I NEED consolence!!! PLEASE!!!

[Tiara B]

Assalamu Alaikum everyone...

Here, in my country, Muslim women seem to be having a really bad time trying to acquire higher education. Their dreams and their hopes of becoming doctors, engineers, teachers are all going for a SIX!! I don't know if it's the same issue in other areas, but let me tell you, I have hopes and dreams too, of becoming a doctor, and I've been living with these hopes for the past 16 years.

But why are our dreams shattered? Yeah, that'll be because our families and freinds believe that it is hard to find a husband for a well-educated girl in this country? Why?? Because a well-educated girl needs a better educated husband and it is hard to find husbands of that kind!!! Would you BELIEVE it?? it's totally unfair!!! i can't help feeling let-down, I don't know how to convince my dad either. Everything just ends up in one word: MARRIAGE!!! Part of me tells, "you've got to get ready, you have to know how to move on if your dreams get shattered!!" but part of me tells not to think negatively....
oh please, help me!!!:cry:imsad

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamu Alaikum everyone...

Here, in my country, Muslim women seem to be having a really bad time trying to acquire higher education. Their dreams and their hopes of becoming doctors, engineers, teachers are all going for a SIX!! I don't know if it's the same issue in other areas, but let me tell you, I have hopes and dreams too, of becoming a doctor, and I've been living with these hopes for the past 16 years.

But why are our dreams shattered? Yeah, that'll be because our families and freinds believe that it is hard to find a husband for a well-educated girl in this country? Why?? Because a well-educated girl needs a better educated husband and it is hard to find husbands of that kind!!! Would you BELIEVE it?? it's totally unfair!!! i can't help feeling let-down, I don't know how to convince my dad either. Everything just ends up in one word: MARRIAGE!!! Part of me tells, "you've got to get ready, you have to know how to move on if your dreams get shattered!!" but part of me tells not to think negatively....
oh please, help me!!!:cry:imsad

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, in order to understand your situation better can you please tell me why are women in your country finding it hard to go for higher education and which country are you from? Also what is your issue with marriage?

[Tiara B]

Assalamu Alaikum...well, im from Sri Lanka, and I don't know if this is the same all over my country, but yeah, there are women doctors and teachers all over Sri Lanka, but not many of us get a chance like that, especially Muslim women.
the main reason we don't get to acquire higher education, that is, joining universities or going abroad is because our parents don't like sending us to universities and schools where girls and boys are mixed...yes, even im not happy with joining a mixed school, but I just NEED to continue with my higher education!
and they also object to the idea of Muslim girls going abroad alone.
another thing is, doing higherstudies takes time, and here, our families think by doing so, one would become too old to marry... It's usually 18, 19 or 20 which they think are the right ages for marriage, (or maybe they think 20 is also too old for marriage....)

and my dad heard from a doctor himself that if the girl is too educated, it is hard to find husbands for her....see? they always think of marriage!!! but i feel hopeless when listening to them object to all my ideas of getting higher education. or maybe my dad would allow me to do some courses and all but don't think he'll ever let me do a job, my dream job...

[جوري]

I suppose it all depends on what you are looking for in a husband? usually people with higher education want to be married to other people with higher education.. getting a higher education means that you'll marry later (if at all) yes it is something you must consider, and it also means the pool of candidates will be smaller.. people with a higher education MD and or PhD makeup only 1% of any given population..

Medicine is also not an easy field, you are likely to see many of your friends married while you are married to your textbooks, and a series of exams and always be under pressure to not make any mistakes as it can spell disaster to another human being.. and at the end of your education, there are no guarantees that you'll get your dream job.. not every doctor gets to work in the good part of town and have all cold and flu perfectly puffed and coiffed patients paying out of pocket..


So you must really assess what your priorities are and that will take an honest sit down with yourself, no one can make such an important decision about your life for you, so you must define for yourself what is most rewarding for you and then set on that course...
I hope I have at least given you a clear picture of the course work and load in medicine...

and Allah swt knows best

I wish you well

:wa:

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[Tiara B]

Thanks sis, for your reply, and yeah, doing medicine is gonna be extremely hard and it's not somethig everyone can acheive. i just need to think and clarify if i am really up to the challenge, but what i mainly want to do, job or no job, is to learn, learn and learn...

[جوري]

It is compulsory on every Muslim to seek an education so with that I wish you well and best of luck on your endeavors insha'Allah..

