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Nazia Ansari
11-21-2009, 01:37 PM
Asalam alaikum. Lets get straight to the point. I know a couple who have been married 4 years. They have changed over the years as people usually do over time. The husband used to have a temper and he would get angry often. The wife used to be timid and almost weak. The husband used to be responsible and would contribute toward the home and so on. Now the husband's temper has calmed down and the wife has developed self confidence. For about 2 years now the husband seems to be unable to provide. The wife works hard so that she can take care of herself and to help care for the family as they live with the husband's family. The men of the house do not provide and now the wife is tired. The husband has not catered for their future or even has a plan for emergencies. They both have stable jobs. He has a business but does not seem focussed. He is not managing the business properly and it is suffering thus he is not getting am income. She is fed up and wants to leave as he cannot provide for her out me carelessness but she still loves him and knows he loves her but love doesn't pay the bills.
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Hamza Asadullah
11-21-2009, 10:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Nazia Ansari
Asalam alaikum. Lets get straight to the point. I know a couple who have been married 4 years. They have changed over the years as people usually do over time. The husband used to have a temper and he would get angry often. The wife used to be timid and almost weak. The husband used to be responsible and would contribute toward the home and so on. Now the husband's temper has calmed down and the wife has developed self confidence. For about 2 years now the husband seems to be unable to provide. The wife works hard so that she can take care of herself and to help care for the family as they live with the husband's family. The men of the house do not provide and now the wife is tired. The husband has not catered for their future or even has a plan for emergencies. They both have stable jobs. He has a business but does not seem focussed. He is not managing the business properly and it is suffering thus he is not getting am income. She is fed up and wants to leave as he cannot provide for her out me carelessness but she still loves him and knows he loves her but love doesn't pay the bills.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb my sister jazakallah for sharing this with us. Well my sister you should tell the women that of course it is her right that she is provided for but divorce is ONLY the very very last resort after everything else has failed and that is along way off in regards to this issue. She will be rewarded greatly for exercising patience.

It is obvious her husband is experiencing some issues right now. He is clearly at a down point in his life. When a person is at a downpoint then all other things in his life also suffer and in his case it is his business.

She should try to get to the bottom of his issues and problems. She should approach him in a loving and gentle manner and use wisdom and get him to open up to her about what hes going through because he may be blocking it in as some men feel that they can't reveal their issues or problems because it may make them look weak.

Make him feel comfortable and be loving and caring towards him and get him to open up as to why he is feeling like this and why is he at a downpoint in his life because something must be making him feel like this because it seems as though he is clearly disengaged.

He will eventually open up but be loving and gentle and once he does open up then you can tackle the issues from there.

Also keep the communication between both of you as strong as possible so that he knows how your feeling. Open up about how your really feeling otherwise how will he realise what this is doing to you?

Always share everything with him and once he realises how your feeling it will give him a kickstart again inshallah

Just be there for him through this low point and help him as much as you can as a husband and a wife are like a garment to each other and comfort each other at all times.

Keep the communication strong and always share everything with him and encourage him to do the same and inshallah your marriage will be better again in no time.
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Rafeeq
11-22-2009, 06:16 AM
:sl: Ukhti Nazia,

If both still loves each other then why she is complaining. Love is always blind. No one wants their loved ones should be in trouble.

I understand there is a lack of communication between them.

Let her ask him what problems he is facing now a days. Trust and support must lead to solve problems.

Problem always seems big but it could be split into pieces and might be prioritise to solve. Believe you me it solves.

May Allah bless you friend's family relation and saves them from suffering.

Masalam
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Ummu Sufyaan
11-22-2009, 10:29 AM
:sl:
well generally, everything seems fine in the marriage except that he doesn't provide... is there some reason why he cant? does he look for a job? he needs to be reminded that he is responsible for her financially and that this is her right over him. has she spoken to him in regards to her frustration. if he loves her as you say he does, maybe he'll listen to her when he knows that she feels that their relationship/marriage is at stake.
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cat eyes
11-22-2009, 03:27 PM
:sl:sister i totally understand you about this situation going on with ur friend. A woman i knew personally had the same problem she was so frustrated that it would reduce her to tearz every day in the early hourz of the morning! Her husband could have worked two jobs if he wanted! He was healthy and not a thing wrong with him. He just got dependant on her. It is extremely frustrating. Thats y i had mentioned in another thread the importance of income that a husband should have to be able to maintain for his wife and family! Because you will get problems in the future such as ur friends problem and could end in divorce but some small minded ignorant uneducated people who clearly have no clue about life called me a gold digger. I will pray for your friend tonight inshaAllah
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