what should i do?

[AnonymousPoster]

I have a muslim boyfriend and I got pregnant by him. When I came to know that I was pregnant (about 2 1/2 months) I told him that he's going to be a father. He asked me to marry him then I said yes after some arguments, and suddenly I was shocked when he told me that he is already married and that his family will not allow him to marry somebody like me,different nationality, different culture, different religion. I was really hurt that time and I told him to go away from me but till now he's still keeping the relationship with me. No matter how many times I told him to stay away from me, he's still beside me. How can I know what he's really thinking? He's not the type of person who would tell and discuss about his feelings. I want to settle everything once and for all. What's his plan for me? Many times I asked him but he keeps silent and whenever I'm telling him that I want to go away from him because it seems like we're getting nowhere, he will still keep silent and cry. What does it mean? I can't understand.. Please advice me especially brothers out there because you might be able to understand him well than us ladies...

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

So in other words this guy is an adulterer? How can you trust someone or stay in the company of someone who betrays his own family?!

The Prophet (:saws:) said: "The adulterer is not a believer at the moment when he is committing adultery; the wine-drinker is not a believer at the moment when he is drinking wine; the thief is not a believer at the moment when he is stealing; the robber is not a believer at the moment when he is robbing and the people are looking on." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2475; Muslim, 57).

Ibn Qayyim writes:

Zina includes all kinds of evil: lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, corruption of chivalry, lack of protective jealousy. You will not find any zaani who is pious, or fulfils covenants, or is sincere in speech, or maintains friendships, or has a proper sense of protective jealousy concerning his family.

Treachery, lying, betrayal, lack of modesty, lack of awareness that Allaah is watching, failure to refrain from indulging in haraam, and loss of protective jealousy are all results of zina.

Another result of zina is the wrath of the Lord due to His sacred limits being transgressed and the sanctity of the family being violated. If a man were to do that to some king, he would punish him in the worst manner.

Another result is darkness of the face, and depression and self-hatred, which are obvious to all onlookers.

Another result is darkness of the heart and extinguishing of light from it, which leads to extinguishing of light in the face and darkness therein.

Firstly you both are to blame because you both have played a part in this calamity. You should keep away from this man until you have figured out what to do because abortion is prohibited in Islam and I doubt this man will stay long enough to help you raise this child. I strongly advise you to speak to the people of knowledge about this where you live because this issue cannot solved over a forum.

[Rabi'ya]

OP@are you not Muslim?

I have a muslim boyfriend and I got pregnant by him. When I came to know that I was pregnant (about 2 1/2 months) I told him that he's going to be a father. He asked me to marry him then I said yes after some arguments, and suddenly I was shocked when he told me that he is already married and that his family will not allow him to marry somebody like me,different nationality, different culture, different religion. I was really hurt that time and I told him to go away from me but till now he's still keeping the relationship with me. No matter how many times I told him to stay away from me, he's still beside me. How can I know what he's really thinking? He's not the type of person who would tell and discuss about his feelings. I want to settle everything once and for all. What's his plan for me? Many times I asked him but he keeps silent and whenever I'm telling him that I want to go away from him because it seems like we're getting nowhere, he will still keep silent and cry. What does it mean? I can't understand.. Please advice me especially brothers out there because you might be able to understand him well than us ladies...

[kamran javed]

OP@are you not Muslim?

sis. if u tell me about ur mind then i 'll give u some idea of this point and first u tell me that he love u or u love him
after this i'll tell u some ways.

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[S_87]

i mean this in the nicesst way possible, it looks like youre his bit on the side

[Rabi'ya]

In my personal experience and humble opinion as hard as it seems I would just forget him. He seems like the kinda person you can do without. As upsetting as it will be now for you, you do not want your chlid to go through the same heartache after he/she is born.

I suggest you try to build a stable life for your child to be born into.If you are interested in Islam then look into that God-willing.

I will keep you in my prayers and remember there are many sisters o nthis forum MYSELF INCLUDED who would be happy to provide support and advice .

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

I have a muslim boyfriend and I got pregnant by him.

:raging:

his family will not allow him to marry somebody like me,different nationality, different culture, different religion.

when he had an illegal relationship , I guess he did not take family's approval . But now he needs it ? :heated:

..

he will still keep silent and cry. ...

I hope , he is repented . If u are a jewish or Christian lady , then he can marry u ( well the Quranic verse says Muslims men are allowed to marry chaste jewish and Christian women. but in that case , as he is not a good Muslim either , may be he can marry u ).

If u both want to marry , talk to a Muslim scholar.