:wa:

[Tiara B]

Thanks...and please make dua!!

[noorseeker]

There are a lot of girls who do have a higher education, and when it comes to marriage they want similar

But unfortuanately, brothers like me who dont have professional job or a degree will get overlooked.

its good girls are getting educated, i aint have a problem with that,
but they get too modern and make silly demands.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamu Alaikum...well, im from Sri Lanka, and I don't know if this is the same all over my country, but yeah, there are women doctors and teachers all over Sri Lanka, but not many of us get a chance like that, especially Muslim women.
the main reason we don't get to acquire higher education, that is, joining universities or going abroad is because our parents don't like sending us to universities and schools where girls and boys are mixed...yes, even im not happy with joining a mixed school, but I just NEED to continue with my higher education!
and they also object to the idea of Muslim girls going abroad alone.
another thing is, doing higherstudies takes time, and here, our families think by doing so, one would become too old to marry... It's usually 18, 19 or 20 which they think are the right ages for marriage, (or maybe they think 20 is also too old for marriage....)

and my dad heard from a doctor himself that if the girl is too educated, it is hard to find husbands for her....see? they always think of marriage!!! but i feel hopeless when listening to them object to all my ideas of getting higher education. or maybe my dad would allow me to do some courses and all but don't think he'll ever let me do a job, my dream job...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister jazakallah for your question. Firstly sister one has to understand where your parents are coming from because nowadays Universities are places of great fitna as i have seen for myself because of the fact that the intermingling of the sexes is actually promoted by these educational establishments. Many a time women in particular get freedom and freedome they never had before they came into university and when they experience this frredom they go wild in their passions.

Even if one has no intention of getting into fitna because of the fact that one is in a mixed environment and will be likely to meet all kinds of people and fall into great levels of temptation aswell as involve themselves in this bad environment then eventually a person may give way and get into fitna without even realising it.

Shaythan does things gradually and in stages and trust me even the greatest have fallen so going into these environments and in your case you would have to live in this kind of environment then surely it is a great risk to your imaan and it is understandable why any Muslim parent would have their reservations about sending their daughter to these kinds of establishments.

Many a time Muslim parents have trusted their daughters to go to university alone in another locality and they have ended up doing the worst evils as i myself have seen and heard.

Im not saying that everyone would fall for this but what i am saying is that even people who thought they would'nt end up falling into evil and fitna because of the fact that they are actually living in that sort of environment and eventually if that person is surrunded with that environment for so long then something will give way.

Studying medicine by a woman is fard kifayah (collective duty). So, it is allowed for women to study medicine, especially in this age because we need a lot of professional female doctors in many fields. But there has to be a balance between the family commitment and the study, especially when we know that the woman’s role in the family is more necessary.

Also studying in mixed envrionments as ive mentioned is very risky even if woman observes the rules of Shari `ah and should one risk their own imaan for the sake of a worldly career?

Also you should realise that a Muslim women cannot travel abroad or upto 48 miles alone without a mahram as we all know travelling alone is dangerous enough for a man let alone a women especially in non Muslim countries. Also many scholars say that because of the present circumstances of society with regards to how dangerous it has become that a women should not travel alone at all.

It would be another matter if you were able to commute everyday from your educational establishment to your home if it were a short distance. But if it was far away then it would not be right for you to travel that far alone and live on your own without a mahram. I myself have known many cases of women who live out alone to study who get stalked and all sorts by men and predators.

One should marry as soon as possible and if you were to do medicine then it would take upto 9 years for you to be a fully qualified GP.

That is a long time not to be married sister can a person juggle home life aswell as studying medicine which is so demanding?

It is going to be unrealistic and difficult for you to pursue this career sister and i would advise you to make isthikhara in regards to this issue.

Also know that many of us have dreams and ambitions but they are not always possible and realistic. In your case can you imagine how many people have dreamed to become doctors? But how many actually become one?

Everyones fate is different and Allah knows your intention and Allah has established that the women is the leader of the household and household affairs and men are the breadwinners and this is also the natural role of a man and woman because of the fact that a women is nurturing and caring so she takes care of the family and household affairs and the man is created physically stronger so he takes care of earning and providing aswell as protecting.

This is a balance that is perfect and has always worked and is the way Allah wanted things to be because that is the way he created us but nowaays we see that people want to go away from this and be equal in roles.

