would have confronted me. I still talk to her parents very friendly as they do the same right back to me. In the 9th month since the time my crush and that male became friends, I bumped into her into the grocery store and said hello, but she seemed really down and said hey and completely walked away into the parking lot. It seemed like a rude gesture on her part. So from that point on, I stopped all contacts with her assuming she needs time to be to herself emotionally.

I saw her again in the 11th month 2x and she still seemed down. I would say hi to her and she would say hello, but with no enthusiasm. Ever since I met her, she used to be the most outgoing, polite person I ever knew, and now she has become the opposite. She used to call me buddy and come from far away to talk to me. What I did may have led to her breakdown, but it could possibly be some other things going on in her life. During the 11th month, I tried all means of contacting her but still no answer.

I was also told by a few friends that my crush was very rude to them and made them feel undesirable. She even had the nerve not to say hello to anyone that her mother would introduce to her.

It seems like she is depressed or being bothered by something. I made a fake e-mail and e-mailed her to her college address which can be found through the college homepage’s website. What I wrote in that nasty letter, I wrote the same thing reminding her what she did. She replied to that e-mail 9 hours later saying to stop, so it made sense that she is actually avoiding me or doesn’t want to talk to me for a time being.

Advice & need help:
I know what I did was possibly wrong. I ask Allah for forgiveness. I even ask Allah to do what’s best in this situation. I did it because I had a major crush on this girl. At the same time, I didn’t want her to get hurt or to be in a very bad situation. I hated this guy and I wanted him to get away from her. I was protecting her, but it was done in an undesirable way. Because of that, I don’t feel bad for what I did but I fear Allah.

I still like this girl and I do want to be more than friends with her. However, I don’t think I could ever tell her or anyone that I did such a thing. She has no idea that I actually did such a thing by getting her in trouble with her parents. I can almost promise that I will never do such a thing again, and I will always be nice, honest, and protect her if we ever got a chance to be together.

I just wanted some advice on how to approach this situation? What are your thoughts on what I did, what Islam says about such an incident. Is Allah punishing me by having her avoid me? If she assumes that I had nothing to do of this situation, then why could she be avoiding me? Should I drop this crush altogether and move on? Please help me out, be honest, give advice, and guide me. Jazak’Allah.

[Shorty]

The way you went about trying to "protect" this girl was completely wrong.
Protecting means to ensure NO harm befalls her.
Fact is you put her directly into harms way....
If you were SO concerned for her safety, why did you not write an email to HER, expressing your concerns, and you still couldve kept it anonymous.

By sending pictures to her parents, you may very well have caused her to be physically and verbally abused. Above all that her parents obviously have lost all trust in her.
And you didnt only send pictures to her parents, but also to family friends! That pretty much means word will spread and her parents friends will never look at her with genuine respect again. No matter how close, people tend to gossip, her reputation is probably ruined even if you havent heard anything bad mouthing about her.
It also causes harm to her parents emotionally. You didnt only just hurt one person...

If you have sisters you would know that parents by nature arent as lenient and forgiving with girls...Im sorry but im not going to sugar coat this....What you did was real bad.
Everyone is entitled to make mistakes, but you broadcasted those mistakes to her parents 3-4 times...
Fact is she may very well have been that way all along and you just didnt know, it wasnt a matter for you to take into your hands. IF you want to help, offer assistance and advice...other wise dont get involved. You cant help someone who doesnt wish to be helped.

As for your aim..you aimed to ruin this guy she likes.
Hes not muslim, and even if he was he wouldnt get into half as much trouble as her...He pretty much is left unscratched, cant say the same for her though.

Leave her alone for a while... dont try to push yourself into contact. I guess she would be having alot of trouble at home at the moment so leave her be. Just learn from this mistake and be there for her if she needs it. As i said though..dont push

[Cabdullahi]

Assalaamu Alaikum everyone




THIS IS WHAT I DID:
I collected all the pictures I could of her and this other man. I even collected pictures of this dirty man from previous years of him smoking, partying, anything disturbing, etc. I wrote a nasty letter ....... I was able to get all the pictures except the one of her drinking and kissing this man. I put all this together and mailed it 3-4x to her family’s house. Each time I sent it, it had different pics and messages. The first I sent it was the worst of them all. Not only did I send it to her house, but I sent it to their family friend’s house as well who has the same last name as her family, all 3-4x. This would assure that her parents found out about this. The first time I sent it, she immediately deactivated her Facebook as did that other man.

This guys must be the sickest guy ever!! well done for the innovative combating style! i am impressed

but brother all this crush hype is the work of the devil she had a crush on that non muslim guy ..she ended up drinking....Where would your crush lead you? Zina,drugs

stay away from girls they can kill you and use your combating style to combat the devil

[Fטлку]

You send pictures to her family friends?!!
So you ruined her life and reputation!
You had no business doing all and this and if you absolutely had to do something, you should have send the girl a message!
After doing all this, you bother her again n again. And even send a fake email!! (which is pretty much like sprinkling salt over her wounds)

I was also told by a few friends that my crush was very rude to them and made them feel undesirable.

What does that tell you about the girl's state?

She replied to that e-mail later saying to stop

I would closely watch her Facebook wall

she is actually avoiding me or doesn't want to talk to me for a time being

I don’t feel bad for what I did

I can almost promise that I will never do such a thing again

I did something horrible (or at least somewhat?!?!?)

God! *shakes head*
My heart goes out to the girl. What I don't understand is: What help do you NEED?!

Should I drop this crush altogether and move on?

YOU THINK?!
You're obsessed with this girl! It's like a sick game or something! Just stop bothering her. You have done enough already! :heated:
I tried very hard not to judge you but.. :raging::raging::raging:

:peace:

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[sevgi]

Salams,

You say that she detached herself from the muslim community because they 'let her down'. Guess what buddy...you kicked her when she was down.

