should I force my daughter to move to Kuwait

[BNDGR]

Asalam alaikum dear brothers and sisters,
Inshallah I am seeking some unbiased advice on my situation. Here is the story:
I am a revert, alhumdullilah since 08. I was divorced for past 5yrs, and recently married 9/28/09 to a wonderful brother.But he is living in Kuwait, and we are from California. I have 3 kids 16yr girl, 10yr boy & 5yr old girl from my prev. husband. We just came home from Kuwait and all kids got along with him and he treated them very good. But I have been having probs with my 16yr old since she was 14, w/drinking and drugs and boys. Our family has been thru alot with her and her and I relationship has suffered due to the fighting about all the issues. Now I want to move to Kuwait with my hubby and kids, inshallah I can save my 16yr old by taking her away from here and all her friends and temptations she has here and I know that this will save inshallah my other two from growing up with the same issues. Everything for teens here is just so available and accepted. She doesn't want to go, of course and I will have to force her, since she is a minor, she will turn 18 on 12/2010, she has only a year and 2 mths. I am desperate to save her.. after lie after lie about getting better, I just drug tested her the other day, cuz her eyes looked bad, like she had done drugs, and she denied it again, and said I was not trusting her, but sure enough she tested positive. I don't know what else to do. Please please I am begging for any input from anyone not involved. My fam. is non muslim and think I am turning into some sort of crazy person for changing my whole life, they can't even see or accept that it is so much for the better. So of course they think poor kids... what kind of Mom am I for turning their lives upside down and involving them in this cult religion of Islam, I am alone against my whole family!! Please help, I don't want to loose my daughter forever to drugs or death or to let her go and have the guilt that I didn't do everything I could to save her!

[Sampharo]

Dear sister,

Al-Hamdolellah rabbil Alamien on your revertion to the religion of God. First off, the moment you did that all your sins were wiped clean, so know that reverts mostly (unless they immediately do something wrong) experience not only instant enlightenment, but also God provides them with gifts and opportunities and means of success in this life.

By all means, and 100% without any doubt in your mind, you should take full use of this God-given gift of going to the Arabian Peninsula with all your three kids if you have to drag your daughter kicking and screaming, bound and gagged in the middle of the night so as not to give the chance to your non-muslim relatives from interfering (and believe me they would, and would get help from social services if they can siting that you went nuts and wanted to go to a dangerous region in the World and therefore unfit bla bla bla...)

Drugs have the nastiest effect on people and boys and girls this age are 90% affected by media and peer pressure. WHat do you want for your daughter? Watching TV all day that tells them to always be prepared with condoms, what other girls are doing in spring break, and shows yet another twisted example of how muslims are just terrorists? Do you want friends to continue telling her the you are such a "draaag" and she should emancipate or something, and tell her where the cool new drugs are being sold?

Force her into an institute and get her cleaned up (there may be a drug test in Kuwait and they don't joke about that stuff over there, there is no such thing as "personal use" and letting them off. It's years in jail) and take her to Kuwait. Give her a bit of freedom over there but not too much, as she might choose new friends to hang out with that look and feel like home, so she might mix up with the bad bunches. With lots of love and in an environment that shows her a higher class of morality and responsibility, the peer examples will empower her to be a decent person, and there will hardly be any enablers for her drug or parental abuse.

For you and your other children too, this couldn't be a better choice sister. May God assist you in your move.

[OurIslamic]

Pray to Allah(SWT) and ask for his guidance.

[zakirs]

My advice is yes, You can try to tell her with the most kindness that you are planning this for her benifit only and she needs to come with you to kuwait.Ask her to try to live life on your suggestion for 1 year and may be then she can give her opinion.


Other than that you can try Isthikara prayer.

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[جوري]

I usually feel that a person should make their own life altering decisions, but have to agree with all the previous posters here.. you have a very small margin in which to fix whatever problems there are with your daughter.. if she becomes of age, you'll have no jurisdiction over her and it will be too late.. I think you should move to Kuwait for a couple of years, put her in an international school, she'll be upset with you for a while but then will adapt.. but if you leave her here with the drugs and the boys, honestly one day you might look at this golden chariot carrying you away to which you closed the door with utter regret.. Now is the time to act.. you can always come back to the U.S later but with a renewed vision and attitude..

