He wants space?

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

A young man who is interested in me for marriage said he is having some personal problems and that it has nothing to do with me that im a great girl and he is just sick and has some issues going on. I told him it was okay and told him i would give him space. I didnt hear from him for a couple of days so i sent him a message asking how he is doing after he didnt answer i call.
I dont have any family so i have had to do this husband finding practically on my own, except for the introduction and having a muslim present when we meet.
I am nervous that it IS something to do with me and he is ditching me, but i dont want to believe that about a man who prays daily and follows Islam diligently.

I was not overbearing in the least, i never called unless i knew he wasnt busy and sent a message here and there.

Can the brothers just explain to me what i can do? maybe ease my mind? or just tell me what they think...:embarrass

[cat eyes]

well can you honestly think of any issues that a person could have to not return a text message reply? Well i cannot sister and i am sure you cannot either so yes i think this brother is trying to ditch you in the easiest way possible by telling you that ''its not you, its me'' the oldest trick in the book thats what they always say meaning that they have possibly changed there mind and they are no longer interested.. sister move on and forget about this guy there is no point in annoying yourself about this. don't contact him again until he decides to contact you but i doubt it very much. there is loads of brothers out there.

[AlbanianMuslim]

Maybe his cell phone broke?

Dont stress it too much. Whomever Allah swt decided is yours, they will be yours eventually.

[Kabeer]

I am nervous that it IS something to do with me and he is ditching me, but i dont want to believe that about a man who prays daily and follows Islam diligently.

Just because he prays 5 times a day and follows Islam from what you can see, doesnt mean he cant be, or isnt an ass. There are those types about too.

Theres no way of us giving you a psychic answer. But from what it seems, my gut feeling is to go with user "cat eyes" view, your first response.
It is possible he has something v.extenuating going on now thats getting in the way. But thats JUST a possibility, who knows.

Good luck in your search for a partner, insha'Allah you will find someone honest & deserving.

Peace.

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[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

:sl:

told him i would give him space.

What do u mean by it ?

I dont have any family so i have had to do this husband finding practically on my own

Don't u have friends , colleagues , neighbours or can't u take help of local Imam who can help u to find a good , pious husband ?

Anyway , keep praying . InshaAllah , u will be granted what is good for hereafter.

[Snowflake]

:sl: Sis forget about if he wants space or not. You give yourself some space and distance yourself from him while you make istikhara. InshaAllah, Allah will show you which way to go.

:wa:

[Sampharo]

A young man who is interested in me for marriage said he is having some personal problems and that it has nothing to do with me that im a great girl and he is just sick and has some issues going on.

"It's not you, it's me", sounds like a guy who needs some space alright.

Sorry sister, but yes it seems that he needs room to think. I don't know though why you are assuming that if he is separating and not going through with the marriage and he's asking for space, then it is only because you were overbearing? Maybe he realized you're not compatible. Much more often than not (and women rarely consider that), he just found that he doesn't feel any attraction towards you (conversation and personality wise that is). That is how a man would indicate the need for a separation: "I can't pinpoint something wrong on you, but I don't feel the way I think I should be feeling" = "It's not you, it's me"

Your best option here is to just get yourself your own stuff to do and be busy with things that make you happy and occupy you for the next few days, because this can be as hard as watching paint dry!! When and if he comes around and should he be interested in going through with the marriage then get more into the nitty gritty of it and find out what was going on. You might be able to dig through what was on his mind and favourably help you build a stronger relationship from the understanding or otherwise find that he is operating under expectations you might not like.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

if you believe in Qadr then be patient and pray istikhara


whatever happens will happen for the best

[Al Ansari]

Sister, you should not allow yourself to get so caught up in thinking the worst about others. Perhaps, he is going through something. You do not know, but leave him be for a couple days.

Istikharah, sister, Istikharah.

[AnonymousPoster]

No sadly i cant ask anyone, i tried and it backfired.

I asked a few friends, and none of them want to they say they will but they never do.
None of my neighbors are muslim. I live an hour away from the closest masjid.

