I cant stop

[AnonymousPoster]

I am so ashamed of myself but i have to ask for some help. I cannot stop thinking about this guy from one of my classes. He is on my mind non stop. When i go to class i have to force myself not to look at him, any momentary moments of weakness i peek at him. The attraction i feel to him is unlike anything i have ever felt before in my life. Not only that but a friend told me he is taking arabic and he takes islamic civ with me.
He is american and as far as i know not a muslim. The way the room is set up there is no seat that i could sit in that i wouldnt be able to see him. A few times i asked the prof if i could skip and he allowed it (he doesnt know why i asked but he is lenient as long as i get the notes from someone)

I see him on campus every once in a while, i cant help but feel weak.
I am so ashamed that i cant seem to control my feelings or my mind. I have done so many things to try and get my mind off of him but it seems like nothings working :hiding:


I apologize if this is a stupid thread but i needed to get this off my chest.

[Ansariyah]

This is not a stupid thread, u are seeking advice mashaAllah dont be so hard on urself.

Its a crush, inshaAllah it'll go away.

Shaytan is hard at work...don't slip n fall into his traps.

[OurIslamic]

This is not a stupid thread, u are seeking advice mashaAllah dont be so hard on urself.

Its a crush, inshaAllah it'll go away.

Shaytan is hard at work...don't slip n fall into his traps.

yes .

[Hayaa]

:sl: sis..

You might not be able to control your emotions, but you still have control over your actions. Don't ever give in to Shaytaan; that's what he wants. InshaAllaah you'll get over it and one day you'll look back at this and laugh. :D

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[Raphael]

You might not be able to control your emotions, but you still have control over your actions.

Absolutely spot on!

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

He is american and as far as i know not a muslim. .

If u study in co-ed , it's normal that u will go through this this emotions / mistakes. If possible , avoid co - ed system.

Keep praying , ask Allah to forgive u .

[OmerAsadAllah]

:sl:
Remember when you do restrict yourself from looking at him and your fighting the urge inside you to look at him this is one of the most beloved things to Allah and is the greatest type of Jihad:The Jihad of fighting yourself from "evil" desires or desires that won't benefit you at all(jihad an-nafs) by denying yourself anything which it desires which Allah has forbidden, taking on aspects of good character and leaving the ways of foolishness and perservering in obedience to Allah even if it is difficult. Allah said

{And as for the one who fears the standing before his Lord and forbids his self its desires * Surely, paradise is his shelter} An-Naazi'aat: 40-41

But, this overcoming of the lower desires is not accomplished by our efforts, but only by the grace and mercy of Allah. When we turn to Allah in belief and obedience, He blesses us with a shield or a protection against the evil inclinations within. Allah said:

{Those who prepared the abode and the faith before them love those who migrated to them and find no need in their hearts for what they have been given and the put others before themselves even if they are in need. And whoever is protected from the avarice of his own self is surely among the successful.} Al-Hashr: 9
:wa:

[GuestFellow]

Salaam.

I had a similar problem recently. A girl (non-Muslim) kept on talking to me at college and I had a difficult time controlling my emotions. I stayed far away from her and avoid her every time.

Don't fall for the Shaytan trap....I always think to myself nothing good is going to come out of this relationship and I'll end up digging a bigger hole for myself. Think of something disgusting about him which will make you sick every time you see him. It works for me...like for example if I like someone when I am not supposed to, I imagine them picking their nose or something really gross....yuck...

[AnonyMouse~]

Asalamualaykummm,

Although a sister above has said it's normal, remember it doesn't make it okay. Remind yourself there's a reason we're supposed to lower our gaze. This is the shaitaan whispering and you falling for it. Stay strong and next time you go in your class tell yourself you're Muslim and you won't fall into the ways of the west and never look his way again! And no peaking glare: And of course most of all make du'a Allah keeps your heart clean and towards the right path!

[cat eyes]

in my mosque we have lectures every week where the group of sisters and brothers sit together and also for the arabic they are not separated and there is alot of stares at the sisters from the brothers side including myself constantly ive stoped going as i feel its dangerous as the brothers stand outside of the mosque talking while the sisters walk out as if they are waiting for us to step outside to get a chance with one of us alone:hmm: i was thinking to have a word with the scholars wife to see if she could arrange something where the sisters should be in a another room as the mosque is very huge and plenty of teachers there.