I wish you the best insha'Allah.. there is a sun sea and sky wherever you go and people to discover.. it will be an excellent adventure..

I wish you well sis

:wa:

[Mujahideen92]

I'm only 17, but i very strongly feel that she should move to Kuwait. Ive somewhat been in that situation before, and you need to move to a new place to really rid yourself of evils.

I didnt move internationally but i moved with my uncle, and it was entirely new religious atmosphere and i benefited from it very much. I came back home in 3 weeks i was an entirely new person

[Woodrow]

As been mentioned your non-Muslim relatives will fight this choice as much as possible. But also remember that is a biased view. I assure you if the situation were different and you were living in Kuwait wanting to move to the USA, and your daughter wanted to stay in Kuwait, those same relatives would be screaming :"She is 14 years old, You are the parent, take control and make her move."

[innocent]

I'm interested to know. Has she also accepted islam?

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Asalam alaikum dear brothers and sisters,

...she will turn 18 on 12/2010, she has only a year and 2 mths. !

Welcome to Islam sis :) May Allah increases His blessings in your life , Ameen.

Don't force her , try to convince her . Assure her that she can make her own decision as soon as she is 18 . InshaAllah , before she reaches at 18 , Allah will guide her . Now talk to her calmly , tell her she will be allowed to enjoy life in a halal way , she will get good education , good food , good dresses etc etc.

InshaAllah , she will go with with you there willingly .

[cat eyes]

why don't you seek guidance from Allah first instead of forcing her to do anything that will do no good. do istikhara prayer. we can tell you everything and anything but at the end of the day in this type of delicate situation Allah swt is the only one with the answer. i don't know much about the country all i know is before id move my kids to a any certain country id find out what type of place it is the laws and stuff like this. do the people speak English. can she study her deen there go to classes there and important things such as this. would she be able to make friends there with the language barrier. well my advice to you would be sister and from my own experience (i don't have kids) but my father is with another woman and he puts her first and it has caused alot of resentment. your kids should come first and what is best for them for a healthy upbringing so do the istikhara and inshallaah you will find your answer

[BNDGR]

I'm interested to know. Has she also accepted islam?

Jazakallah khair for all the helpful posts. Just to answer some of the questions, no she didn't convert with us. Inshallah she will come to Islam on her own. She has an open mind and see's and hears all so inshallah..
Sister Cateyes, I understand that alot of people are like your father and put thier new wife/husband first. But I asure you that my heart is there for her, in my post I had told you about her drug/alcohol/boyfriends and that is why I want to do this, to get her away from all the bad influences currently in her life. Yes I did remarry and we just came back from Kuwait, she liked it there and yes pretty much everyone speaks english, the schools are whatever you choose, but she has chosen home school to finish last year. She also had a chance to meet and get to be friends with her new cousins there, they are around her same age and she really liked them, also they would be a positive influence in her life. I do love my new husband but he is second to this problem with her, just because if I let her go now, I might lose her altogether to drugs and bad choices or astagfirllah even her own death. You are young and don't have kids yet but when you do you will realize that parents have such a hard time here in the US, we struggle with all the peer pressure and outside influences in our kids lives. We often give up our own lives to put our kids FIRST. That is ok, you will understand when you have kids. Taking her away is selfish on my part, I want to give her at least a year of opportunity to see another life that she could have for herself. I am forcing her, but at the same time I am telling her that this is a short period in her life and trying to talk to her and let her know that she will be 18 soon and will come back here and be on her own and INSHALLAH at least she will mabye make some better choices for her future. Shukran to all of you!!

[BNDGR]

OOPS.. also the most important part is that I am praying istikhara and asking Allah swt for his guidance, and inshallah whatever his plan is for our family will be done.
Jazakallah Khair once again to all of you, this forum is a great help for alot of our fellow muslims and may Allah swt bless everyone for thier good intentions and efforts.