format_quote Originally Posted by
AnonymousGender
I am so ashamed of myself but i have to ask for some help. I cannot stop thinking about this guy from one of my classes. He is on my mind non stop. When i go to class i have to force myself not to look at him, any momentary moments of weakness i peek at him. The attraction i feel to him is unlike anything i have ever felt before in my life. Not only that but a friend told me he is taking arabic and he takes islamic civ with me.
He is american and as far as i know not a muslim. The way the room is set up there is no seat that i could sit in that i wouldnt be able to see him. A few times i asked the prof if i could skip and he allowed it (he doesnt know why i asked but he is lenient as long as i get the notes from someone)
I see him on campus every once in a while, i cant help but feel weak.
I am so ashamed that i cant seem to control my feelings or my mind. I have done so many things to try and get my mind off of him but it seems like nothings working :hiding:
I apologize if this is a stupid thread but i needed to get this off my chest.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, sister it is very commendable that you opened yourself up and shared your problem with us for it shows you have imaan (faith) when you feel guilty of doing some wrong.
Almighty Allah Ta'ala has created human beings in pairs, males and females. Every male and female by human nature is attracted to the forms, shapes and colour of the opposite sex. Similarly males and females are attracted to some outstanding feminine and masculine qualities respectively.
Attraction to the opposite sex has its positive factors, for example, marriage, procreation etc. as well as negative factors which includes every illicit and licentious relationship of incest, rape, masturbation, adultery, prostitution, etc, etc, etc.
Human beings by nature are prone to commit evil, therefore the sensitive instinct of attraction has to be regulated by the perfect Divine Laws of Our Creator, Allah Ta'ala who is all knowing about the nature of mankind. The Quran and the Ahaadith are replete with orders that protect one from becoming a victim of the negative factors of attraction to the opposite sex, hence the institution of Hijaab for females, the prohibition of talking to males with an alluring tone, the prohibition to apply perfume and exit the home, the prohibition for males and females to lower their gazes, etc.
This is the problem we get when there is the intermingling of sexes. If men and women are created to be attracted to each other then obviously if they are in view of each other all the time then feelings and attraction will develop.
It is crucial that you avoid being in the ame room as him at all costs.
It is crucial that you lower your gaze wherever you are and busy your mind with the remembrance of Allah.
"Only in the remembrance of Allah (swt) will your heart find peace"
(Quran Surah 13: Verse 28)
You should think to yourself that imagine my father or mother was here would i still look at this man with such attraction? Then also imagine that if Allah is watching me then should i continue to look at this or any other man with attraction? Then one will feel ashamed and keep ones gaze low inshallah
If it is possible then one should try their best to get married as soon as one can because marriage is the best remedy for this because we are created to have partners so we should not deprive ourselves and we should do what we can to get married as soon as is possible inshallah
Allah answers those who call upon Him and are sincere in their du'aa'. If you say any of the following du'aa's:
Allaahumma tahhir qalbi (O Allaah, purify my heart);
Yaa Muqallib al-quloob, thabbit qalbi 'ala taa'atika (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in obedience to You);
Allaahumma iqsim li min khashiyatika ma tahoolu bihi bayni wa bayna ma'siyatika (O Allaah, give me a share of fear of You which will intervene between me and sin);
Allaahumma inni as'aluka al-hudaa wa'l-tuqaa wa'l-'afaaf wa'l-ghinaa (O Allaah, I ask You for guidance, piety, chastity and independence);
Allaahumma Faatir al-samawaati wa'l-ard, 'Aalim al-ghaybi wa'l-shahaadah, laa ilaaha ill anta, Rabba kulli shay'in wa Maleekahu, a'oodhu bika min sharri nafsi wa min sharr il-Shaytaan wa sharakihi, wa an aqtarif 'ala nafsi soo'an aw ajurrahu 'ala muslimin (O Allaah, Creator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the unseen and the seen, There is no god except You, Lord and Sovereign of all things. I seek refuge with You from the evil of my own self and from the evil and traps of the Shaytaan, and from committing any sin against my own self or bringing evil upon any Muslim)
- all of these are good du'aa's which were narrated from the Prophet [an error occurred while processing this directive] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
(See Tarteeb Ahaadeeth Saheeh al-Jaami': Baab al 'Ad'iyah al-Ma'thoorah).
This must be accompanied by sincerity and persistence in making du'aa'. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path and may he guide us all to the straight path and not let us get diverted into the wrong path. Ameen