[Hamza Asadullah]

I am so ashamed of myself but i have to ask for some help. I cannot stop thinking about this guy from one of my classes. He is on my mind non stop. When i go to class i have to force myself not to look at him, any momentary moments of weakness i peek at him. The attraction i feel to him is unlike anything i have ever felt before in my life. Not only that but a friend told me he is taking arabic and he takes islamic civ with me.
He is american and as far as i know not a muslim. The way the room is set up there is no seat that i could sit in that i wouldnt be able to see him. A few times i asked the prof if i could skip and he allowed it (he doesnt know why i asked but he is lenient as long as i get the notes from someone)

I see him on campus every once in a while, i cant help but feel weak.
I am so ashamed that i cant seem to control my feelings or my mind. I have done so many things to try and get my mind off of him but it seems like nothings working :hiding:


I apologize if this is a stupid thread but i needed to get this off my chest.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, sister it is very commendable that you opened yourself up and shared your problem with us for it shows you have imaan (faith) when you feel guilty of doing some wrong.

Almighty Allah Ta'ala has created human beings in pairs, males and females. Every male and female by human nature is attracted to the forms, shapes and colour of the opposite sex. Similarly males and females are attracted to some outstanding feminine and masculine qualities respectively.

Attraction to the opposite sex has its positive factors, for example, marriage, procreation etc. as well as negative factors which includes every illicit and licentious relationship of incest, rape, masturbation, adultery, prostitution, etc, etc, etc.

Human beings by nature are prone to commit evil, therefore the sensitive instinct of attraction has to be regulated by the perfect Divine Laws of Our Creator, Allah Ta'ala who is all knowing about the nature of mankind. The Quran and the Ahaadith are replete with orders that protect one from becoming a victim of the negative factors of attraction to the opposite sex, hence the institution of Hijaab for females, the prohibition of talking to males with an alluring tone, the prohibition to apply perfume and exit the home, the prohibition for males and females to lower their gazes, etc.

This is the problem we get when there is the intermingling of sexes. If men and women are created to be attracted to each other then obviously if they are in view of each other all the time then feelings and attraction will develop.

It is crucial that you avoid being in the ame room as him at all costs.

It is crucial that you lower your gaze wherever you are and busy your mind with the remembrance of Allah.

"Only in the remembrance of Allah (swt) will your heart find peace" (Quran Surah 13: Verse 28)

You should think to yourself that imagine my father or mother was here would i still look at this man with such attraction? Then also imagine that if Allah is watching me then should i continue to look at this or any other man with attraction? Then one will feel ashamed and keep ones gaze low inshallah

If it is possible then one should try their best to get married as soon as one can because marriage is the best remedy for this because we are created to have partners so we should not deprive ourselves and we should do what we can to get married as soon as is possible inshallah

Allah answers those who call upon Him and are sincere in their du'aa'. If you say any of the following du'aa's:

Allaahumma tahhir qalbi (O Allaah, purify my heart);

Yaa Muqallib al-quloob, thabbit qalbi 'ala taa'atika (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in obedience to You);

Allaahumma iqsim li min khashiyatika ma tahoolu bihi bayni wa bayna ma'siyatika (O Allaah, give me a share of fear of You which will intervene between me and sin);

Allaahumma inni as'aluka al-hudaa wa'l-tuqaa wa'l-'afaaf wa'l-ghinaa (O Allaah, I ask You for guidance, piety, chastity and independence);

Allaahumma Faatir al-samawaati wa'l-ard, 'Aalim al-ghaybi wa'l-shahaadah, laa ilaaha ill anta, Rabba kulli shay'in wa Maleekahu, a'oodhu bika min sharri nafsi wa min sharr il-Shaytaan wa sharakihi, wa an aqtarif 'ala nafsi soo'an aw ajurrahu 'ala muslimin (O Allaah, Creator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the unseen and the seen, There is no god except You, Lord and Sovereign of all things. I seek refuge with You from the evil of my own self and from the evil and traps of the Shaytaan, and from committing any sin against my own self or bringing evil upon any Muslim)

- all of these are good du'aa's which were narrated from the Prophet [an error occurred while processing this directive] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

(See Tarteeb Ahaadeeth Saheeh al-Jaami': Baab al 'Ad'iyah al-Ma'thoorah).

This must be accompanied by sincerity and persistence in making du'aa'. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path and may he guide us all to the straight path and not let us get diverted into the wrong path. Ameen

[Hamza Asadullah]

in my mosque we have lectures every week where the group of sisters and brothers sit together and also for the arabic they are not separated and there is alot of stares at the sisters from the brothers side including myself constantly ive stoped going as i feel its dangerous as the brothers stand outside of the mosque talking while the sisters walk out as if they are waiting for us to step outside to get a chance with one of us alone:hmm: i was thinking to have a word with the scholars wife to see if she could arrange something where the sisters should be in a another room as the mosque is very huge and plenty of teachers there.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, sister i am shocked at this for they should know better than to put non mahram women and men in one place together in the clear view of each other. What are they thinking by doing this?