If a guy stalked me and my personal life and then revealed my personal life to my family and community-which could potentially hurt and depress me- I would personally see to it that he barely smile again.

Allah is merciful enough to cover up our sins and our bad doings- both here and in the hereafter. One of his names identifies this but I've forgotten which one. You haven't the right to invade her personal life in this way. What are you protecting her from? If anything, she should be protected from scary online stalkers like you. She barely even knows you and look what you have done to her!

She may be doing haram and harmful things. But these things remain between her and her creator-Allah. And if you warrant yourself into 'protecting' her- under what stance is a totally different issue-you need to deal with it with her face to face. You cannot bring her family into this. You have possibly given this young teen some of the worst nights she may ever experience. Good on you. Is this what you call protecting?

I think its childish, foolish and cowardly. Before you conjure the nerve to stalk and single-handedly invade this girls relationship with her family, conjure up the guts to face her and tell her how you feel and that you would like her rethink her actions and current relationships. Until then, sit the hell down and play some games on your computer. The real world is obviously no place for you yet.

While your intentions are alright, you've practiced your judgement terribly...or perhaps your judgement is off-whack. I don't know.

[Fטлку]

I think its childish, foolish and cowardly. Before you conjure the nerve to stalk and single-handedly invade this girls relationship with her family, conjure up the guts to face her and tell her how you feel and that you would like her rethink her actions and current relationships. Until then, sit the hell down and play some games on your computer. The real world is obviously no place for you yet.

:bravo:
That should set him right!

[sevgi]

:bravo:
That should set him right!

I appreciate the sentiments my beautiful sister but I am in no position to set him right. Perhaps my intentions have been blurred by my heartfelt feelings which go out to this young girl. My intentions are to make this brother realise the gravitas of what he has done. He needs to realise that what he has done is not socially acceptable. Heck, its not even morally acceptable.

This incident may just as well drive this young girl totally away from the Islamic faith.

There is a exemplary incident from our prophets times narrated by one of the sahaba. I don't know its details as it is one of those stories that has stuck with me from childhood...so I wont provide a source etc but perhaps someone more familiar with this story can assist me.

A man comes to our prophet complaining about a brother who he has seen consuming alcohol. The man committed of the crime rebuts the call by stating that the man who made the complaint is worse off than he is as he has unveiled the bad habit of his brother to the whole community and our prophet agrees.

If I am in the wrong, correct and forgive me.

[Fטлку]

He needs to realise that what he has done is not socially acceptable. Heck, its not even morally acceptable.

How can this guy not feel bad about what he has done?? A normal person would have died of guilt!
and how can he claim to love the girl? *shakes head again*
A better title for this thread would have been ''Heartless betrayal''! :raging:

[sevgi]

How can this guy not feel bad about what he has done?? A normal person would have died of guilt!
and how can he claim to love the girl? *shakes head again*
A better title for this thread would have been ''Heartless betrayal''! :raging:

Perhaps we have been a little harsh one the brother. He told us to be open and truthful- but we may be a little hurtfull. He made a mistake... mistakes are fixable.

Inshallah he realises that he is in the wrong and actively seeks refuge in Allah's mercy and this young girl's forgiveness.

[Patience7]

:sl:

Brother, honestly leave this girl alone, you have already done a lot of harm to her by uncovering her sins...
even if you ever get close to her again...sooner or later you will have this guilt deep down in your heart for what u did to her, making u feel uneasy
Maybe she wasn't even doing anything that bad, everyone makes mistakes, what's important is to learn from them and help those who r in problems...

well, what is done is done so i recommend you to ask Allah for forgiveness and concentrate in becoming a better muslim

:wa:

[- IqRa -]

You send pictures to her family friends?!!
So you ruined her life and reputation!

You've ruined her life, yet you still want her? You still want to be with her? You've ruined her reputation in front of everyone - and if you really cared about this girl then you wouldn't have sent pics and stuff to her family OR her family/friends house. What kind of a degraded person are you?

You had no business doing all and this and if you absolutely had to do something, you should have send the girl a message!

Exactly!

You make me sick. This isn't love. Love isn't when you want to degrade and ruin another person's reputation. You are disgusting.

[ژاله]

^i agree with all of the above posts, you made a grave mistake destroying her reputation. i think you dont 'love' her in the sense to ever make her happy and even if you end up marrying her, she will never appreciate other manifestations of this strange love, you are extremely likely to be separated soon. i would advise you to forget about her and move on.

[Misz_Muslimah]

240. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Allah will cover up on the Day of Resurrection the defects (faults) of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world".
[Muslim].

Commentary: Covering up the shortcomings and faults of people is an excellent manner. That is why this quality is very much liked by Almighty Allah. On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will give a matching reward to that man who has such a quality, which means that Allah will forgive his sins and will not call him to account for his sins. If at all He will do so, He will not do it publicly so that he is not embarrased before others. Then Allah may forgive him or send him to Hell for a short while.

241. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Every one of my followers will be forgiven except those who expose (openly) their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allah has covered for him, and in the morning, he would say (to people): "I committed such and such sin last night,' while Allah had kept it a secret. During the night Allah has covered it up but in the morning he tears up the cover provided by Allah Himself.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: We learn from this Hadith that commission of a sin due to human frailties on which one is ashamed but does not like to express is something which might hopefully be forgiven by Allah. In fact, its remission after penitence is almost sure. But to commit a sin openly is totally different because, firstly, the heart of such a person is deprived of the fear of Allah. Secondly, he has no respect and regard for Divine injunctions. Thirdly, such a person usually does not repent his sins. Fourthly, he makes a declaration of breach of Divine injunctions which amounts to inviting His wrath and punishment

[Fטлку]

Perhaps we have been a little harsh one the brother. He told us to be open and truthful- but we may be a little hurtfull. He made a mistake... mistakes are fixable.

