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AnonymousPoster
10-29-2009, 11:16 PM
I dont get it I am so frustrated i could scream!! Every time my brothers do or say something they dont get into any trouble. My mom is so sweet and patient with them. When they do something small thats wrong she talks to them about why its wrong. They are not little children, two of them are over 18.

I however have different rules applied to me. Today i did something "wrong" It was a very small action but it was wrong i admitted that but i didnt do it to intentionally hurt or upset anyone. It was just a mistake and i said sorry.
I got yelled at by my mother for nearly an hour, she prayed out loud that Allah swt would punish me and that i would never ever have peace in my life. That terrified me and broke my heart at the same time. I didnt want to make her mad. This isnt the first time shes done this. Everytime something happens with me big or smalll i get screamed at and have to listen to my mom praying that i never see the light of day and that i never have peace.
I dont understand why she does this. I dont get why my brothers get away with stuff.
One day my youngest brother took away food i prepared for myself and started eating it and making sure i knew how delicious it was. I told him to stop because it was haram to do that, i said he could have the food but to please stop taunting me. He wouldnt. So i took the television away from him, apparently he had a game he hadnt saved on and i turned the tv off before he could save it.
He cried and cried and cried. My mother came home and when i told her what happened i didnt hear the end of it for hours. The things that she said i couldnt believe she would say that to her own daughter.
I am so sick of this, sometimes i have thoughts of what it would be like if i just got my things and left. Im old enough to have my own place and have a good job, but i know that if i ever left the home my parents would never forgive me.
I try and try to explain to them that i cannot be perfect so they need to be more forgiving to me when i make small mistakes. They dont care. I am at my wits end about this. I wish i was a boy then at least i wouldnt have to put up with all of this. My brothers have it so much easier than me.
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ahmed_indian
11-01-2009, 10:55 AM
salaam,

seems ur mom is influenced by ur culture when sons can do anything and daughters are thought to be good for nothing. ur mother is not aware of daughters status in Islam. how precious they are in Islamic society.

u can speak about Islam in ur home to know about need for children equality, sin of misuse of tongue,etc. but gently.

pray to Allah that He open ur mom's heart towards gentleness and goodness. and dont worry about curses....the wrong one are not effective. Allah be praised.

it could be a matter for few yrs maybe as soon u'll get married and have ur own seperate life. so try to overlook and forgive.
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zakirs
11-01-2009, 07:10 PM
:sl:

I am sorry to hear you situation .Sadly you can't do anything other than pray for her to get nice and also try not to listen to her when she scolds you.Just see the ground and don't listen to each word she says.And always respect her.
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Hamza Asadullah
11-01-2009, 08:56 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I dont get it I am so frustrated i could scream!! Every time my brothers do or say something they dont get into any trouble. My mom is so sweet and patient with them. When they do something small thats wrong she talks to them about why its wrong. They are not little children, two of them are over 18.

I however have different rules applied to me. Today i did something "wrong" It was a very small action but it was wrong i admitted that but i didnt do it to intentionally hurt or upset anyone. It was just a mistake and i said sorry.
I got yelled at by my mother for nearly an hour, she prayed out loud that Allah swt would punish me and that i would never ever have peace in my life. That terrified me and broke my heart at the same time. I didnt want to make her mad. This isnt the first time shes done this. Everytime something happens with me big or smalll i get screamed at and have to listen to my mom praying that i never see the light of day and that i never have peace.
I dont understand why she does this. I dont get why my brothers get away with stuff.
One day my youngest brother took away food i prepared for myself and started eating it and making sure i knew how delicious it was. I told him to stop because it was haram to do that, i said he could have the food but to please stop taunting me. He wouldnt. So i took the television away from him, apparently he had a game he hadnt saved on and i turned the tv off before he could save it.
He cried and cried and cried. My mother came home and when i told her what happened i didnt hear the end of it for hours. The things that she said i couldnt believe she would say that to her own daughter.
I am so sick of this, sometimes i have thoughts of what it would be like if i just got my things and left. Im old enough to have my own place and have a good job, but i know that if i ever left the home my parents would never forgive me.
I try and try to explain to them that i cannot be perfect so they need to be more forgiving to me when i make small mistakes. They dont care. I am at my wits end about this. I wish i was a boy then at least i wouldnt have to put up with all of this. My brothers have it so much easier than me.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister jazakallah for sharing this with us and i ask Allah to reward you for being patient with your Mother and i ask you to continue to do so because Allah, the exalted, ordered us to treat them kindly even when they try to make us associate partners to Allah.

The Prophet is reported to have said:

"Indeed, gentleness adds more beauty to the atmosphere it reposes therein." (Muslim)

Hazrat ibn Abbas narrates from the Prophet that a person whose parents are alive and he obeys them, listens to and respects them, then Allah will open two doors of paradise for him. But if one of his parents is not happy with him, then Allah will not be happy with him either. Then someone asked the Prophet , “Even if they are oppressors?” The Prophet replied, “Yes, even if they are oppressors.”


When being kind to one’s parents, we do not expect a reward from them, but we expect a reward from Allah.

If the parents are not kind and do not appreciate the kindness of their children, then one has to be patient, bearing the difficulties and be steadfast in doing good to them, and the outcome will be good, Insha Allah.

Your reward is with Allah and be patient for his pleasure and surely Allah is with those who are patient.

So show patience and self-restraint. Learn about the tremendousness of being good to one's parents, and keep this in mind.

When troubled, tried, or tested, turn to Allah in earnest, heart-felt supplication (dua), for He has told us to, "Call upon Me: I will answer you."