As for the imam, im afraid to ask him or approach him, the one time i was actually brave enough i couldnt gain access to him because he was surrounded by men after the prayer and i was not about to go into that mix.


As for this guy, i feel bad about this not because i thought he was the one, we didnt even make it that far, but because this isnt the first muslim man i have spoken to and they all just seem to run from real commitment or God only knows what they really wanted, that or i must have something on my face that tells them to run :(

[transition?]

No sadly i cant ask anyone, i tried and it backfired.

I asked a few friends, and none of them want to they say they will but they never do.
None of my neighbors are muslim. I live an hour away from the closest masjid.

As for the imam, im afraid to ask him or approach him, the one time i was actually brave enough i couldnt gain access to him because he was surrounded by men after the prayer and i was not about to go into that mix.


As for this guy, i feel bad about this not because i thought he was the one, we didnt even make it that far, but because this isnt the first muslim man i have spoken to and they all just seem to run from real commitment or God only knows what they really wanted, that or i must have something on my face that tells them to run :(

:sl:

Awww sis, we're not compatible with every person, nor do we want to be as we only need to marry one person :) . InshaAllah, all the incompatible men are leaving and you'll end up with the most befitting husband. Allah Knows Best for you.


Maybe you can catch the imaam around Fajr prayer. Tbh, not many men show up to that prayer at the mosque....

Does the mosque/imaam have an address that you can contact him through?
Be Brave, He's an imaam, a religious authority, it's his job to help out the Muslims community.

Never stop making du'a! :)! Allah Sustains the Universe!

[MUNIRAH]

:sl:


I am nervous that it IS something to do with me and he is ditching me, but i dont want to believe that about a man who prays daily and follows Islam diligently.

...:embarrass

Salam..sis know that just because he prays and seems or maybe even is a good Muslim doesn't necessarily mean that he is absolutely not capable of "ditching" you..I don't want to be rude but Subxanalah I know a lot of close friends of mine that had the same thing happen to them but were so naive and the thought of them "ditching" never crossed their mind...and apparently one of the guys was actually a Quran teacher at the local mosque...Sis at this point expect and consider all the possibilities both good and bad...be willing to accept the worst coz being naive is only gonna make it hurt that much more..trust me on this. Of course it is also possible he may have real personal issues but only time will tell inshAllah prepare yourself sis for anything...I hope the best for you..
salam

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you all so much for the kind words, may God reward you for easing my mind.

I think im going to make a greater effort to speak to the imam, inshallah i start a teaching job at the masjids school and i will probably see him in and out of those classrooms he is very hands on with all the students from what i hear, helping them out and making sure teachers are doing a good job.


I just wish i could get more honesty. He told me he values honesty very very much and i told him the same, i wish he would have just written a message in a kind way and let me know that we are not compatible, because this "i need space" thing is confusing, what if he really just does need a few days? what if he is indeed ditching me? i feel like im in limbo.

[AnonymousPoster]

Should i send him a message asking me if he would like to end the correspondence or if this is just an issue of him needing some time away?

People tell me i will seem stupid if i send him one, maybe they are right. I guess ill just have to accept it.

[جوري]

Should i send him a message asking me if he would like to end the correspondence or if this is just an issue of him needing some time away?

People tell me i will seem stupid if i send him one, maybe they are right. I guess ill just have to accept it.

I don't think that it is an unreasonable thing to do, in fact he should let you know and not string you along.. It really isn't nice at all to toy with people's emotions.. don't you think? I mean if you were trying to break/ give thought to an engagement or a marriage should you be decisive and clear about your intentions or vacillate and make everyone else miserable along with you? he can tell you, I need a months or two months off and will give you my decision at the end.. not just leave you guessing.. I rather think this is a major demerit to count against him, it doesn't seem mature, but it is indeed mature to walk into your future with assured steps, there is nothing stupid about it, it is a critical step, you have enough self-respect to want to know where this is going..