Inshallah he realises that he is in the wrong and actively seeks refuge in Allah's mercy and this young girl's forgiveness.

The annoying part is that he doesn't even admit that he made a mistake! <_<

I made a fake e-mail and e-mailed her to her college address which can be found through the college homepage’s website. What I wrote in that nasty letter, I wrote the same thing reminding her what she did. She replied to that e-mail 9 hours later saying to stop, so it made sense that she is actually avoiding me or doesn’t want to talk to me for a time being.

*SIGH*

[megatron5228]

Salaam everyone

"I was protecting her, but it was done in an undesirable way. Because of that, I don’t feel bad for what I did but I fear Allah. "
This part is out of context. I really do feel bad for doing what I did, even before hearing all these replies. I appreciate everyone's input. If I did not feel bad, I would not have posted this thread in the first place.
Keep them coming...

[zakirs]

Brother ,

:sl:

I think what you did was a perfect case of backstabbing.Instead of somehow helping her to get back on track you dropped an atom bomb on her which i guess ruined her relation with family which in turn made her act harsh to others.

So try to ask for forgiveness to Allah and pray for her to get back on track.I think what you did to her in the name of getting her back on track was horrible.But anyway you had good intentions atleast :( .. All the best bro

[Fטлку]

Salaam everyone

"I was protecting her, but it was done in an undesirable way. Because of that, I don’t feel bad for what I did but I fear Allah. "
This part is out of context. I really do feel bad for doing what I did, even before hearing all these replies. I appreciate everyone's input. If I did not feel bad, I would not have posted this thread in the first place.
Keep them coming...

:sl:
That helps :statisfie
Now, you should either..
a) Ask for her forgiveness (which is the least you can do. It will also help clear your conscience. )
b) Disappear from her life.
I can't think of C. Can you?

[Snowflake]

What she did was only harming herself. But what you did harmed her and you. That's evil. I got nothing else to say except, may Allah guide you and us. Ameen

[alcurad]

what happened happened, now move on?

[Muhaba]

Assalaamu Alaikum everyone

This past summer I did something horrible (or at least somewhat?!?!?) I had this female friend that I have a crush on. You should not have had a female friend. I liked her so much that I went overboard. I have been friends with this girl for almost two years but I have felt extra for her for almost about a year. This girl I have never hung out with formally, but have hung out spontaneously. What I mean is that I would bump into her on campus and we sat and talked and talked. How Islamic is that? I don't think it's allowed for men and women to sit together and chat.If not that, then we would talk online. She is extremely tough to get a hold of, so that is why it's hard to set up something. She never picks up the phone or answers back e-mails/myspace msgs. If it is not meant to be with her, I at least wanted to spend more time with her in the company of our other friends and get to know her; that way I know what I am getting myself into.You could've had your family get to know her instead of trying to get to know her yourself. That way you wouldn't fall too deep in love. I am definitely not close to her. Our families are friends, but not close friends. I guess our families are on a level of getting to know each other as well.

When we first became friends, she would always write me sweet messages on the internet, praise anything and everything I said. Supposedly I would hear through other people that she would even be asking about me, my information.

I started to feel for her a year after our slight friendship because she is one of the best people I could simply talk to and have a conversation with for the longest time. We would talk for the longest time about anything and everything. She is insanely friendly, frank voice, great personality, patience, hard-working, and I do find her attractive. She is also very smart and knowledgable about Islam. Her parents are also well-rounded as she is and are respectable towards all people. She possessed a lot of qualities I could ever ask for in a girl.

She used to be friends mostly with Muslims and/or well rounded students who never get into trouble. But now surrounds herself mostly with non-Muslims since the Muslims in the school let her down. When I said she is religious, I meant it in the sense that it is strong in her heart and incorporates into her daily life and is always learning about Islam; however, I am pretty sure she does not pray consistently (Allah knows best). So is she considered religious or what? If she doesn't pray 5 times daily, then it's not a good thing. May Allah guide her as prayer keeps a person away from evil.I happen to be on all my places and ques, praying 5x a day, going to the masjid once a day, and reading Quran, etc. You seem like an otherwise good muslim, and it might be best not to get involved with someone of the character that you describe below unless they were willing to change because that could affect your eemaan badly. I do have my downsides such as cursing, making dirty jokes, but nothing more than that.

Here is the story:
The girl I like, it seems like she got into some trouble. She has/had this male friend, non-muslim, which she had just become friends with at the time. They were friends for 7 months that I was aware of (if not more, don’t know if things ended, if theyre still friends???). This girl never has any bad habits, but she was hanging around some bad people, which obviously led to some terrible things. bad company leads to bad things as usual.I found these pictures of her online doing some very bad stuff. I found her drinking alcohol, smoking, then she was making out with this non-Muslim friend (3rd month of their friendship). Really terrible stuff, seems she strayed. Hopefully she learned her lesson from the results. Insha-Allah she was good at heart and Allah saved her from permanent ruin.When I discovered this (5th month of their friendship), it made me very upset and I simply was hurt for the longest time. I was so sad. I always envisioned as her being a better person than I was, and then she did all THAT! In a non-muslim country, it's easy to go down the wrong road, which is why parents should make sure their children are in good company, make them attend Islamic lectures, etc no matter how good the person seems at home. I don’t even get into that kind of trouble. These pictures were up for 3 months, and were taken down. I happened to discover them in that 3rd month.

