Would you marry?

[confused]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

['Abd-al Latif]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

Looks don't make you religious, knowledge that you learn and practice makes you religious!

What religious does one have if they don't pray and observe the Islamic obligations?!

[cat eyes]

:sl:
There is a strong possibility this sister might change after marriage you don't know so you cannot judge her now so i would NOT suggest you do not marry a girl like this. i personally met many sisters who came closer to islam after marriage and even after having there first child so i would not rule a potential like this out.

[UmmSqueakster]

Write up a list of things that are absolutely essential to for your spouse to have. I'm not talking pie in the sky, must look like this actress or whatever. Nope, the things that are important to you and that you couldn't live without.

Also, you mentioned the word "despised." If you always despise her, trust me, you won't want to marry her.

Yes, people can change, but it's a long hard road, so why not start out with someone who's traveling the same path as you?

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[noorseeker]

as long as she agrees to dress modest after marriage, the rest you can work on

[cat eyes]

true its a long hard road for some people i do agree but ask yourself this bro what makes her attracted to you? it could be your religious commitment that is drawing her near you. she sees something in you that will be good for her. how two people can meet like this is for a reason, one is practicing and the other is not she might get totally inspired by you after marriage. also thats a good idea write everything out on a list what you want in a spouse but do not be to overly picky because being to overly picky you will come out with a girl that dose not exist :hmm:

[Aliyah_86]

Why not talk to her? Find out whether she is willing to change (without being rude off course). But you say she does lots of things you despise? That doesn't sound too good!Personally I would try and make sure that a propsective life partner ticked all the boxes that I considered essential e.g. prays five times a day, etc.

[Mujahideen92]

I only want to marry a religious woman, or not marry at all.


Not marrying would actually be fine with me, ive seen lots of marriages turn to crap before my eyes, so i wouldnt mind

['Abd-al Latif]

Why not talk to her? Find out whether she is willing to change (without being rude off course). But you say she does lots of things you despise? That doesn't sound too good!Personally I would try and make sure that a propsective life partner ticked all the boxes that I considered essential e.g. prays five times a day, etc.

I wouldn't recommend that they sit down and talk to each other, specially when this woman isn't religiously commited.

[Aliyah_86]

I wouldn't recommend that they sit down and talk to each other, specially when this woman isn't religiously commited.

Forgive me, I didn't mean just the two of them, I meant they could have an informal chat with family member present and the Bro could get an idea about whether she wants to increase in her imaan. However I have also said that for me personally I would not want to marry someone who didn't pray etc, like a brother said above, I wouldn't want to marry someone if they weren't religious from the outset.

[YusufNoor]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray,
likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

:sl:

a few Hadeeth from Bukhari

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 3:
Narrated 'Alqama:
While I was with Abdullah, 'Uthman met him at Mina and said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rahman ! I have something to say to you." So both of them went aside and 'Uthman said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rah. man! Shall we marry you to a virgin who will make you remember your past days?" When 'Abdullah felt that he was not in need of that, he beckoned me (to join him) saying, "O 'Alqama!" Then I heard him saying (in reply to 'Uthman), "As you have said that, (I tell you that) the Prophet once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers

from Muslim:

Book 008, Number 3231:
'Alqama reported: While I was walking with 'Abdullah at Mina, 'Uthman happened to meet him. He stopped there and began to talk with him. Uthman said to him: Abu 'Abd al-Rahman, should we not marry you to a young girl who may recall to you some of the past of your bygone days; thereupon he said: If you say so, Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: 0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes from casting (evil glances). and preserves one from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting for it is a means of controlling sexual desire
________________________________________
Book 008, Number 3465:
'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.

:wa:

[ahmed_indian]

then whts the use of hijab is she's not covering properly, listening to music, other unislamic acts? then its not hijab but just a piece of cloth.

first of all, the iman must be in heart....a heart which fears Allah. which trembles due to fear of Allah's punishment. a soul which tries to obey Allah as much as possible.