Especially here in the west we are seeing increasing problems with the mental development of children because of the fact that women are taking on the role of a man and increasingly couples are having to hire nannys to look after their children and because of the fact that children need their mothers in particluar and the mother is always working then the childs mental development is affected.

May Allah guide us to the right path. Ameen

Allah knows best

[cat eyes]

i know people who are studying medicine and they are in there bedrooms studying seven days a week you really don't have time for anyone and when you go out to lunch with them they take out there book in front of you so annoying lol

[Muslimlearner]

Thanks sis, for your reply, and yeah, doing medicine is gonna be extremely hard and it's not somethig everyone can acheive. i just need to think and clarify if i am really up to the challenge, but what i mainly want to do, job or no job, is to learn, learn and learn...

Why medicine sis?
Study Islam!

[Asiyah3]

:sl:

I also want to study medicine after I've finish this school bi-ithnil-Lah. Either insha'lLah I try to apply to Poland (where my siz studies) or Dubai. Al-hamdulilLah My parents are the kind of a type who care more about our education than marriage. They know that a man is always available, but study no.


It is partly true that some men might not like women who have a higher education /better salaries than themselves. But I think that at times we need to trust Allah. It's Qadar :p. I don't personally think marriage will be an issue to girls, dunno about there.

I think also your demandings will affect getting married. Because on the other side, who wouldn't want to marry a doctor??

I don't think that you necesseraly have to move abroad. Are there not any suitable universities in your country, or perhaps you should ask if you have any relatives abroad.

I sincerily hope you will get an education. Medicine is an interesting field.


I will make du'aa for you

You talked about studying abroad, which placer are in your mind?

[ardianto]

Why medicine sis?
Study Islam!

Why don't you ask this question to my auntie ?
Before retired she was a head of city hospital. She has a husband, sons, daughter and also grandchild.

Sister Haqeeka, I don't see anything wrong if a woman study medicine.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Life is NOT suppose to work out the way you want, otherwise where does the submission come into it?


Take each day as it comes, fit your plans AROUND your Qadr and ask Allah for what is best!


this world is temporary, the hereafter is ETERNAL !

Assalamu alaikum

[zircon]

salam, sis. make a lot of Du'aa. Sometimes what we think is good for us is in reality, not so good anyway. So trust Allah in your situation. Ask Allah to guide you and if pursuing with medicine study is the best for you, He will open your parents heart inshaAllah. At the same time, do readings and study on medicine as well as other subjects and score the best at school :) I really hope that your dreams will come true. All the best, sis!^^

[OurIslamic]

Allah (SWT) has commanded us to gain as much knowledge as we can. Do so, and pray to Allah (SWT) to guide and help you.

[جوري]

we shouldn't really be discouraging her from pursuing medicine or questioning why medicine and not under water basket weaving, it is her choice.. we should simply paint a correct and not a hypothetical picture of what awaits.. I think it is an obligation on every Muslim to reach an education from which s/he can benefit his/herself and others.. There comes the time when you don't want your daughter or sister or wife to be seen by a male kaffir doctor yet make no effort whatsoever to foster the higher education of women..

In fact I think in spite of all of this, I have seen many Muslim women in medical school wal7mdlillah...

OP.. I do apologize if my post came across as deterring you in fact I was reflecting on my own experience in medicine and that it is honestly not an easy road, and sometimes you might not see the reward during or even directly after, and then you'll have an onslaught of ignorant people judging you for your decision .. you need to really go into this headstrong and assured because it is a hard and long road..

and Allah swt knows best

:wa:

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

they always think of marriage!!! .

It's natural that parents will think about marriage of their daughters...it's recommended for parents that if a proposal comes from a pious man for their daughter , they must not say No. Of Course , they won't force daughter .

In my country , when one becomes a doctor , she is nearly 30. Sometimes its a problem to have baby when a girl is more than 30. Infertility treatment is easier for young girls but it's hard and expensive for the older. So , many parents want their daughther to get married soon.

anyway , it's possible to continue study after marriage but yea it's hard. May be , a sis can marry who lives in abroad and settle down the mater with him that she will study medicine there :)

In my country , if any girl wants to go to abroad , many parent try to find a husband for her who either lives in that country or can go there with her .

sis , don't u have any medical college specillay for women in ur country ?