As time went on, I happened to discover more pictures of her and this other man. There was a few pictures of them hugging or holding each other, going places, and simply being buddy buddy. It just made me burn so badly inside. I happened to find out information about this guy by looking at his Facebook and Myspace. Evidently he is not a good man. He is an alcoholic, druggie, and even has a DUI. I was scared that my female friend (crush) is going to get hurt emotionally and physically. I wanted her to be safe. I also care a lot for her family’s sake since she happens to be the oldest to three other siblings, and it wouldn’t be desirable if the siblings ever found out her shenanigans.

During these 7 months, I would closely watch her Facebook wall and see when that male friend of her’s would write on her wall and what he would write. At times, he wouldnt write for the longest time, but then he would strike. The way he would talk to her and be friendly (seemed a little TOO friendly at times) would also make me burn.

I asked one of her good friends (who also happens to be my friend as well) if she is in relationship with that guy, and the answer was no. Her friend said that she (my crush) would have told her. My crush advertised it on the internet and I once asked her about it, but she said it was just a joke. At times I had my doubts and still do.

THIS IS WHAT I DID:
I collected all the pictures I could of her and this other man. I even collected pictures of this dirty man from previous years of him smoking, partying, anything disturbing, etc. I wrote a nasty letter expressing all these bad things of this man and how he is a failure and anything that is bad about him. This letter also talked about what my crush and this man did together. I was able to get all the pictures except the one of her drinking and kissing this man. I put all this together and mailed it 3-4x to her family’s house. Each time I sent it, it had different pics and messages. The first I sent it was the worst of them all. Not only did I send it to her house, but I sent it to their family friend’s house as well who has the same last name as her family, all 3-4x. This would assure that her parents found out about this. The first time I sent it, she immediately deactivated her Facebook as did that other man. What you did was right although the method wasn't totally correct. Your friend was going down a terrible path and you tried to save her. IMO What you should have done was talk to her directly and tell her about everything you knew, even show her the pics and tell her how wrong it was, how unislamic, and how it would harm her. If she didn't stop after that, then you should've told her parents about it but not anyone else because it would ruin her reputation.

A week after it happened, I e-mailed her telling her how my summer was going and what I was up to. She e-mailed me back telling how things were going with her and seemed fine, but she never mentioned anything bad that was happening. So she has no idea I did all of this. I did all of this in the 8th month since they became friends. Since that e-mail when she wrote back, I would try all means of contacting her with e-mail, calling, text but she never got back to me. If she knew I did it, she would have called me out or her parents would have.

Since then:
Until this day, I don’t know what else happened or what has taken place ever since I mailed out the nasty package. I don’t know if my crush and that dirty man are still friends. If I did something, her or her family would have confronted me. I still talk to her parents very friendly as they do the same right back to me. In the 9th month since the time my crush and that male became friends, I bumped into her into the grocery store and said hello, but she seemed really down and said hey and completely walked away into the parking lot. It seemed like a rude gesture on her part. So from that point on, I stopped all contacts with her assuming she needs time to be to herself emotionally.

I saw her again in the 11th month 2x and she still seemed down. I would say hi to her and she would say hello, but with no enthusiasm. Ever since I met her, she used to be the most outgoing, polite person I ever knew, and now she has become the opposite. She used to call me buddy and come from far away to talk to me. What I did may have led to her breakdown, but it could possibly be some other things going on in her life. During the 11th month, I tried all means of contacting her but still no answer.

I was also told by a few friends that my crush was very rude to them and made them feel undesirable. She even had the nerve not to say hello to anyone that her mother would introduce to her.

It seems like she is depressed or being bothered by something. I made a fake e-mail and e-mailed her to her college address which can be found through the college homepage’s website. What I wrote in that nasty letter, I wrote the same thing reminding her what she did. She replied to that e-mail 9 hours later saying to stop, so it made sense that she is actually avoiding me or doesn’t want to talk to me for a time being.

Advice & need help:
I know what I did was possibly wrong. I ask Allah for forgiveness. I even ask Allah to do what’s best in this situation. I did it because I had a major crush on this girl. At the same time, I didn’t want her to get hurt or to be in a very bad situation. I hated this guy and I wanted him to get away from her. I was protecting her, but it was done in an undesirable way. Because of that, I don’t feel bad for what I did but I fear Allah.

I still like this girl and I do want to be more than friends with her. However, I don’t think I could ever tell her or anyone that I did such a thing. She has no idea that I actually did such a thing by getting her in trouble with her parents. I can almost promise that I will never do such a thing again, and I will always be nice, honest, and protect her if we ever got a chance to be together.

I just wanted some advice on how to approach this situation? What are your thoughts on what I did, what Islam says about such an incident. Is Allah punishing me by having her avoid me? If she assumes that I had nothing to do of this situation, then why could she be avoiding me? Should I drop this crush altogether and move on? Please help me out, be honest, give advice, and guide me. Jazak’Allah.

It really depends on whether she is willing to change into a better muslim or not? I guess you should just wait and see how things go, whether she becomes a better muslim, whether she becomes interested in you in the future, etc. Don't stalk her or follow her or anything. As others have said, leave her alone, but if you think she needs guidance, you can send her Islamic emails from an anonymous email address, telling her about the Day of Judgment, the importance of praying regularly, etc. May Allah guide her to stay away from bad company, stay away from alcohol and mixing with men, and become a better muslim.

[Humbler_359]

:sl:

This thread is really scaring me in trying to protect her in many ways. We have to keep in mind, these days some young teens are doing some bad stuffs and other harmful. Til they realize and grow up, they will definitely back on track away from Non-Muslims friends.

One thing is you shouldn't send pictures to family/friends because it is NONE of their business. I do understand, some guys do care about girls, please understand invading her is wrong and illegal. It is like you are spy agent, you wrote report and send to inform family with specific pictures, letters, and so on. Did you get pay bonus from them?..... If yes, how much you receive?

It is better to forget that girl you crush, it doesn't help you better.