Islam forbids any mixing between the sexes that might provide even the remotest possibility of temptation.

Imam Al-Sarakhsî writes: “The judge should try women separately from men since people tend to crowd together in the courtroom. It is quite obvious that the mixing together of men and women under such crowded conditions is conducive to temptation and other distasteful consequences.” [al-Mabsût (16/80)]

Al-Nawawî further explains: “One of the vilest innovations, that some ignorant people today are involved in, is the habit of lighting candles on Mount `Arafah on the ninth night. This behavior is gravely misguided and is full of improper goings-on such as the mixing of men and women.” [al-Majmû`: (8/140)]

In the law book entitled al-Fawâkih al-Dawânî, there is a discussion of when it is permissible to refuse an invitation to a wedding party. It says: “An invitation may be refused if there is any clear wrongdoing at the party, like the mixing of men and women.”

When scholars warn against the free mixing of men and women, they are not talking about the mere presence of men and women together in the same place. This is something that is definitely not prohibited by Islamic Law. Men and women gathered in the same place at the time of the Prophet (SAW) in the mosque and in the marketplace. They walked down the same roads and public thoroughfares.

The mere presence of men and women in the same area is not a great cause for temptation. It would be wrong to treat this as unlawful mixing, since the reason for prohibiting free mixing does not exist in such circumstances. If someone were to prohibit men and women from frequenting the same public places under the pretext of preventing temptation, this would be taking matters to an extreme and imposing a restriction that is unduly severe. Such a policy is, moreover, unnatural and would impose great hardships on people’s lives.

At the same time, some circumstances are indisputably cases of unlawful mixing. This would include situations where women and men are crowded together so that there is a danger of their making physical contact. Equally unlawful would be any occasion where unrelated women and men are seated next to one another. Under these circumstances, desires are kindled and temptations are greater and regrettable things happen, as is seen time and again in co-ed schools and mixed social events.

The same can be said for any repeated acquaintance between men and women. Repeated meetings break down the barriers between men and women and allow a relationship to develop between them.

Ibn `Umar related that the Prophet (SAW) said about one of the mosque’s doors: “We should leave this door exclusively for women to use.” Ibn `Umar, until he died, never again entered through that door. [Abu Dâwûd]

Umm Salamah said: “When the Prophet (SAW) completed the prayer, the women would get up to leave. He would then wait awhile before standing.”

Ibn Shahâb said: “I believe that he waited for a while to give the women an opportunity to depart before the men.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

Ibn Hajr comments: “In the hadîth, we see that it is disliked for men and women to mix on the road. How much more, then, should such mixing be avoided inside of houses.” [Fath al-Bârî (2/336)]

If this is the case what would that say about the mixing of men and women together in the masjid in clear view of each other?

8. It was related in al-Bukhârî that women at the time of the Prophet (SAW) did not circumambulate the Ka`bah along with the men. `Â’ishah used to go around the Ka`bah at a good distance from the men and avoided mixing with them. Once another woman bade to her to go forward with her so they could touch the corner of the Ka`bah. `Â’ishah refused to do so. [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

One of `Âishah’s handmaidens came to her and said: “O Mother of believers, I went around the Ka`bah seven times and touched the corner twice or trice”.

`Âishah replied: “May Allah not reward you for pushing your way through men. It would have been sufficient for you to you to say “Allah Akbar” as you passed by”. [Musnad al-Shâfi`î]

It is clear my sister that you should have an urgent word with the sister in charge of this gathering so that men and women are not put together for men and women should have seperate gatherings.

[Caller الداعي]

may Allah help u sis, protect u from shaytan and guide u to the right path ameen!!

[Samiun]

Wait a minute, you can't even look at a female's face to avoid relationship?

In my class, we mix a lot of time.

I use to get this type of feeling sister. It was a sad and bad feeling. The problem is she didn't even talk to me but I look at her :hiding: . My advice is, just keep a long distance from him and you'll be fine. Go and spent some free time on books that gives you knowledge rather than thinking about a guy who you think you like.

[ahmed_indian]

make Dua's..inshallah it'll over soon.

remember u'll not like ur husband-to-be having such feelings for some girl. so try to control ur emotions.