Homosexual wedding guests - help please

[MaiCarInMtl]

Assalamu alaikum my brothers and sisters,

I come to you for your sage religious advice concerning a little problem I've encountered in my wedding preparations. I hope no one is offended by the topic of conversation and apologize in advance if you are offended. I'm just coming here in hopes of helping me decide how to deal with my present situation.

I'm getting married in a few months and the fiancé and I are working on finalizing our guest list. Everything is going very well except we now have a bit of a hickup: one of my cousins is gay and has a live-in boyfriend. We will be inviting my cousin (as he is my cousin) but the big debate is over whether or not to invite his boyfriend. My fiancé doesn't want to invite him. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in between 2 worlds... I come from a very open-minded/tolerant French-Canadian family and I don't want to offend or anger anyone in my family by allowing everyone else's boyfriend/girlfriend come but my cousin's but I am also a fairly new Muslim (I converted to Islam 15 months ago) and do not want to run the risk of offending Allah...

While I know Islam is a tolerant religion, I know there are also limits as to just what or how much is tolerated (I am a bit hazy on the actual limits at times). And right now, I'm really not sure how much is tolerated. One side of me says "these people are only human beings and if I don't invite so and so then I might make them angry and make my aunts/uncles angry and start some problems within the family etc, etc" but another side of me says "I don't want to do the wrong thing in God's eyes and I don't want them to think that I agree with what they do within the privacy of their own bedroom".

I guess I'm looking for answers based on Quranic scriptures or scholarly research. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Salaam.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamu alaikum my brothers and sisters,

I come to you for your sage religious advice concerning a little problem I've encountered in my wedding preparations. I hope no one is offended by the topic of conversation and apologize in advance if you are offended. I'm just coming here in hopes of helping me decide how to deal with my present situation.

I'm getting married in a few months and the fiancé and I are working on finalizing our guest list. Everything is going very well except we now have a bit of a hickup: one of my cousins is gay and has a live-in boyfriend. We will be inviting my cousin (as he is my cousin) but the big debate is over whether or not to invite his boyfriend. My fiancé doesn't want to invite him. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in between 2 worlds... I come from a very open-minded/tolerant French-Canadian family and I don't want to offend or anger anyone in my family by allowing everyone else's boyfriend/girlfriend come but my cousin's but I am also a fairly new Muslim (I converted to Islam 15 months ago) and do not want to run the risk of offending Allah...

While I know Islam is a tolerant religion, I know there are also limits as to just what or how much is tolerated (I am a bit hazy on the actual limits at times). And right now, I'm really not sure how much is tolerated. One side of me says "these people are only human beings and if I don't invite so and so then I might make them angry and make my aunts/uncles angry and start some problems within the family etc, etc" but another side of me says "I don't want to do the wrong thing in God's eyes and I don't want them to think that I agree with what they do within the privacy of their own bedroom".

I guess I'm looking for answers based on Quranic scriptures or scholarly research. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Salaam.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, welcome to the forum sister and jazakallah khayran for your question which shows your concern for not wanting to offend Allah and we should ALWAYS have this instilled inside us so that we think twice before committing a sin.

My sister now that you have come to Islam and have accepted the truth you should do your best to uphold the truth and to enjoing goodness and to detest and forbid all wrong and evil.

Homosexuality is the most heinous sin because of which Allah destroyed an entire nation for.

Inviting him and his boyfriend will only give the impression of condoning and accepting such a evil relationship.

We should consider them people who get themselves engaged in a very sinful act. We should deal with them in the same way we deal with any people who are involved in alcoholics, gambling or adultery.

We should have deep repugnance to their acts and we must remind and warn them. Those who insist on this lifestyle, consider it legitimate and feel 'gay pride', we should not associate with them and should not take them as friends. We should certainly avoid those people. If we see a person who has committed this sin and wants to repent then we should help that person as much as we can to get out of this evil. We should not leave him/her to the temptations of Satan.

You should let him know that your decision to not invite him and his boyfriend to your ceremony has nothing to do with hatred against him personally, but you are only opposing the grave sin he is committing, which is akin to consuming poison to kill himself. So, it is your compassion for his welfare that has compelled you to take this stand, as no one can stand witnessing one’s own family killing himself by drowning or taking poison.

Also, use every persuasive means to expose him to the truth of Islam, and continue to pray to Allah Almighty to guide your cousin to the right path.