[GuestFellow]

Asslamu Aliakum.

First I want to make it very clear. You should not be talking to any girls. It is forbidden for men and women to mix or socialise. If there are circumstances you have to mix, remain formal and do not get too friendly.

I would suggest you should move on.

[DigitalStorm82]

Repent to Allah for what you did...

...and turn 180 degrees... and keep walking...

Love Allah more than anything or anyone in this world... and then the prophet Mohammad... parents..etc.

[syilla]

i don't think it is good to invade her privacy and seems like stalking to me. Stalking is only for the weirdo...so avoid it.

Just give her naseehah... you don't have to expose her sins InshaAllah.

[AnonymousPoster]

If it was my daughter I would be happy that you let me know what she was getting upto so I could put a stop to it. however the way in which you did it I don't agree with. If my daughter was getting up to that kind of stuff I'd like it if some 1 told me so I can set her right. I would've preferred it if you came and spoke to me about it and then showed ONLY ME the pictures on facebook of whats she's been getting upto instead of emailing everyone.

I don't think people have a problem with what you did, I think they have a problem with the method you used in doing it and the intention behind it which was your own lust for this girl.

If you did it with the intention of letting her father know what his daughter is getting upto so he can set her right and you used a more suitable method of doing it instead of sending emails to all the relatives then I'd have no problem with what you did.

It's the fact you did it cos of your own lust and desire for this person and the way u did it is bad.

honestly if you came upto me and let me knew my daughter was doing that I'd give you a pat on the back and say "thanks son" and then I'd set my daughter right.

every1 who's bashing him,

how would you feel if you child was doing a major sinn and no 1 told you??

and infront of your face she was just putting an act on?? wouldn't you like it if some 1 notified you of your childs actions so you can explain to your child what she's doing is wrong. and try to get her to leave this sin.


or would you prefer to remain ignorant and your daughter commits all these major sins day after day without you knowing about it so you can't set her right and advise her??

tell me which 1 you'd prefer if your child was into something bad, would you like some to notify you so you can correct your child? or would you like to let your child remain doing the bad thing their doing and remain ignorant?


for example if your son was doing drugs or hanging around with gangsters wouldn't you like your son's friend to come upto and tell you so you can quickly do something about it before he gets in too deep and you can't pull him away from it??

I think the answer is yes you would like some 1 to inform you, so do you all have a problem with the method he used in emailing all her family??

or do you have a problem with the fact he made a parent aware that their child was into bad stuff and doing major sins??

what parent wouldn't like to know if their child was involved in something bad?

[sevgi]

All he did was fuel her anger towards the community and her family. Good luck telling her that her culture and religion really arent that bad after all this.

They should be better parents. What kind of a parent doesnt know that their daughter is out drinking with men?

Take a hint, dumb parents, if your daughter smells like a million ashtrays, alcohol, sweat and a mixture of male and female perfumes, she's been clubbing. If she comes home past 9pm, you need to wonder- which outlets are open at this hour? Which friend of hers would want her to 'come over' every friday and saturday night til so late?

Geez. You guys make me so sick...

[Snowflake]

every1 who's bashing him,

how would you feel if you child was doing a major sinn and no 1 told you??

:sl: If someone told me my child was up to no good, I'd only thank them according to their intention of telling me. If it is to humilate my child/family to satisfy the evil of their nafs, then no I'd rather they didn't tell me. Allah is bigger than them in protecting whom He wills.

['Abd-al Latif]

Brothers, sisters may I remind you to maintain Islamic etiquettes.

The brother is here for advice so give him his due right and advise him. I think he has been sufficently address by the majority of his mistake and there isn't a need for further personal opinions in this matter so from this point onwards any posts relating to condemnation of his actions will be removed. In the hadeeth of the Prophet :saws: it states:

“Among those who came before you was a man who killed 99 people. He then asked to be guided to the most prolific worshipper from the inhabitants of the earth, and he was directed to a monk. He went to him and told him that he had killed 99 people, and he asked whether it was possible for him to repent. The monk said, ‘No.’ The man killed him, thus making him the 100th victim. He then asked to be directed to the most knowledgeable of the Earth’s inhabitants, and he was guided to a scholar. He went to him and told him that he had killed 100 people, and he asked whether it was possible for him to repent. The scholar said, ‘Yes, and who will stand between you and repentance. Go to such and such land, for in it dwell a people who worship Allah, so go and worship Allah with them. And do not return to your land, for it is indeed a land of evil.’ He left, and when he reached the halfway point of his journey, he died. The angels of Mercy and the angels of Punishment disputed with one another [in regard to his case]. The angels of Mercy said, ‘He came to us repentant, advancing with his heart towards Allah.’ The angels of Punishment said, ‘Indeed, he never performed any good deeds.’ Then an angel came in the form of a human being, and both groups of angels asked him to be the judge between them. He said, ‘Measure the distance between the two lands. Whichever land he is closer to is the land that he is closer to [in terms of being of its people]. They then measured the distance and found that he was closer to the land that he was heading towards, and so it was the angels of Mercy who then took his soul.”

[al-Bukhaari: 3470 ; Muslim: 2766]

Evil happens as a result of some overall good that will eventually take place and this belief is a part of Qadar. He is not accountable to any of you here but all of you are accountable for your words so either advise with good advice or do not say anything.

[megatron5228]

All he did was fuel her anger towards the community and her family. Good luck telling her that her culture and religion really arent that bad after all this.

They should be better parents. What kind of a parent doesnt know that their daughter is out drinking with men?

Take a hint, dumb parents, if your daughter smells like a million ashtrays, alcohol, sweat and a mixture of male and female perfumes, she's been clubbing. If she comes home past 9pm, you need to wonder- which outlets are open at this hour? Which friend of hers would want her to 'come over' every friday and saturday night til so late?