[cat eyes]

hold on a minute you are judging the sister now, people are trying to pick on her imaan, how do we know? she probably have very strong faith in her heart.

[Snowflake]

:sl: Brother, take the Prophet's (saw) advice posted by Bro Yusuf.

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

:wa:

[Cabdullahi]

marry a religious lady :)

[S_87]

there are things that can be over looked but things like neglecting salah- thats too much. thats not being nit picky

[Salahudeen]

I wouldn't marry her if she did all those things cos there'd be conflicts all the time. Can you imagine telling her all the time "No music" and she'd probably call you extreme. She could even bring you down with her.

It's hard without talking to her and finding out what her personality is like, some people don't care at all they think " listening to music and not praying doesn't make me a bad person cos I'm not harming anyone"

so you have to find out what kind of personality she has, she may be trying to change and realises that she's in the wrong but is finding it hard.

or she could be the other extreme and doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing and doesn't like to be told she's in the wrong.

I personally wouldn't go no where near a girl like that because I know I wouldn't get on with her as opposed to a praticing girl.

Can you see yourself getting on with a girl who wears tight jeans, shows all her body and all the men stare at her as she's walking down the road like a piece of meat.

or would you prefer a girl who dresses properly and only shows herself to your eyes.

[stahlblu]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

In my opinion one can not be to picky you are going to be with this person for the rest of your life! You must make the right choice. I waited 6 years after converting to get married and I did it after praying and Allah brought me exactly the perfect husband. While if you just settle, which I almost did, it doesnt mean you will be happy and coud mean you will end up divorced.

[Eliphaz]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

1. Love your username

2. Listen to the hadith

3. You are not nitpicking.

It's true some men/women change after tieing the knot, but are you going to risk your whole future on that? She is missing a lot of the basics, like ahmedindian says, if she's wearing tight clothes then the hijab is just a piece of cloth! There are a lot of alarm bells going off in my mind when I read what you wrote, so you should ask yourself, "if there's this much I 'despise' about her, then why do I want to marry her?"

[mahfuja]

no ones judging ... insha'Allah we're all advising the bro with pure intentions ... but i agree about looking for Piety first ... atleast if she does her obligatory salah ... everything else will fall into place.

I wouldnt suggest you take a risk and hope you can increase her peity because i've seen marriages fall apart due to one wanting the other to act more according to the deen while the other feels yet not ready.

Insha'Allah The Almighty will guide you towards the correct path.

[Ansariyah]

It depends... If she's willing to learn, n wants to be more practising InshaAllah over'look her flaws. Yu can't go into something as deep n serious as marriage witout knowin where the person ur going to spend the rest of ur life wit stands in crucial matters as deen.

There shud be compabitiblity, otherwise in the long run ur bound to clash.

[nocturnal]

Let me break it down to you in contemporary terms. Any girl who exhibits even the most faintest of desires for, or uses the following things or has the following habits should be immediately be flung on to the rejection heap:

Wearing "Uggs"

Reading Celeb Magazines

Listening to Music i don't mind, but Bhangra, Garage, and all the ghastly "gangsta" stuff is inexcusable. (Except really old school ones; in other words, if you want a musical connoseiur, get a choir girl)

Can't form a coherent sentence of English without resorting to some vulgar colloquial term to make her point

Watches reality TV

Wants more than 1 kid! (Or any in my case)

Belives committment is the best thing "eva" (Believe me these are the ultimate nutjobs, steer clear)

Thinks that all matches are "made in heaven".

Watches Bollywood Alot (the existence of such chicks, is a crime against humanity)

Moans about colleagues at work or college (You know your life is going to become like that of a defendant in court, you either listen to her crap or end up in the dock yourself)

Is defensive about everything and can NEVER EVER acknowledge a screw-up

Believes it is unpardonable for a committed guy to admire another woman (JUST admire)

Reads books by Dan Brown

Reads books about disaffected young women

Is a bit TOO opinionated (My G.O.D. they are just...wrong)

Believes that having kids "completes" her. (Those are the moronic types who will plunge you into a life of despair)

INSISTS that people's individualism, no matter how macabre and grotesque, should be respected!