[ardianto]

and my dad heard from a doctor himself that if the girl is too educated, it is hard to find husbands for her

Unfortunately, this is not totally wrong. But don't worry sister, you always have a chance to find a husband. People in my place say "marriage partner doesn't run anywhere", that is means, Insha Allah, one day your husband will comes.

....see? they always think of marriage!!!

It is normal for parents.

but i feel hopeless when listening to them object to all my ideas of getting higher education.

Don't feel hopeless or you will really lose your hope.

or maybe my dad would allow me to do some courses and all but don't think he'll ever let me do a job, my dream job...

Make du'a, may Allah open your dad's heart.

Sister, I support you if you want to be a doctor. But I suggest you also notice brother IbnAbdulHakim's advice. Don't forget 'ibadah' (worship).

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Assalamu Alaikum..

my dad would allow me to do some courses and all but don't think he'll ever let me do a job, my dream job...

U can always do some charity works / work as a volunteer for needy . It won't take much time but u can contribute for the society. :statisfie

[Tiara B]

:sl:
Assalamu Alaikum everyone, it was really comforting to read all you replies and yes, I do have to keep lots and lots of FAITH nd HOPE in Allah.

:sl:

It is partly true that some men might not like women who have a higher education /better salaries than themselves. But I think that at times we need to trust Allah. It's Qadar :p. I don't personally think marriage will be an issue to girls, dunno about there.

I think also your demandings will affect getting married. Because on the other side, who wouldn't want to marry a doctor??

I don't think that you necesseraly have to move abroad. Are there not any suitable universities in your country, or perhaps you should ask if you have any relatives abroad.

I sincerily hope you will get an education. Medicine is an interesting field.

I will make du'aa for you

You talked about studying abroad, which placer are in your mind?

Thanks a lot sis, I'm really grateful for you. It's good to know atleast, that there are other people like me...and sadly, there are no proper universities or whatever in SL. that's why most people move abroad. I think India is good, but Malaysia seems to be much better. :D

[Kabeer]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am also a Sri Lankan Muslim, I know the silly standards set by the community.
If you wish to be educated, do so. There is no harm in doing so. So what if it closes off certain males as spouses?
The men who would care in such a way, you probably wouldn't be happy with anyway.

Peace.

[Tiara B]

i feel better after reading your posts....alhamdulillah....and yes you cant achieve everything you desire in this world...and Inshallah.,, Allah who guides us in the right path, will choose the path that is best for me....because he is the Judge, the Creator and the All Knower.....and my duty is to follow the True Path..Alhamdulillah

[Cabdullahi]

you can marry first and perhaps do it part time Allah Knows best!

[Abdul Wahid]

i feel better after reading your posts....alhamdulillah....and yes you cant achieve everything you desire in this world...and Inshallah.,, Allah who guides us in the right path, will choose the path that is best for me....because he is the Judge, the Creator and the All Knower.....and my duty is to follow the True Path..Alhamdulillah

:sl: sister.

It's good to know that your feeling more better. Take it one day at a time.

The best of planners is ALLAH(SWT).

:wa:

[CosmicPathos]

To the OP: As sister The Vale's Lilly has correctly said, medicine is a long road, regardless of wherever you study and practice. It would require patience, determination, a great deal of personal sacrifice, deep motivation and constant soul-searching. My friend is going to be a general surgery intern and he will be spending more than 80 hours/week of work for the next 5 years. A truck-driver will be making way way more than my friend in these 5 years (My purpose is not to belittle truck drivers, the purpose was to show that he wont get paid according to the sheer volume of work he'll do). It even scared me, not that I was not expecting it but at least I can mentally prepare in advance ... the decision to study medicine will certainly cost heavy personal sacrifices ..... but I guess if it is just done for the sake of Allah then it is a worth-pursuing endeavor in path of the Beloved which is rife with thorns, obstacles and poisonous creatures.

[Tiara B]

Isn't there any short course i can follow, in the field of science? Because i don't want to spend the rest of my life with my head burried in books.

And all the descriptions you gave me on how it would be like to study medicine, well, i admit it's a bit frightening, but at the same time, a small part of me wants to take up the challenge. i don't know, i'm a bit undecided right now,i just have to pray Isthikarah and supplicate to Allah.
But i also need to know what the short courses are in the field of science, at-least 3 to 4 years would do.