Geez. You guys make me so sick...

She happens to live away from home, about 20-30 min away at her college dorm. Technically, she is never at home, maybe just a few weekends ans summers. If she had to go home, obviously she wouldnt come strolling in with smoke and alcohol smells.

And we cant say her parents are dumb, I know they are hard-working, but I guess we can say at worst that they were careless.

[aminahjaan]

Her wrongdoings and sins are between her and Allah. It's not for you to call her out on it. The girl is clearly trying to tell you she doesn't wanna talk to you. Leave her alone & let it go. I know she hurt you, and that sucks. Heart breaks aren't fun, but you gotta let it go, move on. Brush it off. Seriously.

[megatron5228]

Salaam everyone

I see I got quite a bit of advice here. I wanted to say thanks (for those who were constrctive) and no thanks (for those who are bashing me).

For the record, the way I took matters into my own hands is not desirable. If anything, I could have at least confronted her or her parents rather than playing cat and mouse. When I said I do not feel bad, it was taken out of context. I said:
"Because of that, I don’t feel bad for what I did but I fear Allah."

I meant that in the sense that my intention for protecting and looking out for her was the right thing, but like I said and others said, the way I handled it was not proper.

For a time being, next 3-4 months, I am gonna stay away from her or just not make any attempt. After that, I'll see if she comes around or find out through others how she is doing? I am going to continue to ask for forgiveness and try to become better as a Muslim.

She was never a bad person until she got caught up in the wrong group. She used to be heavily involved in the Muslim student body as I have even worked with her before. It is always her intention for herself to become a better Muslim as well as her peers. She has a strong heart Islamically, but has not exactly made the complete steps to pray 5x a day. However, I truly believe she will insha'Allah. If it was not for all this, then I would not have felt for her in the first place and I am not one to judge. She happens to come from a very good family as well. If anyhting I always hope the best for her and she will make that step insha'Allah.

Once again I am truly sorry for what I did and i am not being selfish by any means. If that was the case, then I would not have presented all my initial posting in the first place.

I like to hear more from all of you out there, so keep them coming...

[megatron5228]

Her wrongdoings and sins are between her and Allah. It's not for you to call her out on it. The girl is clearly trying to tell you she doesn't wanna talk to you. Leave her alone & let it go. I know she hurt you, and that sucks. Heart breaks aren't fun, but you gotta let it go, move on. Brush it off. Seriously.

Yeah I know. Like I said, I was gonna give her the distance for a time being. Its obvious she is going through a rough time.

And she didnt break my hurt, its not like we were in a relationship...

[megatron5228]

It really depends on whether she is willing to change into a better muslim or not? I guess you should just wait and see how things go, whether she becomes a better muslim, whether she becomes interested in you in the future, etc. Don't stalk her or follow her or anything. As others have said, leave her alone, but if you think she needs guidance, you can send her Islamic emails from an anonymous email address, telling her about the Day of Judgment, the importance of praying regularly, etc. May Allah guide her to stay away from bad company, stay away from alcohol and mixing with men, and become a better muslim.

Thank you so much Muhaba. I could not have put it any better than you. I agree with everything you said and you put in some good points. I defeinetely took some of the points you wrote in red into consideration. God bless you...

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Assalaamu Alaikum everyone

... Our families are friends..... Evidently he is not a good man. He is an alcoholic, druggie, .

May Allah reward you for trying to protect her but I don't know how within proper Islamic manners , u can help a girl who is not your wife/ sister .

U may tell your parents that she is in danger and request them to warn her and her parents. Keep praying but stay away from her . Let her parents do something to protect her .

[Muhaba]

Thank you so much Muhaba. I could not have put it any better than you. I agree with everything you said and you put in some good points. I defeinetely took some of the points you wrote in red into consideration. God bless you...

You're welcome. Glad I could be of help!

[aamirsaab]

:sl:
Don't tell her you sent all that stuff (you shouldn't have done so in the first place but what's happened has happened, so let's just move on) as it will just make matters worse.

Help her if she needs (and if you are able to) it but don't go overboard. There's only so much you can do, so don't get too worked up about it.

Keep praying/making dua also.

[Laila01x]

I think you should honestly leave the girl alone...you seem obsessed with her .. its not healthy .. maybe seek professional help?

May Allah Guide you in the righteous path.

Ameen

Jazakallah

[- IqRa -]

^ Snap....

[Sampharo]

I don't think you are in a place to give islamic advice to her in any capacity. First off you're in dire need of advice, protection, and guidance yourself (sorry, but need to be blunt!), and Second of all why are you associating with the girl in the first place?

Look, you're obviously young but here's a clue: if the girl hangs out with bad people and is leaving good people, is drinking and smoking and making out and all that, then where do you think her behaviour is coming from? If God wills for her to improve and join the good people, then God will bring it about. You and we are only tools of da'wa, you can't force her to be good. Don't let your infatuation blind you.

Like some people here said I think you should have sent the email or letter to HER, and then get out of the whole arrangement. Your description of how you felt was very clear to be jealousy followed by wrath followed by need to commit revenge so you blew her cover and reputation... Pot of worms all over that situation I hope you've noticed. Since you didn't there's little you can do right now. The milk is spilt and sinking in earth.

Good luck with your new relationships, and may they be actually more islamic and cleaner than the last one.

[cat eyes]

i think you need to repent for your actions and leave her be:)

[megatron5228]

Salaam everyone

I just had another question. For those who have responded to this thread, have read it, or are going to read it, I wanted to know:
---If she comes along, starts being friendly, try being buddy buddy with me, etc, whatever...then how should I handle the situation? What if they're changes, realises her mistakes, and is a better person, then what?!?!