No one here can tell you whether it is off or on, only he can answer that question for you and he should be able to let you know instantly of his intent a direct response to an open ended question..

khyer insha'Allah

I wish you all the best sis..

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
^i wholeheartedly agree with sis skye :)
i dont know why the heck he is leaving you to guess...so stupid (no offense).

People tell me i will seem stupid if i send him one, maybe they are right. I guess ill just have to accept it.

i agree with that. if he is the one putting things on hold, then he should be the one to restart them...dont chase him, let him come to you :)

[AnonymousPoster]

Well i waited 3 days for him to come to me and nothing so last night i sent him a message and said "Selam, i think it would be good idea if you let me know whether this is ending or if you want me to wait. You told me you valued honesty, so please just be honest with me."

He didnt reply. No reply this morning either, i think its safe to say ive been given the pink slip imsad

[zakirs]

He didnt reply. No reply this morning either, i think its safe to say ive been given the pink slip imsad

:sl:
Its ok sis.. why do you think like that ... think that you gave him the pink slip :). Pray to Allah and Inshaallah god will show you the way sis :).

As for the imam, im afraid to ask him or approach him, the one time i was actually brave enough i couldn't gain access to him because he was surrounded by men after the prayer and i was not about to go into that mix.

Don;'t be so afraid sis , wait for some time after prayers and talk to imam.I am sure he definitely wouldn't mind helping you.

[جوري]

Well i waited 3 days for him to come to me and nothing so last night i sent him a message and said "Selam, i think it would be good idea if you let me know whether this is ending or if you want me to wait. You told me you valued honesty, so please just be honest with me."

He didnt reply. No reply this morning either, i think its safe to say ive been given the pink slip imsad

:sl:
Is he really worth that you feel this sad? Allah swt created you in a dignified state, and you shall not demean yourself. This only means that Allah swt has far better things in store for you insha'Allah.. Al7mdlillah that you found about his traits early on. Imagine this is the kind of treatment he gives you as a spouse? I know it seems painful now, believe me we have all been there.. it would be a big mistake to let this sadness dominate your life instead of taking it as a chance from Allah swt to seek that which is better...

People who are good with their Deen are honorable, they treat others with kindness, they keep their words, they honor their promises, they don't neglect their duties and they don't relish leaving people in a sad mood because well their sadness is above all else...

Move on sister with a free heart and a big smile on your face.. Insha'Allah, Allah swt has better things in store for you..

:w:

[Maryan0]

:sl:
Is he really worth that you feel this sad? Allah swt created you in a dignified state, and you shall not demean yourself. This only means that Allah swt has far better things in store for you insha'Allah.. Al7mdlillah that you found about his traits early on. Imagine this is the kind of treatment he gives you as a spouse? I know it seems painful now, believe me we have all been there.. it would be a big mistake to let this sadness dominate your life instead of taking it as a chance from Allah swt to seek that which is better...

People who are good with their Deen are honorable, they treat others with kindness, they keep their words, they honor their promises, they don't neglect their duties and they don't relish leaving people in a sad mood because well their sadness is above all else...

Move on sister with a free heart and a big smile on your face.. Insha'Allah, Allah swt has better things in store for you..

:w:

very nice reply sis
salam

[AlbanianMuslim]

Good advice

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
Is he really worth that you feel this sad? Allah swt created you in a dignified state, and you shall not demean yourself. This only means that Allah swt has far better things in store for you insha'Allah.. Al7mdlillah that you found about his traits early on. Imagine this is the kind of treatment he gives you as a spouse? I know it seems painful now, believe me we have all been there.. it would be a big mistake to let this sadness dominate your life instead of taking it as a chance from Allah swt to seek that which is better...

People who are good with their Deen are honorable, they treat others with kindness, they keep their words, they honor their promises, they don't neglect their duties and they don't relish leaving people in a sad mood because well their sadness is above all else...

Move on sister with a free heart and a big smile on your face.. Insha'Allah, Allah swt has better things in store for you..

:w:

what she said :D