format_quote Originally Posted by
kitten
:sl:
So i fell into the dating trap 9 months ago. The brother in question said he was looking for a wife. I knew this because he was my friends older brother.
To cut a long story short we talked and whatnot and it astahghfirllah it somehow turned into a bf/gf relationship rather than just merely trying to get to know each other.
As soon as i started to develop strong feelings for him and to finally tell my family, he chickened out and told me he "wasn't ready for a relationship".
So alhamdulilah Allah swt gave me the courage to end it, because I truly wanted to make it halal.
But I'm completely heartbroken. SubhanalAllah. It's a horrid feeling and never . NEVER would i put myself in such a position again. InshaAllah never.
My question though is. I feel wronged. Am I?
Allah swt as my witness knows how my intentions were pure from the start. How many duas I made to fulfil my duties as a wife inshaAllah for him one day. SubhanAllah. All my duas were focused on this.
Have i been wronged here?
This guy knew what he had gotten himself into. I had never been with anyone before and the first time i did, i wanted to ensure it was going to lead to something. Surely he knew I was more suceptible to hurt than any other random girl?
He claimed marriage at the start and ended up leading me on and using me. Toyed with my emotions and was relieved i ended it, saying he didn't have the guts to do so. How dare he let me carry on with him like that, while i grew attached to him he bailed and waited for me to leave him?
I have repented and still will. Please tell me if I would gain some justice out of this. Surely Allah swt wont let him let away for hurting and using me like this?
Asalaamu Alaikum wr wb, my sister unfortunatley haraam relationships are very common nowadays with the Muslim youth and where you have haraam relationships taking place then you will get countles people getting hurt and scarred for life because of bad experiences.
But what we don't realise is that these haraam relationships are NEVER going to get anywhere because they are not blessed by Allah for they are cursed by Allah because we are ONLY lawful for those who we are married to.
A lot of the time the guy or girl who we have a relationship with is not right for us and they mess us about or have the wrong intentions or just fate i guess that it does'nt get anywhere because they are not meant to be with us in this life.
The fact is sister a lot of people have relationships just to use the other and get what they want which is usually sex. They get what they want and then they have nothing left to stay in the relationship then they leave. Or you will find people who are with someone and when they find something better they leave you and go and try and get something better. Or if they are with you and you are not giving them what they want like sex for example then they look elsewhere.
These things happen a lot in relationships and that is why relationships are haraam! Everything Allah forbids is the best for us that we keep away from it! You see sister when e get into haraam relationships and they go wrong, it can really hurt and scar a person. Especially if you have been with them for so long and then suddenly your not with them no more, then it can certainly hurt you and scar and even leave a person depressed and suicidal!
Relationships are not a guarantee for marriage! They are just two people wanting to give things a go and see where it leads to and it usually leads NOWHERE! Obviously a person will end up getting very hurt especially if that was the persons first relationship and they had dreamed of a life with that person and only ever imagined being with them and doing everything with them.
You see sister everything Islam forbids us from is the best for us to keep away from. Look at how your are still left feeling just because of the pain a guy caused you!
Sister we should really repent for our pasts and think to ourselves:
" It is MY fault for getting into a haraam relationship in the first place! If i had listened to Allah i would have been perfectly alright now but because i went against Allah and listened to shaythan and ended up having a haraam relationship i now have to face the consequances and take the pain in my heart because I caused this and let it happen to me"!
We have to think that to ourselves sister because we chose to go down that path! How would your parents feel if they knew you were seeing a guy and having a relationship with them? Same way how would Allah feel that you had haraam relationship with a man? and now that hes hurt you by leaving you your losing faith in him when you should have listened to him in the first place and you would have been perfect right now!
Sister we have to take responsibility for our actions in life. We chose to go down that path so we have to face the consequances of our actions. But at the end of the day sister we were naive and we have learnt from it! In life how will you learn if you don't fail?
In life sister we don't learn from our successes, we learn from our failiures! So lessons have been learnt and we can take good things from it and lessons from it and do things better now and the future!
Everyone makes mistakes sister its a part of being a human, but we have to accept that we did mistakes and learn from our mistakes.
There is NO need to keep dwelling the past because whats happened has happened now and we are actually VERY lucky that Allah took us out of that situation by making that person leave us!
Imagine he never left you and carried on being with you and done something much worse to you later on. You would have been even more devasted! Your lucky he left you sister because he was VERY clearly NOT right for you! You deserve much better and you WILL get much better and when your married and you look back you will think how stupid was i being all down about a scum like that!
We have to do things the right way the way Allah wants us to do things so if we find a partner in a halal way then we will lead a happy and fulfilling life inshallah!
Remember it is Allah that will make us meet our partners not us! So if we do things the right way don't you think that he will give us the best partners for us? OF COURSE HE WILL INSHALLAH!
My sister whatever happened was good and happened for the best because Allah has a partner MUCH better for you not someone like that who you would NEVER have been happy with in life! My sister thank Allah for getting you out of that situation because i can tell you from what ive seen in life people have gone through MUCH MUCH worse so your VERY VERY lucky and we need to thank Allah SO SO much!
There is no point being bitter sister because at the end of the day you let yourself get into a relationship, no one forced you to do so and because you let yourself get into a relationship you end up getting hurt which is what happens to most people but until you don't let go of this bitterness how will you move on? Will you not just leave it to Allah? Does he not know best? If you put your FULL trust, hope and reliance in Allah that he will deal with it the way he wants then you will not feel like how your feeling. You got into a haram relationship so you should'nt expect too much but you should actually learn from it and think to yourself i did a big mistake but i have leartn from it now and becomne wiser from this experience and thank Allah for getting me out of it because if it led to marriage and then you knew what he was like your life would be ruined so thank Allah profusely!
We need to learn from our past mistakes and do things better now and the future!
My sister this world is only a few hours compared to the hereafter so we need to devote as MUCH time as we can trying to make Allah the happiest and worship him as much as we can! ONLY then will our hearts find contentment which leads to true happiness and tranquility in the heart!
My sister theres no time to waste we need to do as much good as we can becaue death can come at ANY second then it will be too late to add to our good deed accounts! We need to ount our blessings and what Allah has given us because compard to most we have TOO TOO much!
So my sister EVERYTHING has happened for the best and its all about now and the future! Lets make the best use of every second because in the hereafter we will regret EVERY second that we wasted being down and depressed for no reason and we will look back with SO much regret and think why did i waste that time when i could have been remembering Allah! Put your full hopes and faith in him and leave it to him and ask him to forgive all for revenge causes bitterness and we have to rid our hearts of it.