I would like to hear all of your thoughts. Jazak'Allah.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

leave her alone


completely

if you meet her family - be kind and formal and leave it at that.




get on with your life - improve your islam.

i would say even move away if you could




that girl is nothing but trouble

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Salaam everyone

I just had another question. For those who have responded to this thread, have read it, or are going to read it, I wanted to know:
---If she comes along, starts being friendly, try being buddy buddy with me, etc, whatever...then how should I handle the situation? What if they're changes, realises her mistakes, and is a better person, then what?!?!

then you shock her wiv "ASSALAMU ALAIKUM" and WALK AWAY!


do NOT interact wiv a girl before marriage





she shouldnt be buddy buddy wiv u - its wrong!! and you shouldnt either !


we're not kafirs - WE'RE MUSLIMS! we leave those things for after marriage



hope you do the right thing bro - girls aint all that till after marriage - the ones who mix so much before marriage... baaaaad news ! better to leave them In My Honest Opinion


Assalamu Alaikum

[megatron5228]

then you shock her wiv "ASSALAMU ALAIKUM" and WALK AWAY!


do NOT interact wiv a girl before marriage





she shouldnt be buddy buddy wiv u - its wrong!! and you shouldnt either !


we're not kafirs - WE'RE MUSLIMS! we leave those things for after marriage



hope you do the right thing bro - girls aint all that till after marriage - the ones who mix so much before marriage... baaaaad news ! better to leave them In My Honest Opinion


Assalamu Alaikum

I typically dont mingle with a girl. However I was saying in the instance that if I bump into her somewhere down the road or if she messages me online for example. When I said buddy buddy, I dont mean anything personal or close, but her simply trying to be friendly with me.

Keep the thoughts coming...

[Muhaba]

^Yes I agree with what brother Fighting4Iman says.

Why you so obsessed with her?

Oh well if you are so mad about her, lol, then if she comes around & wants to friends with you, send a proposal through your parents, if you are absolutely sure this is the person you want to be with after all she's done. (Can you even trust her?). If she refuses marriage, then she's not the right person as then it's obvious she only wants illegal relations and not marriage. in that case, stay away from her for the sake of Allah.

['Abd-al Latif]

Salaam everyone

I just had another question. For those who have responded to this thread, have read it, or are going to read it, I wanted to know:
---If she comes along, starts being friendly, try being buddy buddy with me, etc, whatever...then how should I handle the situation? What if they're changes, realises her mistakes, and is a better person, then what?!?!

I would like to hear all of your thoughts. Jazak'Allah.

Fear Allah, lower your gaze and keep away from her because there is no such thing as a guy-girl relationship in Islam.

If you sincerely want to be with her then propose marriage to her or keep away completely.

[zakirs]

Yes bro ,

IF you really feel she is trying to be friends with you send your father to talk to her father for marriage (assuming you are of proper age :) ).Or else try to be friendly with her but not too friendly keep it formal.

[Laila01x]

If she does become buddy buddy then i would keep it civil and let it be...if you want things further dont fall into the trap of shaytaan and do things islamically and get married.

JazakAllah

[aminahjaan]

Yeah I know. Like I said, I was gonna give her the distance for a time being. Its obvious she is going through a rough time.

And she didnt break my hurt, its not like we were in a relationship...

you don't have to be in a relationship to have your heart broken. You're obviously affected by her. She's just a girl. Don't waste your time on her just chill and live life.

[megatron5228]

Assalaamu Alaikum everyone

This past summer I did something horrible (or at least somewhat?!?!?) I had this female friend that I have a crush on. I liked her so much that I went overboard. I have been friends with this girl for almost two years but I have felt extra for her for almost about a year. This girl I have never hung out with formally, but have hung out spontaneously. What I mean is that I would bump into her on campus and we sat and talked and talked. If not that, then we would talk online. She is extremely tough to get a hold of, so that is why it's hard to set up something. She never picks up the phone or answers back e-mails/myspace msgs. If it is not meant to be with her, I at least wanted to spend more time with her in the company of our other friends and get to know her; that way I know what I am getting myself into. I am definitely not close to her. Our families are friends, but not close friends. I guess our families are on a level of getting to know each other as well.

When we first became friends, she would always write me sweet messages on the internet, praise anything and everything I said. Supposedly I would hear through other people that she would even be asking about me, my information.

I started to feel for her a year after our slight friendship because she is one of the best people I could simply talk to and have a conversation with for the longest time. We would talk for the longest time about anything and everything. She is insanely friendly, frank voice, great personality, patience, hard-working, and I do find her attractive. She is also very smart and knowledgable about Islam. Her parents are also well-rounded as she is and are respectable towards all people. She possessed a lot of qualities I could ever ask for in a girl.

She used to be friends mostly with Muslims and/or well rounded students who never get into trouble. But now surrounds herself mostly with non-Muslims since the Muslims in the school let her down. When I said she is religious, I meant it in the sense that it is strong in her heart and incorporates into her daily life and is always learning about Islam; however, I am pretty sure she does not pray consistently (Allah knows best). So is she considered religious or what? I happen to be on all my places and ques, praying 5x a day, going to the masjid once a day, and reading Quran, etc. I do have my downsides such as cursing, making dirty jokes, but nothing more than that.

Here is the story:
The girl I like, it seems like she got into some trouble. She has/had this male friend, non-muslim, which she had just become friends with at the time. They were friends for 7 months that I was aware of (if not more, don’t know if things ended, if theyre still friends???). This girl never has any bad habits, but she was hanging around some bad people, which obviously led to some terrible things. I found these pictures of her online doing some very bad stuff. I found her drinking alcohol, smoking, then she was making out with this non-Muslim friend (3rd month of their friendship). When I discovered this (5th month of their friendship), it made me very upset and I simply was hurt for the longest time. I was so sad. I always envisioned as her being a better person than I was, and then she did all THAT! I don’t even get into that kind of trouble. These pictures were up for 3 months, and were taken down. I happened to discover them in that 3rd month.