[IAmZamzam]

The last time I checked, there is no sin against inviting a sinner to a wedding. In fact, the last time I checked, all the other wedding guests are liable to be sinners too.

[جوري]

:sl:

does he have to advertise himself as a homosexual? can he simply not come as a guest friend of your cousin? Hopefully the day is about you and the focus shouldn't have to be about someone's sexuality.

I drove to my sister's wedding with two of my friends, no one's sexuality was a topic at the wedding and I am sure with some tact your wedding will go well insha'Allah without offense to anyone..

congratulations by the way

:wa:

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[AhmadibnNasroon]

Assalamu 3laykum,

Congratulations on your wedding, may Allah bless it and make it a source of entering the jannah ameen.

As for your question, then allaahu'3lam. I have read in Muhammad al Jibaly's "The Quest for Love & Mercy" under the chapter, "The Walimah", he says

"Whom To Invite:

A newlywed should invite to the walimah his Muslim relatives, friends, and acquaintances, especially the righteous among them, Abu Sa3eed al Khudri radiallaahu anhu reported that Allah's Messenger said: Do not accompany except a believer, and do not feed your food except to a pious person.

Sinful individuals and non-Muslims should largely be excluded from the invitation - unless there is an important benefit in inviting them, such as exposing them to da3wah, provided that their presence would not influence the attendees in a negative way."

Now I don't know much more concerning this but due to the nature of this sin, I wouldn't contemplate inviting such an individual much less his "partner". But I recommend you contact a trustworthy scholar for more info. Wa'allahu 3lam

[Sampharo]

For your cousin to be invited, he is your relative and muslims maintain relations of blood "Silatu RRahem" whether the people are sinful or not.

As the post above showed however, you are supposed to invite good muslim individuals. If your cousin's homosexual partner will be invited and show up AS his accompanying person, then you have commited a sin of showing approval for one of the most abhorant sins in all religions. It basically becomes apparent that you are supporting their relation: "Help ye one another in righteousness and piety, but help ye not one another in sin and rancour: fear Allah. for Allah is strict in punishment."[5:2]

Additionally you will be going against your future husband's wishes (I know he still isn't right now but you will be married AT the time of the wedding, won't you?).

Moreover, not islamically speaking necessarily: if my wife is uncomfortable with a specific person attending our wedding that is not immediate family, that person will not be there, period. Same with me.

Hope this sheds light and a different perspective if you will.

[cat eyes]

:sl: id be straight and upfront about it and say ''look i am not judging you but this is haraam in my religion so therefore i don't want to invite the two of you's to my wedding because i want to receive my full blessings from Allah swt i am sure you understand don't you? please respect my wishes as its my wedding day'' and i would not feel comfortable with it''. so thats basically what i would say because as muslims we have to fear Allah you know. your cousin has clearly decided he wants to live this lifestyle and people don't have to be comfortable about it so therefore no reason to be afraid of speaking up.
All the best.:wa:

[AlbanianMuslim]

What??!?!?!

No please please im sorry, but dont even bring up the fact that it is forbidden in our religion. Do you know how many years it took one of my revert friends to understand why that was? You will offend them no matter how you say it.

I think you should invite the cousin, and if he asks why say you had to fit in another person who also couldnt bring their date or something along those lines.

If anything, invite them both!! Just let him know in advance that while you dont have an issue with them, regardless of whether you do or not, your husbands family is VERY conservative and that they should keep their "business" to themselves to save them from any uncomfortable situations.
Just tell him that, say that "I love you and want you to be treated kindly, however my husbands family is not very understanding about the gay lifestyle, so to save yourself from any uncomfortable situations/questions/comments etc try to be discreet."
If he gets offended BY THAT, than so be it. If he is an adult and level headed he will heed your advice.

thats just my opinion, maybe im wrong but i know myself in planning a wedding, the last hting you wanna do is offend someone

[cat eyes]

What??!?!?!

No please please im sorry, but dont even bring up the fact that it is forbidden in our religion. Do you know how many years it took one of my revert friends to understand why that was? You will offend them no matter how you say it.

I think you should invite the cousin, and if he asks why say you had to fit in another person who also couldnt bring their date or something along those lines.