The fire of anger is put out by the water of love: respond to her harshness with love, and soon you will find things changing.

Sister know that everyone is tested in different ways in life. For some people the test is poverty, or hunger, or even a physical handicap. There are SO many people whose tests are far more difficult than what we are going through, and when we are feeling sorry for ourselves then we should remind ourselves of this fact.

It could just be that Allah Ta'ala loves your present attitude and service to your parents so much that HE wants to test if you can be even more kind, tolerant, loving and bow down your needs to those of your parents. So, even if they are biased towards your brothers, you go on serving them and go on earning your rewards from Allah Ta'ala.

No acknowledgement, wealth or rewards from any person in this world can ever match what Allah Ta'ala has in store for you if you go on treating your parents with kindness and if you do not hurt them in return.

When you feel filled with hatred, think of what you could be losing.

Hatred is from shaitaan. He would love to see you all fall apart and it is by sticking his knife into your heart. Forgive your parents each time you feel angry with them. Make wudhu and perform 2 rakaah salaah. Thereafter make dua for them and for yourself and ask Allah Ta'ala to increase love, understanding and tolerance between all of you.

Most important though, ask Allah Ta'ala to grant you the ability to serve your parents through all times, no matter what your situation.

Think of the Sahaba who was told that he could not join Nabi(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) in the battlefield because he had to go serve his mother.

Serve your parents to the best of your ability, even if you are exhausted and feel you can't carry on. It is only when they leave this world that you will begin to reap the rewards of your kind treatment of your parents.

Your parents are human, they are bound to make mistakes and hurt you sometimes. You are also human and obviously feel pain when that happens.

The dua of parents are accepted so you should make her aware in a kind and gentle manner that she should not be cursing you with dua's like that because it may be that Allah accepts her dua. It is forbidden for a parent to curse their children in such ways.

Go to your mother at a time when she is in a good mood. Tell her in a calm, respectful way how sad it makes you feel when she says mean things to you or curses at you. But make sure you keep your cool and stay on point if your mother responds with anger.

Be prepared for the possibility that your mother may not react well, and may even heap more abuse on you. If this happens, don't let yourself be provoked. Speak your piece calmly, and thank her for listening. If her response is good, it may help improve your relationship towards her when she realises how you feel and that she should not be reacting in that way towards you.

If her response is poor, at least you will know that you made an effort. Whatever happens continue to show restraint and know that Allah is watching all the time and you are being tested and that if you remain calm and patient then you will be rewarded abundantly. Allah only tests those he wants close to him.

Always bare in mind that your parents are your entry into Jannah and what better way to earn Allah Ta'ala's mercy and bounties than by serving your parents? Make dua for them, respect and honour them as best you can.

You are also ready for marriage now so do whatever you can to get married as soon as possible and look for a pious man for that would be better for you in the long run in this world and the next inshallah.

May Allah Ta'ala increase the love and understanding between all of you and may shaitaan be prevented from having breaking the ties within your family. Ameen.

And Allah Ta'ala knows best.

Here is a good article you may want to share with your mother:

STRENTHENING MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40498

Another good article

Showing Kindness to one's Parents

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=50386

Finally you can share this hadith with your mother:

Narrated by Aisha(Radhiallaho anha),(the wife of the Prophet)

A lady along with her two daughters came to me asking me (for some alms), but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave to her and she divided it between her two daughters, and then she got up and went away.

Then Allah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam) came in and I informed him about this story. He said,

"Whoever is in charge of (put to test by) these daughters and treats them generously, then they will act as a shield for him from the (Hell) Fire."

(Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 8 : No. 24)
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AnonymousPoster
11-02-2009, 05:24 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I dont get it I am so frustrated i could scream!! Every time my brothers do or say something they dont get into any trouble. My mom is so sweet and patient with them. When they do something small thats wrong she talks to them about why its wrong. They are not little children, two of them are over 18.

I however have different rules applied to me. Today i did something "wrong" It was a very small action but it was wrong i admitted that but i didnt do it to intentionally hurt or upset anyone. It was just a mistake and i said sorry.
I got yelled at by my mother for nearly an hour, she prayed out loud that Allah swt would punish me and that i would never ever have peace in my life. That terrified me and broke my heart at the same time. I didnt want to make her mad. This isnt the first time shes done this. Everytime something happens with me big or smalll i get screamed at and have to listen to my mom praying that i never see the light of day and that i never have peace.
I dont understand why she does this. I dont get why my brothers get away with stuff.
One day my youngest brother took away food i prepared for myself and started eating it and making sure i knew how delicious it was. I told him to stop because it was haram to do that, i said he could have the food but to please stop taunting me. He wouldnt. So i took the television away from him, apparently he had a game he hadnt saved on and i turned the tv off before he could save it.
He cried and cried and cried. My mother came home and when i told her what happened i didnt hear the end of it for hours. The things that she said i couldnt believe she would say that to her own daughter.
I am so sick of this, sometimes i have thoughts of what it would be like if i just got my things and left. Im old enough to have my own place and have a good job, but i know that if i ever left the home my parents would never forgive me.
I try and try to explain to them that i cannot be perfect so they need to be more forgiving to me when i make small mistakes. They dont care. I am at my wits end about this. I wish i was a boy then at least i wouldnt have to put up with all of this. My brothers have it so much easier than me.
doesnt it want to make you +o(+o(+o(+o(
:raging: :heated:
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OurIslamic
11-02-2009, 06:04 AM
Watch out, because if your parents decide to get you married to someone, they may try to find someone with the same beliefs as them. Once they do, you can't disobey them, and you'll be miserable for a long time :(
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