I can go on and on here...but i think the guys (and perhaps the chicks) are kind of getting it...i should follow this up with the list of the characteristics a worthy girl should have

[Ansariyah]

[QUOTE=nocturnal;1235459]

Let me break it down to you in contemporary terms. Any girl who exhibits even the most faintest of desires for, or uses the following things or has the following habits should be immediately be flung on to the rejection heap:

Wearing "Uggs"

Not my style but wat did the shoes do wrong?

Can't form a coherent sentence of English without resorting to some vulgar colloquial term to make her point

Do u mean slang?

Wants more than 1 kid! (Or any in my case)

I thought u wud say the opposite 'doesnt want more than one kid'...

Belives committment is the best thing "eva" (Believe me these are the ultimate nutjobs, steer clear)

Wats wrong wit Committment?...

Thinks that all matches are "made in heaven".

So she has a romantic side..?

Watches Bollywood Alot (the existence of such chicks, is a crime against humanity)

lol..

Moans about colleagues at work or college (You know your life is going to become like that of a defendant in court, you either listen to her crap or end up in the dock yourself)

everyone moans from time to time..

Is defensive about everything and can NEVER EVER acknowledge a screw-up

That sucks...I agree.

Believes it is unpardonable for a committed guy to admire another woman (JUST admire)

Thats called Jealousy....I agree going over the top isnt healthy.

Is a bit TOO opinionated (My G.O.D. they are just...wrong)

lol

Believes that having kids "completes" her. (Those are the moronic types who will plunge you into a life of despair)

I never understood that either..people who get obsessive about having kids..it isnt healthy.

INSISTS that people's individualism, no matter how macabre and grotesque, should be respected!

:hmm:

I can go on and on here...but i think the guys (and perhaps the chicks) are kind of getting it...i should follow this up with the list of the characteristics a worthy girl should have

I know u were probably serious but I found that amusing.

[AnonymousPoster]

Let me break it down to you in contemporary terms. Any girl who exhibits even the most faintest of desires for, or uses the following things or has the following habits should be immediately be flung on to the rejection heap:

Wearing "Uggs"

:sl: i would say im a practising sister and i wear UGGS to keep my feet warm:statisfie, it seems as if you are describing a certain sister or girl:hmm: and it would be nice if your not stereotypical with what kind of shoes someone is wearing.

[nocturnal]

:sl: i would say im a practising sister and i wear UGGS to keep my feet warm:statisfie, it seems as if you are describing a certain sister or girl:hmm: and it would be nice if your not stereotypical with what kind of shoes someone is wearing.

Most girls who wear uggs, even practising, tend to me mentally stunted if not just shockingly ignorant about everything. Whoever came up with the concept of Uggs, had in mind, you average hello magazine-reading, cheap alcohol-drinking, serial one night-stander, possible college droup out, in receipt of a government anti social behaviour order ban, type of girls. They will almost always fall into one of the above categories.

Lets face the truth; you don't have to be a practising Muslim not to qualify as a Sarah Palin type intellectual bimbo.

Asma al Asad; that is a woman, Queen Rania of Jordan that is a also a woman. Pure elegance, style, comportment, sophistication, allure, intelligence, beauty, personable, ambitious, educated, discerning. Those, my fellow sisters, are what we would call women. The above types cannot by an reasonable person, be classified as humans, they are just primitive, vile, vitriol-spewing vixens who ought to be caged for not contributing anything positive to life.

[cat eyes]

Let me break it down to you in contemporary terms. Any girl who exhibits even the most faintest of desires for, or uses the following things or has the following habits should be immediately be flung on to the rejection heap:

Wearing "Uggs"

Reading Celeb Magazines

Listening to Music i don't mind, but Bhangra, Garage, and all the ghastly "gangsta" stuff is inexcusable. (Except really old school ones; in other words, if you want a musical connoseiur, get a choir girl)

Can't form a coherent sentence of English without resorting to some vulgar colloquial term to make her point

Watches reality TV

Wants more than 1 kid! (Or any in my case)

Belives committment is the best thing "eva" (Believe me these are the ultimate nutjobs, steer clear)

Thinks that all matches are "made in heaven".