As time went on, I happened to discover more pictures of her and this other man. There was a few pictures of them hugging or holding each other, going places, and simply being buddy buddy. It just made me burn so badly inside. I happened to find out information about this guy by looking at his Facebook and Myspace. Evidently he is not a good man. He is an alcoholic, druggie, and even has a DUI. I was scared that my female friend (crush) is going to get hurt emotionally and physically. I wanted her to be safe. I also care a lot for her family’s sake since she happens to be the oldest to three other siblings, and it wouldn’t be desirable if the siblings ever found out her shenanigans.

During these 7 months, I would closely watch her Facebook wall and see when that male friend of her’s would write on her wall and what he would write. At times, he wouldnt write for the longest time, but then he would strike. The way he would talk to her and be friendly (seemed a little TOO friendly at times) would also make me burn.

I asked one of her good friends (who also happens to be my friend as well) if she is in relationship with that guy, and the answer was no. Her friend said that she (my crush) would have told her. My crush advertised it on the internet and I once asked her about it, but she said it was just a joke. At times I had my doubts and still do.

THIS IS WHAT I DID:
I collected all the pictures I could of her and this other man. I even collected pictures of this dirty man from previous years of him smoking, partying, anything disturbing, etc. I wrote a nasty letter expressing all these bad things of this man and how he is a failure and anything that is bad about him. This letter also talked about what my crush and this man did together. I was able to get all the pictures except the one of her drinking and kissing this man. I put all this together and mailed it 3-4x to her family’s house. Each time I sent it, it had different pics and messages. The first I sent it was the worst of them all. Not only did I send it to her house, but I sent it to their family friend’s house as well who has the same last name as her family, all 3-4x. This would assure that her parents found out about this. The first time I sent it, she immediately deactivated her Facebook as did that other man.

A week after it happened, I e-mailed her telling her how my summer was going and what I was up to. She e-mailed me back telling how things were going with her and seemed fine, but she never mentioned anything bad that was happening. So she has no idea I did all of this. I did all of this in the 8th month since they became friends. Since that e-mail when she wrote back, I would try all means of contacting her with e-mail, calling, text but she never got back to me. If she knew I did it, she would have called me out or her parents would have.

Since then:
Until this day, I don’t know what else happened or what has taken place ever since I mailed out the nasty package. I don’t know if my crush and that dirty man are still friends. If I did something, her or her family would have confronted me. I still talk to her parents very friendly as they do the same right back to me when I see them in the community. In the 9th month since the time my crush and that male became friends, I bumped into her into the grocery store and said hello, but she seemed really down and said hey and completely walked away into the parking lot. She rolled her eyes and dropped her shoulders. It seemed like a rude gesture on her part. So from that point on, I stopped all contacts with her assuming she needs time to be to herself emotionally.

I saw her again in the 11th month 2x and she still seemed down. I would say hi to her and she would say hello, but with no enthusiasm. Ever since I met her, she used to be the most outgoing, polite person I ever knew, and now she has become the opposite. She used to call me buddy and come from far away to talk to me. What I did may have led to her breakdown, but it could possibly be some other things going on in her life. During the 11th month, I tried all means of contacting her but still no answer.

I was also told by a few friends that my crush was very rude to them and made them feel undesirable. She even had the nerve not to say hello to anyone that her mother would introduce to her.

Obviously she is depressed or being bothered. I made a fake e-mail and e-mailed her to her college address which can be found through the college homepage’s website. What I wrote in that nasty letter, I wrote the same thing reminding her what she did. She replied to that e-mail 9 hours later saying to stop, so it made sense that she is actually avoiding me and others.

Advice & need help:
I know what I did was possibly wrong. I ask Allah for forgiveness. I even ask Allah to do what’s best in this situation. I did it because I had a major crush on this girl. At the same time, I didn’t want her to get hurt or to be in a very bad situation. I hated this guy and I wanted him to get away from her. I was protecting her, but it was done in an undesirable way. I dont feel bad in the sense that I was protecting her, but I do feel bad about the way I took matters into my own hands.

I still like this girl and I do want to be more than friends with her. However, I don’t think I could ever tell her or anyone that I did such a thing. She has no idea that I actually did such a thing by getting her in trouble with her parents. I can almost promise that I will never do such a thing again, and I will always be nice, honest, and protect her if we ever got a chance to be together.

I just wanted some advice on how to approach this situation? What are your thoughts on what I did, what Islam says about such an incident. Is Allah punishing me by having her avoid me? If she assumes that I had nothing to do of this situation, then why could she be avoiding me? Should I drop this crush altogether and move on? If this girl comes around and starts being nice to me, how should I handle the situation? Please help me out, be honest, give advice, and guide me. If anyone has some nasty things to say, at least follow up by being constructive, or else do not respond. Obviously I am here for help. Jazak’Allah.

[Fטлку]

Deja vu?
Thread
I thought this matter had been resolved!

[megatron5228]

Yeah I posted this in the General Forum from before, but it got wiped out when the site was going through maintanence. I had an overwhelming number of responses, and now they are all gone. If you have replied to this before, then don't worry. Thank you all.

[Ramadhan]

I think the essence of the responses and replies were:
You had good intention for her but you made big mistakes one after another, but they're done, and you can't change the past.
All you can do now is to repent, and made constant, sincere du'as for the girl whose rights you have transgressed and who is suffering greatly (depressed) from the effects of your actions.
You also should try stop obsessing about her and stop communicating with her, except if she comes to you for help.

['Abd-al Latif]

The thread starter may PM me if he wishes this thread to be re-opened.

:threadclo