If anything, invite them both!! Just let him know in advance that while you dont have an issue with them, regardless of whether you do or not, your husbands family is VERY conservative and that they should keep their "business" to themselves to save them from any uncomfortable situations.
Just tell him that, say that "I love you and want you to be treated kindly, however my husbands family is not very understanding about the gay lifestyle, so to save yourself from any uncomfortable situations/questions/comments etc try to be discreet."
If he gets offended BY THAT, than so be it. If he is an adult and level headed he will heed your advice.

thats just my opinion, maybe im wrong but i know myself in planning a wedding, the last hting you wanna do is offend someone

:sl:haha okay sis maybe not the best approach but i think any type of approach whether discreet or not will more then likely also offend them because again you are bringing up there sexuality so i think nobody really knows how and which way to go about it :wa:

[thecampuslegend]

I've been Muslim all my life and been raised in a Muslim environment. Homosexuality is not a decision, it is how Allah made some individuals. Allah has told you to respect all individuals and to not cast judgment on those that you disagree with. You don't have to agree with another person, but you can still respect them. If your cousin is important to you, then his partner should also be important. I think it's pretty ridiculous that my fellow Muslims believe that showing someone the light to Islam will turn a homosexual into a heterosexual. It should not be your prerogative to showcase this individual to Islam. Converting an individual who is homosexual to Islam would cause so many psychological and troubling issues for the individual, that it would cause more harm than good. Why convert an individual to a religion that is not compatible with their lifestyle? Okay, this is a little off topic. Either way, the wedding is your day, invite the partner of the cousin, and my fellow brothers/sisters, stop being so close minded. Allah judges, not you.

[Sampharo]

I've been Muslim all my life and been raised in a Muslim environment. Homosexuality is not a decision, it is how Allah made some individuals. Allah has told you to respect all individuals and to not cast judgment on those that you disagree with.

Homosexuality might be a fetish that develop with some people rather than others, but its PRACTICE is a decision that is completely within the control of the individual and it is strictly forbidden in Islam not to mention regarded as an abomination and a crime under penalty of death in all three Abrahimic religions.

This "respect all individuals and not cast judgement..." is an absurd apologetic attitude. You might as well then not have a problem with pedophiles and rapists who "are just created with these deviant urges" and "you have to respect them and not judge them"or are you subscribing to Western ideologies that as long as both parties are "consenting adults" then they can do whatever the hell they might as well please and then flaunt it in everyone's face to swallow?

It is a big sin in Islam if a muslim approves of a Shariah declared evil or sinful behaviour even by heart like what you're doing now. I think you should review your belief system because there seems to be a few holes in what you believe is acceptable Islamic behaviour.

I think it's pretty ridiculous that my fellow Muslims believe that showing someone the light to Islam will turn a homosexual into a heterosexual.

Nobody was saying they should use their wedding to make da'waa (althought there is nothing wrong with making da'waa ALL the time and to whomever. Imam Malik even got a thief who broke into his house to rob him to repent and took him to masjid to pray congregation!), and nobody spoke about the couple's belief. The subject was in having the couple there when the groom specifically doesn't want that.

Either way, the wedding is your day, invite the partner of the cousin, and my fellow brothers/sisters, stop being so close minded. Allah judges, not you.

Enjoining on good and forbidding evil "الأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر" is a duty of every muslim. If you do not wish to practice it then that is your choice. But where exactly do you get off saying that "judging" is not for us to do when it's about not just homosexuality but the DISPLAY of homosexual behaviour and tendencies in front of the family and new in-laws, but actually YOU are judging the posters here for their opinions on the matter and calling them "close-minded"?

It seems that you neither subscribe to your own propagated openness, nor have a coherent argument. We do not control how you lead your life and you are certainly free to practice what you wish in your life, but this is an islamic forum and if you will start your post by saying you are a born muslim and lived in a muslim environment, then you shouldn't cotradict those statements by then coming out with outrageously unislamic views.

[cat eyes]

I've been Muslim all my life and been raised in a Muslim environment. Homosexuality is not a decision, it is how Allah made some individuals. Allah has told you to respect all individuals and to not cast judgment on those that you disagree with. You don't have to agree with another person, but you can still respect them. If your cousin is important to you, then his partner should also be important. I think it's pretty ridiculous that my fellow Muslims believe that showing someone the light to Islam will turn a homosexual into a heterosexual. It should not be your prerogative to showcase this individual to Islam. Converting an individual who is homosexual to Islam would cause so many psychological and troubling issues for the individual, that it would cause more harm than good. Why convert an individual to a religion that is not compatible with their lifestyle? Okay, this is a little off topic. Either way, the wedding is your day, invite the partner of the cousin, and my fellow brothers/sisters, stop being so close minded. Allah judges, not you.