Watches Bollywood Alot (the existence of such chicks, is a crime against humanity)

Moans about colleagues at work or college (You know your life is going to become like that of a defendant in court, you either listen to her crap or end up in the dock yourself)

Is defensive about everything and can NEVER EVER acknowledge a screw-up

Believes it is unpardonable for a committed guy to admire another woman (JUST admire)

Reads books by Dan Brown

Reads books about disaffected young women

Is a bit TOO opinionated (My G.O.D. they are just...wrong)

Believes that having kids "completes" her. (Those are the moronic types who will plunge you into a life of despair)

INSISTS that people's individualism, no matter how macabre and grotesque, should be respected!

I can go on and on here...but i think the guys (and perhaps the chicks) are kind of getting it...i should follow this up with the list of the characteristics a worthy girl should have

that piece of advice is disgraceful for anybody looking for a life time partner what insensitive crap nonsense you are talking. if you cannot give good advice do not comment at all! if your commenting on your own experience which i feel you are WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW

[Hamza Asadullah]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, unfortunatley in todays societies we will see many brothers and sisters both resembling what we would call good Muslims but in secret or sometimes even in the open they are committing sin. It is very apparent especially here in the UK where im from and from my travels that yes there are a lot of women who wear hijaab but at the same time they wear innappropriate clothing like tight jeans and tops with fashionable and colourful hijaab which glimmers and i have seen many blasting music in their cars and even have boyfriends.

You will see them walking through the high street being the loudest and even openly shouting and swearing!
They seem to think that it is enough just to wear a hijaab on the head and thats it. What about the modesty for the rest of the body? What about inner modesty?

Brother i don't know the sister that you have mentioned but all i can say is marry for piety and piety alone, NOT for the fact that she may have a cloth on her head which many seem to use as a fashion accessory and something to hide behind. Marry a wonmen for her good character and that she practices or at least wants to practice but don't be fooled by a women who wears the hijaab on her head and thats it, she does nothing else that comes with it. We should have concern for our state and do as much as we can to rectify ourselves.

Do isthikhara aswell and may Allah give us good and pious partners and may Allah guide us all to the right way and not let us get led astray by satans deception. Ameen

[swordoffaith]

I honestly think we shouldnt judge others..we all have flaws(we are human)

Only our creator Allah(Swt) the almighty and all knowing can judge us! he knows what is in our hearts!!!

I never look at a person and judge them. hijabi or non hijabi, i know many hijabis(trust me) that do bad things, so dont tell me that u can judge a book by its cover.

funny how some of the brothers that tell women to wear hijab are the men who look at other women and also dont grow a beard.:raging:

but thats another issue!

[Raphael]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

I could be wrong, but were you being sarcastic, with a lot of people just taking the bait??!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

a girl who likes loud music and tight clothing is a girl you should stay FAR FAR away from

[GuestFellow]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

Salaam

It is your choice.

I personally would not get married. I would like a wife who properly covers herself and prays five times a day. That is all I would ask for. The rest I would work on after marriage.

EDIT:

Oh I forgot MANNERS! A very important quality you should take into a consideration...

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ and just like that all adhaab is forgotten @ nocturnal and cat

[AhmadibnNasroon]

Not sure if anyone checked out albaseerah's Newsletter concerning this subject but its definitely worth a read...

http://www.albaseerah.org/publication/nl/vol1iss5&6.pdf

As for emaan being the heart then let the Muslims know that emaan is speech and action.