PS. it reminds of the thread ' unwed mother' . A Christian lady was pregnant by a Muslim married man . What's wrong with our Muslim married brothers ? Pl. Pl. don't stay away from wives for long ; so that Satan provokes u to commit zina.

[CuteStuff]

What a dilemma!

Can i ask what religion you are?

[AnonymousPoster]

i am a christian. may i know what is a "muslim scholar"?
how would i know if he has plan of marrying me? Actually I want to leave him but I was thinking about our baby. I was still hoping that he would change his mind and make up with me and give direction to both me and my baby. Should I leave that "hope"? I am so confused. I cannot ask him whether he wants to marry me or not. Only silence and weeping from his side.

[cat eyes]

hey. how can u marry him when hes already married to another woman? His wife has not got a clue and you want to marry him seriously what do u expect or want from a man like this and hes hardly going to further this relation with you either because he will tell you its not allowed in his religion but he will more then likely do the dirt on his wife again but it won't be with you. Accept what has happened because you can't turn back the clock now whats done is done! And you need to make a life for your baby and move on because a man of this nature is going to drag torment and hurt into your life! You and your baby are better off without him.

[ardianto]

i am a christian. may i know what is a "muslim scholar"?
how would i know if he has plan of marrying me? Actually I want to leave him but I was thinking about our baby. I was still hoping that he would change his mind and make up with me and give direction to both me and my baby. Should I leave that "hope"? I am so confused. I cannot ask him whether he wants to marry me or not. Only silence and weeping from his side.

I don't believe if your boyfriend cannot marry a woman from different culture or different religion. Also I don't believe if he is already married to another woman. That is lie, I have heard many similar reasons in cases like this that used for run from responsibility.

Now you are in dilemma. You want to leave him because you have know how he is but you also thinking your baby need a daddy.

My advice is, tell your parent about your dilemma, talk with them and try to find the best way to solve your problem. If you want to marry him, let your parent talk to his family, and if you want to leave him, ask your parent to support your life as single parent.

Okay, I think my advice is enough.

[Eliphaz]

If your family is understanding then talk to them about it. Regarding the boy, sounds like he is telling the truth, because he is crying, and men find it hard enough to cry anyway!

I would, after you get your parents advice, tell him he has to choose between you/the baby and his wife. Maybe he has been forced to marry his other wife against his will? As you are Christian and he is Muslim, then I would say there is nothing wrong from an Islamic perspective for you both to get married.

[ChOcCi]

AG, no offense but it seems kinda fishy that you come up a different story every two weeks or so.. Do these things REALLY happen to you or do you simply feel like testing our responses?

And well, if this DID happen to you, I suggest you pray to Allah (swt) or your God for redemption, have the child (best way to go if your considering the afterlife) OR you can get an abortion (although its a sin in Islam) if too much is at stake in your life.. I also suggest you get a husband and see a counselor (the people you talk to for emotional stuff) because it seems to me that your going through a VERY tough time in your life (if all your stories ARE true that is) and its the best for you.

Inshallah you will come out of your problems soon enough :)

and please dont take any offense to my words, im really sorry if I did offend you and I really didnt mean it :)

[Abdul Qadir]

There is no sins which Allah can't forgive...Ask for sincere forgiveness...and dun be too hard on yourself...Allah loves u more than u love that child u have in your womb now...Ask Allah sincere forgiveness, and get married to a religious man. And follow-up bad deeds with good ones...in this case, it may/may not necessarily erase the sin, but since u have begotten a child out of wedlock, the best u can do is to raise that child in accordance to Allah's words...Allah will surely Forgive you, and He will forgive me and all of us...There is a saying which left me in tears and it goes something like this: Allah is the most Arragont..Allah is the most Merciful...Yet, Allah's Mercy overpowers His Arrogance and Anger....Dun worry My Sister...Allah will surely forgive us insyallah...

[Iris]

AG, no offense but it seems kinda fishy that you come up a different story every two weeks or so.. Do these things REALLY happen to you or do you simply feel like testing our responses?

And well, if this DID happen to you, I suggest you pray to Allah (swt) or your God for redemption, have the child (best way to go if your considering the afterlife) OR you can get an abortion (although its a sin in Islam) if too much is at stake in your life.. I also suggest you get a husband and see a counselor (the people you talk to for emotional stuff) because it seems to me that your going through a VERY tough time in your life (if all your stories ARE true that is) and its the best for you.

Inshallah you will come out of your problems soon enough :)

and please dont take any offense to my words, im really sorry if I did offend you and I really didnt mean it :)

Good advice. I second that, Strongly.