:sl: i don't believe people are born gay i believe people who have been brought up in a dysfunctional family turn to that perverted lifestyle. i know a gay person too... he use to babysit me when i was a kid and give me toys he was a very loving caring person, but hes family treated him like ****, ud never believe he'd be gay but years later i saw him and he had long hair like a girl wearing a pink trousers and talking all girly and holding hands with a guy.. i was walking with my sister and he said hello to me and my jaw dropped i could not believe it.. i asked my sis who was he and she said ''thats the guy who use to come around to our house all the time when we were a kids'' then i knew straight away he more then likely turned to that lifestyle because of his upbringing..

i also found out that guy got him into drugs and all sorts of crazy stuff. so you can believe want you want but i strongly believe people are not born gay and as long as i am alive i will keep on preaching that its haraam and give as much dawah as possible so they can see inshaAllah what danger they are putting themselves in and others.
:wa:

[aadil77]

If you stop a homo from coming, then you might as well stop all unmarried couples, all drinkers, basically all sinners from coming as well. Thats how I see it.

[thecampuslegend]

if you put pedophiles in the same category as homosexuals, then you have a very narrow minded view of society. i personally do not agree with homosexuality, but i have no problem with being friends with them or respecting them. if a person is inherently good, and practices good deeds and has faith, but has a relationship with someone of the same gender, then so be it. a pedophile on the other hand, i think we all know that's not acceptable - it's not even worth a response to previous post.

[Salahudeen]

"if a person is inherently good, and practices good deeds and has faith, but has a relationship with someone of the same gender, then so be it"

But who defines what good and bad is, in your books?? We Muslims' believe god defines what is good and bad. For the simple reason that every person has a different belief, as to what is good, and what is bad.

Only god really knows what's good and bad, and he says that homosexualtiy is one of biggest actions of evil a person could do.

Just because you deem something to be good or harmless in your eyes, doesn't mean it is.

What's good and bad changes from time to place so therefore only God is able to tell us what is pure and good.

With our conditioned minds, I don't think it's fair for us to make a judgement and say this action isn't bad there's nothing wrong with it, because our views are generally a result of the time frame and society that we live in.

that's why we refer back to what God and his Messenger say to assertain whether or not something is good or bad.

Because ultimately god is all wise and all knowing while we do not even know if we will be living by the end of tomorrow. We do not even know if we will wake up the following morning and we feel as if we know better than God.

I think it's almost certain that if you were living in the 1960s or 1970s when society really looked down upon homosexuality and saw it as a mental illness your views would be very different to what they are now. Due to the mental conditioning that you'd be exposed to in that time frame.

but as homosexuality has become widely accepted in todays society, you see nothing wrong with it, this wouldn't be the case if you lived years ago.

4: 115. And whoever puts forth their own opinion above Allah and his messenger, and opposes the Messenger (Muhammad ) after the right path has been shown clearly to him, and follows a path other than the believers'. We shall keep him in the path he has chosen, and burn him in Hell - what an evil destination.

Allah and his messenger have put forth their opinion on the matter of homosexuality, do you contend with them?

Or are you not aware of their opinion?

[جوري]

why shouldn't pedophiles, necrophiliacs, Pederasts, bestiality all be grouped in the same category? at one point homosexuality was a crime (even in the west) and part of DSM-II as acts of sexual deviance..

You can be a good person in one aspect in your life, and perverse in another..
homosexuality isn't a biological condition, it is a psychological one, biology wouldn't dictate futile traits, if we are to become strictly naturalists, 'nature' doesn't permit futile cycles. Homosexuality is no different than any of the other acts of sexual deviance, even if the definitions and cut off points change..It is a man made allowance not a divine one!

one should hate the sin not the sinner, but a sinner should find his way out of committing sin -- anyone and everyone commits sin.. homosexuality is one of the worst classes of sin, surely everyone can justify their sins to themselves.. no one really thinks that they are a bad person.. no one usually sits and thinks this is hurtful or harmful, or this is a sin against God and nature.. especially when driven by lust and desire.. you can cave into your lusts or you can prevail over your lowly impulses ..

[79:40] And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their Lord's (tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from lower desires,
[ 79:41] Their abode will be the Garden.


sure, Allah swt knows of our nature, everyone has an affliction.. question is, can you rise above it?