1- Speech of the tongue and speech of the heart
2- Actions of the heart and actions of the limbs

If such a woman is not religiously committed to the point that she doesn't even pray then this is a SERIOUS CRIME. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi'wa'salam said, “Between a man and shirk and kufr there stands his giving up prayer.” Narrated by Muslim (116). And he said: “The covenant that distinguishes between us and them is prayer; whoever does not pray is a kaafir.” Narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi (2621); al-Nasaa’i (463); Ibn Majaah (1079); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

So not praying at all is, sub7anAllah, as Imam Ahmad said, apostacy. If what you say is true then may Allah guide her ameen.

As Muslims, we should have gheerah for our sisters. A Muslim woman who adorns herself outside the home its inviting attention, looks, stares, and lust towards her. As a Muslim woman, this should enrage you from within for a few reasons.

1) Violation of hijab which is a sin
2) Violation of the right of the Muslim woman towards modesty
3) The ill effects it brings. Kafir men aren't blind, once they see a woman in a scarf but adorning herself with make up and tight clothing then pretty soon, "hijabis" will become targets as well. And come to think of it, they already have wallaahu'musta3n.

As a Muslim male this enrages you for several reasons including the ones above.

4) What if this were your wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc dressing this way?
5) A Muslim woman BELONGS with a Muslim man aka her HUSBAND. The very thought of uninvited eyes casting prolonged glares at her is condescending to say the least.
6) Sisters dressing in that fashion brings the quality of marriage prospects to a lower level. As men we should have jealousy for our wives; what is a husband who doesn't protect his wife as well as the wife having comfort that her beauty is ONLY for him?

As for the rest that you mentioned then its just adding flurries to an avalanche. We should all ask ourselves the question...if he were my son, would I choose such a girl to be my daughter-in-law? Wa'allaahu 3lam

[Ummu Sufyaan]

As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk

something i remember someone who had just gotten a divorce saying was how they will never enter a marriage contract whilst NOT being completely sure of the person/character of the person to marry.

if a potential doesn't fit your criteria, then it shouldn't be more then a consideration.

that's, of course not to say that one has to be picky, but the basics HAVE to be there none-the-less. this women has to raise your kids. what will guarantee that she will change? you have to think about these things for forehand, and not go into a marriage hoping things will change. if she prays, and avoids the major haram things, and at the very least, does what is required of her obligatory duties, then all those minor things inshallah can be fixed later. but if she is as what you describe and is NOT what you are looking for due to this, then you need to look else where, really.


@noocturnal, your attitude towards women who dont fit your criteria, is rather disturbing.

Believes it is unpardonable for a committed guy to admire another woman (JUST admire)

if he were to admire a woman other then his wife, then it says more about him, then is does about her...
in what sense do you mean "admire" btw....

Believes that having kids "completes" her. (Those are the moronic types who will plunge you into a life of despair)

:offended you are being completely ridiculous!!! you cant expect a woman not to have some kind of love or inclination towards kids...a lot of women would consider having kids do indeed "complete" her.

Asma al Asad; that is a woman, Queen Rania of Jordan that is a also a woman. Pure elegance, style, comportment, sophistication, allure, intelligence, beauty, personable, ambitious, educated, discerning. Those, my fellow sisters, are what we would call women. The above types cannot by an reasonable person, be classified as humans, they are just primitive, vile, vitriol-spewing vixens who ought to be caged for not contributing anything positive to life.

the same woman who said the hijaab is not obligatory? the same woman who has the power and yet does next to nothing (if anything at all) to remove her Islamic nation from the vile slumpls of disobedience to Allah. the same woman who appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show? women like that are nothing short of an insult.

[zakirs]

Originally Posted by nocturnal View Post
Asma al Asad; that is a woman, Queen Rania of Jordan that is a also a woman. Pure elegance, style, comportment, sophistication, allure, intelligence, beauty, personable, ambitious, educated, discerning. Those, my fellow sisters, are what we would call women. The above types cannot by an reasonable person, be classified as humans, they are just primitive, vile, vitriol-spewing vixens who ought to be caged for not contributing anything positive to life.

While The work queen rania does is admirable (all that clearing the air between west and arabs thing ) we must realise that she is not an ideal muslim so lets just stop JUDGING people and get on with the topic.Nocturnal lets stick to the topic